"Hey, LT. Got a minute?"
Kaidan looked up from the program he was tinkering with on his omni-tool in the mess, and saw Ashley standing next to his seat, a concerned expression on her face. He shut the holo down and waved at the chair across the table from him. "Sure, Chief. What's up?"
Ashley plopped herself down, propped her forearms on the table, leaned forward and said without preamble, "I'm worried about the commander."
He snorted. "You and me both, Chief. You and me both." Seeing the look on her face, he sat bolt upright in his chair. "What? What is it? What do you know?" he snapped, shooting out the questions like bullets from a rifle on full auto.
For once she didn't tease him about how overly concerned he was about his superior officer's welfare, instead going straight to the point. "She hasn't been sleeping well ever since she let Liara do that freaky asari 'embrace eternity' thing to her after we got back from Noveria."
"That was two weeks ago. How do you know -" Kaidan began, but Ash interrupted him with an impatient wave of her hand.
"Look, I have my sources, okay? Besides, you don't have to take my word for it - you've got more training in field medicine than I do, I know you must've noticed something."
He clasped his hands together to keep from fidgeting. "Well, yeah. I figured... I mean, I've seen her talking to Dr. Chakwas lately, and I know the doctor is more worried than she lets on, but I can't ask her about it - she'd never break the patient-doctor confidentiality. She might replace my painkillers with laxatives if I tried," he added, but the chief didn't even crack a smile at the joke.
"Well, shit," Ash said, sitting back in her chair. "I was hoping - shit." Resignation turned to determination, the same look she got on her face when she knew her shields were about to fail but she intended to charge the enemy anyway. "Then it's gotta be up to us to do something about it. She's working too hard - she's been so... so driven lately. It's scary."
"I know," Kaidan agreed. "She's been training hard with Liara and Wrex, doing her best to learn and adapt asari and krogan strategies to her biotic abilities, on top of leading the missions, on top of all the work she has to do as commanding officer. Something's got to give - but I don't see what we can do about it, though. We're her subordinates, we don't have any authority over her."
"What about Chakwas? Could she do something?"
He shook his head. "No, I can tell she's already done what she can. Unless the commander has a breakdown or something, she can't step in."
Ash made an averting motion with her fingers. "Guess you're right - and I'm not about to piss her off by going over her head," the chief said, shaking her head. "We'll just have to get her to take some shore leave. You know the drill; she always gives the crew a few days off after every Council mission."
He was skeptical of the idea. "Yeah, but she's never taken any for herself - she always stays on the ship to catch up on paperwork. How're you going to convince her?"
"You leave that to me, LT," Ash said with a conspiratorial grin. "But I might need some help persuading her - have you got my back on this?"
Kaidan gave her a decisive nod. "I got your back, Chief. Always." He bumped his knuckles against the fist she held out to him.
The gunnery chief made her move that very evening, catching the commander at dinner, as she was lingering over her second helping of dessert; like all biotics, she had a hell of an appetite. Ash caught Kaidan's eye; he nodded at her.
"Ma'am," the chief said, drawing Shepard's attention. "We've got the usual three days of leave coming up, right?"
Shepard held up a hand, very intent on her pad and whatever she was listening to on her earbud. Suddenly she pulled out the bud and slammed it on the table hard enough to rattle their plates, a thunderous expression on her face. Ashley blinked, and so did Kaidan.
The commander looked at their perplexed expressions, then made an exasperated face. "I'm sorry if I startled you, but my favorite team lost again."
Ash snapped her fingers, her eyes wide with surmise. "Ooh, right, today was the game between the Edmonton Blood Dragons and the London Beefeaters!" She gave the other woman a commiserating look. "I guess the Dragons lost again, huh?"
"You're a fan?" Kaidan asked. He hadn't imagined such a self-restrained biotic like her would like the violent sport.
"Are you kidding?" the chief said. "She's such a huge fan that she's got a tattoo of the team logo on her -"
"Williams!" Shepard barked, interrupting the other woman, but there was a bright spark of humor in her eyes.
"Do you? Really? Where is -" Kaidan began, unable to help himself.
Shepard gave him a repressive glare, but there was little menace in it, not when her lips kept twitching, threatening to break into a grin. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant, but that information is classified."
"Oh." Well, that was just great - now he would drive himself crazy, wondering where it was. "I'm surprised someone from such a remote colony would be interested in an Earth team."
"My father was born on Earth -" the hitch in Shepard's voice was nearly imperceptible "- and he infected me with his enthusiasm for the sport and his favorite team at a young and impressionable age."
Kaidan shivered inwardly at the sound of the commander's husky voice; some injury she'd taken at Elysium during the Skyllian Blitz had wounded her larynx, and now she sounded like she smoked a hundred packs of cigarettes a day, even though she didn't. He didn't know about anyone else, but it had always made his insides melt into a gooey puddle, and not a night went by when he didn't fantasize about her saying - screaming - his name as he engaged in conduct unbecoming in the showers.
Shepard turned back to the chief. "But to answer your question; you're right about the shore leave, unless something happens to cancel it or cut it short. I've already uploaded the announcement for the VI to broadcast tomorrow morning at 0600. Have you got any concerns I should know?"
Ash shook her head. "No, but I thought you might want to come along this time."
