I watch as the early sunlight dances on their heads. My two children playing in the meadow, innocent and carefree in a way that we never were. They don't know the hunger or the fear. They only know freedom and how hard we had to fight for it. For them it's a part of history. For Peeta and me it's still very much a reality we had to learn to live with. I look over to Peeta and find him staring at me with those intense blue eyes that always make my heart skip a beat, even after twenty five years. He knows how difficult the next few days are going to be. Not just for me, for him too. And for Haymitch. The thought of going back to the Capitol has brought back nightmares for all three of us. Haymitch! I forgot all about the time and knowing Effie, she won't be late. "I'll go see if Haymitch is ready. Please don't let Prim and Cinna get dirty before the cameras get here." Peeta nods but he knows just as well as I do that our daughter is every bit of a tomboy as I was and the chance of her keeping her dress clean is slim to none. Especially since we made her wear a dress to begin with.
I cross the distance to Haymitch's house. The curtains are drawn but I don't even bother knocking and just go in. He's standing in front of a full length mirror in his bedroom, cursing at his reflection but scowls at me the moment I walk in.
"Remind me again why I let you talk me into this?"
I smirk and walk up to him to fix his tie. My hands are much steadier than his. Not from drinking though. Haymitch hasn't had a drop of white liquor in almost ten years. He gave it up right after Prim was born. The moment we asked him to be her godfather was probably the only moment in the history of ever that he didn't have a snappy comeback. And being part of a family again has transformed our old mentor. Well, not completely. He still makes a mess of his house and is unbearable to almost everyone but us, but he seems happier. If you disregard the traumas of the dark days and the nightmares.
"You know why. It's the 25th anniversary of the fall of the Capitol and Effie will be here soon with a camera crew. We managed to hold them off for many years but now everyone wants to hear from the star crossed lovers from District 12 and to see how we're all doing." I can't hide the sarcasm in my voice.
"So let them film you and leave me in peace" he mumbles. "And what about the geese. I can't leave them by themselves."
I stifle a smile. "Those birds will survive a few days without you. They always have." I take a step back and look at my handy work. "There, that looks better." Haymitch turns to the mirror and huffs. I know how he feels. Going back to the place that holds so many bad memories isn't a picnic for me either.
Back at our house the kids flock to Haymitch. He picks up Cinna and throws him up in the air only to catch him again. Cinna's laughter fills the kitchen, a sound I can never get enough of. It reminds me of our kitchen in the Seam, when my father was still alive. Or the Hawthorne kitchen when all the children were little. Now they're all grown up and had families of their own. Including Gale. I still talk to him every now and then. He's still living in 2 with his wife and their four children, the fifth on the way. When he told me he met someone and they were getting married, I was shocked at first. I had no right to be jealous, not after pushing him away, but he'd always been my Gale. No one ever could accuse me of being rational. But once I got over that initial reaction I was happy for him. No matter my feelings about it being Beetee's and Gale's bomb that killed my sister, I still wanted Gale to have everything I have with Peeta. That unconditional love that I could never give him because my heart was always Peeta's. Even when I was denial about that.
He comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. Those strong arms that always make me feel safe. When he rests his chin on my shoulder I lean back against his chest. It was Peeta that convinced us that we had to do this. To parade our love one more time before Panem. After all, it was our love story in the Games that started the revolution and because I was the Mockingjay, people want to know what happened when we got back to District 12. When there's a knock on the door I freeze. The kids are already at the door before I have had time to gather my thoughts. They've been chewing our ears off for details about the Capitol and they're excited to meet Effie and the others of my prep team they've heard us talk about. But now that they are here, all my children do is stare at the strange group of people standing in the doorway. I smile at the sight of them and step forward, stretching out my arms to greet Effie. I shouldn't be surprised to see that she hasn't changed one bit. It's like she hasn't aged a day since the last time I saw her, the day my arrow took out Coin instead of former President Snow. But I heard it was Effie's testimony at my trial that moved the jury to tears and undoubtedly helped set me free. Something I will never stop owing her for.
"Katniss.." she gasps and hugs me. As she does I get a whiff of perfume and hairspray that is about as subtle as a freight train.
"Effie. You look fabulous" I mimic her. She rewards me with a smirk. At least I think it's a smirk. It's hard to tell underneath all the make up she has on. And it looks like some parts of her face are paralyzed because her forehead doesn't move at all when she smiles. She gives my arm a small squeeze and then moves on to Peeta and Haymitch, giving me a chance to greet my prep team. Venia, Octavia and Flavius. All three had work done but not as extensively as Effie. Venia's facial tattoos and Octavia's green colored skin have remained unchanged but they have this unnatural youthful look that's almost believable until you look at their hands. Old people's hands. Flavius has changed the most. His orange corkscrew curls are gone and they've been replaced by a multi colored Mohawk. To stop myself from staring I pull all three into a hug but can't help looking behind them, somehow expecting to see Cinna walking in and telling them to get to work.
