A/n: Oneshots are oh so lovely, are they not? Yes they are, so shut up person who is disagreeing! Once again, I have no effing idea where this idea came from. 0.o My brain is a black abyss filled with many, MANY ideas. Not all are age appropriate. Now, I'd like to thank my dear buddy, Cougar for this plot bunny. He never should have become so emotionally attached to The Hat. Mwahahaha! And btw instead of Google translator, I used freetranslation . com. Not sure if it's any more accurate, but I didn't use the human translation feature of it.
Disclaimer: Nope. I don't own them. But I want Cougar's Hat. It's a nice hat.
The Hat. The only hat that deserved a capital H. And why? Because it was HIS hat. And He is the baddest badass in the history of badassness. And so, His hat was The Hat. The Hat that was so badass it was badass how badass it was. Cause both Him and The Hat are badass like that.
But one thing was for sure; He became even more of a badass when The Hat went missing. Or, heaven help the poor soul who dares to touch The Hat of badassness.
Nobody, and I mean, NOBODY, touches The Hat. Or else. And you don't want to suffer the Or Else. Just ask the poor soul who stole the hat. But, he won't be able to answer your inquiry. Cause he touched His Hat. Yes, The Hat. And both Him and The Hat are so badass that they must be used repetitively in honour of their badass legends.
Now, let's begin this tale of badassness, and badassery. Cause it's just that badass. And you just can't front on that, Word!
He wasn't sure where he was, or why he was here, but he knew one thing. He was going to kill the bastard who had taken HIS Hat! And he would make it one hell of a painful fucking death!
No one takes His Hat! Unless they wish for a painful death.
He looked around at his surroundings. He was in a small, dark room, with only a chair in it. And he just so happened to be the one tied to the chair. With rope and duct tape. Pooch would have been proud at the use of duct tape. But right now, that did not matter. What did matter was getting his hat back. And making someone pay dearly.
He began working at getting out of the bonds keeping him stuck to the chair. He wasn't sure how long he was there, trying to escape, what he did know, was that his shoulder must have been damaged sometime during the events that brought him here.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Cougar started, not realizing anyone else had been in the room. He looked around and glared at the man who stood next to him. Wearing. His. Hat!
"Bastardo!" Cougar hissed, his eyes narrowing to slits, and his trigger finger twitching, wishing that he had his gun, so he could shoot that bastard. And make him pay. Cause, once again, you do NOT touch The Hat. And you definitely don't want to be caught dead wearing The Hat. Unless you're Cougar.
"Now now, let's not use that sort of language," the man said, placing a finger under Cougar's chin, forcing him to look up at his face. Cougar defiantly bit the man's finger, drawing blood. The man pulled his finger away, hissing in pain.
"Pagará por tocar el sombrero!" A hand made contact with Cougar's face, making him fall backwards, in an awkward position, with his hands behind his back, the chair pressing down with his body weight on his hands. Cougar let out a tiny cry of shock, and the man smirked crookedly at him.
"Well, my little Spanish sweetheart, why don't we behave ourselves, shall we?" the man said, in a sickening sweet voice. Cougar tried to spit on him, but found his mouth to dry to do it. And the awkward position he was in, would have made it hard to spit on him anyway.
"Vete al diablo. ¡Y me da mi sombrero!" The man smirked at the comment, and slammed his foot down on Cougar's arm. Cougar winced, eyes shutting in pain. He could hear the man chuckling at his pain, and his anger boiled up.
"Let's cut you loose, shall we? Let the stallion free, and allow us to have a little... fun." Cougar held still as the man called in two others, who cut loose Cougar, both unaware of the reason why he was nicknamed after a wild cat. Soon... As soon as he could...
Yes! They had freed his legs and arms! Those poor clueless bastards!
As fierce as the mighty cougar, Cougar leaped up, and attacked the men who had released him. Blood flew through the air, as he did stuff that is truly badass, and cannot be explained in words.
Basically, he grabbed the knives the men wielded, and quickly made work of them.
He turned to look at the man, and The Hat that was still seated upon his head.
"Give. Me. My. Hat. Or else." The man sneered and pulled out a small handgun, and pointed it at Cougar.
"I'll keep the hat, and let you have the Or Else."
A shot rang through out the air.
Clay's mouth fell open, as he stared at the sight before him. There were three dead bodies, and one living. And that living person was wearing The Hat.
"Did they touch your hat, Cougs?" Cougar nodded, slowly. And in that nod, Clay could see everything that happened. Looking at the most mutilated body, one thought ran through Clay's mind. Poor Bastard.