The commander leaned back in her chair and gazed at the chief over her steepled hands, her expression one of mild inquiry. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the whole point of shore leave is to get away from your superior officers, not take them along with you. Surely you must be tired of seeing my face, Ash."
"Normally you'd be right about that, ma'am - though I'm happy to talk to you any time - but I figured you might want to know about the new attraction at Flux."
The commander's expression was neutral, and so was her reply. "Oh?" Kaidan felt his heart sinking; the chief's gambit didn't look like it was going to work.
"Well, remember when you gave Doran that salarian's quasar cheating machine?" When Shepard nodded, Ash went on, "Well, I saw a chance and took him aside while he was still feeling grateful, see, and I told him about something humans liked that could really let him rake in the credits."
"And? Don't leave us in suspense, Ash," Kaidan said, seeing an opportunity to support the chief's scheme.
Not about to disappoint her audience, Ashley grinned and said, "I got him to put in... a karaoke machine!"
Wait, what? "A... a karaoke machine?" he repeated stupidly. This was the whole of the chief's plan? Then he saw the flicker of interest in the commander's eyes before it went back into hiding; he began to grin. "Wait, wait, you like karaoke, ma'am?" He was echoed by crewmen nearby who had overheard them.
Raising a hand to hide her reddening face, Shepard laughed as she said, "Yes, I like karaoke. I don't know how you found that out, Williams, I really don't."
"I would never reveal my sources, ma'am." Ashley flashed Kaidan a triumphant smile, bumping her fist against his behind their chairs, out of the commander's sight.
"Way to go, Chief!" he whispered, full of admiration, as the other crewmen began to tease Shepard, all of it goodnatured ribbing that she took with grace. "That was easier than I'd thought."
"Yeah, me, too. I still can't believe I pulled it off."
"What is this... carry-yokie?" Liara said, curiosity writ all over her blue face. "Is it some sort of human religious ritual?"
"Does it involve fighting? Sex? Both?" Wrex said in his deep, raspy voice; Kaidan was a little disturbed by the hopeful note he heard in the krogan's tone.
"No, no," Shepard said, laughing harder than ever; Kaidan watched her in what he hoped was a discreet manner, fascinated by how her voice dropped yet another octave. She should laugh more often; it made him think of dark chocolate, sex, and other sinful things. Then again, it would make his pants too uncomfortable.
"It's just singing in public," the commander was saying, completely unaware of the turn of his thoughts, "when you come right down to it. It's an ancient form of entertainment, though, and I don't think it's popular anymore, except on Earth and a few of the more remote colonies."
"Oh," Wrex said, sounding disappointed.
Tali tilted her head at the battlemaster. "Do krogan sing?"
"Battle songs, mostly, and the lyrics are mostly about what we'd like to do to the enemy," Wrex said, baring his sharp teeth and chuckling. "That's for the fighting. Then there're the other ones that are for breeding."
"Why am I not surprised?" Garrus said, shaking his head.
Before the conversation between the krogan and the turian could erupt into an argument and go downhill from there, Ashley piped up, "Anyway, I've reserved the karaoke room for the whole night tomorrow, so you've got to come with us, Commander."
"I would like to see this, this karaoke," Liara said, pronouncing the unfamiliar term carefully. It seemed her curiosity had grown stronger than her melancholy; she had been very quiet after returning to the ship from Noveria. Kaidan got the feeling that she was more shaken from seeing her mother again than she let on, poor kid. "That is, if non-humans are permitted to attend."
The quarian leaned forward, the curiosity palpable on her face even if no one could see it under her helmet. "I would like to come, too. It would be interesting, hearing the differences in human and quarian music."
"Of course," the chief said with a smile, with no hint of the uncertainty or resentment she'd displayed when faced with aliens on the ship; Kaidan was proud of her. "The more the merrier. Wrex, Garrus, you guys are invited, too." Turning back to Shepard, she asked, "How about it? Will you come?"
"I've... I've got a lot of work to do," the commander said, but Kaidan could tell she was willing to be coaxed into it.
"It's just one night, ma'am," Kaidan said in his most persuasive tones. "Surely the paperwork could wait for one night." He held his breath when she looked down at her data pad, brows furrowing with thought.
"Well... all right," Shepard said after a few minutes; he started to breathe again. Then she held up her hand. "On one condition: pry Joker out of the cockpit and get him to come along."
"No problem, Commander - he already said he would," Ash said with a laugh. "He said he wouldn't miss it for the world, not even if he had to crawl on his hands and knees all the way to Flux from the docking bay."
Shepard chuckled when she realized she had been outmaneuvered. Kaidan's estimation of the chief, already high, went up yet again. "That does sound like something he would say. I can see you've thought of everything, just like a good marine should. I guess I have a duty to reward such remarkable diligence."
Ashley dug a hard, unsubtle elbow into Kaidan's ribs, jerking her head at him to take his cue. "Uh," he said, and suppressed a wince. Smooth, Alenko. "If you want, I can escort you there tomorrow. Does 1800 sound all right?" As if Shepard didn't know perfectly well how to get to Flux.
The commander smiled; the Mona Lisa, Kaidan thought, had nothing on that enigmatic curve gracing Shepard's lips. "Sounds like a plan."
"Tomorrow night's going to be awesome," one of the crewmen said, and the requisitions officer sitting next to him nodded. Kaidan could only hope so.
