Title: "When I See Your Smile"
Author: Romy
E-mail: sunshine8552@yahoo.com
Summary: Mac is leaving, will Harm stop her or not ?
^ ^ ^
"When I see your smile" written and performed by Pete Masitti
"Was it something that I didn't say" is by 98 Degrees
^ ^ ^
I.
****************
"I could say a million more goodbyes
Try like hell to drag this out all night
Just to hear you say it one more time
Before another million miles go by
Now I'm too far away to see you smile
And I just want to watch you for a while
So you can be here"
****************
I can't believe I did this. In fact,I can't believe I
did nothing.
Nothing to stop you from leaving the States, leaving
JAG,
leaving ME.
This time our goodbyes weren't told in front of JAG or
in my office. This time we weren't even in uniform.
this
time youcame to my apartment. Unfortunately, Renee was
there.
When you saw her, I think there was hurt or maybe
jealousy in your eyes. But maybe I'm just imagining
it. You're
next words - I can't believe they're true.
You told me that you and Mic decided to move to
Australia. For a minute we were both speechless. The
only sound was of
Renee making some stupid phone call.
Then I recovered, wished you 'Good Luck' and hugged
you. I don't know if I would've let you go if Renee's
voice didn't
interrupt us. She asked what were we celebrating
because I was hugging you like
there'll be no tomorrow.
'There'll be no tomorrow without you' I thought. I
told Renee that you're moving to Australia. She
congratulated you and then
there was an awkward silence. So you said goodbye once
more and left.
I was watching you walk away, about to run
after you when Renee closed the door. And I did
nothing. Nothing to
stop you.
***************
"Tonight I saw the brightest shooting star
Wonder if it touched down where you are
And are you lonely tossing in your sleep
Or don't you miss me
And it keeps getting harder every day
I'll be damned if I can stay away
Guess there's only one thing I can do
'till I can be there"
**************
It's 2:30 AM already and still I can't sleep. After
you'd left, I did something I should have done long
ago. I erased the Video Princess
from my life. Yes, Ikne w you called her the Video
Princess. I wonder if you
knew that I called Mic BugMe. I'm sure you did.
So I stay here staring out of the window, staring at
the sky full of stars.
Suddenly, there's a shooting star. So I wish
that...that you won't move to
Australia. That you won't transfer out of JAG. That
you'll be mine.
*************
"Somewhere in the corners of my mind
I can see you standing by my side
And it's perfect picture every time
When I see your smile
When I see your smile"
************
I wonder how long I've been staring at that picture of
us. You know, the one from the embassy. The one taken
before our 'mission'.
the one taken before I suggested we should go out more
often. Why I haven't
make that suggestion true ? In this one you're smiling
that beautiful smile
of yours. The same smile I see every night in my
dreams. The smile I'll never forget.
I move to another picture taken at baby AJ's
christening. You're holding baby AJ in your arms and
I'm holding you both. It
looks so natural it felt so natural.
We look like family - you, me and our baby. Except
that it's not our child - it's our godson. And except
you're not mine.
But the longer I stare at this photos of us, the
longer I can't believe I did nothing. Nothing to make
you mine. And now it's
too late. Or is it?
II.
^ ^ ^
You know that I never liked duty on Saturdays. But
today I went to JAG
and I was kind of looking forward to it. Looking
forward, because I
was hoping you'd stop by. Not because I'm here - I
doubt that you even
know I am here today. But because you forgot something
in your office or
something. And then I get the chance to see you once
more.
*********
"Spending another night alone
Wondering what I would give to get you back baby
I should have told you how I felt then
Instead I kept it to myself, yeah
I let my love go unexpressed
'till it was too late
You walked away"
********
Since last night I have done a lot of thinking.
Thinking about you, about
me...about us. The funny thing is that I always
thought that last year had
been only a dream. No, not a dream, a nightmare, and
that when I woke up,
everything would be alright. There'll be no ring, no
Mic, no Australia, and definatly
no ferry.
I always thought that there would still be a chance
to make things right between
you and me. A chance to explain my ferry-words to you.
A chance to tell you
how I really feel. A chance to tell you that I'm in
love with you.
