Disclaimer: I don't own Sherlock and some of the famous lines/dialogues/quotes in this fanfiction that were said in the series by their respective characters.
A/N: I couldn't help myself writing this one. It was stuck in my head so I had to write it down. This story is mainly about Mycroft Holmes' past and how it changed him. The first few dialogues/lines in this fic were from "The Empty Hearse", the scene where Mycroft paid Sherlock a visit so that he could talk to him about the terrorists who were planning to attack London. In that scene, they also played deductions, chess and other games. They had a few lines there that really caught my interest, hence this fanfic! Oh and a little warning by the way, this fic is a bit sad. Just let me know what you think about this fic through your reviews. And also share your thoughts and opinions about Mycroft. Do you guys like him as a character? Do you like him more than Sherlock? He's certainly a fellow Slytherin like me, so I do like him! Don't forget about clicking favorite if you loved this fic. Thanks so much!
"Oopsie! Can't handle a broken heart. How very telling."
Sherlock's words echoed through the vastness of Mycroft's mind. Whenever his younger brother spoke about his little deductions on him, Mycroft could not help but feel flustered and confused. Nobody, and not even him was safe from Sherlock's eyes. The detective could see right through anyone, and Mycroft was a frequent victim, an easy target.
"I am not lonely, Sherlock." Mycroft said in the calmest way he could.
"How would you know?" Sherlock said as his green eyes bore into his brother's blue ones. These words disoriented his systematic mind. Mycroft was awoken by memories that came rushing back in as sentiment came rising back up from the grave. The pain of his past arose like a curse. It was the reason why he grew cold, apathetic and alone. It happened a long time ago, but the wounds in his heart still felt fresh. And the pain always stung him back to reality.
It was an afternoon of heavy down pour. The rain drops had never felt any better on the boy's skin. Mycroft disliked the company of his peers, but she was the only exception. He never knew what fun was until she came in and distracted him from studying. Who would've thought that the boy who always brought an umbrella with him was to be found completely drenched in rain and hopping over mud puddles with a girl who had strikingly beautiful sapphire eyes and long, dark brown, braided hair.
"You see? Playing in the rain wasn't that bad, was it Mycroft?" the little girl said as she ran her fingers through the boy's cold wet hair, trying to comb it neatly back to how it looked like before they both decided to play under the rain.
"You... You said 'Mycroft'."
"Well, yes. That's your name, Mycroft. Am I not right?"
"You are right." Mycroft said as he stared down at the damp grass around his shoes, trying to recall something. "Nobody in school called me that way. They always called me 'Myc'. Not everyone really bothered finishing until the end. Even my mother rarely got through the rest of the remaining letters of my name. It was always just 'Myc' and it upsets me."
"Why don't you like everyone calling you 'Myc'?" the girl asked as she locked her gaze at Mycroft.
"Because I was born and named as Mycroft Holmes and not as 'Myc'. Even though people have already established that as a nickname for me, I still can't bring myself to like it." Mycroft then turned to the girl he just met a few hours ago and was amazed by how pretty she was and how her sapphire eyes never looked away from him. "The name 'Myc' seems like a name of a dull person and it's so ordinary, it bores me. I like the name 'Mycroft' more, because it's different. Just like me."
"You don't mind being different. So that means you want to be unique. You want to feel special." the little girl giggled, which made Mycroft's cheeks blush. "Mycroft, Can I be your friend?"
"F—Friend?! I don't seek for special treatment! I—I'm very different from the others so I isolate myself from everyone else. Nobody understands me anyway." Mycroft stuttered at the sudden bluntness of the braided girl but he was still flattered regardless. "And I don't have friends. I never had one. Ever."
"But would you like to have one?" the girl asked, her eyes were so magnifying and entrancing that Mycroft would be willing to stare into the depths of it for as long as he could. "You're different and that's pretty cool, you know. A person like you needs a companion."
"I'm living in a world of goldfish." Mycroft said as he breathed deeply, his heart racing for no valid reason. "I don't mind being alone and different."
"Well, you just found yourself another goldfish." Rebecca's lips tugged in a grin as she giggled at Mycroft. "You don't have to be alone, Mycroft. You'll only get yourself lonely."
"What's your name, by the way?" Mycroft asked directly. His cheeks were turning rosier by the minute. "You're proposing yourself to be my friend but I still don't know what your name is."
"Rebecca." the girl softly said. She let out an innocent smile that caught Mycroft off-guard. He had to admit, Rebecca was inexplicably adorable. "You can call me 'Becca' if you like."
"No." Mycroft plainly said. "Rebecca is fine."
"You really think so?" Rebecca asked as she tucked in a few of her stray and wet hair at the back of her ear. "Is it too ordinary for you?"
"Your name fits you perfectly... No doubt about it." the young Mycroft then smiled at his new-found friend. "Come, Rebecca. Let's get ourselves dry. We can share my umbrella while walking home."
"Sure Mycroft!"
