Whacked Out Warped
Disclaimer: Absolutely nothing belongs to me save for the whacked out storyline and Tuyet Tran. I am also not making any money from this [only a truly whacked out character would even consider giving money for something like this anyway...]. So, characters belong to JK Rowling, and for those of you who haven't figured it out yet - whoever made Terminator characters. Warning: RANDOMNESS! CRUDENESS? HINTS? DON'T KNOW! MERELY WHACKED OUT INSERTS!
Also...more of the disclaimer will probably be added...
Furthermore...I think there is a followed storyline...
And if you look at the characters I put this under...you'll see where I'm going with this...somewhat...
For now though, summary aside... - we'll save that for the next chapter.
PS: No idea what response I'm looking to receive from this...
Probably a laugh? and perhaps a "What the fuck?"
And no...i'm not under any influence whilst writing this - other than perhaps stress from stuff that are due in which I have no headline over.
Chapter One: (yippie!)
Hermione groaned as she felt herself plummet and land harshly on the hard ground. Before she could recover, she felt another body slam hard into her side, and quickly pointed her wand at the figure.
Tuyet screamed as she was blown away by the blast and slammed against another body. Ignoring the pain, she growled as she whipped her hand guns out and pointed at the body she landed against.
Hermione gasped at the odd looking Asian girl beside her. Her face was opposite of hers, so she could clearly see her whole being. Her dark brown hair is tied into a messy high ponytail, and she adorned the oddest neck high black vest and baggy pants that she has seen. Judging from the slight blood and dirt on her face, as well as the hand guns, the girl is ready for battle.
Tuyet's eyes widened slightly in shock but she kept her face passive whereas her bushy haired companion gaped in curiosity and bewilderment. However, try as she might, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What is a…private school student doing with a pointed, bright stick in her face?
"Well…this is a change of events," a figure above the two commented in a deep, amused voice.
Somehow, the two young woman met a silent agreement and pointed their weapons towards the voice.
"Dumbledore?" Hermione gasped and lowered her wand.
Tuyet wasn't as naïve and kept her weapon steady.
"This is definitely not what we were expecting is it?" another amused but tired, exasperated voice echoed from behind the two.
Tuyet moved one of her handguns to the voice as the other girl pointed her wand at the being. "Conner?" Tuyet almost screamed, paling as she did.
The two young women looked between the two figures and lowered their weapons as they stood up warily.
"What the hell is going on?" Tuyet demanded, backing up so as to keep both men in her view. She saw how the girl opposite of her did the same. She glance warily at Conner whilst looked at the older man in pure shock, shaking her head as she did so.
"You're dead," Hermione stated, although her tone left room for confirmation.
"Tell that to this idiot over here as well," Tuyet muttered, nodding to Conner.
Both men looked at the two amusedly. Whilst Dumbledore shook his head as his eyes twinkled, Conner folded his arms and chuckled.
"We're afraid that there's a greater war than our individual battle," Dumbledore started finally after a long moment of silence, "and I would very much appreciate it if we move to a more comfortable setting before explaining."
Before Hermione could retort, her arms folded and she looked doubtfully at Dumbledore as Tuyet immediately replied.
"What makes you think I'd go anywhere with you?" With her left hand on her hip, her right gripped her handgun.
"We," Hermione commented.
"You two have no choice in the matter," Connor replied, his face hardening. "You need to recognize that this is for a greater cause, and you two need to listen to our words. Now."
Tuyet's eyes met Hermione's. Both fought a silent battle before Hermione apparated beside Tuyet, towards Dumbledore.
"We want to know what is going on here and now." Tuyet replied steadily to Connor, her eyes holding his gaze.
"We don't see any point in changing locations, you understand." Hermione said just as evenly to Dumbledore.
Connor rolled his eyes whist Dumbledore waved his hand casually and patio chairs immediately appeared – along with a glass patio table and beach umbrella.
Tuyet laughed at the colorful thing on the table whereas Hermione looked at it incredulously. Both kept their guards up however, and stood until the two men seated themselves. Exchanging glances, the two pulled their chairs further from the men so that their seats faced them and sat down.
"Times of war has changed you," Dumbledore noted.
"Obviously," Hermione conjured a cup of warm tea.
Tuyet blinked and turned to Connor. "Am I to believe that they're witches and wizards and that was magic?"
Connor nodded, bemused. "You're taking this better than I expected…"
Dumbledore chuckled. "Yes, indeed, Miss Tran. You see, John here jumped in panic the first time he saw magic and started pointing his machine gun wildly at me and the chairs."
Tuyet laughed at the thought as Hermione snorted before turning curiously to Tuyet. "Why aren't you so surprised?"
Tuyet shrugged. "It's a whack out world, and I learned to expect that anything is possible."
Hermione took her comment with a grain of salt.
"Why don't ya'll start explaining why two supposedly dead men are speaking to us in gosh knows where?" Tuyet leaned back on her chair lazily as she shifted her position so that she sat with her body facing towards Hermione and her face still turned to company. She had her right arm resting on the top of her chair with the gun hanging on a finger as she rested her other hand on the table.
Hermione nodded, her back straightened against the back of the chair as she tucked her ankles to the side behind one another near Tuyet's feet as she regarded the two men under half lidded eyes. "That would be very much appreciated."
Conor regarded the two before sighing and biting into a piece of bread loudly.
Dumbledore popped a large hard candy into his mouth before replying – making words slightly incoherent. "Tuyet Tran is from a battle against the machines for all of humanity, whereas you, Hermione Granger, is from a battle against a mad wizard for all that is magic."
Tuyet shrugged, "No surprise there on my part."