I was so close to telling you so many times - but
then I stopped. 'Funny I never
thought that I'd back down from anything.' I always
told myself
that there'll be another chance.
Guess I was wrong.
************
"Always assumed that you'd be there
Couldn't forsee the day you'd ever be leaving me
How could I let my word slip through my hands, baby
I took for granted that you knew, yeah
All of the love I had for you, yeah
I guess you never had a clue"
************
I've been here for three hours and still I haven't
accomplished
one thing. Because of that my desk looks exactly like
yours
always does. Except that I can't find anything.
I start looking for some file. Suddenly a note appears
in my hand.
'Congratulations on your promotion, flyboy. I don't
outrank you anymore, but I'm still unofficial Chief of
Staff. So behave yourself.'
Ninjagirl
I smile as I read it. You gave me this after my return
from flying. This was the
sign, that our friendship was slowly coming back.
Untill I screwed it again.
Screwed it up with my fears.
^ ^ ^
I was so wrapped in my thoughts that I almost didn't
hear someone coming
from the elevator. I looked up - and it was the most
beautiful sight I have ever
seen. It was you.
III.
I wondered how long it was going to take you to spot
me. One...two...three. You smiled at me and I flashed
you the best flyboy smile I could make.
As I stood up to greet you, I could hear
myself asking you why you were here on a Saturday.
You said that you came to drop off some papers for the
admiral and
to finish getting the rest of your things out of your
office.
It was then I remembered that you're leaving. I tried
my
best not to show you my sadness. But being the
brilliant
observer you are I guess I wasn't successful. But you
didn't say anything.
'I didn't know that admiral was here today?' came from
my mouth.
'He's gone away with Sydney for the weekend but he
said I
could leave the papers on his desk' you responded.
Just then your stomach let itself heard and we both
laughed. So I suggested that we go out to lunch.
'Please, please, please!' I pray.
I hear your 'yes' and I couldn't be happier. Oh, I
could. If you were mine...
IV.
Our lunch was spent in the atmosphere that could be
characterized as friendly. It was like the old times.
We
were laughing and teasing each other like we used to.
Sometimes
laughing so hard we were close to tears. Thank god we
were in a
park having Beltway Burgers and salad and not in some
restaurant.
We would probably have been thrown out for disturbing
the peace.
For the third time I caught myself staring at you.
Staring
at you and wondering, how we got here. I don't mean
how we got in
this park, that I know because you let me drive your
vette.
I mean how did we get to this point in our
relationship?
One day we're the best of friends and the next day
we're...heck, I
can't even find the words to describe what we really
are.
I wish I had the power to turn back time. Turn back
time to last night. If I could, I would run after you
and make
you stop. I would tell you how big a fool I've been
and that I
don't want you to leave.
Or probably turn time back to that ferry. Or better to
the time when I was leaving. That night when I told
you about my eye
surgery, you said that I couldn't leave. That I
couldn't leave because
it would mean that flying was more important to me
than Jordan, more
important than JAG, more important than.... than
everything else.
For a moment I hoped you were going to say 'more
important than ME.' If you had, I don't know what I
would do.
I hope that I'd sweep you off your feet and give you
the most
passionate kiss you ever got and I wouldn't care that
Chloe is in
the next room. But then maybe I would do nothing.
Looking at you made me realize, that maybe this is how
it has
to be. You're happy and that's most important to me.
If it means you're
happy with someone else on the other side of the
world, I have to learn
to live with that - I won't stand in your way.
The reason we were both laughing was probably that we
didn't want to show how we really felt. Because of
that
neither of us mentioned your leaving. The silence
between us
all the way back to JAG a testament to that.
^ ^ ^
As I was carrying the last box to your car, I couldn't
stand it any longer. The fact that you're leaving,
that I won't see
you every morning, the fact that...
By the look on your face I guessed you were feeling
the same. I dropped the box on the car seat and looked
at you.
You were standing in the same spot as the day baby AJ
was born.
The day we made the baby promise. The promise
that will not come true now.
I walked to you and hugged you. This time you weren't
the only one who was crying.
'I have to go.' I heard you whisper.
'Yeah, your vette is waiting.'
'But its no tomcat.' you said and that caused more
tears from both of us.
