This is just going to be a quick 3 part story probably. I have issues with writers block when I can't get an idea out of my head and my other stories are suffering because of it lol. Hope you enjoy. Also, I will be using songs in all the chapters so if you're not a fan of songfics this probably isn't for you. Also, my punctuation is horrible I know. Trying to find a BETA. Hope you like. Reviews appreciated.
All My Friends Tell Me I Should Move On
I'm Lying In The Ocean Singing Your Song
Ahhh, That's How You Sang it.
Loving You Forever Can't Be Wrong
Even Though You're Not Here Won't Move On
Ahh, That's How We Played It.
And There's No Remedy For Memory
Your Face Is Like A Melody It Won't Leave My Head
Your Soul Is Haunting Me And Telling Me That Everything Is Fine
But I Wish I Were Dead.
…Lana Del Rey (Dark Paradise)
Chapter 1
"No freak performs on Halloween." It was a very matter of fact statement from Ethel. Although the conjoined twins had expected no less from the bearded lady they had only just begun to know "Any idiot knows that."
"That's not fair. They're new. They don't know about that old superstition." Jimmy shot back at his mother morosely.
"It's not superstition! It's true!"
""What is?" Bette dared to ask.
"Why we don't perform on Halloween. On accounts of Edward Mordrake."
Dot's head jerked as her sister moved their body forward in interest "Who?"
"Edward Mordrake. Aristocrat who lived in the middle 1800's" Ethel poured herself a tall drink as the rest of the troupe settled in for a Halloween tale that could even rattle them, no matter how many times it had been told "He was heir to all kinds of titles. Could have been a Duke or a Lord or some shit. If things had been different." She paused, swirling the amber liquid around in her glass before downing the entire contents in one long gulp "Things are never different. An Englishman of noble birth, Edward was a young man with fine attainments. He was a scholar. A Poet. A musician of rare ability."
"So what was wrong with him" Dot interrupted.
"He had another face on the back of his head as hideous as the devil. No one else could hear what it said, but it whispered to Edward incessantly of things only spoken of in Hell. He tried to kill it many times, in many way, but it wouldn't die."
"So what happened to him?" Dot and her sister stood from their seat now, completely engrossed in the tale with morbid curiosity.
"He went mad." Ethel stated, pouring herself another glass of whiskey "His family had him committed to the crazy house at Bedlam. Truth be told, they were only too happy to have the family freak banish from sight. In the crazy house he wrote poetry. Worked on an unfinished Opera. Anything to keep his mind off the demon whispering to him. It was telling him to do things. Commanding him. One night he escaped the asylum and he ended up where well all do..at the Freak Show. They billed him as "The Two-Faced Prince." He shows off all the refined skills he'd learned as a son of one of England's grand families and then..he'd take a bow."
Bette seemed enthralled by the story but her sister was less inclined to believe such a tragic tale "And he was happy. He had found a home with others like himself." She finished.
Ethel tightened her jaw and stared back down at the glass, shaking her head "There's no one like Edward. He wasn't happy. One Halloween night, Edward snapped. He murdered every freak in the troupe. All except one. Then he hung himself. Legend has it that even in death..the demon face was smiling."
"So who was the person he left alive?"
"She was thought to be his lover. Though no one knew for sure. They kept their love a secret from the Freak Show owner Julius Kane. The only problem was the demon had fallen in love with her too. He had whispered to Edward to kill her that night with the rest of the troupe but Edward couldn't do it. He had finally refused a command from the demon face and his punishment was the curse put upon the woman he loved."
"A Curse?" Dot scoffed "Now I know this story is just a myth. Who is this woman?"
The entire troupe turned their eyes to the woman sitting on top of a hay stack with her back to all of them. She had been sitting idly by quietly sewing a rip in one of Elsa's many elaborate robes. Had this tale of Edward Mordrake had anything to do with her, she made no noise of protest of even flinched during the retelling of it.
