DARWIN'S REPLACEMENT
[Fade in to the Thornberry's convee parked near a
dense forest in Usa. The Thornberry's are one again
preparing to take off on one of their little journies]
Marieanne: Is everyone one just about ready to go?
Eliza, Nigel, and Debbie: *in unison* Just about!!!
Marieanne: Debra, did you remember to get you're boom box
off that picnic table and put in in the convee?
Debbie: Gee, I guess not mom. I'd probably forget my own
head if it weren't attached to my shoulders. *sighs and grabs her
beloved boom box, and places it inside the convee*
Nigel: I'd say that just about wrap it up!!! let's go!!
[everyone gets inside the convee failing to notice Darwin playing
between the convees enormous back tires]
Eliza: *looking momentarily at Donnie who is looking out the rear
window and babbling furiously then looking back around at her
family* Somehow I get the feeling we're forgetting something..
*shrugs her shoulders in confusion*
Nigel: *starting up the convee* And off we go!!!! *then puts it in
reverse only to hear a monkey screaming and howling in pain*
Oh Dear!!! What was that?
Eliza: Oh my gosh!!! that must've been Darwin!!!
*starts crying* We ran over Darwin!!!
Marieanne: *reassuring her daughter who is nestled in her bosom*
It might not be that bad honey.I 'll go and and check for you if it'll
make you feel better. *exits the convee with her husband*
Nigel: *looking down at Darwin who has been killed in a
bloody puddle under the unmerciless tires of the convee* Oh
dearest!! how we will ever tell her......
[Just then Eliza rushes out in a frantic panic with tears steaming
down her face and screaming]
Eliza: TELL ME WHAT??? *then looking down at her crushed pet,
her heart breaks into a million pieces* Oh, daddy!!!! he's dead!!!
*sniff* *and goes and cradles Darwin's lifeless body and
shouts to a silent god looking down upon her* WHY GOD?
WHY?????????
Marieanne: *removing Darwin's corpse from her daughter*
Now, Eliza you'd best go inside and change out of those bloody
clothes then get some rest. It's just best to put the past behind
us in moments like these. *guides her daughter into the convee*
Debbie: *wandering outside* Hi dad. What happened?
Nigel:* looking melancholy Darwin is dead, puppet.
Debbie: So? and you're point is? he was a dumb monkey anyhow!!!
Nigel: Now Debra, you must realise how much you're little sister
cared for him!!
Debbie: Come to think of it, I remember how she used to try and
communicate with him by imitating his sounds. That was so
retarded. That's one thing I won't miss!!! *goes back into the convee*
[soon Nigel buries Darwin's corpse and they pack up and leave just
as a couple of dogs walk up to Darwin's grave and begin digging.
Later they arrive in a small town to stock up on supplies]
[later]
Marieanne: Well, we got our supplies!!! Now what?
Nigel: Why don't we spring for some fast food?Besides it might
cheer up our little Eliza.
Debbie: Great idea!!! *then pointing out the window to the left*
There's a Dominoes!!! Let's get pizza!!!!
Nigel: Faboulous idea, Debbie!!! Let's shall, shall we?
[everyone agrees with Nigel and The Thornberry family, plus one
depressed Eliza walk into the Dominoes to get some food]
Cashier Guy: Welcome to Dominoes!!! Can you be helped?
*pausing* No..... that's not right... Oh!! MAY I help you?
Marieanne: Yes. we'd like a large supreme pizza.....
Debbie: *cutting in* and hold the anchovies!!
[Donnie meanwhile is jumping up and down with excitement
at the scent of pizza while gathering the annoyed glares of other
customers]
Eliza: *acting well composed despite her loss* Calm down Donnie.
you'll get some pizza soon enough.
[soon they are seated]
Nigel: I sure hope we don't have to wait for the pizza very long!!!
Debbie: Me too!!! I'm starved!!!
[just then a waiter walks up to them with their pizza]
Waiter: Here you are. Sorry about the wait. *then sounding annoyed*
we were having some problems!!!*and walks off shouting at
something or someone in the kitchen who is making quite a noise
knocking over pans and bottles of various things*
[suddenly brown and furry something scampers out of the kitchen
followed by annoyed shouts and cursing and a cook chases it
around the dining area]
Debbie: EEEEWW!!! I hope that's not the main ingredient for their
pizza!!!!
Marieanne: Hush Debbie!!
Debbie: Oh, alright.
Cook: *making a scene in front of the customers* Damnit Andy!!!
You've screwed up for the last time!!!! You're fired!!!
Bad Andy: But boss......!
Cook: No buts!!! you're outta here!!!!