Hermione gaped. "All that is magic?" she gasped, "Since when?" she demanded.
Connor rolled his eyes. "Since Voldemort revived."
"What?" Hermione yelled. "How is this all for that is magic when he only wants to kill out Muggle-borns?"
Dumbledore shrugged. "The end result should he wins is that all of magic will die."
Tuyet whistled. "That would explain why magic isn't helping in the war on my part."
Hermione whispered deathly, "We lost?"
Dumbledore nodded, before growling. "I chipped my tooth."
Connor laughed. "You'll never learn old man."
Hermione rolled her eyes as Dumbledore looked sternly at Connor and pointed her wand at Dumbledore's mouth.
"Thank you, Miss Granger," Dumbledore nodded appreciatively before popping another one in his mouth.
Connor shook his head as Tuyet looked at him pointedly. "So, magic dies, and humanity fights machines without the aid of magic. Isn't it too late to cry over spilt milk, or you dead people got a plan? Otherwise, I would very much like it to return to my place, thank you."
Hermione nodded as her forehead wrinkled in thought. "Why are you telling us this?"
Connor shook his head. "The story isn't done yet. Machines will win and wipe out humanity."
Tuyet raised an eyebrow at the man. "All of humanity?"
Connor nodded before smiling wryly. "Yes, including you and your little orphanage."
Tuyet's face hardened then.
Before Hermione opened her mouth, Dumbledore also nodded tiredly. "Harry and everyone you know dies as well, Miss Granger."
"If this is all going to happen," Hermione said slowly, "then why are we here?"
After a long pause, Connor finally spoke. "That's the beauty of you beauties being here."
"We have a plan to change the timeline of things." Dumbledore continued.
"We have one shot, and that lies with you two."
Before Dumbledore can open his mouth, Tuyet immediately cut in. "Count me out. Find someone else."
Hermione nodded slowly, "I'm not interested either. Surly someone is more suitable."
"Whatever it is," Tuyet continued, "it sounds tough and I'd rather go back to worrying about my tiny little world rather than worrying about the world as a whole."
"Agreed, keeping Harry alive is hard enough as it is, but now you're asking me to keep the rest of magical life alive?"
"You can take this plan and shove it on someone else."
"Find another to manipulate and play with, Dumbledore."
Hermione saw Tuyet's raised palm in the corner of her eyes as she like Tuyet, regarded the men coldly. She hesitated, smiling amusedly inward, she met her hand with her own. Silence met the two women's determined faces after they gave one another a high five.
"How did your Fates chose these two?" Connor slammed his fist on the table as he pointed look at Dumbledore.
"You can ask them that yourself. You're the one who slept with them all to get this chance." Dumbledore shot back. "You should have been more specific when asking for a second chance."
"You're the one who drugged me to sleep with them!" Connor yelled as he rise on his feet, heavy gun in hand as he pointed it at Dumbledore.
"You should thank me," Dumbledore raised to his feet steadily as he drew his wand in a flash, "you wouldn't have performed well otherwise."
Connor immediately reddened at the comment and started firing.
Tuyet quickly jumped back upon seeing him pull the trigger, pulling on Hermione's wrist as she did whilst Hermione immediately pulled a shield up.
With Tuyet's quick steps, the two were a good fifty feet away from the battle in front of them. Connor quickly rolled out of the way of the various spells shot at him as Dumbledore barely managed to put up shield after shield against the bombardment of shells.
"Is this scene as ridiculous to you as it is to me?" Tuyet muttered, as the two battled on.
Several shells now mowed Dumbledore over as Connor was blasted ten feet back and groaned; the gun still shooting however.
Hermione nodded, "Definitely."
Dumbledore merely got back on his feet and shot another series of spells, attempting to disarm Connor, however, he just pulled several other weapons in his body. Although both were hit, it appears that the hits only slows them down and does nothing to them otherwise.
"Talk about bizarre," Tuyet commented.
"Talk about idiocy," Hermione retorted before growling under her breath. "They're wasting my time."
"Agreed," Tuyet nodded before loudly whistling through her teeth without her hands.
Immediately, everyone turned to her.
"Just girls who want to go home, folks!" she yelled.
Hermione grinned. "Not like we can just click our heels together and think of "Home Sweet home" here!" she yelled.
Connor growled as did Dumbledore. The two regarded one another heatedly before turning back to the girls.
"There are no other!" Connor roared. "It's either you two, or we are doomed."
"It doesn't matter whether the two of you don't like it," Dumbledore looked at them patronizingly. "It's already been decided."
Before the two girls can retort, Dumbledore waved a hand tiredly at them as Connor turned another gun on them. Immediately, the two felt themselves pulled back.
Tuyet screamed, flailing her arms and legs wildly as she was pulled back.
Hermione shrieked in surprise as she recognized the feeling and did nothing to fight it as she arched herself into the pull.
"Fuck you!" Tuyet yelled towards the two as she flipped them off.
Hermione glared heatedly at the two men, pursing her lips as she did, and cursed the two bastards in her mind. "Go fuck yourself."
As soon as the two girls disappeared, Dumbledore stared softly at Connor who looked at him angrily.
"Well…" Dumbledore huffed.
"Think those two will figure it out?" Connor said tensely.
Dumbledore shrugged tiredly.
Somehow, the distance between the two changed to a mere feet as the two held each other's eyes.
"What the hell," Connor's anger lapsed to a wry smile.
Dumbledore grinned as his head bent down as his lips met Connor's. In a heated kiss, their tongue wrestled as Dumbledore felt a different gun pressed against his body, and Connor felt a different wand pressed against his.
Please tell me what you think - amused? angry? laughing? cursing? what the f-ing? haha