The twins eyebrows knitted together in unison "The gypsy?"
"Nonsense." Bette giggled over her sister "You said this tale was in the nineteenth century. She not a day over a woman in her twenties. Thirty at the most."
Ethel sat staring at the woman in question. She hummed quietly to herself while her hands glided down the silk fabric she was repairing with a needle and thread. The bearded lady sighed and stood from her chair "That was the curse. As long as Edward's spirit would walk this Earth collecting the souls of freaks, his true love would never die. She would never age and her heart would never stop beating. She would never be able to cross into his world."
Bette and Dot both looked over at the gypsy in awe. It was as if they were seeing her for the first time. The twins had only ever met her once since coming to the camp. Dot had been embarrassed at the way Bette had gone on and on about never seeing a woman that beautiful outside of one of her mothers fashion magazines. After that though, they had only seen her randomly throughout the day and sometimes walking the fields alone at night. They had never really understood her role among the freaks. She was billed as "The Gypsy Princess" but the twins had never actually watched her perform. If Ethel's story had any truth to it, Dot surmised that possessing her was all Elsa had in mind from the beginning.
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She often debated on who the real freaks were. The disfigured outcasts of society or perhaps society itself. The people who took no pity on the creatures born into this world through no fault of their own, only to be gawked at and ridiculed mercilessly by those that were accepted. Calling those people "The Norms" was a contradiction in itself. In her many years on this earth thus far, she had peered into the darkest recesses of mens souls and had seen none of that emptiness residing within the beating hearts of her fellow misfits. She would be forced to witness the atrocities men could inflict upon each other for many years to come. Each decade seeming worse than the last. She was not a freak due to a deformity or special ability granted to her by some higher being that had singled her out to be different than most. She was an oddity because fate had chosen her to love a man she could never be with and given her a heart that would never stop beating for him.
She was born Nadya Florica. In her fathers Romanian tongue it meant "Hope Flower." Her father had given it to her in the hopes it would be some sort of talisman that would grant her the life he had envisioned for his only daughter. He had the best of intentions. He always did. At the age of six Nadya's mother died of tuberculosis and her father dealt with the loss by turning to alcohol. His love for liquor vastly outweighed his love for his daughter and at the age of eight, he sold her off for no more than a flask of poorly made whiskey and equally adequate opium as it caused the heart attack that killed him. He had sold her to a woman who promised Nadya would be no more than her house maid. No more than a hired hand that would only have to do her share to have a roof over her head and food in her belly. Just like her father, her new mistress had had the best of intentions for her, but neither had been able to foresee the future. Neither were able to know her full potential until Nadya hit puberty. She had grown into a perfect combination of her mother and father. Dark and alluring with tanned skinned, long ebony hair and her mother's crystal blue eyes. She was exotic, nothing that the simpletons of the towns she frequented had ever seen and it had been her blessing and her curse. A curse because her mistresses greed had caused Nadya to know the touch of a man far too soon for a girl her age. A blessing because someday she believed that her untamed beauty would cause a man to want to own her completely. He would take her away from the pain. Take her away from the life of servitude. Instead, her mistress had other plans. She sold Nadya to a man who explained he was a aesthete. A man who claimed to have a sensitivity and appreciation for beautiful things. Nadya thought she had finally found her place in high society. She thought this man was going to take her around the world and show her art and music and literature in exchange for her companionship. She should have known better than to dream for something more for herself. More than what her already predetermined destiny had mapped out for her. The man had turned out to be a collector of beautiful things, but these things were rare not for their beauty, but for their unique oddities.