Kaidan felt the rhythmic bass beat underneath his boots long before the entrance to Flux came into view; it mimicked the pulsing in his chest and in his groin when Shepard's thigh brushed against his again. She had her arm tucked into his, close enough for him to feel the warmth of her body, and given what the commander was wearing, he might be forgiven for his reaction.
She wore a tight, tight pair of black pants that seemed more like it had been painted on, not actually worn, which accentuated her long, muscular legs. The material shone under the dim lights of the club, drawing his gaze to the way her thighs and calves flexed as she walked. By contrast, she wore a loose red blouse of a fairly conservative cut, but it was tucked into her trousers, showing off her slim waist and flat stomach, and she had a thin black choker around her throat, drawing attention to her neck and the small triangle of skin left exposed by the shirt.
He glanced at her face, but there was nothing there but her usual enigmatic smile to give him a clue as to what she thought. A shout and a hand waving by the door caught his attention, and he was uncertain as to whether he was relieved or disappointed when he spotted the crewman; it was obvious she had been waiting for them to show up.
The young woman bounced up to them, grinning from ear to ear. "Permission to speak freely, ma'am?"
Shepard's chuckle was deep and resonant; it seemed to vibrate into his bones. "Permission granted."
The crewman leaned towards them with the air of one about to reveal a great secret. "You look gorgeous, Commander." She turned her disingenuous gaze to Kaidan. "Don't you think so, Lieutenant?" she said, with an oh-so-innocent flutter of her eyelashes.
He gritted his teeth, wondering who had put her up to this. One guess. Too bad the culprit could drill him between the eyes at a hundred meters, precluding any sort of revenge. Well, he'd just have to set his mind to the problem. "Uh, yes, Crewman, I agree with you one hundred percent." Thank God the lights were too dim for anyone to see his blush.
Taking pity on him, Shepard said, "Thank you both for the compliments, but lead on, Grenado. I'm sure the others are waiting for us, or they wouldn't have put you on sentry duty."
Kaidan glanced at her profile; the commander saw him looking, and her eyes crinkled at him, her smile as steady and secretive as ever. It was a good thing she didn't expect him to say anything, because his mouth was dry.
The room the crewman led them to was crammed full of bodies, both human and alien, and it was warm with all of their body heat. As expected, a chorus of cat-calls and wolf whistles greeted their appearance, most of them directed at the commander, who laughed and took it all in stride. He made a note to thank the gunnery chief again for this idea, and tell her what a genius she was for coming up with it; he had never seen Shepard look so relaxed.
Pressly waved a hand, patting an empty spot between him and Liara. "If you don't mind my saying so, ma'am," he said over the sound of the crowd and music outside, "you sure clean up nice!"
"I don't mind at all, Pressly," Shepard said, separating from Kaidan and leaving him cold and bereft. She sat down, sandwiched between the asari and the navigator, which meant he was exiled to a spot on a different couch. Dr. T'Soni didn't look at all displeased as the other woman wriggled into the tight space and pressed against her. Ashley shot him a sympathetic look from her perch on the loveseat next to him.
"Now that the commander is here, it's karaoke time!" Joker yelled, raising one of his crutches to lead a deafening cheer.
Shepard raised her hands to get their attention, quieting them down. "First, I'm going to set some ground rules," she said, ignoring the groans. "If I'm going to make a fool of myself in public, I damn well want to be compensated for it. I'm not buying a single drink or any food, folks - you guys are going to be the ones to pay up."
Garrus looked around, his mandibles fluttering, gauging everyone's reactions. "Sounds reasonable, Shepard, but it'd better be worth it. I think we need a demonstration first."
The commander drew herself up and blew a derisive snort at both the turian and the qualifier. "I'll have you know I was the winner of the karaoke championships on Mindoir three years running, Garrus, though that was before I took that wound to my throat. But... you've got a point. Someone pass me the microphone."
"Surely there is a more efficient way to set up a microphone than holding it in your hand," Tali said, watching as the mike was passed from hand to hand until it reached Shepard. "I can whip up something that's much less intrusive in just a few nanoseconds -"
"It's traditional, Tali," Ash said, sipping from her glass. "If you're going to try and make tradition into something that makes sense, you might as well stay home."
The quarian gave these words a sage nod. "Ah, tradition. We quarians understand about tradition - it has been one of the things that have guided my people and kept us going, ever since the geth took our homeworld away from us."
Shepard had called up the menu holo from the screen set on one of the tables, and was perusing the selection while Tali and Ash had been speaking. Her brows rose. "This is fairly comprehensive. Doran doesn't do anything by halves."
"Quit stallin', Shepard," Wrex called, his deep voice cutting through the quiet chatter. "I'm curious to see how humans do this. Get on with it."
The commander ignored the krogan as she leaned back and crossed her legs, holding the microphone in one hand and draping her arm on the back of the couch behind Liara; Kaidan gritted his teeth. She murmured to the computer, and the beating of drums and twanging of guitars began to sound from the hidden speakers.
