One-Shot
This is rated M for suicide.
Thanks for reading!
Poison
There are two kinds. One of them can kill you in an instant, and the other takes its sweet time in devouring your very existence.
I am Eli Goldsworthy.
But of course you knew that, or else you wouldn't be reading this now would you?
Enough prologue; Let's get on with the show, yes?
Again, I am Eli Goldsworthy, and these are my last words.
Dramatic enough for you?
Well it should be, because I am surely not kidding.
There's something sinister coursing through my veins at this very moment, something that will finally relieve the ache in the middle of my chest that has plagued me for months.
First off may I mention how easy it is to find something that can kill you in your very own home? My mother's bathroom cabinet very generously donated the cocktail of medication travelling through my veins at the moment. Do not worry CeCe, none of this is your fault, at least not directly.
There is something else however that has been infecting my body for months, maybe one of the most frequent causes of death, and it is called love.
Ah love, something that is written about in fairytales, you know the ones I'm talking about, the ones with the happy endings? Let me just tell you now that those are full of shit. No matter how much you want a happy ending, you can't have it. But I was never destined for a happy ending anyway.
I'm going to start getting into the heart of this little tale I'm about to tell, which ends with death.
Clare Edwards was my own personal sun for about three months. She radiated beauty and happiness, and for some reason or another, loved little ol' me. Or so she said. Those months were filled with contraband kissing, urban adventures, rebellious doings, and plenty of other happy go lucky things that couples usually do. I was head over heels for her, and to be honest, I still am. She is the first thing I think about when I wake up, and at night, she fills my dreams. Granted they may not always be happy dreams, but she is still always there.
She promised to always be there for me, through thick and thin. But that promise ended at about the same time that I crashed my beloved car for her. Ah how I miss Morty. But I did it for her, I did what I thought she wanted and what did I get for it? Nothing, absolutely nothing but heartbreak. What a simple word for something so complicated. My heart felt like it had been ripped into tiny little pieces, and set ablaze, and it was entirely my fault.
I had put everything into my relationship with Clare, and none of it seemed to matter. Nothing that I did was ever good enough, I could never be the stable, perfect guy that she wanted, deserved. I guess that doesn't matter now, since she has Jake.
She moved on so quickly after uttering those final words of our relationship. That's when I knew that she never really loved me. I was a broken boy that she thought she could fix, but in the end, found out that she could not, and so she tossed me. I can't say I blame her, I was half dead when she met me due to the situation with Julia, there wasn't much left to work with. I hope he makes her happy.
I could never love a person as much as I loved Clare Diane Edwards, I knew it would be impossible the second I laid eyes on her. She has my heart, and will keep it forever, whether she likes it or not.
Even before Clare or Julia, I've always had problems. I tried to keep the voices away for as long as I could, but every now and then they would spring up again, ruining whatever happiness I had mustered up.
I could never blame Clare for my suicidal tendencies; this was always going to be my end, I've known ever since I was a preteen. There's something so beautiful about being able to take your own life. It's about the one thing that I have control over, whether I want to live, or die. It has always fascinated me, and I could never make anyone understand why. They would just call me fucked up in the head. But who's to say what's normal?
Cece, Bullfrog, and Adam. I love you guys to my core, you were always there for me when I needed you, and I need you to promise me that you won't think that there was more you could've done for me, because there wasn't. I won't be here to actually hear you say it, but I'm confident that you won't deny me my last wish. You did everything in your power to make me happy; to get me help, but there was no avoiding this end. I was always destined for this, and I fully believe that. Please don't hate me.
Adam, you were my first real friend that I've ever made, my best friend, my brother. I wish I could explain to you how happy this will make me, although I doubt you'll understand. You would try to talk me out of it, but I swear on your xbox 360, that this is what I want. You want me to be happy right? Brothers forever. Keep on being you buddy, be yourself and I guarantee that people will love you. If they don't or if anyone fucks with you, I'll make sure to haunt them for you okay? Be safe.
Cece and Bullfrog. You were the best parents anyone could ever ask for, a little eccentric, but I love you for it. You raised me right, but you couldn't help the demons that pried their way inside of me. You always supported me in whatever I did, and I know all this time you just wanted me to be happy. And I am, I don't want to hurt anymore, this is what will finally make me happy. I love you both, so much.
And last but not least, Clare. I'm not sure that words could really describe what you mean to me, but my miserable attempt at it will have to do. You were the fire in my soul and the electricity that kept me going. I do not blame you for ending it with me; you deserve someone that can be stable for you, someone that won't go off the deep end like I did. But I can promise you one thing, there will never be someone that will love you more than I do. I also don't want you to think that any of this is your fault. If anything, you kept me alive for three more months. It's okay that you didn't love me, I don't blame you in the slightest, although I wish you wouldn't have lied to me.
What we had was special, and I'm glad to have had it, many people don't get to experience the love I have for you, and you were my soulmate, even if I wasn't yours. Jake better take good care of you, although I truly believe that nobody will ever be deserving of you. If I regret anything, it's not having kissed you one last time, or not looking in your crystal blue eyes for a second longer. You're perfect in my eyes. I love you.
Well that's it. That's all I have to say. No encores, no revivals, I'm done. It's time to go.
The pills seem to be taking effect now, everything is getting blurry, and I can't seem to hold a pen for much longer. I am leaving this world with a smile on my face; please know that. Goodbye, I love all of you.
This letter was reprinted three times. One was sent to Adam Torres, another to Clare Edwards, and the last one was placed on his chest, for his parents to find.
Eli Goldsworthy died of an overdose on August 18th, the anniversary of his first kiss with none other than Clare Edwards, his one true love.
He was found on his bed, sporting a smile on his face, and holding nothing but a gold watch.
Review?
Based on what Eli wanted in this fic, I think Clare and Adam would have listened to this song, give a listen if you want to.
.com/watch?v=UWKP1SwHVqI