A/N: This story was written for the ShikaTema Summer Fest '11
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
The Perfect Gift
It was a little after ten o'clock in the morning and Shikamaru Nara was sitting in a bar downing his second glass of beer. Normally Shikamaru did not drink, the exception being when he was in trouble with his wife.
Today Shikamaru was not in trouble with his wife.
Yet.
But in 6 hours, 46 minutes, and 29 seconds, he was going to be in trouble. Big trouble. Scratch that-he would probably be dead. His mangled corpse would probably be lying in some ditch, because in 6 hours, 46 minutes, and 29 seconds it would be November the 17th, 5:00 pm. November the 17th, 5:00 pm, his and Temari's one year wedding anniversary, and he, Shikamaru Nara, still had not gotten Temari a gift. Now he had a little over 6 hours to produce the perfect anniversary present.
Normally getting Temari a gift was a simple three step process:
1. Temari told him what she wanted
2. Shikamaru went out and bought said item
3. Shikamaru wrapped and presented said item to Temari for her Birthday, Christmas, etc.
Sometimes Temari made the process even simpler by just taking some money out of Shikamaru's wallet and buying whatever it was she wanted herself, thus eliminating the first two steps. In these cases all Shikamaru had to do was wrap whatever it was that Temari had bought and give it to her on the appropriate occasion.
It was a good system. For Temari it ensured that she got something that she really wanted. For Shikamaru it was simple and easy. The only less troublesome system he could think of would be not giving gifts at all, but he knew Temari would not go for that.
This year however was different, and it was his idiot brother-in-law he had to thank for this.
12 Days Ago
"Shikamaru have you finished setting the table yet?"
"I'm doing that right now Temari. I might be able to get it done quicker if you weren't nagging me every 30 seconds."
An irate Temari appeared from inside the kitchen and glared at Shikamaru. "Well if you had started setting the table fifteen minutes ago when I first asked I wouldn't have to be nagging you now. Now hurry up, Kankuro and Emi will be here any minute."
Shikamaru fought the urge to laugh. An angry Temari was not a laughing matter, however it was hard for him to take Temari seriously when she was wearing a purple apron with little fans scattered around it, and pointing a large wooden spoon at him—actually she could probably do a lot of damage with that wooden spoon. Shikamaru suddenly decided it would probably in his best interest not to laugh or make any sarcastic comments. Instead he simply said "Yes, dear."
Temari gave him another glare and then stalked off back into the kitchen. Shikamaru finished setting the table just when the doorbell rang.
"Shikamaru. Get the door!" Temari yelled at him from the kitchen.
"Yes, dear." Shikamaru said and went over to the door. He opened it to reveal a grinning Kankuro, who was actually without his warpaint for once, and his girlfriend Emi.
"Is that apple pie I smell?" Kankuro asked before Shikamaru could get any of the usual pleasantries out.
Shikamaru nodded his head in affirmation.
"Excellent! Nobody makes apple pie like Temari." Kankuro said, before barging into the house past Shikamaru and into the kitchen.
Honestly, Shikamaru wondered sometimes what Emi saw in Kankuro. Actually pretty much all of the time he wondered what Emi saw in Kankuro. Emi was a bubbly, pretty little brunette, while Kankuro… well he was Kankuro.
"How are you doing, Shikamaru?" Emi asked, as Shikamaru ushered her into the house and took her coat.
"Oh, well other than—"
"OWWW!" Kankuro let out a howl of pain from inside the kitchen.
"Keep your hands off of that pie Kankuro! That's for desert." They heard Temari sternly warn Kankuro.
"But Temari I want some now!" Kankuro pleaded.
Emi smiled at Shikamaru and said "He's like a little kid sometimes. It's one of the things I find most endearing about him."
Shikamaru bit his tongue to stop himself from saying to Emi that if she thought that was endearing then she needed to get her head checked.
The rest of the evening progressed as usual. Temari and Emi chatted away with each other, Kankuro spent his time engulfing as much food as possible, and Shikamaru was left to inject an occasional "Hmm" or sarcastic comment into Temari's and Emi's conversation. After dinner they had pie and tea, and then Kankuro and Emi left.
