I have not watched/read all of Apocrypha yet, so please forgive any inconsistencies or vagueness of time and place. I just really love these two and their relationship, and I wanted to write something about them.
x
Astolfo walked along the very top of the roof, where the two sides met, balancing as carefully as he could- and even then, he still wobbled.
"Rider, please- be careful…" Sieg, following behind him, voiced his concern, and when Astolfo looked back, he saw him eying the earth below. Astolfo laughed, and did a little spin.
"It's alright! A fall like this wouldn't hurt at all! Well, maybe a little bit. But it wouldn't leave anything more than a bruise for a Servant." He assured his Master. Sieg nodded, but did not seem convinced.
"We didn't have to come up here, you know… I would have fallen back asleep eventually." He eased himself down, taking a careful seat where the angle of the roof wasn't quite as steep as the rest. Astolfo paused, and spun back around, so that he could plop down beside him.
"It's alright, I don't really need much sleep anyway. I just like wearing pajamas and cuddling up in a warm bed at the end of the day. It makes me feel human again." Astolfo explained, his voice a bit sing song. "And besides… You were seemed like you could use some fresh air."
It wasn't the first time Sieg had cried out in his sleep, tossing and turning in the bed. Astolfo, with his habit of curling up deep beneath the covers, often near Sieg's legs, had wound up in the perfect position to receive a kick in in the face. That had woken them both up. After the fretting from Sieg and the falling off the bed and frantically trying to escape the cocoon of blankets from Astolfo, he had decided it would probably be a good idea to get out of that room for a little while. So, they'd climbed right out the window. Or Astolfo had. Sieg hadn't known what else to do, so he'd just followed.
"I'm sorry again, for kicking you…"
"It's alright! You were asleep! No need to apologize." Astolfo reassured him. "A lot had happened. When you're asleep is the only time you really have to process it. I'm sure that makes sleeping hard." He smiled sadly, regarding Sieg with sympathy. The boy looked down once more, but nodded a bit.
It was hard, seeing him like this. In a perfect world, the world Astolfo wanted to live in, he could take Sieg somewhere far away from here. Just put him on his hippogriff and fly off where no one would find them, and they could hide in a cute little town, or a big city, and shop for new clothes and yummy food, and find a nice house to hide in, until the war was over and Sieg was safe. And then… they could go anywhere they wanted. Let Sieg see the whole world, and enjoy his life, like he should have been doing now!
But no… instead, he was stuck here. With a weak Servant, in a war he shouldn't have been a part of to begin with, plagued with nightmares and memories of deaths… It wasn't right. Astolfo knew that even as a Heroic Spirit, his powers were limited, and he was not a particularly strong hero to begin with, but even so… all he wanted to do was protect this one person. Was that really so much to ask? To give Sieg a life worth living, where he didn't have to fight to survive any more than he already had…
Why did Astolfo care so much? To an outsider, it was a question that seemed to need asking. Sieg was a boy, neither a human nor a Heroic Spirit, and yet he still managed to be a bit of both. Every moment of his short life had been spent defying the expectations which it had placed upon him. And perhaps that was part of it. There was something special about Sieg, something remarkable. Even when Astolfo found him lying on the floor, naked and bleeding and unable to even stand on his own, much less walk, the paladin had found something utterly inspiring within the little homunculus. Though he had been given nothing, created merely to be used by others, he still struggled against the overwhelming odds. He still possessed the will to live.
Maybe that wasn't all that unique. After all, every living thing, plants and insects and fish- every creature, sentient or not, had some base instinct for self preservation. A desire to live, an urge to fight back. Even Heroic Spirits that had made peace with their deaths still suffered from that most basic instinct… and even then, Astolfo could not help but admire the homunculus that he had stumbled upon.
Every possible odd had been stacked up against him, but he still fought. One little wish, to defy the fate that had been forced upon him, and he had somehow broken free of his confinement and made it this far. Astolfo, who had just happened to be there, in the right place at the right time… somehow he had become the boy's saving grace.
