Author's note: Letting you all know now, this story is all introspective. That means it's all thoughts in Derek's head. I wasn't even going to post this, it was just one of those random ideas that won't leave you alone until it's been written. So I wrote it in my notebook and left it. It wasn't even finished until I typed it up and got it ready for posting. But then I saw how they just killed him off and I was like "seriously?" I mean, I know these things happen, but don't have them cheating death all over the place and then out of the blue put a bullet in their head, that's all I'm saying. So I figured "Why not? Sharing is great, right?" and decided to put the effort into my tribute to Derek. Hope it's up to snuff.

Music Suggestions: 'Seasons' by The Veer Union, 'Come again' by Damn Yankees, 'Anger Cage' by Course of Nature, 'Over and over' by Three Days Grace.

Disclaimer: Don't own Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles. If I did, Derek wouldn't be dead and John wouldn't be hopping through time all over the place.

Changing Seasons: From Jesse to Sarah

He still couldn't figure out how exactly he'd gotten into this mess.

Derek always liked to think that he never had a type. First off, in the world he grew up in, you took what you could get because you didn't have time to be choosy and you could be dead at any moment. Secondly, one woman was no different than the next. Body type, hair color, chest size...it had never mattered much to him. As long as they were decent looking and not searching for any attachments, he was good to go.

For years he went on like this, even as he sat next to his brother and listened to him as he went on and on about a woman he was never going to meet. His brother had been monogamous to a woman that didn't even live in the same time span. Derek never understood how Kyle had never wanted another woman. There were plenty to choose from, after all, not to mention willing.

But then he stumbled onto Sarah Connor's path, quite by accident and by no means on civil terms. He'd recognized her the moment she'd attacked him in that alley and she had been prettier than her picture. Sure, some of the features had hardened and her eyes had gotten a lot colder and jaded, but he thought she looked better than the picture regardless. Besides, there was something to be said about a woman that could hold her own and know more about guns and military tactics than he himself did. The woman could throw a punch as lethal as any man. It was all he could do to defend himself from her and he was the one that had grown up in a war-ravaged, terminator, every-man-for-himself world. He wasn't sure what he'd have had to resort to if the cops had not shown up when they did.

Of course, that had caused a whole new handful of problems that had resulted in his near-death experience. And somehow, he ended up being shot, stabbed, and Lord only knows what other kinds of injury inflicting weapons while being a part of the Connor's resistance than he had all the times before he'd traveled through time combined. It didn't help that Sarah had her own vendetta against him. She still probably hated him over killing Andy. She didn't understand that the man he'd known in the future had indirectly asked him to kill him if he had the chance. She couldn't understand his reasoning for killing a man for something he might do and she never should. No one should. That was part of the reason why he came back.

He was pretty sure that future John wouldn't have sent him back if he'd known they would meet up. Obviously John had known about Kyle all along. But Derek...well, he'd always prided himself on being unpredictable. On the other hand, future John had never told him why he'd chosen him to go back. Had he known that Derek would run into John's past self? Had he known that Derek would fall for his mother even harder than Kyle had?

No one could have predicted that both Reese brothers would fall for the same woman. From a different time, no less. It must be something in their blood.

He hadn't even recognized it at first. The only other person he'd ever loved was his brother and that was so not the same kind of love that he was feeling here. The loyalty and devotion were the same, it was how he hadn't noticed it. But there was something else, something different that he couldn't identify, that started creeping up on him when he realized he was spending more time with Sarah than Jesse. Something that he might have refused to deal with once he did. In the future, he had almost literally entrusted Jesse with his life. That was a debt he'd most recently paid back in full. However, here in the past, Sarah was pushing her way in and had shoved Jesse out long before he'd discovered her betrayal in the process.

For awhile, he convinced himself that he was in love with Jesse. Then he found out that he was only a means to an end, a lovely little perk that came along with the mission. And that's what it had been – a mission. Sure, he didn't like the metal anymore than the next resistance fighter, but he knew what this one meant to his nephew. He knew that it was better to just let everything play out and eventually the metal would turn or cease to exist. He'd chipped in his two cents and that's all he could do because in the end, it was his nephew's decision.

What Jesse had done was over the edge of reason. He still couldn't believe that she'd deceived everyone with that girl. It was one thing to mess with his own head, he had years of practice to deal with mind games. But it was another thing when they tried to get to his family, his own nephew. He understood keeping a secret or two – it could very well keep you alive in the future. But to use Riley against John, to make him think the metal had killed her in an attempt to get John to terminate it? He couldn't figure out how she'd kept her emotion so in check for so long. To play so many of them against each other...somehow John figured it all out. Not soon enough to save the girl. Something else to haunt the poor kid's guilt-laden conscience. Did she even feel guilty for that girl's death? As a soldier, she was outstanding. Even he could appreciate and admit to that. On the other hand, as a girlfriend...she turned out to be a real bitch.

He hadn't realized that after months of living with the Connors how much he was trying to make right by his nephew. Deep down he felt as if he'd failed Kyle and this was a way of coming correct. If anyone could even compare, he was going a lot easier on the boy than he should. Especially if the future didn't change. It was almost uncanny how much the boy reminded him of Kyle. He hadn't seen it in the beginning, but now he couldn't wrap his mind around how he hadn't noticed the moment they'd met. This John was so much like the Kyle he knew that he'd have sworn on numerous occasions that Kyle had actually raised the kid himself. And it wasn't just the physical similarities, but the mannerisms, the core personality traits. Because damn if the kid wasn't just as stubborn and self-sacrificing as Kyle. But it was mostly John's voice that unnerved him. Once in a while if his back was to John, he'd assume that it was Kyle talking to him before reality caught up with him.

This John was strong, there was no doubt about that. There was no mistaking John Connor for nothing else but a Reese offspring. There was something about him, though. If the way John treated that machine was anything to go by, he was quickly following suit in the whole "falling for the wrong woman" department. He was still debating which was worse: falling for a woman that was, technically, old enough to be your mother or falling for a machine in pretty girl wrapping.

Derek didn't try and linger on the thought for very long. It wasn't his job to psychoanalyze anyone, let alone the savior of mankind. He had issues of his own.

He knew he didn't stand a chance in hell at winning Sarah's affection. Lord only knew how much he didn't deserve it and he should consider himself lucky she hadn't kicked his ass to the curb for what had happened with Jesse. In fact, he couldn't figure out why she hadn't berated him yet, much less sent him on his merry way. However, if the cold shoulder she was giving him lately were any indicator, she was bound to blow up on him soon enough. It was just in her nature. Yeah, at the present, there was nothing but hostility and resentment radiating from Sarah. When it came to all this "feeling" stuff and women, he could certainly choose them.

That didn't mean he planned on giving up anytime soon.

ooooosoooo*ooooooaooo*oooooowooo

This takes place between "The last voyage of the Jimmy Carter" and "Adam raised a Cain", for obvious reasons (meaning Jesse gets outed and Derek gets one in the head). How did I do? Does Derek sound like, well, Derek? For now, this is just a one shot, but I've got a few ideas for continuing this. And yes, there would be some actual talking and physical action going on...and from more than just Derek's point of view. I get enough introspective in my own head, thank you very much, lol. Think it's worth it? WBL.