"Everyone in the Capitol is so excited to see you" Venia squeals. "It's all everyone is talking about. It's been so long and everyone wants to see the girl on fire."
I can't blame them but a chill runs up my spine when I hear that phrase that holds so many memories. It was Cinna that first gave me that name but when I think about girl on fire, all I can think about was the actual fire that consumed me after the parachutes exploded. The heat of the fire mutt that tried to destroy me and the pain that followed as the doctors worked their magic to save what was left of body. I push the memory out of my mind and force a smile back on my face.
"Where do you want to start?" I drop my hands to my side and let them take me in.
"Hmm. This is going to be harder than we thought. We had no idea you'd let yourself go this much. But don't worry. We'll get you camera ready." Flavius turns to Octavia and whispers a little too loud, "we're going to need the heavy instruments. That's when I know it's going to be a long day.
By the time they get me back to beauty base zero, I'm all caught up on the latest Capitol gossip about people I've never even heard of and a I can feel the beginning of a major headache. The door to the bathroom opens and Effie walks in, folding her lace gloved hands.
"There she is. You look wonderful. A few lines around the eyes but that adds to the charm. Don't worry, we can easily fix that when we get back to the Capitol. Now come along. The audience awaits and we don't want to be late. Peeta and Haymitch are waiting downstairs with the little ones." Another thing that hasn't changed. Effie is still keeping a tight schedule.
She ushers me down the stairs and I can see that she wasn't kidding about the others waiting. Peeta, Haymitch and the children are standing by the door looking nervous. Peeta sees me and a smile appears on his face. For a moment our eyes lock. We don't need words of encouragement. Just being near each other is enough. I hear Effie counting down and my hand finds Peeta's. Then the door opens and we walk outside. What was once a sad looking block of houses has now been transformed into a cozy lane with trees and plants in different colours. All the houses are occupied now so it's not just our family and Haymitch that live there but other people that have returned from District 13 as well. Like Greasy Sae or Hazelle. It was just easier for them to live close by. Especially in the beginning. But new families moved in as well. Leaving the houses empty just seemed so wasteful. That's one thing we picked up from our time living in 13. The camera zooms in and I can hear the anthem being played as the Mockingjay appears on the screen. It's now the nation's seal. As the last notes disappear I see Caesar Flickerman and give Peeta's hand another squeeze.
"Welcome everybody to this special episode on the eve of Remembrance Day. And a very warm welcome to some familiar faces all the way out in District 12. Our very own Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. And if I'm not mistaken..and I never do..Haymitch Abernathy." As always he laughs at his own joke in an over the top manner we've come accustomed to. When the camera zooms out Prim nudges her brother and they both wave nervously. I instantly feel guilty. Why did I agree to do this again? My children know nothing of the Games, other than what they've been taught at school. Exposing them to all of this only adds to my fear that one day it will all start again and I can't stand the thought of that. Peeta senses something is wrong and tightens his grip. While I'm still trying to formulate a coherent sentence, he's already way ahead of me and takes the lead.
"Thank you, Caesar. We're looking forward to coming to the Capitol and make sure that you all didn't make a mess of things in our absence." Caesar and the audience laugh at what they think is a joke but I know better. The fears that plague me also plague Peeta. I am now even more in awe of Peeta's strength. When Snow was holding Peeta prisoner, after I blew up the arena in the Quarter Quell, he made him do interviews with Caesar in an attempt to break me. They tortured him and then dragged him out to be on display for the whole of Panem to see what would happen to anyone that defied the Capital. If I'm thinking about this now, I am convinced, so is Peeta.
"We wouldn't dare. Would we, folks?" Caesar turns to the audience we can't see but hear as they roar.
"There you have it. We've been very good" he says in mischievous tone while staring directly at us. Haymitch huffs again but Peeta is quick to mask that sound with a shallow laugh of his own.
"Well then, I guess it's safe" he says mockingly. "And Katniss can leave her bow at home. There wasn't any room for it anyway with all the stuff for kids."
Caesar makes a few meaningless closing remarks and then it's over. I can't help but breathe a sigh of relief. Like clockwork Effie appears in the doorway. "Alright everybody. Get your things. We are out in ten."