We'd always been there for one another…in times of heartbreak, confusion. I'd stand by him, stay with him, and he'd cheer me up, and make me laugh.
Harry never said anything about Ron and I; not when we moved in together, not when we married. I suppose he had Ginny, but sometimes I wonder whether he was silent because he was stopping himself from saying anything. That's probably ridiculous, but nevertheless…
The truth is…I settled for Ron. Ron needed me more than Harry did. Harry defeated Voldemort, for goodness' sake – he wasn't insecure, or unreliable. He'd always been strong, whereas Ron…Ron just needed me. He'd never felt like he stood a chance against Harry for anything. He'd always felt second-best, but this time, he got to have the person he loved, regardless of whether Harry was in the picture or not. And I let him.
It wasn't that I didn't love Ron, of course I loved him, but…after all this time…it wasn't Ron who had my heart. My heart belonged to the man who'd taken it in one clumsy dance, what seems like a billion years ago, and I'm not talking about Victor. That man didn't just walk away from me when things got hard; he'd let me go if I wanted to, but he was never going to leave.
Harry had never hurt me. We'd shared our feelings of what we thought had been unrequited love for Ron and Ginny, but back then neither of us had even considered any such love for one another. Maybe that was because love between us had never seemed off the table.
It's not my fault I didn't see, at that moment then, which people were really supposed to be together; it wasn't Ron and I, it wasn't Harry and Ginny. Regardless, that doesn't stop me wishing that I hadn't been so stupid.
When Ron left us, stopped hunting Horcruxes…I stayed because it was the right thing to do. But not just to stop Voldemort – I stayed because I couldn't leave Harry. At the time, I'd thought it was just friendship, but looking back, I see that was silly. After all, Ron was my friend, too.
I think I was destined to make the choice between the two of them; unfortunately, I couldn't imagine myself living without either one of them. I did know, though, even at that time, that if I ever chose Harry, Ron would never have forgiven either of us. He would have left forever.
I had no choice, really. And like I said, I still did love Ron.
But because he'll never hear it, and because he'll never know, because our stories just weren't written out to be this way…I'll say it out loud, just this once, like Harry can hear me. Just so he's aware.
I love you Harry.
I love you more.