AN:
So, I generally write Klaine fics, so if that interests you, feel free to take a look at those. At the beginning of Glee, I thought that Santana was a complete bitch, but as the show progressed, I grew to like her. Over the struggles that she went through, I had a new appreciation for her. Season 3 episode 6 finally inspired me to write a fic about her, interrupting my attempt at NaNoWriMo (National November Writing Month in which I am trying the challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel.).
Enough of my rambling, that's not why you are here. I hope you enjoy the story.
The whispered voices grated at Santana's nerves and she gritted her teeth. She attempted to ignore the sidelong glances and the mumbled conversations that had been directed at her all day. From the minute that she had walked into Macy's that morning to work, she could tell that the campaign had been running on TV. Damn you, Finn, now everyone knows. But the truth was, she wasn't mad. She was terrified. She was terrified of what the people at work would say, but she was even more afraid of what her family would say. There's no way I can face my family now.
With her hands shaking, her job of folding clothes in Macy's was taking twice as much time as it usually did. As another shirt slipped out of her unsteady grip, Santana cursed under her breath. If she could have quit, she would have immediately. But I can't do that, she reminded herself. My family is relying on me to bring home some money. It's not like the Lopez family was poor, per se, but for Santana to go to college next year would be impossible if she didn't have a job. Contrary to what the students at school thought, Santana did want to go to college. It didn't matter that she didn't pay attention in class or have good grades; that wasn't what she wanted to go to school for anyways. She wanted to study performing arts. There's no possibility of me being accepted to NYADA with Kurt and Rachel, though. To the rest of the world, she may portray that she was just as amazing of a singer as both of them, but in her mind she doubted herself.
Jerking back into reality, she heard two costumers gossiping in whispered tones of "that lesbian cheerleader". As she turned to face them, Santana shot icy daggers out of her eyes, making sure they noticed her glaring. But truthfully, it felt like someone had reached inside her and ripped out her stomach. A wave of nausea rolled through her and her breath caught in her throat. I can't do this anymore. She could feel her insides writhing as she tried to stay composed, fixing her "I don't give a shit" expression on her face. I do give a shit, Santana knew. Everyone always assumes from my personality that I have everything in control, but what Finn said was true. I am a fucking coward! Whenever I try to pretend, it's just a lie. My entire fucking life is a lie!
Three hours later, Santana was tense with the apprehension of what was waiting for her at home. Pushing open the door to exit Macy's, she kept her head bent, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone else. It was a little bit paranoid to think that everyone had seen the campaign that was running on TV about her, but she couldn't help but feel like the people walking by were all watching her.
I can't do this anymore, she thought. How am I expected to live here when everyone knows my face? I know that after this year I can move away for college, but can I really stand it for that much longer?
As she dragged her feet along the pavement, she could feel a pair of eyes watching her. With as cold a look as she could muster at the moment, Santana lifted her head and glared around looking for the person who was staring at her. Her eyes met the snowy-blue eyes of a very familiar blonde sitting on a bench. I must be imagining this, Santana thought to herself as she approached the other girl.
"What are you doing here, Brittany?" Santana snapped, trying to cover up her emotions. At Brittany's slight cringe, Santana realized how harsh her words had sounded. Shifting uncomfortably, she decided to make a better attempt. "I mean, I didn't expect to see you here." Pausing, Santana took a steadying breath. "Especially after what happened today." The chilly air between them was like a barrier, and Santana knew that she couldn't pass through it. If anyone sees me closer Brittany, they will know that we are together. Even if my whole life is fucked up now, I can still try to make sure Brittany is happy in her own little world.
Still holding Santana's gaze, Brittany answered, "I just… I just thought that I was coming to meet you like I do every Saturday?" Immediately, Santana unclenched her stomach. Of course, she thought. With everything else going on, I guess my brain was just overworked. How could I forget that we always meet after I work? Santana attempted to give Brittany a smile in response, although she figured it was more of a grimace. Even though the other girl made her heart fill up, Santana was still afraid of anyone seeing them together.
Standing in front of Brittany, Santana wanted to reach out and hold her hand, but she knew that if she did, people would notice. "Um…" Santana struggled to think of what to do. "Can we walk?" Giving a curt nod, Brittany rose from the bench she had been sitting on.
As they made their way down the sidewalk, Santana tried to look as inconspicuous as possible. No matter how hard she tried, though, some of the people passing were still turning to watch her.
"So," Brittany's voice shocked Santana out of her reverie, "I saw you on TV today." With her heart suddenly beating a mile a minute, Santana could feel her lungs quivering as she began to hyperventilate. "I thought that it was pretty awesome that you were in a commercial because I didn't remember you saying anything about it before, but I didn't exactly understand what was going on in it." Brittany can be so oblivious sometimes! That commercial is the thing that is ruining my entire life! Swallowing repeatedly, Santana suppressed the lump that was forming in her throat for the millionth time that day.
Those cerulean blue eyes were peering at her again as Brittany tilted her head questioningly. "Are you all right? Did I say something wrong?" Quickly shaking her head back and forth, Santana didn't trust herself to speak right now. Everyone who thinks Brittany is stupid is wrong. She actually cares about others, and that is exactly the reason that I fell in love with her.
Right now, more than ever, Santana just wanted to hold Brittany in her arms. Turning to her side, Santana watched the girl next to her. Brittany's gaze was focused back at Santana, her eyes as deep as an ocean of thought. No one else realizes just how observant Brittany is because she shows it in such an untraditional way. In the gentle breeze, Brittany's golden hair blew like soft silk. There was a soft flush on her cheeks and the tip of her nose from the cold fall air, but her lips were even pinker as they called for Santana to kiss them. But I can't do that anymore if I want Brittany to live a normal life, Santana reminded herself. Especially not in the middle of a busy street where half of the people have already seen the campaign running on television about me. Yet Santana couldn't draw her eyes away from the beautiful girl walking beside her. If I love her, I have to let her go.
