Welcome to Broken Record, an idea that popped into my head one day and refused to leave. I wanted to post it to see how it would be received.

I do not own Harry Potter. With that, I wish you happy reading.

Sirius Take 1

Part 1

Fuck.

I was fairly positive that I was dead, but you know what actually happened? I somehow ended up becoming a baby.

Oh, and it gets better! I've somehow gone back in time. It's 1963, and I am a four-year-old named Sirius Black. Time Turners don't go that far back, or at least I'm pretty positive they don't.

But wait, there's even more! The Blacks are a pureblood supremacist family, and my little two-year-old brother is also my third cousin. I remember enough from muggle school and my own experiences with insane purebloods to know that inbreeding is a big no-no.

I never heard or met a Sirius Black during my time as Harry Potter, the boy-who-can't-save-shit. However, I had plenty experience with certain cousins of mine.

Having to grow up again is probably the worst torture anyone could have set up for me, especially since the Blacks are basically everything I've fought against during the last several years before my death and rebirth. I've been on the brink of losing the little sanity I have left, having to act like an average four year old that isn't secretly in their late teenage years. Not being able to act yourself is more taxing than it would seem on first glance, which is why I ended up getting this journal, so I have somewhere to rant about how life has screwed me over. I swear I'm fate's favorite chew toy, so much so that it couldn't bear to let death take me.

The only good thing about this is that I know what happens in the future, and therefore can cause Voldemort some problems. I have to get back at him for killing me and basically everyone else, after all. Can't just let him have the world.

I suppose this means I can save my parents and my friends. I would really like that, actually. Isn't that every orphan's big dream, to find a way to bring their parents back?

I'll just have to find a way to do it. I have a good bit of years, so I have plenty of time to plan it all.

My baby brother just woke up. Loudly. At least he's kinda cute, though he'll probably grow up to be a not-so-cute Death Eater, unless I intervene. Not really sure how much I can change that. He's smart, but I'm not sure how much influence I'll have over him.

Well, I'll try. I suppose this means I'll have to spend time with him. I'll probably suck as a big brother, but I'll try.

I'm starting to understand why Bellatrix Lestrange was a raving lunatic. If she was raised in the same way I was, it makes plenty of sense. If I didn't have my memories and past experiences… I would be well on my way to being an insane Death Eater.

My 'mother' has always known there was something off about me, no matter how hard I tried to act normal. She despises me, now, I think. She at least does a fairly good imitation of it, all the while doting on Regulus, her little Prince. She tries to keep us separate, afraid I'll contaminate him or something, and I'm afraid I won't be able to stop him from going dark. I already see him going from the innocent, adorable baby brother I've always known to the good little Death Eater, willing to do anything to please mum. I hate it. I really had a lot of hopes for Reg.

Anyway, I'll keep trying to be a good brother, a good influence. No matter what that hag that gave birth to me does in punishment, no matter how painful. I don't care. I'm going to save as many people as possible this time, I won't let Voldemort win. I absolutely refuse. I definitely won't let him take Reg.

I only have two years until Hogwarts. Until Reg is alone in this hellhole for one year. After that, thankfully, he'll be away from mother's influence, and hopefully I can steer him in the right direction. Unfortunately, if he's a Slytherin, I won't have much access to him… and he'll be surrounded by the soon-to-be Death Eaters. Our family have all been Slytherins, and I'm afraid that he'll follow the trend. I could be in Slytherin, too, but…

Then I won't be able to talk to my dad or mum, from when I was Harry. I won't be close enough to save them.

Voldemort's already rising to power, we've heard about it here. Mostly my parents admiring his views, terrible human beings that they are.

I'm scared I won't be able to stop him this time, just like last time. I don't think I can go through all of that again. I still have nightmares all of the time, and sometimes I forget I'm not at war… and I even scare myself. Sometimes, I just get so angry, or so scared, and I don't know what to do. My training as heir isn't helping, it's making it so much worse. They want me to learn how to hurt, how to kill, all of these terrible curses… what's really scary is I'm good at them. Sometimes I just want to hurt, want to do like they tell me. And then I remember all the horrible things Voldemort and his followers did, and I hate myself for it. I hate this fucking hellhole, I just need to get out before they change me into something I don't like.

Two more years, and I can get away from here. Just two more years, and I'll go back to normal, and I can work on saving everyone. I'll go home.

I hate my family. I hate every single one of them, except for Reg, and my cousin Andy. I've seen all of them as Harry, all of them as Death Eaters. All of them eager to kill me. I have to remind myself I'm not at war, that they aren't Death Eaters yet and they aren't trying to kill me.

Everything's just so complicated. I'm grateful for the chance to change things, truly I am, but sometimes… sometimes I wish I had stayed dead. I close my eyes, and I see them. Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, my parents… I want to be with them, but most of them haven't even been born yet. And the ones that have won't know me, they won't be the people they had been.

Fuck my life. And malfunctioning death.

Thank you for your time.