He took her hand as she laughed at how the dapper and disciplined Mycroft Holmes looked like a messy young hooligan who never had a single care in the world. Right there and then, was Mycroft's happiness. She was firmly in his grasp and he swore to himself that he'd never let her go.
But where was she now?
Mycroft shouldn't be lonely. Why would he be lonely? This was what he chose. This was what he preferred. He sacrificed everything in order for him to be in the position he was currently in. Power. Prestige. Information. Knowledge. Control. These were all the fruits of his hard work and dedication. This life was what he wanted, but how come he felt so unsatisfied? How come his younger brother had spotted the loneliness in his eyes when he was fully aware that he was alright being alone?
But was he really alright?
Deep down, he never actually pondered on what he truly felt. Why would he need to anyway? Whenever his younger brother was with him, Mycroft would usually say, "Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side." And he believed in those words like a Commandment bestowed by God. He was still holding on to in until this very day. Mycroft wouldn't like irrational thoughts to cloud his judgment and also wouldn't like to bring back up what he had already buried in his heart and mind. The man was convinced that feelings were a disadvantage, so he chose to be as cold and numb as he most possibly could. He did all of that to himself for he wanted to forget. He wanted to remove his thoughts of...
"Rebecca."
Mycroft said as the woman before her swiveled her head to him. Her sapphire eyes were like glossy orbs that reflected his face. Her dark brown hair wasn't in a braid anymore. It fell over her back in soft and thick waves. If Rebecca was the Queen of England, Mycroft would willingly bow down to her at that very moment. She took his breath away with her entrancing beauty and she never got tired of doing that to him. Mycroft, the now young and independent man who was secretly in love with Rebecca, never seemed to mind.
"Mycroft!" exclaimed Rebecca, her bright smile visible enough for the man to see. She ran to him with open arms and embraced him tight once she had closed the gap between them. "I have great news for you, my friend!"
"And what might that be?" Mycroft asked as Rebecca pulled away. The fine lady, who was once the little girl Mycroft used to play with in the rain, raised her right hand at him. What he saw in her ring finger caused his world to crumble. Everything around him crashed and burned. There was a massive destruction inside Mycroft's heart as his eyes lingered on the gold and diamond around Rebecca's ring finger. As it twinkled in its glory, Mycroft felt the searing pain in his heart and chest. He felt it crack like the concrete pavements during a strong earthquake. But he kept a straight face. He closed his eyes and let out a small smile. "Ah, I see. Well, congratulations to you, Rebecca."
"Thank you! I can't believe I'm already engaged!" Rebecca squealed and clasped her hands in glee. "Vincent just proposed to me last night. It was the most unforgettable moment of my life. I never even realized he was already planning to propose to me. Oh dear god, Mycroft, I'm just so happy!"
"Vincent... is a lucky man indeed." Mycroft said lowly, the agony of concealing the heart break was intense. Rebecca seemed to notice something even though Mycroft had used all his inner forces to control himself from crying. "I'm very happy for you, Rebecca. You've finally found the right man who truly loves you. The one you'll spend the rest of your life with. I wish you all the b—"
"Mycroft, is there something wrong?" Rebecca had cut-off Mycroft's sentence. The way the lady noticed the sadness in him completely surprised the young man. He forced himself to look back at her in the eyes. "Something's a bit odd about you. Are you alright?"
"It's the stress and fatigue talking. Working for the British Government is not as easy as I thought it would be." Mycroft tugged in the most sincere smile he could possibly muster up to show. "I'm very sorry if I'm not quite enthusiastic as you are right now, Rebecca. But I meant all what I said, I am very happy for you right now. Truly happy."
"You will soon be rewarded with the fruits of all your labor, Mycroft. You've been working really hard. We rarely get to see each other because of your busy schedule. But I understand because this has been your dream ever since we were kids." Rebecca reached out one of her hands to hold one of Mycroft's. "Isn't it wonderful that we're almost there in reaching our dreams?"
"I can barely contain myself." Mycroft tasted the bitterness as he hurled out lies from his mouth. If the lady only knew how much she meant to him. If she only knew what his real dream was. If she only knew everything he was feeling right now, she'd know how much he loved her. He had never felt pain as excruciating as what he was experiencing at that moment. Her hands were on his, just like when they first met. But after all those years, Mycroft still couldn't reach for Rebecca's heart.
She was never meant for him to take.
"You will come to my wedding day, right Mycroft?"
"I'm quite unsure. I cannot promise you anything, Rebecca. You do understand how busy I am." Mycroft said in the nicest way he could, the taste of bitterness still in his mouth.
"I do... but you're a very important and special person to me. I wish you could be there with me on the best day of my life." Rebecca said as she held Mycroft's hand tighter. She looked into her best friend's eyes as he looked into hers as well. She was reading him like a page from a book. Mycroft's reflection in her sapphire eyes was still as clear as the first time he looked into them. All he could think of was love... and at the same time pain.
