Everything Wrong With: Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice
Episode One: The Foreign Turnabout
Spoilers... (duh)
"Discount Tibet. Except this country wasn't taken over by a neighboring power demanding sovereignty at the threat of vio-... oh, wait a minute." *ding
"Narration." *ding
"Timeskip occurs literally one minute into the first case. And I thought Dual Destinies was weird about their sequencing." *ding
"We get an opening cutscene, and then... an opening cutscene. The last two games just stuck with one, and maybe an establishing shot. Right from the outset, this game is telling you that everything crazy will be at least doubled in magnitude." *ding
"How does having a child take the blame remove or even lessen the blight on your soul? I don't know about this religion, but most gods are omnipotent and don't need your crimes to be proven in the human world in order to punish you in the afterlife. If anything, this just doubles your sin count. And that of the game's." *sin count doubled
"Phoenix perpetuates the stereotype of an American tourist by taking pictures of literally everything, and is still surprised when Ahlbi sniffs him out." *ding
"Also, this game's name puns. I don't feel like calling them out throughout the game, so here are ten sins upfront for the cover charge. I would blame this on localization, but apparently the Japanese version is just as bad." *ten sins
"Phoenix gets a magatama cake to celebrate his arrival, but I don't. I just get to sit here and look like an asshole." *ding
"Maya Fey has returned to this series, but she's not in this case. So I can only remove five sins right now." *removes five sins
"When foreigners come to this country, the thing they most need to see is... a fourteen year old girl dancing. Yeah, I took that line the wrong way." *ding
"Was it really necessary to blow the door open? These people are in a crowded room with the princess, and that could hurt somebody. Not to mention, your suspect is a nine year old boy who can be easily detained. I feel like I'm going to be saying this a lot this game, but unnecessarily violent actions are unnecessary." *ding
"And now they're surrounding him with guns, as well as a random tourist. See earlier sin." *ding
"Phoenix tells the bailiff at the door him and Ahlbi are friends despite literally meeting yesterday. That's... wait. That's actually pretty in character for him." *so no sin
(Bailiff poses for a picture) "Phoenix does not get a picture of this." *ding
"Phoenix tries to run from and directly disobey a guy with a big gun after seeing how Ahlbi was arrested. I understand the plot needs to happen, but this is just stupid." *ding
"Here's one of my biggest gripes with this game, and I'm just going to get it out now. Khura'in is an isolated mountain nation with their own distinct culture. They have their own language, and appear pretty unified in culture, minus the new immigrant uptick. We can probably assume Khura'inese is spoken by just about everybody, so if that's the case... why the fuck are their trials held in English? What possible reason could everyone in the gallery have to be fluent in English well enough to keep up with the following murder trial in a language that isn't their own? Why is no one at least translating it for someone who might not know one of the two languages? Why is their evidence also filed in English? What about their verdicts? This doesn't make any fucking sense, and no one bothers to explain it at any time during the game. It gets even weirder when you think about the Japanese version, because Japanese is by no means as global a language as English." *ding
"For the second game in a row, Phoenix enters the first case by dramatically screaming Objection from the doorway. It's awesome, but well on its way to becoming a cliche." *ding
"If Phoenix was really an ordinary tourist, what makes him think he can just hijack a trial to question a country's legal practices? Is he trying to make the list for top ten American tourists? What would he do, if his legal defense was considered invalid on account of being a foreigner not possessing the country's required credentials? Does this not count as being in contempt of court? Phoenix does a lot of stupid things in order to get the plot moving, is what I'm saying." *ding
"I can accept the princess's Divination Seances being important to this country's murder trials. I really can. But why do they let the fourteen year old give the insights? Why not make that the prosecutor's job, or an unbiased legal expert's? Is it nepotism? A plot device for showcasing Rayfa's development later? I need answers to solve this case." *ding
"Nation's princess threatens to have a tourist (who hasn't even done any defending yet) shot as a souvenir. Because that wouldn't cause an international incident." *ding
"Gaspen Payne tricks Phoenix into possibly getting himself killed... because Phoenix managed to defeat him in court once. Yeah, seems fair." *ding
"Gaspen Payne left America sometime after Dual Destinies, which wrapped up in December 2027. This game opens four months later. How the fuck is he a Chief Prosecutor in anything other than a self-styled nickname? If it is anything other than a title he chose to give himself, he's getting more than one sin here." *ding
"Also, Gaspen Payne in bling." *ding
("Heavens to Betsy!") "How on earth does Rayfa know this phrase? It's an American saying from the 19th century that went out of style decades ago." *ding
