To Hamao Kyosuke,
I love you.
I love how you approach me and leaved big memories in my mind and heart. When I first found you, my heart melt, being able to see you everyday is enough making me happy, making my empty days filled with smile, hopes, encourage, gut and loveable feeling.
You turned your back, and walked away
Without even leaving a single word
Inside my shivering heart, I cried out like a child
"Don't go, don't go, please..."
I love you.
Hamao... We may never talk, we may never meet, we may never contact or seeing each other but it's not a thing that bother me. You are alive in my heart. Hamao... Listen to your voice, seeing you smile, getting excited for funny things you do is enough to brighten my days.
I turned my back, and walked away
Before my tears fall, I must move on
I pretended that I hate being too happy
Bluffing that I had let go of my ideal future...
An irretrievable wish...
I love you.
Hamao, You were born to give a rainbow sky to person like me. To a person like me who always in sorrow that won't be able to laugh much. When I first found you, I have been able to sincerely laugh and smile. For every words I read from you, for every moved you make and every words you spoke, Hamao.. all those was whisper softly in my heart.
It feels so spacious, this small one room
The gap inside my heart widens
It feels so long, a mere minute and second
If I could spend this with you
I love you.
I love how the sky photo you took and share has making me realized.. once in my life, I need to look up and enjoy what was world have offer me. Hamao... it make me realized, I shouldn't always look down when I walk, no need to afraid to look up because there is scenery that will cure my heart.
Is this a world that can't even allow hoping?
Even with just a single lie
Might give birth to your tears
I already have piled up countless mistakes
Those were when I held your hands
And when I gently stood by your side...
I love you.
Being able to become your fan is grace for me. It's like I have been given an honor to laugh, smile, cry sincerely without need to scare that it feel fake. I realized the smile that wither slowly from my face is come back to alive. Hamao... you smile, I smile, you laugh, I laugh... it's a natural reflection I made whenever I saw you.
As I first gather the present, I seem to first throw away the past
In this limited memory, within time
The only thing left there...my existence
Slowly, from your memories, it, will, fade...
I love you.
And I wanted to thank you. Deep down in my heart, since the first day I discover you, my everyday life filled with you. Mostly it filled with exciting over all your hard work in this entertainment industry. Hamao... Thank you for sharing the sky photo.. thank you for everything you leaved for person like me, for fan like me. Maybe you think that you didn't change anything in person life, but do know that you did to me. You change me, from a person who hardly smile, hardly look up to the sky, hardly to enjoy everything to become someone was lightly laugh and I love how I can laugh and smile whenever I look at you.
Can't we go back to the way we were?
Is here the beginning? Or the end?
I love you.
And I wanted to tell, how you... Hamao... a person that never talk to me, never knew me, had change my everyday. I never found a person like you. Maybe all the people in this world, thinking I am a crazy, stalker or scary but deep inside my heart, I wanted to tell you all, Hamao works had change me, a person who barely think that myself deserved to live in this world. I may look like a freak, but to be honest, Hamao appearance has thought me about not giving up living in this world. It such big change that now, everyday when I woke up, the first thing I do was look at the mirror, remembering the funny Hamao moment and enjoy myself to see that I can smile nicely.
The nights I sleep on this wide bed have yet to reach dawn
I dream all by myself again
The dreams that follow your memories
I already have piled up countless mistakes
Those were when I held your hands,
And when I gently stood by your side...
But...
Now you have to leaved for your own good. It's hard to accept that from today I won't be able to see the sky photo from you, I won't be able to look up at you whom day by day grow to be a such amazing man... I know, everything in this life will someday change and fade away, but I didn't want to change and I wanted to be your fan forever no matter what. I never erase all the memories of you and I will waited you when the day come when you decided to return in the industry. At that time I will be the same fan as before... nothing change.
I'll make it up to you by being in the pain of loneliness
Let me stay gently in your memories
I cry a lot and I counted the days from where you told you will be retired. Everyday I cry and I hide myself in my little room for hours... Many people didn't understand me... they say I was crazy, they say I was so over reacted. I am... because how can I loose a best human on earth that make me smile ?
But, Hamao... just like me, you had to live your life. Future will come. I respect your decision. Because I wanted to learn to become understanding to be thought that you, Hamao... no matter what, someday will leaved. Just like other human.
It would be nice if I meet you again without a change of heart
Then let's hold each other's hands
Until that time
"See you again"
Hamao Kyosuke...
Thank you very much for all the memory you created, thank you so much for letting me be your fan. You are amazing person. I'm happy I found you. I'm happy that until now I decided to keep waiting even in many years. I will be a strong supporter, your understanding fan... Once again... Hamao Kyosuke, Thank you so much !
From Hana.
Call me whatever you want... this is my true feeling... what I feel on the first day of his retirement...
I inserted a song translation : From Y to Y by Clear and all the credit goes to the translator.
I know this isn't fiction... but... I just wanted to share...
Everyone ! make space in your heart for him to stay !