A/N BEFORE YOU BEGIN: please note that this is an incomplete oneshot centered around ShikaTema for sunaprincee7's contest/challenge thingy. ^^ I'll add the link to the prompt I chose in the next day or two. Techincally, this oneshot is due today, Aug 17. Like I said, I didn't finish. But I promised to have something uploaded, so here is what I've got, up to a good stopping point. It isn't much and it's not one of the many outlines I'd originally tried. My sister, littleshadow, had to help me alot since I work 5 days a week and have had major writer's block. So bear with me, thank you for your time!
Love Potion
Much of your pain is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
-Kahlil Gibran
Shikamaru's eyes rolled back in his head. "Damn, Naruto is such an idiot" he inwardly groaned. He looked across the table lazily, scanning the overly enthusiastic orange ball of stupidity. "How is it I end up at the Ichiraku's with this guy like twice a week?"
"Hey you better hurry and eat that before it gets cold! Ramen is the best when you eat it hot!" Naruto exclaimed. Then he went back to his own bowl hungrily.
"Yeah, right," Shikamaru began to eat.
After Shikamaru finished his bowl, which by then Naruto finished his sixth bowl, they chatted. Or rather, as Shikamaru saw it, Naruto rambled endlessly about anything and everything.
"So after the mission Hinata invited me to her house for dinner and I was looking around because I was bored and… OH YEAH!" Naruto shouted.
"Naruto! Don't yell in here. You'll scare the customers away."
Naruto grinned, "Nah they're used to it. Anyway, guess what I got? Guess what I got!"
Shikamaru sighed. "More ramen?"
"Nope!"
"A new wallet?"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Then what?" He knew it had to be something stupid.
"But you have to keep it a secret!" Naruto held his finger to his mouth.
A secret? Shikamaru knew Naruto would tell everyone anyway. He was horrible at keeping secrets. Not like Shikamaru cared.
Naruto whispered to him, "A love potion!"
Shikamaru stared at him. "Naruto is definitely an idiot," he thought.
"Hah! That's impossible—"
"No!" Naruto cut in. "It really works! I tried it myself you know!"
"Ah. And what happened? How do you even know it worked?"
"Because I found out that Hinata likes me! Can you believe it?" he said excitedly.
Shikamaru face-palmed. "Oh yes," he thought, "I can believe it."
"Hey do you wanna see it? Alright! Come to my house tomorrow morning before I leave for training!"
With that Naruto left, bounding energetically down the street. Not only did he leave the ramen shop and Shikamaru sitting there. He left the bill.
Shikamaru groaned, "How troublesome."
…
"Look, Naruto. I know you aren't a genius like myself, but a love potion? That's ridiculous."
"But there are poisons and medicines and stuff! Why is a love potion so impossible, Mr. Genius?" Oh how that raspy voice was like nails on a chalkboard for Shikamaru. He wanted nothing more than to lie out on the hill and watch the clouds. Instead, the view he had was of intense and fiery blue eyes, wide and wild and a little too close to his face...
"Hey, you mind getting out of my personal bubble?"
Blink blink. "I'm hungry."
A silence passed between them, which didn't last as long as Shikamaru would've liked.
"Sit tight! I'm gonna make some instant ramen for us!"
"We just—" ate. Man. That kid has a bottomless pit.
Shikamaru wasn't particularly hungry that morning… besides the fact that they just ate. He thought about the potion. Could it really…? So he got up and walked into the kitchenette of Naruto's apartment room. He instantly regretted having come over in the first place. There were dirty dishes in and around the sink, food left out on every counter, and spilt milk. He wanted to cry for the lack of sanitation.
"I can't believe you actually live in such a pigsty. Is anything in here clean? Or edible, for that matter?"
"Oi oi don't be so mean!" Naruto opened the refrigerator looking for something. All of a sudden his head shot up, "Oh yeah! Here's the love potion!"
He took out a tall glass of green goopy, oozy, disgusting looking… slime? Shikamaru took a step back.
"What… is… that?" He didn't want to get near it. Oh how he longed to be on his hill, under the big tree, watching the clouds pass by peacefully.