It was only after dinner, when Shikamaru and Temari were lying in bed together, that Shikamaru learned that something absolutely catastrophic had happened during dinner.
Shikamaru was reading some mission reports, when Temari interrupted his reading and asked "Did you see the necklace that Emi was wearing today?"
"No." Shikamaru answered, not bothering to look up from what he was doing.
"Kankuro gave it to her last month for her Birthday."
"Hmm." Shikamaru murmured, continuing to focus on the reports.
"It was a pink opal, not really to my taste but it was perfect for her."
"Hmm."
"Shikamaru! Put down those goddam reports and listen to me!" Temari demanded, sounding very irate.
Shikamaru looked up from his reports to his wife, who currently looked none too happy with him. "Alright, I was listening you know. Kankuro gave Emi a pink opal necklace for her Birthday. Geeze woman, I don't know why you are so upset. It's not exactly like that was important breaking news."
"I am upset," Temari ground out, "Because my idiot brother went all the way to Land of the Waves in order to get a really sweet and romantic gift for his girlfriend of six month's Birthday, but my goddam husband, who I have been in a relationship with for over five years has never once bought me something NICE!" She screeched.
"What do you mean I've never bought you anything nice? I bought you that bladed fan for your Birthday. You loved it."
"You bought that for me because I TOLD you to. I had to take you to the shop and tell you specifically to buy it for me!"
"So? That worked out well didn't it? You got something nice that you wanted?"
"That's not the point! A gift is supposed to be a thoughtful expression of your feelings. Is it too much to ask that you put some goddam effort in Shikamaru?"
"Okay, okay," Shikamaru said, sensing that Temari was beginning to get a bit hysterical, "What would you like me to do?"
"I want you to put some effort in! Our wedding anniversary is coming up and I want YOU to find a nice gift for ME, without me having to badger you about it the whole time! And it better be something thoughtful and meaningful."
"Alright, alright. If it means that much to you I will make sure to get you some sort of thoughtful and meaningful gift for our anniversary." Shikamaru said, leaning in to give Temari a kiss on the cheek.
As much as Shikamaru had been dreading going shopping for Temari's gift, he really hadn't meant to leave it to the last minute. Just he had been sent on a six-day mission the day after Temari had made her demand, which hadn't worried him at the time as he would still have five days when he got back to find Temari the perfect gift. After all, he had thought at the time, 'How hard could finding the perfect gift for Temari be?'
Oh, if only he could go back in time and shake his stupid, naïve, self.
The day he had got back from his mission he had spent resting. After all, he had been working six days straight. He had figured he could begin looking for a gift for Temari the following day, which would be still be four days before their anniversary; more than enough time to find a gift for her. After all he had known Temari for over eight years and been in a relationship with her for five, so he figured that it would be easy for him to find a gift she would like.
So the following day was when he had begun his mission to find the perfect gift for Temari.
He had started off making a list of things that he knew Temari liked: Fans, Her brothers, Suna, The colour purple, Weasels, Growing plants, Tofu soup, Hot weather.
However after analyzing the list Shikamaru had to conclude that none of Temari's likes that he knew of would make for very good gift ideas. The best ideas he was able to get from the list was buying Temari some plants, or a purple stuffed weasel, but somehow those didn't seem like very special anniversary gifts.
Being a genius though, this was only a minor hitch for Shikamaru, and he had quickly moved on to a new strategy, he would ask their friends and family in Konoha what to get Temari for their anniversary. Surely one of them would have a good idea for a gift.
Their friends and family each had plenty of suggestions for what to get Temari, however Shikamaru had quickly found flaws in every single one of the suggested gifts.
Why don't you take her out for dinner? – Chouji
We already go out for dinner once every week.
Jewellery! Every girl loves jewellery! I can help you pick something out! – Ino
Temari doesn't wear jewellery. She says it gets in the way when she is fighting.
What about a weapon? That's a perfect gift for a shinobi. – Tenten
I already got her a bladed fan for Christmas.
Alcohol! – Kiba
Idiot!
Take her out for ramen! – Naruto
Idiot!
How about a nice dress? There is this really beautiful pink dress that they have in the window of this store downtown which I totally want to but it's really expensive and… – Sakura
I don't want to risk getting Temari something that might not fit.
