Disclaimer: I do not own Yuri on Ice or any of it's characters.
They were all in the break room when they got the news. Chris, Pichit, and Otabek were all visiting, though still practicing. Yuuri, Viktor, and Yurio had just finished their morning session. They had the tables set up so they could all see each other and talk. They were all talking about whatever came to mind; how Yuuri's family, Yurio's grandpa, skate programs, Yuuri and Viktor's wedding when Yakov came in solemnly.
He went over and turned the TV onto the news. There they learned that one of the top skaters from Spain had committed suicide. Everyone was silent as Yakov spoke;
"Everyone I am canceling this afternoon's practice. Go home." Then without another word he left the skaters to their thoughts.
After a few more minutes of silence while everyone wrapped their minds around what had happened Christoph spoke, "Wow I wouldn't have expected something like this." He said quietly, looking away from the others.
"Yea, I actually met him a few years ago. His skating was very good. A few more years and he could have rivaled all of us." Viktor added. Yuuri and Pichit shared a look, but neither added anything.
"Yea well I say whatever!" Yurio said leaning back in his chair, putting the feet on the table. "So what if he couldn't handle the pressor. That just means he was weak." Flipping his hair back and staring at the others. For a moment, the older skaters were shocked into silence. Then Pichit slammed his hands on the table.
"You don't know that. You have no idea what he was going through. Suicide does not equal weakness." Pichit stood up his voice getting louder as he spoke. Yurio, not one to back down when directly challenged flew forward.
"Yea well I know that he took the coward's way out. Whatever was going on there had to be a better solution than offing himself!" The others stayed silent through the exchange, unsure of what to say. Pichit shot a glance over at Yuuri, seeing his distress.
"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT! You have no idea what was going through his hea…" Pichit started before Yurio interrupted him.
"What so it's perfectly okay for a person to end it all just because things get difficult?" Yurio shouted at the Thai boy.
"That is not what I'm saying! I'm saying…" Before Pichit could finish that thought he was once again interrupted, this time by Yuuri.
"ENOUGH! Both of you quit yelling." Yuuri said standing up and looking at the pair. The two stopped their augment and looked at the Japanese man. Yurio looking at him with anger and disgust, while Pichit just hung his head, ashamed of his behavior.
"Y Yuuri man I'm sorry. He just… and what he was saying. I just lost it." Pichit stammered out quickly. Yuuri put his hand of the Pichit's should causing him to look up.
"It's okay. I get it." Yuuri gave him a reassuring smile. Meanwhile the other four watching the exchange with growing curiosity.
"Why the hell are you apologizing to the pig?" Yurio sneered. Pichit just looked at Yuuri wide eyed, unsure of what to say.
Yuuri shook his head and softly said, "It's okay Chit." Then turned to face the young Russian. "Yurio, Pichit is right. You really have no idea. You don't know what he was going through, what he was dealing with. You don't know how that feels." Wrapping his arms around himself, Yuuri took a deep breath before continuing.
"You have no idea what it feels like. To look around you and feel nothing. You don't know what it's like to feel like you will never be happy again. Even if there's not some big crisis going on. When you know objectively that you should be happy. You can't possibly understand what it's like to look at your friends and family and be absolutely, 100% certain that they would all be better off if you weren't there. And all you want is to stop it all. Stop the pain, the emptiness eating you alive. And you just continue to spiral down until all you can think about is how it make it all just go away. Then you start to think that you'd be doing everyone a favor by taking yourself out. And you are convinced that no one will even be sad. In fact everyone will be happy to have someone so stupid, fat, ugly, and useless out of the way. That or no one will even notice enough to care." Yuuri sat down after his speech, utterly drained.
"And I suppose you do." Yurio said quieter with less malice than usual. Yuuri looks Yurio dead in the eye.
"Yes."
With that one word the room exploded. Yurio and Christoph looked at Yuuri in horror. Otabek just looked down at the floor, keeping silent.
Viktor grabbed Yuuri into a tight hug and cried. "Yuuri NO! You have to know that's not true. There are tons of people who would be devastated if we lost you! There are so many people who love you! I love you!" Yuuri gave the flamboyant man a soft smile and wrapped his arms around him.
"Yes Viktor. Now I know that. Now I have you. But there was a time when things weren't like that. When I felt so alone."
"Umm not trying to step on toes or anything but did you ever… you know… try?" Christoph asked uncomfortably.
"What? Try to kill myself?" Christoph nodded and looked away. "Yea I did. Once." Yuuri looked up at Pichit and gave him a small smile. "Thankfully Pichit found me in time and there wasn't any… lasting damage." Viktor lifted his head off Yuuri's shoulder and looked at the other boy, as did all the others.
"Hey I just did what anyone would do." Pichit said raising his hands. "Truth is I was really freaking out."
"Either way, I never did thank you." Yuuri scratched his head embarrassed. Suddenly there was a crash as Yurio stormed out of the room.
"Yura." Otabek called softly before following the boy. Viktor looked like he was going to go after but Yuuri stopped him.
"It's a lot to take in, let Otabek be with him." Yuuri said snuggling into Viktor's embrace. "Okay I'll leave the kitten to him. Besides I think right now I'd rather show you just how much I love you." Viktor then leaned into give his beloved a kiss.
"Well that's enough heavy stuff for now. Com'on Pichit let's go and give these two some privacy." Christoph said standing up and putting his arm around the Thai boy's shoulder.
Right, go get something to eat. I'm starving." The two continued talking as they left their colleagues behind. "See you guys later."
Viktor rested his forehead against Yuuri's. "Yuuri, I love you so much. Whatever happens, know that I am here for you. I will always be here for you." Viktor lifted Yuuri's right hand to kiss the gold ring adorning his finger. "For better or worse. My heart is yours. If you ever start to feel like that again please, please come talk to me." Blue eyes gazed into light brown, imploring the owner to understand.
"Of course, Viktor. I can't guarantee that it'll be easy, but I'll do my best. I will still get depressed and anxious, but if you can be patient with me I think we can get through this." Eyes shining Viktor gave Yuuri a wide smile.
"Alright then, I will certainly do my best. Now come my love, let's go home and I am going to spoil you rotten." Yuuri laughed and kissed his fiancé.
"Alright, yeah, let's go home." Yuuri smiled as he and Viktor walked out hand in hand.
The fight with depression and anxiety are lifelong battles, but with friends and family by your side it doesn't have to be something you face alone.
A/N: Second chapter to come soon