"Here! Do you wanna try it? Try it! Try it! TRY IT!" Naruto begged him, shoving the disgusting… thing, in front of him. He needed a breath, so he breathed in. But instead of a whiff of some foul smell, like he expected, it was actually sweet. Was that a fruit he smelled? Some herbs? He'd soon find out.
"What's in this?" Shikamaru asked, taking the glass from Naruto.
Naruto pointed to a paper on the table, "When I went to Hinata's house, on of the elders gave me this paper and told me it would make me feel better. So I took it and made it a couple days ago. It's the best thing ever! C'mon, drink it!"
Shikamaru looked at the paper. "Geez he's so dumb. Love potion? Where did he get that idea? It says it's a medicinal drink. Obviously Naruto did a horrible job making it. What's that at the bottom? 'It's a potion made with love that cures your wounds.' No wonder. It meant that they put effort into making this medicine for wounds. Not a literal love potion. What an idiot."
"Why do you want me to drink it so badly?" Shikamaru inquired.
"Because you need it," Naruto declared. "I mean, who's gonna want to date a lazy guy like you? You need to get it on with the ladies already! Sure you got brains but you don't have enthusiasm—that's what it's all about! Girls want guys who actually DO stuff, not lie around watching clouds or sleeping all day! "
"Geez, I get it." Shikamaru wasn't one for pride, but to be insulted by Naruto? He drew the line. "I'm not that lazy you know. I am the best strategist in Konoha. And I run errands for the Hokage too." He glanced back at the potion. "I'm not going to drink that. I don't need it. Women are too troublesome."
"Aw, why not?" Naruto whined. His whining, though, was quickly overpowered by the roar of his stomach. "Man, I'm hungry. I forgot about making ramen!"
As Naruto went to get the instant noodles, Shikamaru eyed the potion. "It's not really a love potion, but I kind of wonder how it tastes. It doesn't smell bad. What could be the harm?" So as Naruto was in the cupboard, Shikamaru stole the glass and took a quick swig of it.
He immediately put back on the table. He almost gagged at it. "This is the worst thing I ever tasted!" he thought as he tried to rid himself of the taste that poisoned his mouth.
"Uh, Naruto? I need to go meet Temari at the front gate. Sorry, don't make any ramen for me. See you later."
"You don't even want one bowl? Fine, see ya later Shikamaru!" Naruto called right before the door closed.
…
"Kankuro, you are an idiot." Temari said, though really, she didn't have to say it.
"Hey, does an idiot get the hottest girl in the entire ninja world?"
"Of course not." Kankuro shot Temari one of his signature dirty looks. "Because I'M the hottest girl in the entire ninja world. And you're my brother. And that's just wrong."
Kankuro shuddered visibly, an action that earned him one of Temari's signature fan swipes across his head.
"ABUSE! Abuse I say! You know that every time you hit your head, thousands of brain cells die? Look what your years of abuse have done to me!"
"Oh Kankuro, don't be so dramatic. And don't blame me for your stupidity. You're lucky that slut you've labeled the 'hottest girl in the entire ninja world' thinks the stupidity thing is cute."
"Shut up. Why did you have to pack so much? And why do I have to carry it?" Kankuro complained.
"You know why. I'm staying in Konoha longer this time. I didn't feel like carrying it all myself. And you're my little brother so guess what? You get to carry it."
He grumbled. "I still say she's hotter than you."
…
Shikamaru was waiting at the gate. He could finally see two bodies approaching. Two? He could see the outline of spiky pigtails, a woman carrying something long on her back. A figure he had long grown accustomed to seeing. Every month she came for a few days; The Suna Ambassador and sister of the Kazekage, Temari of the Sand.
They drew closer and closer, and finally Shikamaru recognized Temari's companion as her brother, Kankuro, who was draped with random items and a bag over his shoulder. He didn't normally accompany Temari on her monthly visits. Perhaps he had been given an assignment of his own?
The sand ninjas filled the gap between them and the gate quickly. "Welcome back, Temari. It's good to see you, Kankuro."