[Andy then scurries into Eliza's arms for protection]
Eliza: Awwww, poor thing!!! Did that bad man scare you?
*her eyes then light up with joy* Oh daddy!! He's so cute!!
Can we keep him?
Nigel: *looking over to his wife for approval then watching her nod
in agreement* Oh Poodles!!! of course you can keep him!!!
Marieanne: Of course he looks dirty. You'll have to give him a flea
bath once we get to the convee!!!
[The Thornberrys soon finish their pizza and take off in the convee
with bad Andy, who is reluctant on getting a bath]
Eliza: *chasing Andy through the convee* Come back here!!! You
need a bath!!!!
Bad Andy: No way!!! *and jumps on Debbie's head to get away from
Elisa*
Debbie: Ewwww!!!! Monkey germs!!!! *grabs Bad Andy and tosses
him onto the floor* Gross!!!
Eliza: *Grabbing Andy and putting him in the bathroom tub, which
is full of water and flea dip and begins scrubbing him with a
big brush* We're going to get you clean!!!!
[Later]
Bad Andy: *getting into fridge* Andy hungry. Want food!! *grabs
some fudgey pops and digs in* MMMM!!! Good!!!
Eliza: *walking up to Andy and moaning in annoyance*
AAANNDDYY!!! Those were my fudgey pops!!! *trys to get the
box of goodies away from Andy but with little success*
Debbie: *After watching the little scene* You didn't need them
anyhow, Eliza!!! You're a fat ass as it is!!!!
Eliza: *angrily* Stay out of this Debbie!!!!
Debbie: Ok Ok!!!!
Marieanne: *Walking out of the bathroom drenched and in a pink
towel and grasping a bundle of brown hair between her index finger
and thumb and sounding annoyed* Look who's fur I found in the
drain!!! For god's sake!!! It almost caused the tub to overflow!!!!
Eliza: I'm sorry mom. I should've cleaned it out after I was done.
*then looking angrilly at Andy who is innocently smiling* Maybe
if I shaved him down this wouldn't happen again!!!
[Later in The Rocky Mountians]
Nigel: Well, everything's unpacked!!! Let's go video tape the
mysterious mountian Ram, ok Marieanne?
Marieanne: Sure Nigel. *grabs her camera and they both head
up into the mountians*
[We soon see Bad Andy running outside with a torn up, half eaten
issue of Teenage Wasteland, which is followed by an angry Debbie]
Debbie: I can't believe it!!! your worse than Darwin!!! just wait until
I get my hands on you!!! I'll hurt you so bad!!!!
Eliza: *running out of the convee* No!!! Don't hurt him!!! Andy is my
pal!! *and runs inbetween Debbie and Andy in an act of protection*
Debbie: If he's you're pal then you'll keep him out of my face and
away from my stuff!!! Now get lost or something!!!
Eliza: Fine!!!
Debbie: FINE!!!!
[so Eliza and Andy go into a nearby pine forest]
Eliza: Hey look at that bird nest!!! It's huge!!!
Bad Andy: Me no like nature. Me like pizza!!!
Eliza: Too bad. We're having buffalo steak tonight.
Mom said so earlier!!!
Bad Andy: Eeeeww!!! you people are sick!!!
Eliza: Are not!!! *pushes Andy to the ground causing him
to scrape his face on a rock*
Bad Andy: You are so!!!! * pushes Eliza back and she cuts
her leg on a jagged tree stump*
Eliza: Ooow!!! That hurt you fucking little puppet or whatever
you are!!!! *Grabs a rock and starts coming towards Andy with it*
I'll kill you, you little bastard!!!!
Andy: *backs up into a tree and realises he has no where to go
so he kicks Eliza in the stomach temporarily knocking the wind
out of her* Not if I kill you first!!!
Eliza: *grabbing Andy by the arm* That's it!! *and drives the sharp
rock deep into Andy's Chest four of five times until he's dead*
That'll teach you, you little piece of shit!!!
[Eliza then hides the body in a small cave and heads back to the
convee to find her paents are back from their filming adventure]
Marieanne: Hi Eliza....Where's Andy?
Eliza: *trying to look sad and worried* I don't know.... he was right
behind me in the woods, and then he just dissapeared!!! I looked
for hours but I couldn't find him!!!
Nigel: Well, we'll have no time to look for him now. We must get to
the Grand Canyon by sun up!!!
Marieanne: I'm so sorry, Eliza. You've had a rough day. Go inside
and get some rest.
[Once again the convee is packed up and on the road. We see
Eliza sitting in her bed. she smiles an evil grin to herself and laughs
"No one will ever know the truth".]