His name was Julius Kane. A surly yet handsome man with a medium build and undefined accent. Owner and ringmaster of a traveling circus that had gained notoriety for its freak show. He didn't educate her on everything the world had to offer and had denied her. He didn't make love to her in the magical sprawling fields of Ireland or under the velvet night skies of Tuscany. The reality was her travels would only stretch as far as the rural states and backwoods towns they frequented. Her education would be limited to refining her skills in the bedroom and learning to manipulate the male mind. And she and her new owner did anything but make love. She was held down by him and forced into being not only cooperative, but faking the pleasure that came naturally with the act. She hated it as much as she hated him. Julius had made her the diamond in the rough amongst his oddities. He passed her off as a foreign untouched beauty that men would pay just to set eyes on. And, for the right price, take the virginity that had already been stolen from her a long time ago. He dressed her up like an exotic gypsy princess, fitting to her physical beauty. She learned to sing and dance the way of her father's people in the hopes it would make her more authentic and appealing to the simpletons in the towns they visited. In time, Nadya had learned to block it all out. Learned to make herself numb to human emotion. That was until the day she met him. Until she fell in love with him and he fell in love with her. Unfortunately, so had the demon face attached to him.
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"Miss Nadya. Miss Elsa wishes to see you in her tent."
Had it not been a particularly calm Florida day, Nadya would never have heard the tiny voice coming just two feet off the ground. She smiled down at the tiny Indian woman reaching up to her with a grin that reached clear up to eyes "Well Ma Petite, we should not keep our star talent waiting should we?" She swept the small woman into her arms and Ma Petite giggled like a child while singing and stroking Nadya's long black hair. The women entered their eccentric leaders grand tent, the smell of opium saturating the fine pink and white silks hanging on the walls. Nadya placed her little companion down in a basket near Elsa's bed, a makeshift cradle that would have seemed offensive if Ma Petite didn't retain that childlike innocence that made her so endearing. Passing through the drawn curtains of Elsa's sitting room, Nadya found her boss in an almost frenzied excited state.
"You asked for me Miss Elsa?"
The patriarch turned from pulling garments from her expansive closet and glanced quizzically over her shoulder "Ah my beautiful Nadezhda. We have much to discuss" Elsa pointed to the delicate garment being brandished in Nadya's hand "Is that my Dior robe?"
Nadya nodded "The tear was on the seam. I was able to mend it for you."
"Vundabar my darling! Vundabar." Elsa snatched the robe from her hands and checked it over meticulously "This is one of my favorites. Grace Kelly owns the exact same one. Did you know that?"
Nadya shook her head. She knew the gaudy article of clothing was a poorly executed attempt at a designer piece by some amateur seamstress in town, but she would never admit that to Elsa. She had grown used to indulging the woman in her delusions of grandeur and fame. It was the least she could do for the kindness she showed her on occasion. After all, she was using Elsa just as much as Elsa was using her. Nadya sat down on the lavish couch smoothing out her multicolored skirt and adjusting her black off the shoulder blouse, trying not to notice the look of disdain that crossed Elsa's face when her eyes flicked over her. If Elsa had her way, Nadya would be forced to wear the ridiculous flashy and risqué clothing she performed in all the time. "You wanted to discuss something with me?"
"Yes. Yes. Yes." Elsa's eyes went back to their previous sparkle as she hunkered down in front of her vanity "I need you to perform tonight. Well, you and I will perform tonight" she corrected "You will open for me."
Nadya fought the smile tugging at her rose colored lips. This was what she had been hoping for. From the very moment she met Elsa and came to know of her dreams of fame and fortune, she knew Elsa's ambition would outweigh her fear of performing on Halloween. There had been at least one thing Elsa had been honest about since their rather fortuitous meeting less than a year ago and that was how she knew of Nadya's story. How it entwined with the legend of Edward Mordrake. She also admitted that she didn't believe in the superstition and was merely offering Nadya a place in her show where the position of gypsy needed to be filled.
"It's Halloween. We don't perform on Halloween." Nadya did her best to feign shock and hoped Elsa would not see through her façade.
The older woman seemed more focused on the arduous task of applying her make up than her gypsy's sincerity. She waved a hand at her dismissively "Nonsense. I have it on the highest authority that we will be visited by an attache' and I refuse to not be ready for his arrival. I need to rehearse."
