Hello all! I'm excited to share this story with you, so I'll keep the intro note short - this fic has been a baby of mine for a while. It's been completely mapped out with several chapters prepared in my buffer. I plan on updating once a week, maybe more, depending on how long it takes for me to write and my wonderful editor (Cas from fanfictionbetas) to edit. More at the bottom.
I hope you guys enjoy this. Without further ado...
Chapter I
"What were you thinking?"
She huffs and crosses her arms, lips pressed together in a straight line. Her eyes follow him as he paces before her, his movements sharp and angry. He stops and turns to face her, and she fights to maintain eye contact despite the freezing glare he is directing her way.
"Starfire, answer me."
She leans against his desk and sighs.
"I do not wish to fight."
"You should have thought about that before you disobeyed orders," He snaps, running a hand through his hair. She says nothing and looks away, fingers fiddling with the hem of her skirt.
"Starfire." This time his tone is low and deadly, and she knows he is struggling to reign in his anger, "I'm going to ask you one last time, and I expect a real answer. Why did you throw yourself in front of Plasmus after I told you to fall back?"
"I did not throw myself in front of Plasmus," she says quietly, eyes fixed on the floor. A storm of anger and sadness swirls inside her chest, twisting her feelings into tight knots.
He snorts and smiles humorlessly.
"Thanks for clearing that up, Star, I really appreciate it."
Her eyes flash a bright and brilliant green. She lunges and suddenly he is pressed to the wall behind him.
"I threw myself in front of you."
His glare softens slightly as he places his hands on hers, gently pushing her towards the bed.
"Sit down," he asks, and she does, her gaze having returned to the soft carpeted floor.
"Talk to me."
"I-I do not regret it. Not even a little; you were in the way of harm and it is my job to protect those who are in danger."
"It's my job too, Star. You think I don't know the risks of going out there and saving lives?"
She scowls at him for a moment, muttering beneath her breath menacingly.
"Come again?"
"I said, I know perfectly well about the risks, Dick." She says icily, and he wishes she'd never learned of his nickname.
"Low blow, Kori. C'mon, you've heard the talk about a hundred times by now. A relationship is-"
"A liability, I know. And I am sure you are well aware that I am an alien princess with flight, fire-power, and super-strength. I believe I can do the handling of things."
He smiles and takes her hand, lacing their fingers together.
"Yeah, you can. But you're also out there fighting bad people and throwing yourself into acid and getting abducted by space monsters-"
"I am a liability no matter what, Richard. X'hal, one would think you would have learned this by now."
"It's not the same."
"It is the same. I am in love with you, just as you are in love with me. There are no complexities needed here. The world knows we harbor deep feelings for one another, and it is silly to play this game. I threw myself before you because I cannot watch the man I love suffer and perish. Similarly, you will not allow us to pursue a real relationship, because you cannot bear to watch me leave, as inevitably, I may." She tugs her hands away and pulls her knees to her chest, regarding him silently.
He doesn't know how to respond to that, so he doesn't, and instead watches her play with the guards on her wrists.
"It is not your father's rule, Richard." She says, gazing at him through sad eyes, "It is yours. You fear loss. The Batman raised you to be cautious, and I am very thankful he did- but he did not teach you to close yourself off from love. You did that to yourself."
"Kori-"
"Liability or not," She cuts him off, tugging the guards off her arms absentmindedly, "you will always find a reason to protect me, and to protect your heart. You will put up walls and shield yourself with anger as you were doing now, and you will shut me out when it suits you."
"No-" He blurts, grabbing her arm and pulling her towards him. "Kori, I…I don't want to shut you out," he pleads.
"Tell me you love me, then."
"I-"He begins, then stops, turning away. "Isn't it enough for you to know? You don't need to hear me say it."
"But you do," she says gently, touching his cheek. Blood pounds in his ears, his heart thudding fast in his chest.
He kisses her.
His hands rest on her waist, her arms wind around his shoulders, and in that moment, they are lost in each other. She is warm and familiar and their mouths fit together like pieces of a puzzle. Right now, she is everything. She is always everything.
Then, she breaks it. She touches his cheek and says the words that break his heart. She rises from the bed, guards in hand, and walks to the door. Light floods the room as it swishes open, and for a moment, he can only see her, fire-edged and lovely. She places a hand against the frame of the door, and pauses, casting him another sad-eyed look.
"I cannot bear to watch you do this to yourself, Richard." She whispers. She turns around and leaves.