Oh my God... her voice is like liquid sex, Kaidan thought, mesmerized as Shepard began to sing in her hoarse, smoky voice, crooning the words to an old, bittersweet love song. Wow. Just... wow. It was quite possible he could get off just listening to her; he would put that to the test later, in private, as he set his omni-tool to record. She looked up from the holo and straight into his eyes, and her glance seared him to his soul. Everyone in the room, even the aliens who had only come out of curiosity, was quiet as they listened to her belting out the lyrics, to the emotions she put behind them. He could see why she had been the karaoke champion of her little backwoods colony - she was good.
There was a moment of silence when the last words trailed away and lingered in the air, then the room rocked to wild and enthusiastic applause. Kaidan was more than happy enough to join in.
"Damn, Shepard," Garrus drawled, once he could make himself be heard again. "If you want to quit your day job, I've got a few contacts in C-Sec who can get you a gig anywhere you'd like on the Citadel."
The commander threw her head back and laughed. "I'll keep that in mind, but don't think your flattery is good enough to get you out of buying a drink for me." Her gaze swept across her crew. "None of you are escaping," she said, though the menace she tried to infuse into her threat was not very convincing.
"You got it, Commander," Ash said, calling up the menu on her omni-tool. "Pick your poison."
"Cocktails," Shepard said without hesitation. Kaidan wondered if he'd imagined the emphasis she'd put on the first syllable. "The ones with the bad innuendoes in their names, and the stickier the better. If they've got the ones with the little umbrellas, colors not found in nature, and humorously shaped ice cubes, that would make my night."
"The things we don't know about you, ma'am," Pressly said, shaking his grizzled head. "What a waste of good booze." Shepard's only response was an unrepentant shrug.
"Don't be such a wine snob, Pressly," Dr. Chakwas called, and was nearly drowned out by the wave of laughter following her jibe. "There's nothing wrong with a cocktail if it's properly mixed."
Shepard made a languid wave. "Go forth and fetch me food and drink, my minions."
"Wow, would you believe they've got real, honest-to-God buffalo wings here, Commander?" Joker said from his corner, his face hidden behind a hologram. "Well, it might be better not to look too closely at what they're made of, but still!"
"No way! I'm going to go get some," Pressly said, standing up. "I haven't had buffalo wings in years!"
Liara looked puzzled. "I have seen pictures of buffalo in my studies of ancient Earth cultures, but surely such large and heavy beasts can't fly."
The navigator chuckled. "They can't - buffalo wings are - oh, hell, it'll be easier to show you than to explain. Come on."
"I would make a comment at this point about the dubious nutritional value of such so-called food and the likely consequences if you overindulge," the doctor said in her prim voice. She gave them all a quiet, benevolent smile. "Fortunately for everyone here - I'm off duty."
Kaidan blinked as the room cleared, as if there were an asari brothel right outside advertising discount rates for soldiers. Even Joker was gone, hustled by two burly crewmen on either side of him at Ashley's direction, and there had been a suspicious lack of angry protests from the pilot.
He smelled a rat. No, a conspiracy. In the doorway, out of Shepard's line of sight, the gunnery chief turned, flashed him a grin and two thumbs up, and disappeared before he could say anything.
As if a dark energy field had enveloped his head and pulled, he turned towards Shepard, who was still sitting on the couch, a look of bemusement on her face that turned into amusement when she spotted him. Without giving himself a chance to think, Kaidan walked over and sat down in the vacated seat next to her.
"A conspiracy going on right under my nose," the commander murmured, shaking her head in rueful admiration.
"We've all been worried about you, ma'am," Kaidan felt compelled to say. "You've been driving yourself into the ground."
Shepard rubbed her brow with her free hand. "Can't help it. The dreams have only gotten more disturbing. Clearer. I have to get myself - and the crew - ready for what's coming. Anyway, what I mean is that everyone, from my XO down to the lowest-ranking crewman on my ship, seems determined to play matchmaker. I'm not sure whether I should be worried about discipline or be touched by their meddling."
"Every single one of them would walk into hell for you," he said in all seriousness. "If it seems like they have to go behind your back to get you to have a good time before the sky comes crashing down, it's because I - we - all care about you."
"Well, then I suppose it was sweet of them. And it's sweet of you to defend them." She opened her mouth to say more, but then seemed to think better of it. Looking away, she said, "Kaidan..."
"Ma'am?"
When she looked back at him, there was no discernible expression on her face. "Have you gotten a chance to look at my sealed records?"
Kaidan was taken aback by the abrupt change in subject, but he hadn't been completely unprepared for it. "I did, and I've had a lot of time to think about it. I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't change anything."
She stared at him, and her gaze was so intense he felt it must've penetrated to the back of his skull and beyond.
The silence was suddenly too heavy and uncomfortable, too much for him to take, so he broke it. "I get the feeling you've asked this question before." Was that too blunt? But she liked plain speaking - it wouldn't offend her.
"You're right." Shepard looked at the microphone still in her hand, and rolled it around in her palm before she met his eyes and spoke. "One too many people freaked out, when I told them after we had... gotten involved. It's easier on both me and any potential lovers if I just got it out of the way from the start."
Kaidan wondered just how badly the 'freaking out' had been for it to be necessary for an intensely private person like her to reveal her painful and tragic past. "With all due respect, ma'am... they were all idiots," he said with all the vehemence he could muster, and was rewarded with her slow smile.
"Commander... Shepard," he said, and paused after saying her name instead of her title. She gave him an encouraging nod. "I'd be the biggest hypocrite in the galaxy if I said what you did to those scumbag slavers was wrong."
