Ward slipped out of May's room early the next morning, hollow eyed and feeling hollow hearted. Nothing was okay in his world right now, but the older agent had at least given him a measure of peace - enough that he'd managed an hour or two of broken sleep before the memories chased him awake again.
Of course, that fragile calm was only one wrong word away from the frustrated, violent anger of a victim who pushed back emotions far too long. May had pointed out that if he'd dealt with these memories before they wouldn't still be able to drag him down into hell now. In his rational mind, Ward knew that was likely true, but thinking too hard on it made his blood heat.
A soft noise put him on alert as he quietly latched May's door and he turned to find Simmons in the hall behind him. "Oh!" the young woman flushed and glanced away, "Good morning, Agent Ward."
Jemma wasn't a fool and yet her heart still twisted in her chest. Of course he would have looked to May last night. Certainly none of the rest of the team was even close to capable of dealing with his anger. Coulson was still oddly fragile after his close brush with death and the rest of them were far too young and inexperienced to lay such a burden on. She'd been in awe when May interrupted Ward's single-minded focus on the punching bag yesterday; impressed and more than a little envious at the way May coolly sidestepped Ward's punch. Simmons would likely still be unconscious from the hit if she'd tried getting between the specialist and whatever he'd seen.
And so she swallowed back the jealousy that May had seen a side of him that Simmons could only dream of and gave him a hesitant smile, "I was just going down to breakfast, if you're interested?"
It startled him. Ward tipped his head slightly to study her, dark eyes narrowed over those slashing cheekbones. Was she seriously still offering friendship after what he'd said to her - and more importantly, to Fitz - yesterday? She looked a little hesitant, but she wasn't shaky. Damnit, he kept underestimating her.
"I, uh," Ward's mouth was already dry and somewhat foul from all the alcohol last night, but his throat tightened up. To buy himself a moment, the tall agent scrubbed a hand over his face. "Yeah, sure. Mind giving me a few minutes to clean up?"
Simmons' smile brightened, sliding instantly from hesitant to her more familiar sunny-natured beam. She quickly nodded, "Of course. I'll meet you down in the lobby."
Ward watched, bemused, as she turned and made her way down the hall, the light bounce to her step seeming to announce that all was right in Simmons' world. What would it be like, he wondered, to be that carefree? He had so many things that he regretted, it felt like the only way to move forward was to pretend those regrets didn't exist.
Grant debated the wisdom of accepting her gesture of friendship while hurriedly showering and scraping the stubble from his chin. He was a specialist, eventually S.H.I.E.L.D. would reassign him back to those duties and getting attached to his team wouldn't make that any easier. Neither would his natural inclination to protect anyone and anything he considered his.
Still, it was a moot point for him. Had it been Fitz who held out the olive branch, with his prickly, sarcastic and easily offended ways, or Skye with her irritating need to know everything personal about him, Ward could have more easily turned away. They both had dark places in their past - he could tell. But Simmons, with her bright innocent curiosity, who jumped out of planes to save her team and still called her parents regularly was another story. He couldn't bring himself to knowingly bruise her.
Jemma sat in the lobby and nursed a cup of tea while she waited. She had no doubt that Ward would be downstairs shortly - he'd given his word. He'd choke on his honor before going back on it, so when the elevator doors slid open and he stepped out she only smiled again and stood to join him.
Halfway through breakfast Ward saw Fitz glance into the hotel restaurant, clearly looking for someone. Simmons had badgered him into a full meal, happily pointing out the best things on the menu to help his hangover and the scientific reasons they'd help. He'd given in and unsurprisingly found she was right.
When Fitz caught sight of him and Jemma by the windows, the engineer began picking his way over and Ward braced himself. What he'd said to the other man yesterday was inexcusable and Ward didn't want to ruin his precarious balance with another altercation.
Fitz was surprised to see Ward with Jemma, given... everything. And yet, they were a team and yesterday wasn't Ward's fault. No matter how much the angry words had hurt, rubbing salt in a still wide open wound, Fitz couldn't hold it against him. He'd worked with Simmons long enough to know what biochemical instability could cause in a human. So he crossed the room and settled into the seat next to his partner. "Good mornin'. Hope today's less excitin' than yesterday, yeah?"
Ward looked at him skeptically. Was this really how things were going to go? He glanced over at Jemma, wondering if Simmons had talked to Fitz and told him to be nice, but there was no sign of dishonesty or collusion from either of them. Instead, they fell into their usual half-overlapped conversation, occasionally asking Ward a question to lure him into their chatter.