How about you actually help around the house for once? – His mother
Too much work.
Why don't you take her on a trip to Suna to visit her family? –Kurenai
That would be thoughtful and meaningful, but the problem was as Ambassador to Suna Temari already regularly went to Suna at least once a month.
With consulting his friends and family being a bust, Shikamaru had moved onto a less structured approach: Wandering around inside the stores of Konoha in hopes of finding something perfect for Temari.
Twenty-two stores later he had still been in the exact same place when he had started: Without a gift for Temari.
Shikamaru had called it a day then, after all he still had had three more days to find a gift.
The next two days Shikamaru had spent visiting the shops in all the nearby villages in hopes of finding something that just screamed 'A perfect gift for Temari!' to him. He came across more knick-knacks, curiosities, and shiny pretty things then he ever had before in his life, but nothing that would make a good gift for Temari. Shikamaru wished that he had married a regular girl who liked jewellery or cute little cat figurines.
Shikamaru had gone home in defeat, and while he had lay in bed that night the same thing had run over and over in his head: That he was doomed and that Temari was going to kill him.
The morning of their wedding anniversary Shikamaru had gotten up early (nine o'clock was early to him on a non-work day) with the intention of browsing through the shops of Konoha one last time and to find something, anything, for Temari, so he at least wouldn't show up empty handed that night. But then he had seen the bar doors and had thought that he was going to need something to fortify him for the day, and so he had gone in, and that is how he found himself sitting in a bar a little after ten o'clock, downing his second glass of beer.
As Shikamaru polished off his second glass of beer, he considered to himself that things couldn't get any worse.
"Yosh Shikamaru! What are you doing here so early in the morning?"
Rock Lee. They had gotten worse. Lee was a good guy, but not the type of person you wanted around when you were trying to drown your sorrows in a glass of beer.
"Drinking." Shikamaru laconicly replied, not looking up at Lee, in the hopes that Lee would get the hint.
He didn't. Instead Lee took this as an invitation to sit down on the stool next to Shikamaru and put his arm around him.
"I see that good friend. But what is it that has brought you inside this dreary place to drown your sorrows on this fine November day?"
"Temari."
"Ah, I see, problems with the wife. Perhaps I could be of assistance; after all I have learned how to charm the ladies from Sensei Gai himself! Now tell me what your problem is!"
The prospect of getting advice from Lee or Sensei Gai about women was rather frightening to Shikamaru, however he was in such a deep hole right now that he figured it couldn't hurt. At least it would be good for a laugh.
"It's our anniversary today and I haven't got her a gift yet."
"Oh dear, that does not sound good Shikamaru-kun. "
"Tell me about it."
"Hmm, well Temari-san is a very practical person is she not?"
Shikamaru nodded his head at this.
"Well then perhaps you should consider getting her a practical gift." Lee suggested.
Shikamaru wondered if perhaps he had had more than two beers today, because what Lee was saying actually sounded like good advice.
"But what type of practical gift? I already got her a weapon for her Birthday and I don't want to get her clothes or a notebook or something stupid like that."
"Hmm, well can you think of something useful that she might need?"
"Well last night when she was cleaning the house she said she needed a more useful husband." Shikamaru muttered.
"Aha! I HAVE IT!" Lee exclaimed in triumph, jumping out of his seat and causing all the other patrons in the bar to stare, "What is the household chore that Temari hates the most?"
"Washing the dishes." Shikamaru automatically answered. If he had a penny for every time she had complained about having to wash the dishes he would be a rich man.
"You should get Temari something that will help with that household chore then. Why not get Temari a dishwasher?"
Shikamaru looked at Lee with wide eyes, that boy was a genius.
Two days later
"What are you doing here?" Shikaku asked his son, who much to his dismay had apparently taken up residence on their couch while Shikaku had been away on a diplomatic mission.
"Temari kicked me out." His son said sullenly.
"Why?"
"She wanted me to get her something meaningful and thoughtful for our anniversary and I screwed up."
"Did you forget to get her something?"
"No."
"Ah, so you got her the wrong thing then?"
Shikamaru nodded.