"I never thought I did the wrong thing," she said in a quiet voice. "But sometimes people have the strangest ideas about biotics, you know? Of course you'd know, you're an L2. But I've had people look at me like I'll go crazy any second and turn on them."
He gave her a sympathetic nod, and said, "Yeah. I know."
"I frightened myself that day, Kaidan, after I woke up and I saw what I did with just my mind," she said, her gaze on a point that sure as hell wasn't in the here and now. "I know I had every reason to do what I did to those slavers, but I made a solemn promise to myself that I wouldn't lose control like that again."
"Been there, done that." Got the scars. Before he let himself dwell on it, he put his hand over hers. It was warm and dry when he squeezed it. "It's... nice to know there's someone out there who understands what I went through."
Shepard leaned her head against the couch; her eyes were no longer vague, and her intent gaze was boring into his. For a moment he was afraid she was about to scold him for touching her or something, but instead she said, "Do you trust me, Kaidan?"
He looked her straight in the eyes and said, "With my life."
Her enigmatic smile was back, except this time it seemed to include him in the joke. "You don't have to be quite so dramatic about it."
Then her hand turned under his, palm pressing against palm, and he felt the gentle flare of a biotic field. Without thinking, Kaidan tensed and flowed into a combat crouch, his own biotics reacting to the foreign burst of power and covering his body in a blue barrier. When nothing happened, and the light, almost delicate flow of dark energy remained centered on their hands - he hadn't let go - he blinked, feeling like an utter fool as he sat back down, dispersing the protective covering.
"It's all right," Shepard said, when he opened his mouth to apologize. Apparently this had happened before; he tried real hard not to let that bother him. "Just sit back and relax. Feel."
Forget that, he wasn't going to just sit here and let her do all the... the whatever the hell it was. Though maybe he should see what she was doing first. It was subtle at first, but now he could feel a warm pressure twining up from their hands, raising the hairs on his arm as it went higher, a not unpleasant sensation. On an impulse, he called up his own biotics, doing his best to match the gentleness of hers, trying to meet her halfway, but it was harder than it looked.
He heard a sharp intake of breath as he tried to modulate his power, and snatched the dark energy back so fast his head spun. "Did I hurt you?"
Shepard shook her head, her smile reassuring him. "No, I was just surprised. The few biotics I've been with never really tried to do what I did - they were too clumsy, too heavy-handed, too used to using their power like a hammer. You're not the first to try, but you're the first to come so close. You're a very quick study."
Kaidan felt inordinately pleased with her compliment, and it gave him the confidence to try again. The dark energy itself wasn't hard to form; what was hard was spinning it fine enough that it would feel pleasurable, not painful. He was more used to utilizing his biotics at full power, like a hammer, as she'd said; there was no need for fine control when you were trying to kill something.
"You don't have to, Kaidan. Really. I'd hate for you to get a migraine from this."
His brows furrowed in concentration, he murmured, "I've almost got it..." It was like solving a puzzle, finding the best way through encryption blocks, or slipping electronic warfare measures through a geth's shield generators like a knife, all subtle techniques that he should be able to apply to his biotics.
Shepard had not done anything further with her dark energy field, and he could feel it swirling like warm, tangible smoke around his arm. He damped his own power down, down, down into the thinnest and most tenuous of threads as he could possibly create, and reached out to touch that foreign yet already comfortable and familiar tendril of her biotics.
Kaidan hadn't expected a shock when their energy fields touched and began to intersect, merging and melding into an unexpected whole, and he could tell by her in-drawn breath that she hadn't, either. Wow. My God - how come no one had ever told him about this? He could feel the shifting complexities and calm currents he would never have suspected were there, as restless and yet unchanging as the sea, but also just as powerful. If he could perceive this much about her, what was she sensing about him?
He opened his eyes, not knowing when he'd closed them, and saw her looking straight at him, a slight smile on her lips. Maybe she liked what she saw? Unable to articulate a response to what he'd seen, or, rather, felt, he stared back. Then he grinned suddenly, and at her puzzled expression he said, "Even just holding hands with you is an adventure."
Her husky chuckle ran shivery fingers up and down his spine, and her biotics enveloped his, teasing and playful. "I hope that isn't always the case. We all deserve some peace and quiet, time to catch our breaths."
Kaidan gripped her hand and said in a low voice, "I get the feeling it's going to be in short supply real soon."
Shepard raised a brow, but didn't look surprised. "I see you feel it, too. We've both been in too many firefights not to know the difference between business as usual and the calm before the storm." Her gaze sharpened and grew intent. "But enough about that."
The dark energy field that had been tickling his own suddenly spread with a speed that startled him; he gasped as it enveloped his whole body, his own biotics reacting to protect him, instinctive and reflexive. She must've expected the resistance, because her power stilled after cushioning the backlash, waiting for him to settle down. When he calmed, tamping down his reaction, he felt the warmth intensify, forming into separate tendrils that brushed over his face, lingered over his lips, and ran through his hair. More of them ran down his chest and sides and back, leaving trails of goosebumps as they passed. In her infinite mercy - and infinite cruelty - she didn't go any further.