"Phoenix does not have ten years of experience. He has four. I understand this series wants to deny parts Apollo Justice happened, but counting your disbarment period as experience is bullshit no one here can call you out on. When an entire country has this much distrust of lawyers, lying to them is not the best way to get on good footing." *ding
"Treasure guards have guns, police officers have big guns, bailiffs appear to have assault rifles... and America is the one with the gun problem here. Though based on my knowledge of Apollo Justice, if not earlier, we will pass stricter gun control in the near future." *ding
"In Payne's version of events, he forgets to tell us how the heck Ahlbi got into the Treasure Room in the first place. Did he Apparate? Did Rohl have to use the bathroom and not get a shift partner? Does this get explained at all?" *ding
"Does the defense have a right to cross examine anybody in this court? I ask because in DGS Episode One, you need permission from the judge for that stuff, and in some countries, the defense has to work with witnesses and prepare testimonies same as the prosecution. Phoenix just gets lucky that Khura'in's court system pre-DC Act is so similar to America's. Sin for incredibly convenient coincidences." *ding
"Judge is considerate to his wife. Because this case needs it, I will remove one sin for the judge being a decent person and later almost as fair and impatial as the judge back in America, even in this fucked up system. Nice to know we have one less thing to worry about." *removes a sin
("This must be a new experience for you, Mr. Wright. Being loathed by a client.") "It's really not. Edgeworth was pretty angry at him for making him lose twice, Lana was completely against his efforts and constantly told him to give up on her, Engarde hired an assassin to target Maya partially to make him suffer, Blackquill (as an unoffical client) couldn't stop cursing him... really, this was an inevitable next step in uncooperative clients. And that's not even counting Apollo's." *ding
"Are monks allowed to have businesses? Later, the game makes it sound like they have to remain ascetic and detach themselves from the material world. Not to dash Ahlbi's dreams, but this sounds like a road to disappointment." *ding
"Why is the gallery so vocal in this game? They've never had this many lines, and most of them here are just them being dicks to the defense or defendant. And none of the members ever get kicked out for this in either country." *ding
"Phoenix keeps saying he has the right to things, but um... he's in a foreign country. Should he really be making assumptions about what rights a lawyer does and does not have anywhere, let alone in a country this distrustful of lawyers even before he knows about the DC Act? It's probably not intentional, but it makes him sound entitled as fuck." *ding
"How does Nayna slide across the screen like that? Unless this game tells me, I'm just gonna assume she uses roller-skates." *ding
"The Dance of Devotion sequence." *removes a sin
"Hey, are there musicians playing the Song of Ceremony where we can't see them? Are they using a recording in court? If someone were to play a note wrong, would the victim's soul still show up? Does the dance have to be set to this music in particular in order to work? If so, why? I need answers to solve this case, goddammit." *ding
"We know what the victim is hearing at the time of their murder, but can't actually hear what they hear. This would make future cases so much easier, so I'm gonna go ahead and sin the fact now." *ding
"I strongly object to the wording of the DC Act. Without further elaboration, you can imprison or execute somebody for selling food to a guy on the run. That act unknowingly supports a criminal. What if you're the accused's spouse, and giving them emotional support to get through prison? Are you just as guilty as they are? There's a reason laws tend to be so wordy and convoluted. I hate it too, but it serves a purpose to clarify issues like this, goddammit. Also, Ga'ran has no purpose for making the law this confusing. If she wants to discourage accomplices and attornies to criminals, she can still do that with a clearer law. She wants a centralized state with absolute power, but how can she have that when the law is so unclear, making it difficult to follow? And how the serious fuck was she in power for twenty three years this way?" *three sins
"Death penalty for a nine year old boy. I'd award more sins for this, but I'm trying to keep the first case's sin count semi-reasonable. So..." *three more sins
"Where does Rayfa disappear to in the wide pan shot?" *ding
"Does Rayfa have to dance every time I replay the Seance vision? If so, I really feel like an asshole after the my first playthrough of the game." *sin on me
"Also, how to these things rewind? Or pause?" *ding
"Blackout before the murder cliche." *ding
"Payne underestimates Phoenix's ability to come up with implausible but true scenarios. This is the problem with attempting to get someone you've only met once executed: you don't know them well enough to assess your chances of success." *ding
"Also, does anyone really think Phoenix is gonna die here? He's an important character, and we still have four episodes to go. That shit's too heavy for a first episode unless you're AJ:AA or DGS." *ding
"Tongue shears." *ding