So this was it. This was the end of our partnership
and maybe
our friendship. I watched as you opened the
door to your car, still hoping you'd change your mind.
And suddenly you turned around, walked - no, ran - to
me and before I knew it you were kissing me.
I responded fully not caring that that I was in
uniform. Neither of us was aware of a person watching
us
from a nearby car.
We remained that way for at least 16 seconds. I'm sure
you
know exactly how long. But because I don't have your
sense of
timing doesn't mean I wasn't enjoying it. I remember
every little
moment of it. It is the moment that I will remember
for the rest of my life.
As suddenly as it started, it ended. You smiled,
turned
around and without wiping away the tears that were
running down your
face you drove away.
And at that moment I knew what should I do as I turned
around and walked into
JAG headquarters.
********
V.
I don't know how many people think I'm crazy. But I
doubt there was a single person that didn't think that
when I was running through the crowded airport.
When you left, I went straight to the admiral's office
and took your transfer papers from his desk. It took
me three hours to finally tear them in half, grab my
keys
and run to the car.
I think I broke every speed record ever made on my
way to Dulles. When I got there, I stopped only to ask
which gate your flight was leaving from as I ran
through the
crowded airport.
As I reached the gate, there were only a few people
left to board. A quick glance told me you weren't
there.
So I was late again.
At that moment my world fell into pieces. Images
of past five years flashed before me like a movie.
I kept myself asking why didn't I take the chance to
tell
you how I really feel. Now it's too late.
I turned around and began slowly walking back when
someone tapped on my shoulder. I never thought I'd
been
so happy to see that Australian face.
I started to ask where you were and was about to hold
him against the wall if he didn't tell me, but then
his
words silenced me.
'Congratulations, mate. You've won.'
^ ^ ^
I didn't need to check your place to know where you
were. I slowly unlocked the door to my apartment and
let myself in.
When I entered the apartment I had to smile. You were
standing in the same spot, looking at the same photos
of
us that I was looking at just the night before.
'These are my favorite, too.' you smiled at me through
your tears.
Then I realize that I'm the happiest when you're with
me,
when I see your smile.
THE END.
Author: Romy
E-mail: sunshine8552@yahoo.com
Summary: Mac is leaving, will Harm stop her or not ?
^ ^ ^
"When I see your smile" written and performed by Pete Masitti
"Was it something that I didn't say" is by 98 Degrees
^ ^ ^
I.
****************
"I could say a million more goodbyes
Try like hell to drag this out all night
Just to hear you say it one more time
Before another million miles go by
Now I'm too far away to see you smile
And I just want to watch you for a while
So you can be here"
****************
I can't believe I did this. In fact,I can't believe I
did nothing.
Nothing to stop you from leaving the States, leaving
JAG,
leaving ME.
This time our goodbyes weren't told in front of JAG or
in my office. This time we weren't even in uniform.
this
time youcame to my apartment. Unfortunately, Renee was
there.
When you saw her, I think there was hurt or maybe
jealousy in your eyes. But maybe I'm just imagining
it. You're
next words - I can't believe they're true.
You told me that you and Mic decided to move to
Australia. For a minute we were both speechless. The
only sound was of
Renee making some stupid phone call.
Then I recovered, wished you 'Good Luck' and hugged
you. I don't know if I would've let you go if Renee's
voice didn't
interrupt us. She asked what were we celebrating
because I was hugging you like
there'll be no tomorrow.
'There'll be no tomorrow without you' I thought. I
told Renee that you're moving to Australia. She
congratulated you and then
there was an awkward silence. So you said goodbye once
more and left.
I was watching you walk away, about to run
after you when Renee closed the door. And I did
nothing. Nothing to
stop you.
***************
"Tonight I saw the brightest shooting star
Wonder if it touched down where you are
And are you lonely tossing in your sleep
Or don't you miss me
And it keeps getting harder every day
I'll be damned if I can stay away
Guess there's only one thing I can do
'till I can be there"
**************
It's 2:30 AM already and still I can't sleep. After
you'd left, I did something I should have done long
ago. I erased the Video Princess
from my life. Yes, Ikne w you called her the Video
Princess. I wonder if you
knew that I called Mic BugMe. I'm sure you did.