He tried to mimic what she was doing, sliding his power over the calm, yielding surface of the dark energy field that covered her. It wasn't like touching her with his hands, but the way their biotics meshed and interacted fascinated him, and the glimpse into the wellspring of her strength was dizzying. He knew she could remain calm in nearly any situation, and that serenity was reflected in her biotics, and though his generated field stirred ripples in hers, it could not touch the heart of that stillness.
The sudden realization that they were in a public place, fully clothed and sober, groping each other like a couple of teenagers with their biotics with no one the wiser, even if someone walked in on them, was incredibly erotic. Well, probably Liara and Wrex would notice something, but even they wouldn't know exactly what they were doing. If the glint in her eye and the wickedness just visible in her smile was anything to go by, she was thinking the same thing.
Both this happy thought and the mood was broken by the sound of tramping feet coming to the door. Kaidan snatched both his hand and his biotics away just as Ash came in the door, followed by the rest of the crew. They were all burdened with trays of drink and food, and they also brought in the sound of the music outside and their chatter. Unbeknownst to any of them, however, was the lingering touch of Shepard's dark energy on his body as the field withdrew, and he shivered as the warm fingers of power trailed with sensual slowness down his arms.
Liara had paused in front of them while he was trying to regain his composure, and was handing Shepard a drink when her eyes widened a little, her gaze flickering back and forth between him and the commander. Her lips parted, and a wistful look flickered across her blue features.
"Thank you, Liara," Shepard said as she sipped her drink. It was neon blue, had a tiny flower-print umbrella, and contained ice cubes of a certain suggestive shape, just as ordered. "The lieutenant and I were just comparing biotic techniques while we waited." This was all said with such a straight face that Kaidan was sure butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.
"Oh," the asari said, handing another drink from her tray to Kaidan. "Is that what you humans call it?" There was a laugh hiding in her words, and though it was at his expense, he couldn't begrudge her it - that was the first genuine smile he'd seen since they departed Noveria.
"Call what?" the gunnery chief interjected, smirking when she saw how close he was to Shepard.
"Biotic techniques," Kaidan answered, his voice too husky, and took an ill-considered gulp of his drink, wincing as the scotch burned all the way down his throat. He didn't care - he needed it. And possibly he also needed a cigarette, even though he didn't smoke. Jesus, we didn't even take our clothes off.Or kiss. That had to be rectified, but when would they ever get a chance?
"Sounds, um... dry," Ash said, giving him a disbelieving what the hell were you thinking, you idiot look. It was obvious she thought he'd wasted an opportunity. He shook his head at her, knowing he could never, ever explain it to the other marine.
A crewman came up with a dish of reddish-brown lumps of meat; the smell drew a growl from Kaidan's stomach. "Guys, you gotta try this! It's awesome! Tastes just like the ones back home!"
Shepard took one from the proferred tray and bit into it. She frowned. "Tastes wonderful, but... why is it boneless?"
"Better not ask, Commander," Joker said, ensconced on a loveseat where the crewmen had deposited him. "Or what meat it's really made from."
The commander gave this advice a sober nod. "Good point." She pointed at the platter the crewman was still holding. "You can just leave that here, Tanaka, thank you." The crewman took a few pieces for himself before surrendering it; he knew better than to stand between food and two hungry biotics.
Kaidan helped himself to the food when Shepard made an emphatic gesture at it; no doubt she'd heard his empty stomach growling like a varren. The 'chicken', whatever it was made of, was disturbingly tasty, juicy and spicy, just like the ones back on Earth. Then he saw the commander licking the juices from her fingers; he didn't think she even realized how sexy it looked as she chatted with Joker. He forgot all about food until a kick to his shin brought him out of it; he ignored Ashley's amused chuckle with all the dignity he could muster.
Soon the others were pestering the commander to demonstrate more of her karaoke skills; it was obvious her soldiers were fascinated, seeing this unexpected side of their superior officer, and wanted to see more of it. He would feel a bit peeved at how easily her attention had been diverted, except she had picked songs that were all about unexpected and reluctant love, long, slow, melancholy ones that showed off what that husky voice could do.
Surely that wasn't a coincidence, he thought as he let that deep, smoky voice of hers wash over him like thick, rich chocolate. God, if she ever did quit the marines and didn't want to go into show business, she'd have a bright future as a comm sex operator.
After Shepard finished the last song, the echoes of the last lines still caressing Kaidan's eardrums and, well, other parts of him, one of the crewmen, Raymond, stood and asked Ashley to dance. This sent a flurry through the crowd, and soon it seemed like everyone was asking everyone else to go downstairs and really show Flux's other patrons just how the humans could, as his grandfather had put it, 'cut a rug'. Not even the aliens were left out; the requisitions officer approached Liara with a shy smile, Wrex looked surprised - and intrigued - by Helen's bold question, Tali skipped out hand-in-hand with one of the techs, and Caroline practically dragged Garrus up off of his seat and out the door. Joker had been hauled off once again, this time between two women, and he hadn't protested too loudly about it, either.
Ashley dragged her feet until she was the last out the door, and pinned him with a glare that said don't mess this up or I'll kick your ass.
Kaidan glanced over at Shepard, whose eyes were sparkling, her cheeks flushed from all the cocktails that had been pressed on her, looking more at ease than he had ever seen her. He cleared his throat and said, "Uh, would you like to dance, ma'am? Shepard."