Astolfo longed for freedom. Of all the things in the world- and there were many, many splendid things- the one he cherished the most was being free. Be it taking to the sky on his mount, or running across the open fields, or bounding through the silent space of the moon… Astolfo smiled, gazing up at the pale disc hanging in the sky. On nights like this, where the air around it was crisp and cold and so black it swallowed the stars, Astolfo liked to think the little clouds of breath that escaped his mouth would float up there, to join the rest of his dreams up on the moon. He wanted to reach up and grab it, and put it in his pocket, so that he could take it out whenever he wanted, and just admire it. But that would mean depriving the rest of the world of its beauty- and Astolfo could never be selfish enough to do something like that.
Freedom. That was what had driven Sieg, before he had even chosen a name for himself, before he knew anything about the world. The freedom to make choices, to live… as he had crawled across the floor, he sought it, fiercely enough that it had carried him that far. Even if Astolfo were a less heroic person, he wanted to believe that he would still treasure freedom above all else, and so, he would still have helped Sieg on that day. He would still have picked him up off the ground and sworn to help him. Because of the several things that connected them, the desire to be free was the strongest chord between the two.
"Hey, Sieg, have you ever thought about going to the moon someday?" Astolfo asked, looking toward his Master. In the moonlight, his hair always looked more silver. It was always so wispy and beautiful, but at night it looked almost ethereal. Astolfo didn't usually use words like that, but it felt fitting here.
"Huh? The moon? You mean like you did?" Sieg looked back at him, perplexed. Astolfo knew that Sieg had seen his dreams by now. It was something common, between Masters and Servants. He had seen Sieg's dreams as well, between Siegfried's memories. They were eerie things: memories of darkness, voices warped and dulled by a wall of glass and liquid, a looming sense of dread that permeated everything- the threat that at any moment, everything that he was might end. When he woke, he would always hold Sieg closer, hoping that somehow, the proximity might chase away whatever nightmares he might be having. Astolfo had never feared death in his own lifetime, but whenever he woke from these dreams, he felt he could understand why Sieg might.
"Yep! Have you ever looked up at it at night and thought 'I want to go there!'?" Astolfo kicked his legs up and down, smiling at his Master. It was strange. Before, when Celenike had held his command seals, the word 'Master' had meant so little to him. Now, it meant everything. One word, the word that bound them together…
Astolfo leaned over, letting his head rest on Sieg's shoulder. His Master did not shift in discomfort or confusion, he only moved to make sure that Astolfo would be comfortable. Personal space had never been much of an issue for Astolfo, but between the two of them, it had never really existed. Astolfo had met Sieg lying naked on the floor, and carried him to safety on his own. He had held his Master's hand many times, slept by his side to comfort him after the terrors of the battlefield finally caught up to him. There was no need for space.
Sieg seemed thoughtful, as he stared up at the moon- the same one that Astolfo had watched in his lifetime, the same one he had set foot on. Astolfo wished he could see it, how peaceful it was, far away from any rules or entrapments, just an endless world of opportunities. Sieg looked back to Astolfo.
"No. I haven't. But when I look up at it, I think, 'Astolfo's footprints must be up there somewhere.'" Sieg smiled gently. "It's sort of comforting. Knowing that even if I can't see you, or where you're going, I'll still be able to see where you've been. The moon is like a reminder of you."
Astolfo felt his whole face flushing at these words, his smile impossible to hide. And why would be want to hide it? Sieg made him happy. Being here in this world, getting to live a whole new life, it all made him happy- but getting to live it with Sieg… that made him the happiest of all. Unable to contain his joy, he threw his arms around Sieg, hugging him tight. His body always seemed to fit against his just right, like two puzzle pieces finally clicking together.
"Someday, I want you to come with me." Astolfo announced, letting his fingers twine about in Sieg's hair. It was so soft, he could never resist petting it. Sieg rested against him, seeming content to just sit there in his arms.
"To the moon?" Sieg questioned, his head turning a bit to get a better look at him. "But… how would we get there?" There was a lot that Sieg did not know about the world, and space travel, even with the help of magic, was clearly one of those things. But that was okay. You didn't have to understand a map or instructions to get somewhere, as long as you just kept moving!
"We could take my hippogriff! Or maybe I could get back that chariot somehow, and we could ride up together! Orrrr, I could ask the Grail to take us there! Wouldn't that be a nice wish?" Astolfo giggled, and flopped back on the roof, so that he was lying down, tugging Sieg along with him. His Master's head rested atop his chest, and as Astolfo continued to pet his hair, he thought that his head felt a bit warm. "Are you getting sick?" He asked, placing his hand on Sieg's forehead. His whole face was red… Astolfo smiled a little, and let go of him, but Sieg remained where he was, resting against his Servant.