"Why would you have me open for you?" Nadya's brows knitted together in confusion. She was now genuinely interested in Elsa's logic.
"Because my dear. My monsters are scared of superstitions. Once they see nothing happens from your performance, they will be more inclined to assist me in my rehearsal. I can't do everything at once can I?"
"You know I can't summon Edward. Even if I perform I cannot summon him."
Elsa rolled her eyes and dropped her brow pencil down onto the glass table "I know that but my children do not. I will not let these trivial myths get in the way of me being taken away from this place. Oh my Liebchin" She patronizingly cooed "What is the matter? If the tales are true you will have a chance to see your phantom lover. One day a year for the rest of eternity right?" Elsa's chuckle turned into almost cackling laughter that plucked relentlessly at Nadya's nerves.
"Why would you assume that none of the story is true Elsa? How would you explain away my immortality when you yourself challenged it?"
The smile slid from Elsa's face "Myth" she hissed again.
Nadya stood from the couch and crossed the room to her egotistical caregiver. She placed a hand on each of her shoulders and bent down till her cheek brushed against loosely coiled blonde curls "The only myth in the story is that I have been cursed with an undying heart that has become so bitter it pains me to have it still beat in my chest. Through the many lives I've lived. The things I've learned. The people I have seen come and wither away with time. My heart is content in the knowledge I have loved far greater and far deeper than any fairytale written or yet to be imagined. I fell in love with a man who would have been far outside the reach of my station and in turn, not only did he fall in love with me, but so did the demon with no heart to return the affection. Can you say the same Fraulein? Now.." Nadya paused before taking a step back "What is it you wish of me tonight? Belly dancing? Fire eating?"
Their eyes met in the reflection of the mirrored vanity. Though Elsa's glare didn't waver, Nadya could see the previously budding superiority withering away by the expression on her face. "Your gypsy attire is boring and outdated. You will wear the black dress Ethel had made for you and you will sing. I want my monsters to hear amateur talent before I grace them with my new song" Nadya opened her mouth to argue but promptly shut it. She had already offended the other woman and the last thing she wanted was for Elsa to change her mind and end up confined to her tent in an alcohol induced haze.
"Yes Miss Elsa." She agreed.
Nadya dipped out of the room, passing a goodbye wave to Ma Petite as she stepped back out into the dusky afternoon.
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"I don't know why ya agreed to this. It's not too late to decline ya know. Save us all a lot of worry. The twins are already on stage hollerin' about how they want to practice. Got the rest of the troupe on edge."
Ethel's thick Baltimore accent was heavy with worry as she put the finishing touches on Nadya's black tresses. Perhaps there was a small twinge of guilt radiating from somewhere in Nadya's chest. A feeling that had remained dormant till joining Miss Elsa's traveling band of misfits. Truth be told, she had grown very fond of them. Jimmy with his boyish charms and overprotective nature towards his troupe. Paul with his quiet insight and intelligence. Even the pinheads Salty and Pepper had an innocence she admired so. Though Ethel was Elsa's right hand woman and as loyal as the day was long, Nadya was beginning to regard her as the mother figure she never really had. Her feelings for them would never outweigh her need or her love for Edward. They would never be able to replace the void in her soul that plagued her everyday. If she wanted to see him, there must be a sacrifice.
"Ethel, you know you would never say no to Elsa so I don't know how you think I would get away with such a thing."
"No. Suppose you're right." The bearded lady paused dramatically and thought carefully "I know why Miss Elsa wants ya to perform for the troupe first. I know that ya can't summon him. I know that's part of the curse. Ya gotta find someone to do it for you."
Nadya's hands went idle in front of her "Are you going to stop me?"
"Don't matter what I say, Elsa's gonna do what she wants regardless. Will that mean that Edward will take her?"