As a sharp gust of air flew past, Santana wrapped her arms around herself. Yes, it was partially from the cold, but that wasn't all. She was afraid. She knew she couldn't be seen with Brittany anymore after the campaign aired on TV or else everyone would not only know about Santana, but they would also know about Brittany. That is one thing I can't stand. Even I may not be strong enough to deal with the hatred that I am going to get after this, so how could I ever expect Brittany to be able to handle it.
Blinking rapidly, Santana tried to clear her blurring vision. I told myself I wasn't going to fucking cry today! Suddenly, she felt a hand wrapping around her own, pulling her arm from its place wrapping around her torso. Santana knew that Brittany shouldn't be seen walking hand in hand with her, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away. This may be the last time I am with Brittany.
"Something's wrong," Brittany stated, a knowing look in her eyes. Sometimes, Santana was surprised with how much Brittany could figure out, even if Brittany didn't understand the simpler things. Taking a shaky breath, Santana figured that she owed Brittany at least some version of the truth.
Slowly, she chose her words more carefully than she ever had before. "You know that commercial of me that you saw on TV?" Pausing momentarily, Santana struggled with what she should say. "Well, I didn't know they were using me in it," she attempted to explain, becoming slightly frustrated when Brittany quirked her eyebrows quizzically in response. Simplifying it, she tried again. "The person that created the commercial was a bad man." Santana could feel her chest tightening as she struggled to hold back the tears that were threatening to escape her dark eyes. Squeezing Brittany's hand tighter, Santana tried to be strong for the girl she loved. "In that commercial, he was saying…" Santana's voice caught in her throat as she tried to get her words out. "He was saying that we can't be together anymore," she managed with a hiccup of air. I can't believe I'm saying this! The silence was rushing in Santana's ears, and she could feel her heartbeat slamming in her temples.
When Santana finally convinced herself to look at the girl next to her, Brittany didn't have the crestfallen look that she had prepared herself for. It only looked confused. Opening her mouth, Brittany questioned, "I don't understand? I thought you said you loved me?" Her face was suddenly closed off and clearly puzzled.
Just trying to keep breathing, Santana didn't answer. She couldn't answer. If she opened her mouth, she knew she wouldn't be able to hold herself together any longer. It was difficult enough right now to look into the face of the girl she was in love with without completely shattering to pieces.
Still confused, Brittany asked, "Remember when you sang 'Songbird' for me?" Santana tried her hardest not to remember. If she did, it might cause her to waver in her resolve. "That was the first time you told me that you loved me." At this comment, Santana's erratic breathing completely stopped. If she took one more gasp of air, she knew it would break her down. I'm supposed to be doing this for Brittany good! I can't pay attention to what I want!
Abruptly stopping, Brittany turned to completely face Santana. Her icy eyes had a newfound determination in them. With emotion that melted Santana's heart, Brittany sang softly so that only the two of them could hear. "And the songbirds are singing like they know the score, and I love you, I love you, I love you like never before." Santana could feel her heart crack just a little bit more as she heard the girl she loved soulfully sing those lyrics back to her. As Brittany took both of Santana's hands in her own, Santana could hardly stand to look into the bottomless eyes of the girl in front of her, yet for some reason, she couldn't look away. Staring straight into Santana's soul, Brittany said, "I remember how I felt when you sang that to me, and I just want to make you feel that way too. I don't know how a stupid commercial can change anything. I know one thing that will never change is that I am in love with you."
No! I can't do this to Brittany! I know that leaving will hurt her, but if I stay it will only be worse! Everyone will act cruelly to Brittany if they find out we are together. Leaving is the only way I can protect her!
Santana's entire body was shaking as she tried to tug away from the girl she loved. But Brittany wouldn't let her. With strength that no one would expect out of a girl who looked that fragile, Brittany pulled Santana towards her. And right there, in the middle of the bustling street, Brittany kissed her.
It wasn't just another meaningless kiss; it was Brittany's way of showing just how much she loved Santana. The softness of Brittany's lips caressing Santana's caused another rush of emotions to burst through Santana's chest and flutter in her heart. With a sudden urgency, Santana pressed herself close to Brittany, cupping the angel face in her hands. But then she realized what she was doing.
Tearing herself away from Brittany, Santana gasped, "I can't do this. I can't be with you anymore." Her words made it out as a barely audible whisper and the last little piece that was holding her heart together crumbled. Turning sharply, Santana left the girl she was in love with standing there with her mouth hanging open and her eyes pleading.
As her feet rapidly slapped the pavement, Santana's eyes overflowed with the tears she had been holding in all day. Her shoulders shook as her lungs heaved as she silently sobbed. Drips rolled down her cheeks and fell from her chin as she ran blindly, not caring who she was bumping into. I probably just abandoned the only person who will ever love me just as much as I love her. Another ripping sob wracked through Santana's chest, and she didn't even attempt to suppress it anymore.
Santana just kept running. She didn't know were she was going. She didn't know what she was doing. Truthfully, she didn't even care.
All she could see was the brokenness in the eyes of the girl she loved. The girl that she used to imagine spending the rest of her life with.
AN:
I am so sorry for leaving it like that! Originally this was going to be a one shot, but I think I will need to write more of this story. I have this problem where I just want everyone on glee to be happy!
So, let me know what you think of it! Please review! Also, I was just wondering if anyone would actually be interested if I continued it.