So I stay here staring out of the window, staring at
the sky full of stars.
Suddenly, there's a shooting star. So I wish
that...that you won't move to
Australia. That you won't transfer out of JAG. That
you'll be mine.
*************
"Somewhere in the corners of my mind
I can see you standing by my side
And it's perfect picture every time
When I see your smile
When I see your smile"
************
I wonder how long I've been staring at that picture of
us. You know, the one from the embassy. The one taken
before our 'mission'.
the one taken before I suggested we should go out more
often. Why I haven't
make that suggestion true ? In this one you're smiling
that beautiful smile
of yours. The same smile I see every night in my
dreams. The smile I'll never forget.
I move to another picture taken at baby AJ's
christening. You're holding baby AJ in your arms and
I'm holding you both. It
looks so natural it felt so natural.
We look like family - you, me and our baby. Except
that it's not our child - it's our godson. And except
you're not mine.
But the longer I stare at this photos of us, the
longer I can't believe I did nothing. Nothing to make
you mine. And now it's
too late. Or is it?
II.
^ ^ ^
You know that I never liked duty on Saturdays. But
today I went to JAG
and I was kind of looking forward to it. Looking
forward, because I
was hoping you'd stop by. Not because I'm here - I
doubt that you even
know I am here today. But because you forgot something
in your office or
something. And then I get the chance to see you once
more.
*********
"Spending another night alone
Wondering what I would give to get you back baby
I should have told you how I felt then
Instead I kept it to myself, yeah
I let my love go unexpressed
'till it was too late
You walked away"
********
Since last night I have done a lot of thinking.
Thinking about you, about
me...about us. The funny thing is that I always
thought that last year had
been only a dream. No, not a dream, a nightmare, and
that when I woke up,
everything would be alright. There'll be no ring, no
Mic, no Australia, and definatly
no ferry.
I always thought that there would still be a chance
to make things right between
you and me. A chance to explain my ferry-words to you.
A chance to tell you
how I really feel. A chance to tell you that I'm in
love with you.
I was so close to telling you so many times - but
then I stopped. 'Funny I never
thought that I'd back down from anything.' I always
told myself
that there'll be another chance.
Guess I was wrong.
************
"Always assumed that you'd be there
Couldn't forsee the day you'd ever be leaving me
How could I let my word slip through my hands, baby
I took for granted that you knew, yeah
All of the love I had for you, yeah
I guess you never had a clue"
************
I've been here for three hours and still I haven't
accomplished
one thing. Because of that my desk looks exactly like
yours
always does. Except that I can't find anything.
I start looking for some file. Suddenly a note appears
in my hand.
'Congratulations on your promotion, flyboy. I don't
outrank you anymore, but I'm still unofficial Chief of
Staff. So behave yourself.'
Ninjagirl
I smile as I read it. You gave me this after my return
from flying. This was the
sign, that our friendship was slowly coming back.
Untill I screwed it again.
Screwed it up with my fears.
^ ^ ^
I was so wrapped in my thoughts that I almost didn't
hear someone coming
from the elevator. I looked up - and it was the most
beautiful sight I have ever
seen. It was you.
III.
I wondered how long it was going to take you to spot
me. One...two...three. You smiled at me and I flashed
you the best flyboy smile I could make.
As I stood up to greet you, I could hear
myself asking you why you were here on a Saturday.
You said that you came to drop off some papers for the
admiral and
to finish getting the rest of your things out of your
office.
It was then I remembered that you're leaving. I tried
my
best not to show you my sadness. But being the
brilliant
observer you are I guess I wasn't successful. But you
didn't say anything.
'I didn't know that admiral was here today?' came from
my mouth.
'He's gone away with Sydney for the weekend but he
said I
could leave the papers on his desk' you responded.
Just then your stomach let itself heard and we both
laughed. So I suggested that we go out to lunch.
'Please, please, please!' I pray.
I hear your 'yes' and I couldn't be happier. Oh, I
could. If you were mine...
IV.
Our lunch was spent in the atmosphere that could be
characterized as friendly. It was like the old times.
We
were laughing and teasing each other like we used to.