"Mycroft?"
"Yes?"
"Are you terrified?" Rebecca asked as her smile faded into worry. "Are you terrified because it's never going to be the same with you and me after my marriage with Vincent?"
"Yes... I'm afraid so." Mycroft wanted to elaborate, but he could not risk blurting his feelings out. Not now that his best and only friend was finally happy with someone else. "I might never see you again."
"Don't be ridiculous, Mycroft. We're best friends. We'll still keep in touch no matter what happens." Rebecca then gave the man another hug. It was one long and warm embrace that Mycroft cherished. He closed his eyes as he tamed all the unruly emotions that were overwhelming in his heart. "I promise you that."
When they pulled away, Mycroft could only nod and smile, for he was sure that Rebecca wouldn't be able to keep that promise. Marriage could change lives. It was now inevitable for Rebecca to forget about him. She would be busy on raising a family with Vincent. They'd work hard to provide all their future children's needs. She'd grow old with Vincent and live peacefully in the remaining moments of their existence. Mycroft already knew he wasn't going to be part of that stage of Rebecca's life anymore. How in the world would he try to fit himself in? There was no other way but to accept the horrifying truth—The truth and pain of losing her.
Two painful years passed with no communication whatsoever. Mycroft did not even bother to gather information about Rebecca's state. He was sure of himself that the lady was happy with Vincent. They might have already been blessed with a child by that time. The thought of her savoring the sweetness that life had given her brought back the bitterness in his. Mycroft wasn't supposed to care about her anymore, but whenever she crossed his mind, he was reminded of all his feelings that were supposed to be buried underneath the vessels of his heart. She was the ghost of his past that kept haunting him and it was simply maddening. Finally, the time came that Mycroft could not stand not knowing how the love of his life was doing, so he began his search for her. With the power he had, all information available to mankind was effortlessly in the palm of his hands at a wink. He was able to track records about Rebecca in no time.
Once all records were in his hands, he read them like a novel. His heart got extremely wrenched as he read through the papers. He thought he was only having a nightmare while his eyes scanned through the fine print. His heart pounded inside his rib cage as the blood within him flowed rapidly. And right then, reality deeply sank into him. The hairs on his arms and nape stood. Dread and chill came over him, then followed by devastation. The pain went through him as the daggers of reality were thrust to his chest. He wanted to cry out loud in distress. He had forgotten how to breathe as his hands trembled in shock and disbelief. And then his world felt lifeless. It did not collapse like years ago when he found out Rebecca was engaged. Right now, it just died. Nothing was of significance to him anymore. Everything felt incredibly barren and plain dead.
It was an afternoon of heavy down pour. The rain drops had never felt any colder. Mycroft disliked the company of his peers, but she was the only exception.
"I've already warned myself before. People get married. They are all afraid of being lonely... and it's the same with me...
I should have never gotten myself involved with you..."
Mycroft said as he looked down at Rebecca's grave. His deadpan eyes stared into the engravings of his beloved's beautiful name. He was under his black umbrella. He held it firmly in his grasp just like how he used to hold Rebecca's hand.
"The moment I first laid my eyes on you, I knew you'd only bring pain... but I was a mindless fool back then, and I've learned to love you with all my heart. I should have walked away. I should have never let you in my life. I was never afraid of being alone before I met you, but right now the fear is eating me alive. I made a huge mistake, and now I have to suffer in lifetime loneliness." Mycroft spoke lowly, as if the person six feet under the ground would still listen to him. "I cannot believe how Vincent abused and battered you physically and emotionally. All those bruises, all those scars... Rebecca, you were so beautiful. Wh—Why would he do that to you? When I saw him years ago, he seemed like a fine young man who would make you happy... Your death is unacceptable to me, Rebecca... I should have never let you go. If... If was your husband, I..."
Mycroft then broke all the chains that held all his emotions constrained. The overwhelming struggle of concealing and controlling was unbearable. Just this once, he'd like to let it all out. His tears rolled down his face just as how the raindrops rolled down on his skin when he and Rebecca played in the rain. He knelt down defeated and anguished as he cried his heart out under the cold rain.
The always dapper and disciplined Mycroft Holmes was now a complete mess. He did not have a single care in the world. Right there and then, was Mycroft's happiness. She was in her respected grave instead of standing beside him in his grasp. She was supposed to be under his umbrella with him. Just like how it had always been. Just like the first time he met her. He swore to himself that he would never let her go.
But where was she now?
A/N:What Mycroft said about the people who are named 'Myc' or Mike, that's not true okaaay? Don't listen to him. All Mikes are very wonderful and very interesting people! Although Mycroft is a meanie, I cannot help but give him a really tight hug in this fic. I feel so bad for him. I'm so sorry for the feels, everyone. But I'd like to give my thanks to those who read it until the end and stayed by Mycroft's struggles in this fic. If Mycroft only knew that we, Sherlockians, are there for him, he'd realize he was never alone the whole time.