[I take no credit for anything but this story. And this is my first R&I story so shoot me if you want. I'm bored at work and this is my "look busy" activity. Oh and I changed a word here or there in the lyrics to fit the way I wanted. ]

This short one shot starts a few days after Jane shot Maura's father. Lyrics to Joni Mitchell's A Case of You

"Hey, Murray." Jane said with little effort or emotion as she walked into the Dirty Robber with her head hung low. Her black boots scuffed along the floor as she drug her long, lanky legs to her…their favorite booth. Jane literally collapsed onto the red cushioned seat.

With a heavy sigh she rested her elbows on the table and laid her head in her hands. She didn't feel the scars today. The only hurt she felt was in her heart. She looked across the booth to the empty seat and her heart broke even more. Jane recalled the last conversation she and Maura had about Paddy Doyle. How could Maura be so blinded by the danger of this man?

Just before our love got lost you said

"I'm as constant as a Northern Star"

And I said "Constantly in the darkness.

Where's that at?

If you want me I'll be in the bar.

Murray walked up holding her usual bottle of beer in his hand. He set it on the coaster in front of her. On any other day the ice cold beer would be refreshing and inviting but today she could barely stomach it but mindlessly drank it anyway.

On the back of a cartoon coaster

In the blue tv screen light

"Detective, where's your partner in crime?" He nodded towards the other side of the booth and asked in his thick Boston accent.

Jane shook her head. "Canada I think." She replied without looking up. She knew her eyes were blood shot and swollen. Canada. Maura needed an escape after what happened with her father…if you could call him that and Jane could not. She had to clear up some things in her head. Alone. She told Jane in a handwritten note left on Jane's pillow.

I drew a map of Canada

Oh Canada

With your face sketched on it twice

"Well when you see her tell her we got in that fancy schmancy wine she wanted." Murray turned and walked back to the bar leaving her in her own thoughts.

Oh you're in my blood like holy wine

You taste so bitter and so sweet.

Oh I could drink a case of you darling

The same thoughts that had been clouding her judgment the last few days, the same thoughts that kept her up at night, the same thoughts that made her tough exterior crumble. Maura was the only one who kept her steady.

Still I'd be on my feet

Oh I would still be on my feet.

Jane took another swig of her beer. The cold, amber liquid slid down her throat. She could literally feel it hitting the empty pit of her stomach. But she couldn't eat. Nothing tasted anymore. With Maura, Jane's life had color but without her it was just a grey slab of cold, hard steel.

Oh I'm a lonely painter

I live in a box of paints

Jane thought about how Maura was the brave one. Maura wasn't afraid of anything. Jane was the scared one. When the ghost of Charles Hoyt still haunted her to her core, it was Maura who drew her close and held her. It was Maura who made her feel safe. But she couldn't do the same in return.

I'm frightened by the devil

And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid

The night Jane killed Hoyt she thought those demons would go away but they didn't. It was that night Maura held her and told her, for the first time, that she loved her. Jane was stunned at first, to say the least. But it felt so right. Something about hearing those words from Maura made her feel complete. Jane's breath caught remembering hearing Maura say those words.

I remember that time you told me you said

"Love is touching souls"

Surely you touched mine

'Cause part of you pours out of me

In these lines from time to time

A lump formed in Jane's throat as she recalled that night. She knew she had feelings for Maura but she didn't know how deep they ran…or maybe she did but didn't know what to do with them. Maura was so prim and proper that Jane couldn't tell if Maura felt the same way. Jane could read the face of any perp and tell if he was lying. But Maura? No, Maura was the one person who stumped her. But that night…that night she could see the love in Maura's eyes. It melted her heart. Had she just been oblivious to it all this time?

Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine

You taste so bitter and so sweet

The moment she felt herself in Maura's arms she knew it was right. Jane couldn't let Paddy's killing come between them. Paddy was a dangerous man who put a target on Maura's back. But if Jane could take it all back she would. To see the hurt and the betrayal on Maura's face was like a punch in the gut.

Oh I could drink a case of you darling

And I'd still be on my feet

I would still be on my feet

Jane sluggishly raised her arm for another beer. Her body was so weak. It had been since after she shot Paddy. Jane's legs went weak and she collapsed to her knees when Maura snapped at her after the shooting. She'd never seen Maura so hurt. After that night Maura didn't return to Jane's apartment and she wasn't at her own home either. Her cell phone went unanswered. Jane knew that Maura needed her space but Jane needed to explain to Maura why she did it…why she shot Paddy. She had to admit that she was beyond scared that he or someone associated with him would harm Maura. And Jane couldn't and wouldn't let that happen.

Murray brought the new beer and walked away without a word. This was a cop bar. Murray knew what had happened. Jane looked out the window into the dark rainy night. It was rainy and foggy that night she shot Paddy and Maura couldn't be found. She thought for a second about putting a bolo out for Maura's car fearful that she may have been in an accident. But Jane knew that would upset her even more. So Jane went to see the person who knew Maura the longest…Maura's mom.

I met a woman

She had a mouth like yours

She knew your life

She knew your devils and your deeds

And she said

"Go to her, stay with her if you can,

But be prepared to bleed."

Connie Isles may not have been Maura's birth mother but she was her mom in every sense of the word. Jane pleaded with Connie to tell her where Maura was but she got nowhere. Connie told Jane to look within her heart and she would find her. And in the back of her mind, Jane knew Connie wouldn't betray Maura's trust. If she knew anything Jane knew that no one betrayed Maura's trust. After that Jane drove around aimlessly for hours in the rain. Finally she gave in and went home. The note from Maura was on her pillow when she got there.

Oh but you are in my blood

You're my holy wine

You're so bitter, bitter and so sweet.

Jane didn't sleep that night. Nor would she probably sleep tonight. It had been 4 sleepless nights already. Her body was starting to give up but her heart wouldn't. How was it possible for one person to take your breath and your life away in one moment? She didn't know how she'd go on without Maura. Tears welled in her eyes.

Wobbly, Jane stood up and tossed a 20 dollar bill on the table to cover her beers and tip. She straightened and headed towards the door just as the door opened and Maura walked in. The welled up tears broke their dam when she saw her love standing there soaking wet from the rain. Jane locked her knees so she wouldn't sink to the floor.

Oh I could drink a case of you darling

Still I'd be on my feet

I would still be on my feet