THE END!!!
[Fade in to the Thornberry's convee parked near a
dense forest in Usa. The Thornberry's are one again
preparing to take off on one of their little journies]
Marieanne: Is everyone one just about ready to go?
Eliza, Nigel, and Debbie: *in unison* Just about!!!
Marieanne: Debra, did you remember to get you're boom box
off that picnic table and put in in the convee?
Debbie: Gee, I guess not mom. I'd probably forget my own
head if it weren't attached to my shoulders. *sighs and grabs her
beloved boom box, and places it inside the convee*
Nigel: I'd say that just about wrap it up!!! let's go!!
[everyone gets inside the convee failing to notice Darwin playing
between the convees enormous back tires]
Eliza: *looking momentarily at Donnie who is looking out the rear
window and babbling furiously then looking back around at her
family* Somehow I get the feeling we're forgetting something..
*shrugs her shoulders in confusion*
Nigel: *starting up the convee* And off we go!!!! *then puts it in
reverse only to hear a monkey screaming and howling in pain*
Oh Dear!!! What was that?
Eliza: Oh my gosh!!! that must've been Darwin!!!
*starts crying* We ran over Darwin!!!
Marieanne: *reassuring her daughter who is nestled in her bosom*
It might not be that bad honey.I 'll go and and check for you if it'll
make you feel better. *exits the convee with her husband*
Nigel: *looking down at Darwin who has been killed in a
bloody puddle under the unmerciless tires of the convee* Oh
dearest!! how we will ever tell her......
[Just then Eliza rushes out in a frantic panic with tears steaming
down her face and screaming]
Eliza: TELL ME WHAT??? *then looking down at her crushed pet,
her heart breaks into a million pieces* Oh, daddy!!!! he's dead!!!
*sniff* *and goes and cradles Darwin's lifeless body and
shouts to a silent god looking down upon her* WHY GOD?
WHY?????????
Marieanne: *removing Darwin's corpse from her daughter*
Now, Eliza you'd best go inside and change out of those bloody
clothes then get some rest. It's just best to put the past behind
us in moments like these. *guides her daughter into the convee*
Debbie: *wandering outside* Hi dad. What happened?
Nigel:* looking melancholy Darwin is dead, puppet.
Debbie: So? and you're point is? he was a dumb monkey anyhow!!!
Nigel: Now Debra, you must realise how much you're little sister
cared for him!!
Debbie: Come to think of it, I remember how she used to try and
communicate with him by imitating his sounds. That was so
retarded. That's one thing I won't miss!!! *goes back into the convee*
[soon Nigel buries Darwin's corpse and they pack up and leave just
as a couple of dogs walk up to Darwin's grave and begin digging.
Later they arrive in a small town to stock up on supplies]
[later]
Marieanne: Well, we got our supplies!!! Now what?
Nigel: Why don't we spring for some fast food?Besides it might
cheer up our little Eliza.
Debbie: Great idea!!! *then pointing out the window to the left*
There's a Dominoes!!! Let's get pizza!!!!
Nigel: Faboulous idea, Debbie!!! Let's shall, shall we?
[everyone agrees with Nigel and The Thornberry family, plus one
depressed Eliza walk into the Dominoes to get some food]
Cashier Guy: Welcome to Dominoes!!! Can you be helped?
*pausing* No..... that's not right... Oh!! MAY I help you?
Marieanne: Yes. we'd like a large supreme pizza.....
Debbie: *cutting in* and hold the anchovies!!
[Donnie meanwhile is jumping up and down with excitement
at the scent of pizza while gathering the annoyed glares of other
customers]
Eliza: *acting well composed despite her loss* Calm down Donnie.
you'll get some pizza soon enough.
[soon they are seated]
Nigel: I sure hope we don't have to wait for the pizza very long!!!
Debbie: Me too!!! I'm starved!!!
[just then a waiter walks up to them with their pizza]
Waiter: Here you are. Sorry about the wait. *then sounding annoyed*
we were having some problems!!!*and walks off shouting at
something or someone in the kitchen who is making quite a noise
knocking over pans and bottles of various things*
[suddenly brown and furry something scampers out of the kitchen
followed by annoyed shouts and cursing and a cook chases it
around the dining area]
Debbie: EEEEWW!!! I hope that's not the main ingredient for their
pizza!!!!
Marieanne: Hush Debbie!!
Debbie: Oh, alright.
Cook: *making a scene in front of the customers* Damnit Andy!!!
You've screwed up for the last time!!!! You're fired!!!
Bad Andy: But boss......!
Cook: No buts!!! you're outta here!!!!