"I don't know. That is something that cannot be foreseen. Only the demon can de…"
"And what about my boy?" Ethel interrupted "Would he take my boy?"
"Jimmy may not be innocent but his soul has yet to be tarnished by this world. He will not be chosen. I promise."
"That's a pretty big guarantee for not being able to see the future."
Nadya pushed her lips into a tight line and reached over to retrieve something from her small wooden keepsake box. Ethel watched as she pulled a black velvet choker adorned with an antique locket. The woman was certain if this Freak Show went belly up due to Elsa's sudden disappearance, Nadya's trinket would fetch a pretty penny. The ebony haired beauty gingerly pulled apart the silver as if it were the finest glass. She ran a thumb over the picture inside before passing it to Ethel.
"He had given that to me the same day he told me he loved me." Nadya smiled sullenly "It was his mother's. The only thing she had given him before the family disposed of him in that Asylum." She watched the reality settle into Ethel's face and the other woman now held onto the locket like it were precious gold "Its been almost thirty years since I've seen him last. In the beginning it was easier for me to convince people to dismiss Edward Mordrake as just folklore. I could get them to perform on Halloween by simply reminding them of the profit the holiday brought with it. Halloween was such a new tradition to America at the time and was more for adults than for children to get dressed up and collect treats door to door. The adults came out in droves to the shows looking to be scared and mystified by the unknown. He would come to me then. Seek me out in his search for the next member of his coterie. We would spend whatever time the demon would allow us. An hour. A moment." Nadya frowned and sucked in a sharp breath "Unfortunately, the myth crossed into reality when word spread of carnies and freaks turning up dead after performing on Halloween. It was more difficult then to find a traveling show that would disregard the superstition. I traveled the world many years before finding a small troupe that was failing and willing to do whatever it took to remain relevant. When Edward found me that night, I realized the demon was beginning to consume him. In life he had become a slave to the whispers and manipulation. In death the demon had complete control."
Ethel looked down at the faded picture of the man contained in the locket. He was handsome. Regal. The epitome of high society with his well placed cravat and top hat "What happened?"
"He looked at me as if it were the first time. Not the way a lover wishes to be seen, but vacant and emotionless. The locket around my neck was the only thing that brought him back to me. I got to see my Edward as I remembered him. Without the influence of that covetous devil face. I had waited years to only have a moment and he was gone again before we could savor our time together." Nadya shook her head as if coming out of some sort of trance and looked up at Ethel with tears in her eyes "So much time has passed since that I fear it will take more than a piece of jewelry to make him remember. You see, that is the real curse. My love for him is all consuming and will be for the rest of my very, very, long life, but the demon will make him forget. Hell has no place for such emotions."
Ethel pursed her lips together and snapped the locket shut. She stood and handed Nadya a handkerchief from her apron pocket "Wish I could forget someone I used to love. Now, fix your face. It'll be my hide if you make Elsa wait."
Nadya wasn't surprised by Ethel's sudden dismissive reaction. She would have been surprised if the woman had acted any other way. Before Ethel made her way out to the stage, she took the velvet strand of the locket and tied it securely in place around Nadya's neck "Hurry up."
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"Sit. Sit. Sit." Elsa's mood was borderline jovial, a rarity these days as she ushered her oddities into the performance tent. She looked every bit the movie star she envisioned herself to be in her extravagant deep green dress with matching gloves and flowing boa.
"Our resident gypsy and I have a little show for you. To show you that this superstition is just that. Superstition."
"Do you think that's a good idea Miss Elsa? What if Mr. Mordrake.."
