Ok, here is the companion to An Unfortunate Plot Hole. It's An Unfortunately Underdeveloped Character! Guess who it is...
Bella. Oh yeah, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that Twilight movie had potential, until it was victimized by…
AN UNFORTUNATELY UNDERDEVELOPED CHARACTER! (dun dun DUN!)
Bella began her average life in a town named after silverware – until it stopped being average when the new guy in class kept approaching her and telling her that they absolutely cannot be friends.
"Uh, ok, pale new guy, but if we can't be friends, why are you approaching me?" Bella asked boringly, biting her lip. You see, Bella has this tendency to state the obvious, and also to bite her lip. Oh well, life happens.
"Er – I must go now," the pale new guy says mysteriously. Everything about the pale new guy must be mysterious – we wouldn't have a story if he walked into class and said 'Yo yo peoples, I am a VAMPIRE!'
Oops.
I just ruined the climatic point of the first few chapters of Twilight, didn't I? Oh dear. Please forgive me. I didn't even write spoiler above that! I am so sorry…
Actually I'm not. Oh well. That just really stinks for you.
The semi-hot best friend of Bella walks into the room.
"Pay no mind to all the signs that point to the fact that I may not be a normal human!" Jacob yells, ripping off his shirt, "And by the way, I'm only taking off my shirt because the only reason half the audience is here is to see my abs! Excuse me while I save this series!"
You see, it's true that 51% of people who watch the Twilight movies only want to see Jacob's abs. He's saving the existence of Bella as a fictional character! And is she grateful for it?
NO! She is NOT! She decides that she absolutely MUST become entangled with the mysterious pale new guy. As she bites her lip. She does that a lot.
"Bella – I have to tell you something," the pale new guy, whose name is Edward (who names their kid Edward and doesn't let him go by Ed or Eddie?), says.
"What is it?" Bella says boringly, biting her lip. As you may have guessed by this point, Bella is the unfortunately underdeveloped character from the aforementioned title. She never does anything but sit around, mope, think about Edward, and bite her lip.
"I – am – a…vampire," Edward hisses, baring his fangs, "I am also over two hundred years old. And I am only dating you because I think you smell absolutely delicious and I will spend much of this movie trying to resist the urge to drink your blood."
"Oh, that explains why you are named Edward," Bella says boringly and blankly, biting her lip.
"And I think I may have just fallen in love with an unfortunately underdeveloped character," Edward muses mysteriously, "Perhaps this whole series would have been better if I had just decided to suck your blood in the first chapter of the book."
"Perhaps," Bella agrees blankly, biting her lip. Bella has two default facial expressions, the 'I'm working my butt off trying to look hot' face, and the 'I'm troubled and bored at the same time' face. She has currently defaulted to face number two.
"Ugh, I'm so mad that my best friend who I am also in love with is dating that pale guy! I'm just so upset that I need to rip off my shirt!" Jacob yells the next day when he finds out that Bella and Edward are dating.
"I'm going to sit around, not do anything, wear facial expression number one, and bite my lip," Bella says underdevelopedly, putting on facial expression number one, "This will make me automatically irresistible to semi-hot guys who live in a town named after silverware."
"It's so true," all the semi-hot guys in a town named after silverware say in chorus.
The series will then spend three whole movies detailing out this love triangle, the dangers of Edward being a vampire, et cetera, et cetera. But for now, Edward, Bella, and Jacob are stuck in the first movie.
"Can we skip to the fourth movie?" Bella asks Edward, putting on facial expression number one, "I want to marry you."
"I'm going to save this series!" Jacob yells again, ripping off his shirt, "If I can't get the girl, I might as well do something useful!"
"Ok," Bella says blankly and boringly, biting her lip.
Oh dear. It appears that there is nothing left for Bella, the unfortunately underdeveloped character, to say. I guess that means we're done here. Peace out peoples.
So, there is the story of An Unfortunately Underdeveloped Character. Please develop your characters. Love always, Lily