BIKINI BOTTOM - The Bikini Bottom Conch Shells went 16-0, becoming only the second team to finish their regular season undefeated. Out of their 16 victories, they only had two close games, 19-9 in Week 14, during a game with terrible weather against Marshall Islands, and 30-27, an overtime classic against a team from Boston. Their head coach, legendary hall of fame coach, Tony Fast Sr. was coach of the year, leading the successful Bikini Bottom team during his first three seasons. Bikini Bottom had a team for 54 years and rumor was spreading fast that the team was expected to move to another city because the stadium was getting old and dilapidated. They were an obvious favorite to not only make their first ever Super Bowl appearance, but to also WIN the Super Bowl.
They had great teams in the past, but could never get to the Super Bowl, even despite a 14-2 finish in Fast's first season. Despite starting off the following season 3-7, and an injury to Craig Salmon, the team's long-time quarterback, the team won its last six games to clinch a playoff spot, but lost in the AFC Championship.
They won their divisional home game, and were going into this matchup against the Los Angeles Deplorables, a team consisting of the most hated players in the league. They were not very well liked at all by the sports media, nor by their own city!
Nevertheless, they made it into the playoffs with a record of 11-5, despite not having a kicker until the final game of the regular season. They won their wild card game, 38-6, their divisional, 28-20, and they were the only team that stood in the way of Bikini Bottom making the Super Bowl.
The game was very intense, with the Bikini Bottom team playing very impressively on defense, and scoring two touchdowns on offense. Nevertheless, the Deplorables came to play, and took the lead with 22 seconds left on a 28 yard field goal.
But what happened next would cement why Bikini Bottom was a cursed franchise and quite frankly one of the worst moments in sports history.
On the following possession, quarterback Craig Salmon evaded two sack attempts, then fired the ball in the air, where a receiver by the name of Spongebob Squarepants made an incredible catch at the forty yard line, and with no defenders around him, seemed to be headed into the end zone, potentially sending the Conch Shells to the Super Bowl with a walk-off touchdown.
But that didn't happen. Instead, Spongebob inexplicably fumbled the ball inside the five yard line to the back of the endzone with eight seconds left. The sellout crowd was completely stunned and heartbroken.
The Deplorables, not believing their luck, got the ball back, took a knee, winning the game, 15-14, and eventually the Super Bowl the very next week. This game was eventually known as "Fumblefuck".
This game broke the hearts of the fans, and led to a famous millionaire losing his ENTIRE fortune (he bet $55 million, guaranteeing a Bikini Bottom win!) With the loss, he lost his entire fortune, and his wife divorced him. One old man that was a huge fan of Bikini Bottom died after the game.
Meanwhile, Spongebob Squarepants walked home dejected, and was met with the kind of reception you would usually get if you fumbled inside the five-yard line with no defenders around you and a Super Bowl bid on the line.
"Nice going, Fumblefuck!" screamed a fan, throwing a water bottle at him. He returned home to find out his snail left a note saying that he will no longer live with him because he choked away the ball game (truthfully, if Bikini Bottom scored more, they would have won, but that's another story). Spongebob Squarepants then turned on the television.
"In sports news, The Bikini Bottom Conch Shells, despite the BEST SEASON IN FRANCHISE HISTORY," yelled the sports anchor at the television. "lost the game, 15-14, due to a certain receiver who fumbled inside the five yard line, PISSING AWAY THE ONE CHANCE WE HAD AT A SUPER BOWL. As a professional, I will not say his actual name, but-who I am I kidding, FUCK YOU, FUMBLEFUCK!" The anchorman then tries to attack the camera, but has to be restrained.
Spongebob then turned to ESPN where the headline read: "Fumblefuck Coughs Up Super Bowl Berth, Deplorables Advance With Narrow Victory"
It was a tough night sleeping for Spongebob, with his house getting eggs, toilet paper, and other stuff thrown at it.
The Next Day.
Spongebob went to his job, enduring the usual taunts. He snuck in the back door to avoid attention and start his shift at the Krusty Krab. At first, things were quiet. Maybe the crowd would come around and forgive him. After all, it was sports, and people got in their feelings a lot. During the afternoon, after one particular order, Spongebob took the krabby patty and french fries to a young girl, acting his usually giddy self."
"Here you go little lady. Enjoy." He bows and walks back to the kitchen. The young girl fish looks in shock and her lower lip begins to tremble as the mommy and daddy frown at the sponge walking away.
"Mr. Squidward. We have a complaint against your fry cook. May we speak to the manager?" asked the father.
"Go right ahead." replied Squidward, not looking up from his magazine. The family walks up to Mr. Krabs' door and knocks.
"Mr. Kkkkrrabb-" said the girl, blinking back tears.
"What's the matter, little doll?" asked Krabs.
"The guy that gave me the patty was...fff-Fumblefuck!" she screamed, then breaking down in tears.
"Yeah, Mr. Krabs. Fumblefuck over there made my daughter cry, not to mention what he did in last night's game. We are never eating here again!" said the family, walking out of the restaurant. The rest of the ten or so customers followed suit. Squidward looked up to see the restaurant empty.
"Ouch. What did you do this time?" asked Squidward snidely.
"Don't worry, Squidward, it's nothing to be concerned about." said Spongebob, face down, not looking Squidward in the eyes.
"Don't worry, Spongebob. I won't judge you." He then leaned closer in Spongebob's ear. "Fumblefuck." He then proceeded to laugh really hard.
Spongebob was dejected, sitting next to his grill. Then Mr. Krabs called him into the office.
"Spongebob, step into me office, please." said Mr. Krabs. Spongebob, face down, walks into the office and sits down across from Mr. Krabs.
"Spongebob. I need to talk to ye. I have to fire ye." said Mr. Krabs.
"But why?" said Spongebob, near tears. He knew already, but still.
"Because, of your performance during the football game yesterday. I can't have the controversy ruining this restaurant because of your mistake. There are a lot of customers pissed off, so I have to let you go." said Krabs.
And with that, Spongebob walked out of the Krusty Krab head down, enduring more taunts from the townsfolk. He then went to his friend Patrick's house, and laid down on the sand. Then Patrick walked up. He asked Spongebob what was wrong with him.
"Oh, Patrick, it was terrible! They called me a ffff-"
"Faggot?"
"FFFffffff"
"Fuckboy?"
"FFFFFFfffffffffff-"
"Felch master?"
"FFFFFFFFF"
Two Whole Minutes of Stammering Later...
"I give up, what did they call you?" screamed Patrick.
"A fffff-
"Fumblefuck!" screamed Sandy, throwing a can of pop at him, hitting him in the head.
"Don't worry, you're still my best friend." said Patrick, patting him on the back.
"Really? Wow, thanks, Patrick!" Spongebob went to give Patrick a hug, only for Patrick to smack him in the face.
"No! Fuck you, you little yellow shithead!" Patrick then pushed Spongebob to the ground.
Patrick then stood over him. "Because of you, I lost my bet that I made! And I...I lost my...donuts and my...money...and my cable subscription! It was a twelve pack of donuts I was gonna share with you, and we were gonna watch some movies together tonight, but NO, you HAD to go and fuck it all up! Thanks for nothing, FUMBLEFUCK!" Patrick then stomped off to his rock.
Spongebob stood there, head down, wondering why his lone friend turned on him. Then a car drove by slowly.
"Fumblefuck!" screamed the family, pointing at him. Spongebob then tried to open his door, but it was locked. A note in front of his house read: "Taken over by the community." Spongebob left town, head down and went to jellyfish fields, where he proceeded to lay down, and that was that.
End.