"Nonsense!" Elsa growled, the displeasure in her voice filling up every inch of the giant tent "I will not have such childish stories hindering the jobs I pay you to do! Do I make myself clear?! At her troupes silent retort, Elsa's painted red lips turned back up into a smile "Now. I know listening to the twins sing yesterday may have seemed like punishment and I apologize. Not everyone can have the talent. If you can sit through Nadya's song and realize there is no such thing as Edward Mordrake, I will perform my new song for you as a Halloween treat. How does that sound?" Elsa frowned once again, the feigned smiles and concerned stares not doing much for her slowly deflating ego. She pushed it aside, raising up a hand for Salty to dim the lights and bring the glowing grinning faces of the pumpkins lining the stage to life "Nadezhda! Begin!"
Nadya stepped up to the microphone, one hand shadowing her eyes from the lone spotlight. Elsa's eyes flicked over her and she couldn't help but notice how the aging woman fidgeted awkwardly in her seat. It was juvenile perhaps, but Nadya felt an odd satisfaction at the fact she was about to best the woman at her own delusional game.
Seems that I have been held, In some dreaming state
A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber
Until I realized that it was you who held me under
Felt it my fist, in my feet in the hollows of my eyelids
Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs.
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world
Elsa was stealing glances at the awestruck faces of her monsters. She had never allowed Nadya to do anything more than perform the dances she had perfected. After being upstaged by the twins the other day, she would have to make the gypsy's performance a one night affair. She had eternity and Elsa was already wasting away.
And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back
Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone
No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden
No more dreaming like a girl so in love so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love so in love
No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world
"ENOUGH!" Elsa's command was so loud it rose over the pounding of drums on the stage. She cleared her throat and adjusted the boa around her neck. "That's enough my liebchen." she lowered her tone and grinned in spite of herself "I think you have proven my point my dear. I see no phantom oddity in our midst. No two faced demon. Now, we can continue with our rehearsal. Yes?"
Nadya backed away from the microphone, her eyes catching Ethel's before the bearded lady left the tent to retire for the evening. The sound of crow calling from outside had her attention drifting away from Elsa's deceptive speech. Edward would be here if he wasn't already in the eyes of the blackbird cackling in the darkness. Elsa was climbing the stairs to replace Nadya at the microphone. The stage was large but not enough to hold Nadya, Elsa and her ego.
"You're dismissed."
Nadya nodded, more than happy to be released to go back to her tent in preparation for his arrival. The drums began to play once more to the beat of Elsa's song, this time in tune with Nadya's feet pounding quickly on the ground towards her tent. She was already pulling at the satin dress Elsa had insisted she wore that evening. It was as tight as it was opulent. Nothing like the clothes she preferred. The clothes Edward would identify her with. His memory was already being taken over, she didn't need to confuse him further. Nadya was ripping the garment from her body and rubbing the lip rouge from her mouth when something caught her attention. Emerald green mist crashed through the fields like water breaking on the shore, consuming everything in its path. Lightening lit up the sky and the thunder rumbled in the distance though the smell of rain was absent from the thick air. She hurried into her skirt and blouse, discarding the dress to somewhere in the corner of the tent. Pausing, she caught a glance of herself in the mirror. She was unchanged, as she always would be, the locket sitting just below her clavicle. Nadya pulled out the chair from her vanity and sat, fidgeting compulsively with her skirt. She had waited thirty years for this moment and now her nerves were feeling the gravity of their impending meeting. The green fog seeped in through the bottom of her tent bringing with it the scent of earth…and death. The wind around her picked up and the candles in the tent flickered and danced before burning out. All except one. It glowed warmly through the tent casting an ethereal glow in the darkness.
"Forgive the intrusion beautiful one."
Nadya's eyes drifted shut at the sound of his voice coming from behind her. The voice she would never forget no matter how long she walked this earth. It had been burned into her heart and her mind. It was the same voice she heard in her dreams every night "Edward." she whispered.
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I wasn't going to put the full Florence And The Machine song in, but tonight's episode made me do it! The song is called "Blinding" and I do not own it. The next chapter is going to be how Edward and Nadya's met and their past and how she came to be with Elsa's troupe. It will fill in the blanks. Please read and review. No haters please.