"Okay you're here. Take your own stuff now. I'm tired of holding it," Kankuro insisted, holding the bag to Temari.
"Take it to my apartment."
"Take it yourself!"
"I'm hot!"
"And I'm not?"
"I'm in a bad mood, Kankuro," she shot back with a dark, menacing glare. "That is more than enough reason. Hurry up."
"Fine, fine. I'm going," he mumbled as he proceeded down the street.
Shikamaru chucked. "You showed him, huh?" Temari turned to face him and a shiver ran down his spine.
"Look, Nara, I am not in the mood. I'm heading straight to the Hokage's office. If you were any kind of escort, you'd have brought me there already." There was an aura emanating from Temari that Shikamaru knew better than to mess with. He sighed.
"Fine. What a drag." And he sauntered off reluctantly after the princess of Suna.
…
Tsunade looked up from behind her pile of paperwork. "Temari-sama, it is always a pleasure to see you. I am, however, very busy. Shizune keeps bringing in more and more paperwork for me to look over and sign. Several of the neighboring villages are in need of the talents of Konoha but some of those ninjas are not available. ANBU reports are flooding in over…"
By that time Shikamaru wasn't listening to a thing the Hokage was saying. In fact, she reminded him a bit of Naruto, always babbling on about troubling things. His eyes shifted over towards Temari next to him. Was that cucumber melon he smelled? Or apple cinnamon spice? Whatever it was, it sure smelled awfully familiar.
"Well, frankly, I'm ordering you to sub at the academy, just for the rest of today. Iruka-sensei has been called away on an emergency mission and we don't need those young ninjas running around completely unsupervised, am I right?" she said as she snuck a shot of sake from under the desk.
…
The two arrived early at the school and waited for the students to fill the classroom. It was a good sized class of about thirty students. The bell rang. Time for class to start.
"Good morning everyone. Today we will be substituting for Iruka-sensei. You all should know me. I'm Nara-sensei. This is Temari-sama from the hidden sand village."
"Hello. We are going to split the class today. I'm taking half of you out to train. So the first two rows, grab your weapons and follow me." The students obeyed and left the room.
Silence. "Everyone take out your books and turn to page 46. We'll be reviewing the basics of chakra control." There was a collective groan. Shikamaru couldn't agree more.
Later…
Temari returned to the classroom. She was not pleased in the least with what she saw. The students were flying paper airplanes across the room. They were running around the room. They were talking quite loudly. And Shikamaru was slouched over the desk. Asleep.
The students with Temari had filed into the classroom and sat in their seats tiredly. Temari glared across the room, pulled out her fan, and… WHACK! The fan met Shikamaru's head.
"Ouch! What's wrong with you woman?"
"Why aren't you teaching the class? Do you see what they're doing? You lazy bum!"
"I told them to practice their chakra control. It's fine."
"Well why don't you help them? Or show them? Rather than let them do what they want all day… I would never let my children be lazy like you."
Shikamaru froze. "Say what?"
"You heard me." Shikamaru looked at the students Temari had taken. They were like the living dead. His class had begun poking them to see if they were alive.
"I hope your children aren't scary like you too—"
"Excuse me?" Temari snapped.
"Nara-sensei!" the students flocked to Shikamaru. "Don't make us go with her! We're scared! Look at my best friend! She broke him! Please! Let us stay with you! We'll be good, we promise!"
"Ohh no. What kind of ninjas do you think you'll be if you're not willing to work hard? We don't need a village full of lazy ninjas who sleep all day."
"I resent that," Shikamaru grumbled as Temari shot him a suspicious look. "What? You don't want a bunch of Naruto's running around either."
She sighed and ordered the other half of the class to come with her. She threatened to be extra strict with them if they dawdled. They moved faster. "I'll see you after class Nara. I have some errands to run and you better come with me. It IS your job."
The door closed. Finally the class was silent again. Shikamaru sighed.
"Nara-sensei, do you like Temari-sama?" a student asked.
"What? Me like her? No way. Why would I like a woman as troublesome as her?"
The children snickered. He chose to ignore them. "Me and Temari, huh? Stupid Naruto and his potion," he thought as he resumed his nap.