[Andy then scurries into Eliza's arms for protection]
Eliza: Awwww, poor thing!!! Did that bad man scare you?
*her eyes then light up with joy* Oh daddy!! He's so cute!!
Can we keep him?
Nigel: *looking over to his wife for approval then watching her nod
in agreement* Oh Poodles!!! of course you can keep him!!!
Marieanne: Of course he looks dirty. You'll have to give him a flea
bath once we get to the convee!!!
[The Thornberrys soon finish their pizza and take off in the convee
with bad Andy, who is reluctant on getting a bath]
Eliza: *chasing Andy through the convee* Come back here!!! You
need a bath!!!!
Bad Andy: No way!!! *and jumps on Debbie's head to get away from
Elisa*
Debbie: Ewwww!!!! Monkey germs!!!! *grabs Bad Andy and tosses
him onto the floor* Gross!!!
Eliza: *Grabbing Andy and putting him in the bathroom tub, which
is full of water and flea dip and begins scrubbing him with a
big brush* We're going to get you clean!!!!
[Later]
Bad Andy: *getting into fridge* Andy hungry. Want food!! *grabs
some fudgey pops and digs in* MMMM!!! Good!!!
Eliza: *walking up to Andy and moaning in annoyance*
AAANNDDYY!!! Those were my fudgey pops!!! *trys to get the
box of goodies away from Andy but with little success*
Debbie: *After watching the little scene* You didn't need them
anyhow, Eliza!!! You're a fat ass as it is!!!!
Eliza: *angrily* Stay out of this Debbie!!!!
Debbie: Ok Ok!!!!
Marieanne: *Walking out of the bathroom drenched and in a pink
towel and grasping a bundle of brown hair between her index finger
and thumb and sounding annoyed* Look who's fur I found in the
drain!!! For god's sake!!! It almost caused the tub to overflow!!!!
Eliza: I'm sorry mom. I should've cleaned it out after I was done.
*then looking angrilly at Andy who is innocently smiling* Maybe
if I shaved him down this wouldn't happen again!!!
[Later in The Rocky Mountians]
Nigel: Well, everything's unpacked!!! Let's go video tape the
mysterious mountian Ram, ok Marieanne?
Marieanne: Sure Nigel. *grabs her camera and they both head
up into the mountians*
[We soon see Bad Andy running outside with a torn up, half eaten
issue of Teenage Wasteland, which is followed by an angry Debbie]
Debbie: I can't believe it!!! your worse than Darwin!!! just wait until
I get my hands on you!!! I'll hurt you so bad!!!!
Eliza: *running out of the convee* No!!! Don't hurt him!!! Andy is my
pal!! *and runs inbetween Debbie and Andy in an act of protection*
Debbie: If he's you're pal then you'll keep him out of my face and
away from my stuff!!! Now get lost or something!!!
Eliza: Fine!!!
Debbie: FINE!!!!
[so Eliza and Andy go into a nearby pine forest]
Eliza: Hey look at that bird nest!!! It's huge!!!
Bad Andy: Me no like nature. Me like pizza!!!
Eliza: Too bad. We're having buffalo steak tonight.
Mom said so earlier!!!
Bad Andy: Eeeeww!!! you people are sick!!!
Eliza: Are not!!! *pushes Andy to the ground causing him
to scrape his face on a rock*
Bad Andy: You are so!!!! * pushes Eliza back and she cuts
her leg on a jagged tree stump*
Eliza: Ooow!!! That hurt you fucking little puppet or whatever
you are!!!! *Grabs a rock and starts coming towards Andy with it*
I'll kill you, you little bastard!!!!
Andy: *backs up into a tree and realises he has no where to go
so he kicks Eliza in the stomach temporarily knocking the wind
out of her* Not if I kill you first!!!
Eliza: *grabbing Andy by the arm* That's it!! *and drives the sharp
rock deep into Andy's Chest four of five times until he's dead*
That'll teach you, you little piece of shit!!!
[Eliza then hides the body in a small cave and heads back to the
convee to find her paents are back from their filming adventure]
Marieanne: Hi Eliza....Where's Andy?
Eliza: *trying to look sad and worried* I don't know.... he was right
behind me in the woods, and then he just dissapeared!!! I looked
for hours but I couldn't find him!!!
Nigel: Well, we'll have no time to look for him now. We must get to
the Grand Canyon by sun up!!!
Marieanne: I'm so sorry, Eliza. You've had a rough day. Go inside
and get some rest.
[Once again the convee is packed up and on the road. We see
Eliza sitting in her bed. she smiles an evil grin to herself and laughs
"No one will ever know the truth".]
THE END!!!