Her flush seemed to deepen, and she made a soft sound, a self-deprecating chuckle; he swallowed, hearing that hoarse little noise. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant, but I've made a fool enough of myself for one night."
"Oh." He tried not to feel disappointed as he knocked back the last of the scotch in his glass. It had been his third one. Or was it his fifth?
"Kaidan." This time it was Shepard's hand that covered his, bringing with it a flare of dark energy that called forth his own, and he marveled at how completely natural it felt, like it was second nature already to touch her power with his biotics. It felt rougher this time, reflecting the shakiness of their control as the alcohol eroded it, but it was still an incredible experience.
She leaned forward, close enough for him to feel her breath on his face, smell the fruity flavor of the last cocktail she'd had. "I'm about to impart to you a deep, dark secret of mine."
He gave her an expectant look. She sighed and rubbed her brow with her fingers. "I don't know how to dance," she said. "I have been clinically diagnosed as having two left feet."
Kaidan couldn't help it; his jaw dropped, surprised that a woman who could sing like that couldn't dance. He controlled the laugh that threatened to bubble out of him. First karaoke and now this? He was becoming aware of his ignorance; how much did he really know or didn't know about this woman?
"You're kidding, right?"
Shepard shook her head, a rueful smile on her lips. It still had that I-know-a-good-joke feel to it, even when the joke was on her. "No. I wish I was."
"I could teach you," he found himself offering. Well, why not? What she had shown him about their biotics was breathtaking, and the possibilities for using them this way were endless, but he really did want to feel more than just dark energy being pressed against his body.
She shook her head, her smile taking the sting out of the refusal. "Kaidan, I really don't want to embarrass myself in front of the whole crew, even if it would raise morale for them to have a good laugh."
"We don't have to go down to the dance floor - we could practice right here," Kaidan said, gesturing at the empty room; he could tell she wanted to be persuaded.
Raising a skeptical eyebrow, she retorted, "So that you can laugh at me in private?"
He placed a hand over his heart. "I would never laugh at you, Shepard. Not even if I were two systems away and safely outside of the blast zone."
The joke got another hoarse laugh out of her, just like he wanted. "Are you comparing me to a thermonuclear detonation, Alenko? Not exactly flattering, but I give you points for originality."
Since she hadn't actually said no again, Kaidan stood up, pulling her to her feet. He was not above using his biotics to help her along, constricting the energy field around hers and using it like a full-body scoop. His control wasn't all that great yet, though, and he ended up shoving her against him, hard enough for him to stumble back a step or two. It was unintentional, but he couldn't deny the unexpected benefits when he felt her breasts pressed against his chest, or the heat that seeped through the thin fabric of their shirts.
Shepard was surprised, to judge by her wide eyes, but didn't seem displeased, or he was sure he would've ended up thrown to the other side of the room, or had a singularity shoved into his groin. Before she could protest, he arranged her unresisting arms so that he had one hand clasped in his at shoulder height, the other wrapped around his neck. Her fingers caressed his nape, then massaged little circles into his skin, just below his amp port.
His skin shivered at the touch; this wasn't like being out in the field, with potential danger around every corner, both of them suited up in armor, their attention focused on their HUDs and jobs instead of each other. He could concentrate on her, the scent of her clean skin, the sensation of their biotics melding, and, most of all, the pressure of her hard, muscular body against his.
Her smile had made a reappearance, and it was deeper than ever. "Well, Lieutenant. I believe that is the first bold move you've made since we met. It surprised me... and I think I like it." Her tone turned teasing. "It's just a pity you needed to first have a few drinks before you could muster the courage to do so."
Kaidan began to move from side to side, to the beat of the music that leaked in through the closed door. "I haven't exactly had a chance, ma'am. There isn't much privacy on the ship." If there were, I would've made a move long before. He paused; she wasn't moving with him. "Go ahead, step on my toes - I'm wearing combat boots."
"Are you sure you want to sacrifice your toes just to teach me how to dance? You'll need them." Dark energy ran loving fingers over his eyebrows and cheeks as she murmured, "Can't have my lieutenant hobbling around in a firefight."
"You don't need to know how to dance, is that what you're saying?"
She raised her brows at him. "You have to admit it's not exactly high on the list of a soldier's priorities."
"It should be." Since she made no move to follow his suggestion, Kaidan used his biotics to lift her feet, one at a time, then lowered them with care onto his. Heavy, because she was a marine as tall as he was, not a fragile flower, but not heavy enough to crush his reinforced boots. It helped that she was wearing regular shoes. "Teaches hand-eye coordination, enhances natural agility, provides good exercise..."
Her hand tightened on his neck as he began to move again, swinging her this way and that in time to the music. "You make a pretty good argument," she murmured, her words feathering his cheeks as she leaned her head down against his; being supported on his feet had given her a slight height advantage. "But I'm not sure how this is teaching me anything - you're doing all the work."
"Well, I'm trying to get you to follow the rhythm," Kaidan said, giving her an innocent smile. He let go of her hand, gripped her by the waist, lifted her down to the floor, and took her hand again. "Now you try."
Shepard had to look down at their feet as he took the lead, moving in a simple, repetitive pattern he knew she could follow. She had to have some concept of rhythm, or she couldn't sing that well, or fight with such deadly skill. After a few minutes of pacing out the same steps, she began to move with him, and he could feel her relax, easing her grip on him when she began to realize he wouldn't let her fall or step on her. Her blossoming smile was worth any amount of crushed toes.