"I don't know if we should use the Grail for something like that…"
"Heh, I know. You'd rather use it to free the other homunculi, right? Or maybe give them all a normal life span. That must be something the Grail is capable of." Astolfo gazed to the sky again, his thoughts still drifting around the moon. Whatever Sieg's wish was, if they won the war, it would surely be a noble one that Astolfo would be able to support. Sieg was a good person, even if he was naive, and Astolfo trusted him. He had no reason not to.
Sieg was silent for a moment. Astolfo felt his hand clenching at his shirt, ever so slightly.
"Something like that… I want to do of my own power…" He murmured. "Though, I guess I don't have any power that I can really call my own… everything that I have was given to me by others. Siegfried, Ruler, you…"
Sieg's breath hitched, and Astolfo put his arms around him again, holding him securely.
"If someone gives you something, then it's yours. That's why they gave it to you in the first place. Saber's heart, your command seals, my power… we all gave you something because we wanted to help grant your wish, to help you live. If we hadn't wanted that, then we wouldn't have done it. Plain and simple." Astolfo did his best to speak softly, soothingly, as he rubbed Sieg's back gently. He could feel his heart hammering, the struggle in each breath. It hurt to see him like this- Astolfo wanted to hold him tight and squeeze all of his pain and doubts away, but even he knew things like this were never quite that simple. "Shh… it's alright. You are here. You are alive. This is the way things are meant to be."
Sieg continued to breathe, in and out, each breath as labored as the last. He seemed so burdened, so guilty… it pained Astolfo, to know that he could not lift that burden from him. Not all at once, at least.
"If I can't save them with my own power…" Sieg began, looking almost feverish, but Astolfo stopped him. He sat up, and scooted back, allowing Sieg to rest his head along his lap.
"Our power is your power now. Don't look at it any other way. If someone gave you a present, would you treat it like it still belonged to them? You were given the gift of life. Whatever you choose to do with it… that is your own choice, and so, it's your own power. Use it! To do anything less would be like throwing that gift right back in our faces!"
Sieg looked away, eyes cast down in guilt, and Astolfo hugged him, hushing him though he had said nothing.
"Don't feel bad. You're still learning how everything works, and you're doing the best that you can with what you've been given. No one can fault you for that." He assured the boy. Sieg continued to look down, processing his thoughts, before looking back up at Astolfo.
"... Ruler thinks that you're a bad influence on me." He said, with a tiny, sad smile. "But I don't think she knows what she's talking about, this time."
Astolfo laughed.
"She's just worried about you. And as I've said before, there are none who lack restraint more than I~" He giggled. Sieg chuckled as well, an almost nostalgic smile on his face now. It had not been that long, but it felt like months to Astolfo. For someone who had so much to experience, he was sure it felt like ages to Sieg as well. Astolfo was still as impulsive as ever, but at the very least, his priorities had changed for good. All that really mattered was keeping Sieg safe- and that meant happy as well as alive. As much as he yearned to charge into every situation, he now felt as though his Master was a magnet, guiding the compass of his heart to keep him from acting too foolishly. He smiled at the thought.
"We can use the Grail for whatever you want, Sieg. Or we can go and free the homunculi, without any help from it. It's all up to you, Master." Astolfo smiled down at Sieg, only wanting to comfort him. "And then, when it's all over, I will take you to see the moon."
Sieg laughed a little, and a genuine smile washed over his face.
"It's the Grail's job to grant wishes, not Servants." Sieg joked, his voice still strained somewhat. Astolfo smiled at him, stroking his hair tenderly.
"I'm here to put the Holy Grail out of business, I guess." He winked.
"Will that make you a Grail yourself, Rider?" Sieg gazed up at him, with a look that made it difficult for Astolfo's heart not to swell. He stared down at his Master, his friend… the boy that he loved. The boy who looked at the moon and found comfort in the fact that it reminded him of Astolfo.
With a smile brighter than the moon could ever be, Astolfo leaned down, and softly kissed Sieg's forehead.
"Only for you."