"Why didn't you just ask her what she wanted?"
"That was the bloody problem! She wouldn't tell me what she wanted. She kept on going on and on about how I should put some effort into getting her a gift because Kankuro had went all the way to the Land of the Waves to get a stupid necklace for his girlfriend, and then when I actually do put some thought and effort into getting her a gift she hates the damn thing!"
"What did you get her?"
"A dishwasher. I thought it would be a good gift because it was practical, and Temari hates doing dishes so this would save her from having to do them. But when Temari saw it she started screaming at me that all I thought she was good for was housework, and that she wasn't some housewife whose main goal in life was to keep a clean house and please her husband."
Shikaku let out a sigh and then plopped himself down on the couch beside Shikamaru. "Son, let me give you some advice. Never give a woman an appliance for a gift. Practical isn't romantic. And wedding anniversaries are meant to celebrate your love for each other, so you better do something romantic."
"Gee, Dad, thanks for the great advice. This is really helpful after the fact." Shikamaru said snarkily.
Ahh, kids. No matter what you do they always were ungrateful little bastards.
"Son, this advice is going to help you out because you still have to do something to make this up to Temari."
Shikamaru sighed, "I know Dad. I just don't know how I'm going to do that."
"Well how did you convince her to marry you in the first place?"
"I took on her on a picnic in the Nara clan forest and proposed to her there."
"There you have it. That's what you need to do. To women there's nothing more romantic than recreating a special moment from the past."
"The only problem being it's November and therefore cold and wet and frosty outside. Somehow I don't think Temari is going to be that keen on sitting on frozen leaves out in the cold."
"Then do it inside."
"How I am supposed to recreate a summer picnic inside?"
"You're a genius. You figure it out." Shikaku said, patting his son on the leg, and then satisfied that his work here was done he got up and went upstairs to pick up his dirty clothes off the floor and put them into the laundry hamper. Considering his son was already sleeping on the couch he definitely did not want to do anything to upset his wife.
One day later
"I don't know why I'm agreeing to do this." Temari grumbled as Shikamaru led her blindfolded towards an old barn on the Nara property.
"Please, just trust me. I promise you won't be disappointed." Shikamaru assured her, as he led her through the door and into the barn.
Once inside Shikamaru closed the door and then he took off her blindfold. Temari gasped in astonishment.
"Do you remember this?" Shikamaru asked.
Temari nodded, "This looks exactly like the spot in the forest where you proposed to me," she said as she surveyed the inside of the barn, which really didn't look like a barn at all, but instead like the Nara clan forest on a warm summer's day. There were trees all around the barn, and what looked like grass and flowers underneath their feet. In the trees were tiny birds and squirrels, and meandering along, eating the grass were what looked like deer. In the middle was a small clearing with a blanket and a picnic basket set down on the ground.
"How did you do this?" Temari asked, looking around in amazement, as a one of the deer approached her to graze on the grass by her feet. For once Shikamaru had rendered her speechless.
Shikamaru smirked before explaining, "I got Sai to use his Imitation Picture techniques to create everything that you see here. Originally I had thought of using genjutsu but then I didn't think you would take too kindly to being placed under an illusion."
Temari smiled at him then, the smile that had made him fall in love with her, and then she said "Well let's get on with our picnic."
Several hours later
Shikamaru and Temari lay together on the floor naked, with the picnic blanket wrapped around them and Temari's head resting on Shikamaru's chest.
As Sikamaru absentmindedly stroked Temari's arm he said, "Temari, I really am sorry that I screwed up our wedding anniversary. I didn't meant to imply that you are just a housewife because you mean a lot more than that to me."
Temari turned her head to look up at Shikamaru and said "I forgive you."
"I'll make sure to get rid of the dishwasher tomorrow." Shikamaru added, grateful to be back on Temari's good side.
"What? You can't do that!" Temari exclaimed, sitting up and looking at Shikamaru in outrage.
"But you hate it." Shikamaru said, sitting up as well.
"I hated it because it was terrible anniversary gift. But as a household appliance I've found it really is quite useful. Actually I don't know why you never bought me one before. That would have saved me a lot of trouble."
Shikamaru sighed and laid back down.
Troublesome woman.