Sometimes
laughing so hard we were close to tears. Thank god we
were in a
park having Beltway Burgers and salad and not in some
restaurant.
We would probably have been thrown out for disturbing
the peace.
For the third time I caught myself staring at you.
Staring
at you and wondering, how we got here. I don't mean
how we got in
this park, that I know because you let me drive your
vette.
I mean how did we get to this point in our
relationship?
One day we're the best of friends and the next day
we're...heck, I
can't even find the words to describe what we really
are.
I wish I had the power to turn back time. Turn back
time to last night. If I could, I would run after you
and make
you stop. I would tell you how big a fool I've been
and that I
don't want you to leave.
Or probably turn time back to that ferry. Or better to
the time when I was leaving. That night when I told
you about my eye
surgery, you said that I couldn't leave. That I
couldn't leave because
it would mean that flying was more important to me
than Jordan, more
important than JAG, more important than.... than
everything else.
For a moment I hoped you were going to say 'more
important than ME.' If you had, I don't know what I
would do.
I hope that I'd sweep you off your feet and give you
the most
passionate kiss you ever got and I wouldn't care that
Chloe is in
the next room. But then maybe I would do nothing.
Looking at you made me realize, that maybe this is how
it has
to be. You're happy and that's most important to me.
If it means you're
happy with someone else on the other side of the
world, I have to learn
to live with that - I won't stand in your way.
The reason we were both laughing was probably that we
didn't want to show how we really felt. Because of
that
neither of us mentioned your leaving. The silence
between us
all the way back to JAG a testament to that.
^ ^ ^
As I was carrying the last box to your car, I couldn't
stand it any longer. The fact that you're leaving,
that I won't see
you every morning, the fact that...
By the look on your face I guessed you were feeling
the same. I dropped the box on the car seat and looked
at you.
You were standing in the same spot as the day baby AJ
was born.
The day we made the baby promise. The promise
that will not come true now.
I walked to you and hugged you. This time you weren't
the only one who was crying.
'I have to go.' I heard you whisper.
'Yeah, your vette is waiting.'
'But its no tomcat.' you said and that caused more
tears from both of us.
So this was it. This was the end of our partnership
and maybe
our friendship. I watched as you opened the
door to your car, still hoping you'd change your mind.
And suddenly you turned around, walked - no, ran - to
me and before I knew it you were kissing me.
I responded fully not caring that that I was in
uniform. Neither of us was aware of a person watching
us
from a nearby car.
We remained that way for at least 16 seconds. I'm sure
you
know exactly how long. But because I don't have your
sense of
timing doesn't mean I wasn't enjoying it. I remember
every little
moment of it. It is the moment that I will remember
for the rest of my life.
As suddenly as it started, it ended. You smiled,
turned
around and without wiping away the tears that were
running down your
face you drove away.
And at that moment I knew what should I do as I turned
around and walked into
JAG headquarters.
********
V.
I don't know how many people think I'm crazy. But I
doubt there was a single person that didn't think that
when I was running through the crowded airport.
When you left, I went straight to the admiral's office
and took your transfer papers from his desk. It took
me three hours to finally tear them in half, grab my
keys
and run to the car.
I think I broke every speed record ever made on my
way to Dulles. When I got there, I stopped only to ask
which gate your flight was leaving from as I ran
through the
crowded airport.
As I reached the gate, there were only a few people
left to board. A quick glance told me you weren't
there.
So I was late again.
At that moment my world fell into pieces. Images
of past five years flashed before me like a movie.
I kept myself asking why didn't I take the chance to
tell
you how I really feel. Now it's too late.
I turned around and began slowly walking back when
someone tapped on my shoulder. I never thought I'd
been
so happy to see that Australian face.
I started to ask where you were and was about to hold
him against the wall if he didn't tell me, but then
his
words silenced me.
'Congratulations, mate. You've won.'
^ ^ ^
I didn't need to check your place to know where you
were. I slowly unlocked the door to my apartment and
let myself in.
When I entered the apartment I had to smile. You were
standing in the same spot, looking at the same photos
of
us that I was looking at just the night before.
'These are my favorite, too.' you smiled at me through
your tears.
Then I realize that I'm the happiest when you're with
me,
when I see your smile.
THE END.