It wasn't until Skye dropped into the fourth chair looking rumpled and exhausted that he realized he and Jemma had both long since finished their meal and Fitz was close to done with his own, yet the easy patter of conversation continued. Skye, of course, interjected herself whether she was wanted or not, so her voice was soon part of the mix rocketing back and forth across the table as she ate the oatmeal she'd drowned in brown sugar and cream.
Fitz and Simmons edged into what could be termed bickering and the anger that had settled deep into Ward's chest rose to nearly choke him, his olive skin tingeing red. "Stop that," Ward hissed across the table, his knuckles white as he fought to keep control in the very public restaurant. Two sets of brown eyes and one blue focused on him almost instantly.
Jemma's eyes swept from his fixed, frozen expression down to his hands on the tabletop and back in an instant. "Fitz, I think we can continue this particular debate in the lab later, when we can prove it," she said easily, her eyes locked with Ward's.
"Yeah, o' course," Fitz agreed quickly. He didn't want a repeat of yesterday, especially cleaning up another mess if Ward went Hulk-ish on them.
Skye was the one with the nerve to reach out to him, brushing her fingers over his where they were locked tight around the edge of the table. No matter how much she wanted to question what was wrong - it was just FitzSimmons' usual antics - she'd spent the night considering her relationship with her SO. For once, she had to consider what Ward needed first. Her eyes swept from him to the other people in the restaurant, and then the long wall of windows next to their table.
"If I don't get up and move, I'm going to end up asleep again. Anyone else up for a walk?" Skye offered, hoping Ward would say yes and they could get outside where he could more easily vent his frustration.
Jemma tensed at Skye's gesture then relaxed when she caught onto the logic. "That sounds like a wonderful idea. There's a door there," she pointed, "We can get out without going all the way back through the hotel."
"Tha's a grea' idea," Fitz said at the same time as Jemma spoke up, already getting to his feet. Skye gave Ward's fingers a quick squeeze and rose as well, joining the Scot and stepping outside.
Ward nearly snarled at their obvious attempts to get away from him, but Jemma was still sitting there, her head tipped to study him.
"What?" he snapped, "What is that look for?" Ward's anger surged when she didn't flinch away. No, instead she held her hand out to him. "You could use a walk too, Agent Grant Ward."
He stared at her, he couldn't help it. The beast inside his chest faltered, confused.
Jemma could nearly see Ward's entire thought process on his face as she rose from the table. "They weren't running away, you know." She motioned toward the windows, where Skye and Fitz were clearly watching and waiting for them. "If you need to be angry right now it's safer if you're outside," she pointed out softly.
"Don't _tell_ me wha-" The words forced their way out before Ward could control them and he found himself grabbing hold of Simmons' hand and nearly dragging her outside after him.
Fitz frowned at the rough way Ward was handling Simmons and stepped toward the door and Skye caught his elbow. "He hasn't hurt her. Just give Ward a minute to calm down before you say anything," she argued reasonably.
Ward pushed through the door, Jemma half-jogging to keep up with his much longer stride. "You all think you can just... manage me, like that?" he said, gritting his teeth to keep from yelling, jaw clenched tight.
Surprisingly, it was Fitz who spoke up when the girls both hesitated, "We know y' don' wan' to hur' anyone, Ward. Tha's all. Jem an' I prob'ly argue too much, anyway, so y' did us a favor, makin' us wai' to ge' back in the lab." One side of the engineer's mouth lifted in a faint sign of pride as the tight line of Ward's shoulder's eased a bit. "An' I think we all ate a bit much, yeah? Do us good t' ge' ou' for a bi'."
Jemma took advantage of the slight reprieve to slip her hand out of Ward's, but she curled her arm around his instead. It was a little awkward, especially when those dark eyes shifted from Fitz and onto her. He was awfully intimidating from this close range - she had to tip her head all the way back to look up at him and it made her feel horribly small. "Why don't you tell us... about your first field mission? You already know how ours went."
"Oh, yes!" Skye grinned at Jemma. "C'mon, Ward, tell us." She led the way off the patio and around the back of the hotel where there were gardens and a small park.
Ward couldn't believe it when the anger eased. It wasn't gone, but it slid back down into his chest from where it had lodged in his throat. Their easy acceptance was unbelievable to him. How did they do it? He let Jemma tug him along after Skye, Fitz bringing up the rear and started talking about his disastrous first field mission as a level one agent.
Ward would never forgive himself for harming one of his team, but it seems they've already forgiven him.