Welcome to this story. It is mostly Spamano with some (very) background other pairings. There is no specific time where this story took place (yet) unless I write a prequel to it. Please excuse any odd grammar I may come up with, I am not a native English speaker and my life may or may not be completely different from what it is now if I were one. Please PM me about any mistakes I make and I will correct them.
Please enjoy the story.
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STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN
DEFINITION: The staircase one walks up until reaching the ultimate "heaven", whatever that might be.
Usually this definition fails to mean anything, because "heaven" was never defined.
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After a while, "heaven" was defined. It gave the editors a relatively hard time trying to figure out something that is clear enough to look like it meant something, but vague enough to stop people from posting complaints like "I know the sky is pink in heaven, because it is, so change it".
The fact is that the sky in heaven is actually a smooth transition from white to pale blue, but the editors didn't know that.
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HEAVEN
DEFINITION: The one place no one ever got to, but when someone managed it (everyone will, someday) they didn't return.
Someone argued.
"You said no one got there. So how do you know nobody returned?"
To which dictionary's editors replied, "By 'no one ever got to' we mean 'no living person ever got to'. Those who actually got there don't return because they are dead, and the dead are not classified as "living people", unless they are zombies, which is rare enough to not be noted."
The one who argued argued again.
"What do you mean, rare enough to not be noted? Does it even grammarically make sense?"
The editors' response: "Is 'grammarically' even a word?"
The arguers were about to argue again when the editors had them shot.
Both Lovino Vargas and Antonio Fernandez Carriedo could care less.
They are both dead and on their way to heaven already, so the previous argument is invalid. Besides the fact that there was no previous argument, which means that it is invalid already. An invalid invalid thing is a double negative, which means that it is valid.
One cannot easily think about it without getting a minor or major headache, depending on the person in question's mentality.
So what happened was that no one thought about it.
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"Hurry the hell up!"
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"I said, hurry the hell up or I'll leave you there!"
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"Seriously, hurry up, you bastard or-or I'll leave!"
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"I mean it!"
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Antonio Fernandez Carriedo knows that Lovino didn't mean it. Lovino never mean anything he says, because he's just like that.
Antonio likes the way Lovino is.
Antonio also knows that they are both dead, which is a serious comfort because from what they have seen of death, it is far more pleasant than how life is at the moment.
"At the moment" is also lacking a definition because nowadays nobody is ever sure what the time is, or at least, none of the dead are sure what the time is, because there are no watches available and trying to tell which way is north is considerably harder in a place with no natural landmarks. There is also the time zone business in the mortal world, but nobody cares about that.
Before him is a slightly narrow spiral staircase, wide enough to let about three people walk comfortably, but narrow enough to let the unfortunate fourth person complain about falling off the side, come very close to falling off the side, and finally actually falling off the side when someone pushed him off the side, so that he will not be complaining about falling off the side any longer because he fell off the side.
The steps are made of what appeared to be glass. The one who designed them did not program them to be made of glass. He just wanted something transparent and thin, so he typed that in. The glass panels were shipped the next day, and the company he ordered from didn't do refunds. Being the designer of the Universe, he slightly modified the glass's properties so that they are rather hard to break without a hammer the approximate size and length of the Great Firewall of China. Because the Great Firewall of China does not have an approximate size and length, the glass cannot be broken, and that's that.
The designer of the Universe likes logic, but his own never seem to make sense.
Lovino Vargas stood at a spot right in the middle of the tenth step. Antonio smiled - there was his little angel. Unlike how most artists depict angels, Lovino is scowling. But to Lovino, scowling is the equivalent as smiling, as Antonio learnt when he was alive.
The background to the scene is a smooth transition from white to pale blue, and a sun. That was it.
The designer of the Universe thought heaven should be a nice place, so he designed it to be one. He also thought the stairway to heaven, despite the fact that many consider it walking up it a torture, should also be a nice place. So the sun shines just enough for it to make the glass steps dazzling, and just not enough for sunlight to burn the back of your neck. The temperature of the place is somehow always just comfortable enough to wear what the person is wearing and not sweat.
A lot of people die nowadays, so the designer of the Universe also had to work out how to solve the problem of too many people walking up the stairway simultaneously. He did it by buying more glass, building more stairways, and sending less people up each one. Currently, if one simply walks up the stairway before them they will most likely not meet anybody until they get to the top. However, if they stay still for a while they will have to meet someone else eventually, because none of the stairways are out of use.
The designer also thought about making the stairways infinitely long. That was definitely something of interest. But making it infinitely long would also mean that no one would ever reach the top, which his assistant pointed out. The designer thought about it. In the end, he abandoned the idea sadly.
"Okay, Lovi, I'm coming!" Antonio flew up the stairs and hugged Lovino so hard, they lost their balance, fell of the stairway the exact way planes shouldn't, and landed back on the bottom of the stairs, where they started.
The designer had thought of including railings to his stairways, but in the end decided that they just added to the user's desire to jump off and none of the designs he came up with were actually aesthetically pleasing.
"And look at what you've done. Back on square one," grumbled Lovino. The fall didn't hurt, not because the designer modified the area's gravity, but because neither Antonio nor Lovino were expecting it to. They were dead, and the current sort of mentality they have is similar to that of a person who would have been put in a room with soft walls if he ever spoke his mind.
Antonio laughed. Lovino complained about his laugh. Antonio laughed even more. Lovino grew more annoyed.
"So, are we even getting up or not, you bastard?"
"Oh!" Antonio almost forgot about the stairs already. Being with Lovino is enough to distract him from an alpaca version of Sherlock Holmes arresting Gilbert Beilschmidt, his ex-best friend, along with Francis Bonnefoy, another ex-best friend.
"Psh." Blowing out the air in his lungs in annoyance, Lovino scowled. "You forgot the very reason why we are here. Why am I still sticking to you?"
Like every other time Lovino spoke, Antonio laughed his highly intolerable laugh.
"Well, the boss is here and will walk up with you!" And so Antonio stood up.
Blinking in annoyed surprise, Lovino got up too. He didn't expect Antonio to get up for at least another fifteen minutes, even though the record time of Antonio sitting around not doing anything was apparently exactly 2.896 seconds when he was alive.
"So, go already!"
And so they made their way up.
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"Aww, Lovi, why do you look angry?"
"Because you're an idiot, dammit!"
"Don't worry, Boss Antonio will cheer you up!"
"Oh, no that again."
"Fusosososo! Fusosososo! Fusososososo!"
"Shut up!"
"Fusososososo!"
There was a loud "thump".
Then there was silence as the two continued their trip upwards.