"Fainting in court cliche." *ding
("Exterminate! Annihilate!") "I miss the days where the gallery just chanted Barnham over and over. Now it sounds like they're watching a wrestling match. Or an exterminator commercial." *ding
"Judge has the balls to kick his future sovereign out of the courtroom for the defense and truth's sake. Go His Magistry!" *removes another sin for this guy (not that it helps the case much)
"Aw fuck, they dragged another adorable animal into these games? As long as we don't have to cross examine it, I'll only award a half sin." *half sin rewarded
(Ahlbi can understand Shah'do) "Ahlbi and Luke Triton are long lost relatives. Calling the theory now." *ding
(Andistan'din starts singing) "We interrupt your regularly scheduled murder mystery to bring you... Turnabout Musical!" *no sin, because TM was awesome
"Also, this guy got to preform a rock song testimony before Klavier Gavin did. That's wrong no matter how you look at it." *ding
"Gaspen Payne is singing." *ding
("Words of wisdom! Words of truth! Erm... Baby tooth, forsooth, phone booth!") "His Magistry is me when writing poetry." *ding
"Gaspen Payne is still singing." *ding
"Phoenix joins this group song after refusing to do so in Dual Destinies. What brought about such a dramatic change in character?" *ding
"They do not perform the rest of this trial in song. Because that would have been interesting." *ding
"Wait... if Andistan'dhin can't read the notice because it's in Khura'inese, how was Phoenix able to?" *ding
"Dumb and Dumber reference." *ding
"Why does the judge get better at rhyming when he's giving penalties?" *ding
(witness goes metal) "Where did the amplifiers come from? And why was he wearing an electric cord as a... yeah, this isn't the weirdest transformation of the game. I'm not gonna linger on it." *ding
"Why does a damahlan have electric capabilities?" *ding
"Guitar music continues even when the witness is not playing his instrument." *ding
("I've got chills, and they're multiplying.") "Phoenix Wright confirmed to be a Grease fan." *ding
"Thief and murderer are separate people cliche, a la Turnabout Visitor and the The Stolen Turnabout. Replace one of the charges with assault or bombing, and this cliche applies to both The English Turnabout and Turnabout Countdown. For a foreign country with a completely different legal system, it's amazing how many cliche boxes they check." *ding
"First time the Pursuit theme plays, and it can barely be heard over the gallery chatter." *ding
("You can disappear like a magic trick?) "How does Andistan'dhin know what the next case is about?" *ding
"For the first time since Kristoph Gavin, a first case killer is smart enough to remove the evidence most needed to incriminate them. Glad they took my advice from the Dual Destinies review and upped their game." *removes a sin
"Angry man exposed as a thief and murderer is not allowed to use swearwords. Even in a- wait, this game is rated T? What the fuck? In whose mind is Dual Destinies more deserving of an M rating than this game?!" *ding
("We're not gonna take it! No, we're not gonna take it!") "This line is appropriate for Andistan'hin, but shouldn't it be Twisted Brother, since he's a monk?" *ding
"Also for a monk, he sure does a lot of grinding and thrusting on that witness stand." *ding
("Mr. Wright, do you expect magic and mystery to be around every corner?") "After raising Trucy and being a lawyer in this universe? Yes, yes he does." *ding
"Phoenix is laughed at for suggesting a key can change shapes in this universe, simply because he isn't Edgeworth." *ding
"Wow. This locking mechanism is incredible, considering it's over a thousand years old." *ding
(Andistan'dhin's breakdown) "No one goes deaf from this." *ding
"Amps don't work like that. And how did it not break the damahlan?" *ding
"Why do the same butterflies Nahyuta has resting on his fingers in America leave the Pool of Souls? Are they flying to go visit him? Are they comprised of the spirit of the victim, now that Phoenix has revealed the truth of his death? Is it an omen of the Holy Mother's approval? This makes even less sense than the confetti." *ding
"The Defiant Dragon's theme." *removes a sin for epicness
(Inga appears) "This asshole." *three sins
"Also, Khura'inese guy speaks English like a 1950's gangster. Who taught him to speak this way and what were they awarded for their hilarious prank?" *sin, because no one tells me
"Ahlbi tries to steal the title of motormouth from Wendy Oldbag. Wait... is Oldbag still alive in this universe?" *ding
(Ending cutscene) "How is Datz talking to Dhurke about this case? As of right now, he's still in prison. Yes, this cutscene could take place after Episode Three, but why put it here then?" *ding
"Non-villain acts like a villain for the sake of suspense cliche." *ding
Total Sin Tally: 83.5
Sentence: Incredible Pain (and tinnitus)
A/N's: So this is what was chosen by the majority for the next CinemaSins review. Not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited. Unfortunately, this means I have to beat Turnabout Time Traveler in order to sin it properly (as an aside) but it's so painful...
Oof. I both look forward to and dread getting to the later cases. Would anyone be against me splitting my Turnabout Revolution review into two parts? Just so one chapter isn't insanely long and you have to wait forever? Let me know, I guess.
But now, I need to go complete my Chinese homework. 那么无聊。。。