He tried an experimental twirl out on her, using his biotics to give her the cue to move this way, then that way, and watched with pleasure as she let go of him and spun out, as graceful as any asari, until all he was holding was her hand. With a gentle tug, he reeled her back in, and gave her a grin as she came to rest against his chest, bringing with her a gentle, warm tide of dark energy that folded him into a more complete embrace than her hand provided.
"That wasn't so hard now, was it?" Kaidan said as he leaned his cheek against hers, content to simply hold her close and rock them in time to the beat.
"No. It wasn't," Shepard said in a tone of wonder, her breath caressing his ear and neck.
Maybe some day he could teach her the few dance steps he knew, ancient dances that had existed on Earth long before humanity discovered mass relays: the tango, the foxtrot, or the boogie-woogie. Just the names alone sounded exotic and mysterious, and he wanted to show them all off to her, even if he didn't consider himself to be that good of a dancer. He didn't feel overly worried, not with her pressed so closely against him, her biotics folding and undulating around his. It felt safe and warm, being nestled within not one, but two barriers, and it was strong, stronger than the sum of their parts. Maybe that was a metaphor brought on by strong drink, but it felt right.
"This - us - this surprised me," she said, breaking the silence. "It's still surprising me. I don't usually go in for older men."
His snort ruffled her short hair. "I'm only three years older than you, Shepard. Three, not ten."
And yet she acted older than her years, so that he often felt he was the younger, more inexperienced one of the couple, more than her earlier enlistment could account for. There were always shadows in her eyes, speaking of horrible, tragic events that had shaped her, scars on her body, speaking of terrible, brutal battles, and a quiet, calm center in her soul, that said she had not let it break her, becoming stronger for it.
She leaned back, looking him in the eye, but she didn't stop moving with him. "You know it's not going to be easy, right?"
"Nothing worth having ever is... Anla." Her first name was only two short syllables, but Kaidan wanted to linger over them as he stared back, wrapping the dark energy tighter around them both. "I know the crew comes first - the mission comes first, and it always will. I understand. I've known that before we ever set foot on the Citadel. I still want it. This. Us."
"Kaidan." Shepard bent her head, brushing her lips against his in the lightest, most teasing of kisses. "Whatever I have left after I've given it to the crew and the mission... is yours. I can promise you that much."
He felt twin bursts of heat in his body, like pinpoint incendiaries: one was in his chest - and the other was in his groin. "It's enough," he assured her. "More than I'd hoped for."
The crew chose that moment to return, making enough noise to suggest there were elephants stampeding up the stairs. Kaidan sighed, and felt her combined regret and amusement shiver in the biotic field that still clung to them both. They returned to their seats on the couch, but he could feel her dark energy still roiling in gentle waves around him, even if they were no longer physically touching.
Ash gave him an inquiring look as she passed behind their couch; draping his arm behind Shepard's head, he held up his fist out of the commander's sight, and felt the chief's knuckles rap against his. The other marine's grin was as palpable as a laser beam.
Shepard chose that moment to stand up. "It's getting late, and I need to get back to the ship." There was a chorus of protests at the announcement. "Just because I have work to do doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy yourselves, everyone."
Kaidan coughed and stood up. "I'll, uh, walk you back. Ma'am. I think I'm starting to get one of my migraines, anyway."
The crew gave this lame excuse the fish-eyed looks it deserved, and a few chuckles and snickers were audible above the music, just before they were hastily muffled. Not even Dr. Chakwas believed him, if the tiny, indulgent smile hovering about her lips was any indication.
Shepard ignored them with supreme indifference. "Thank you, Lieutenant. That's a kind offer, especially after I've had so much to drink."
They did not touch each other while still in sight of the others, but once outside the door, the commander tucked her hand into his arm, a chaste enough pose; invisible to everyone's eyes, her dark energy field embraced him, and his reached out to cradle her. Again the thought came to him that they were groping each other right out there in public, in front of humans and aliens and God only knew how many security cameras, and no one was the wiser. Jesus, that was just so... hot.
The walk back to the Normandy's docking bay was slow, neither of them compelled to break the silence between them, but that could be due to the fact that they were too busy concentrating on their biotic fields, on the way it felt, running light, electric fingers of dark energy over their subdued barriers. Just moving his legs in the right way, in the right direction, on top of maintaining the even power flow was taking all of his attention.
It was quiet on the Normandy, and dark since the lights were dimmed during the night cycle; only a skeleton crew was aboard, waiting with ill-concealed impatience for their turn at all the entertainments and distractions the Citadel provided. At the door to her quarters, Shepard turned and regarded him, and though he couldn't put a finger on any one thing, there was a subtle invitation in her stance, the way she had her head cocked, and the way her biotics were stroking his back. She could say more things with silence than most politicians could with hours of speeches and posturing; she didn't push, wouldn't push - that was not her way. There was also no need to ask if she was sure; the answer was there, hanging like a star in the dark energy field, if you knew where to look - and only a biotic would know.
Without a word, because words weren't needed when he was letting his power do the talking right now, Kaidan held out his hand. She reached out and grasped it, sensing his response in his biotics just like he had hers, and pulled him into her quarters.