He sits in the dark and peels off his mask with a sigh, tossing it onto his bedside table. She's right, and he knows it, but it doesn't change anything. If keeping her at arm's length means lowering the risk of hurting her, he'll do it. If protecting her means sacrificing himself, he'll do it.
If loss means saving her life, he'll give his own up in a heartbeat.
-Four Hours Before-
It had been a slow afternoon, as most afternoons had been lately. Kori was lying on the couch, one hand on the remote, the other drumming against her bare stomach. She was dressed in civvies, a frequent occurrence nowadays. Pajama shorts, a sports bra, and a half-zipped hoodie so she could maintain a sense of Earthen modesty. Some daytime soap was blaring on the screen, but she could hardly pay any attention to it. It was the sound she appreciated anyways.
The tower had become painfully silent over the last few months, as her friends had begun to spend most days apart. Victor used most of his leisure time with Sarah, going out on dates whenever her schedule (and his duties) would allow it. Garfield had all but given up on wooing Raven, who now allowed him to accompany her to poetry slams and often found herself joining him at the arcade. Only Richard remained with her, but even this was a small consolation. He spent hours at a time training, working in the evidence room, or on occasion, visiting Gotham.
Crime rates had fallen in Jump. With technological upgrades and new training courses being provided to the JCPD, the Titans were seldom needed in cases, save for those dealing with metahumans and particularly vicious criminals. Things, in general, had quieted down.
Kori would be lying if she said she didn't miss it. The heat of battle, the movie nights and afternoons at the park, the picnics and candies and games they would play. She had always known things would change- growing up was inevitable.
She had never expected life to change so drastically.
"Michael, mi amor, I must confess…I lied about the night at Viscilli's," the blonde woman on the screen clutched her tanned lover by the lapels of his coat, tears in her eyes.
He removed her hands from his jacket and sneered, hatred flashing in his eyes.
"Mi amor?" He echoed, turning away, "You do not know love, Lucinda, and if you did, you would've never slept with Enrique."
Kori rolled her eyes and changed the channel, turning it to Clash of the Planets II. Tossing the remote aside, she floated off the sofa towards the kitchen, and retrieved a bowl filled with several cones of incense. Lighting a tiny starbolt on her finger, she set the incense aflame and set it on the table sighing deeply. The familiar scent wafted through the air, and it felt as if Raven was beside her, deep in meditation. The sound of glowing sabers meeting and the witty back-and-forth between the Emperor and his son filled her ears, and she could picture her green friend enraptured by the screen.
This was how she spent her days in the tower. When she wasn't venturing to the mall or spending time with Richard, she was building a scene for herself. She was happy for her friends; happy that they had found lives and loves and had made niches outside of their life as crime-fighters.
But Kori still missed her family.
She glanced at the clock.
1:54.
Richard had been training for nearly two hours now.
She contemplated checking on him, but decided against it. He would be short with her, and she was uninterested in his aloofness at the moment. He'd made his decision; she needed to make hers.
So she unwound the headphones wrapped around her iPod and plugged it in, snuggling up on the couch. She selected the playlist Victor had given her and switched it to shuffle, breathing in the incense, eyes fixed to the screen.
Vic's favorite song began, and she smiled, remembering the first time he'd played it for her.
He grinned, taking her by the hand.
"I can't believe I haven't shown this to you, Star, it's the best song in the world! Dance with me."
He spun her once, twice, mouthing the words emphatically. She giggled, shaking her hips beside him.
"It's called The Night Begins to Shine. It's an oldie that my dad and I used to listen to when I was a kid."
"It is wondrous!" She clapped her hands joyfully, twirling through the air. His smile widened.
"Glad you like it lil' lady."
Kori closed her eyes, hugging a black cushion to her chest.
Richard found her curled up and asleep an hour later, music blaring in her ears, the thick scent of incense hanging in the air, and Clash of the Planets II playing on the television.
He sighed and turned the volume down, moving his attention back to her. Like she's the only thing in the room that really matters. Her fingers were clutching the purple iPod he'd given her two Christmases ago, the glittery headphones having fallen out of her ears. He paused whatever song had been playing and set it on the table, picking up the incense and moving it to the kitchen instead.
She shifted, mumbling something he can't quite hear, and stretched, before pressing the pillow closer to her body and cozying herself as deep as she can against the couch.
Seeing her this way broke his heart.
Kori had always been a force of nature. Bright, energetic, and social. She thrived on touch. She lived for the people in her life. She loved engaging her senses with sights and sounds and smells. He knew she had few memories from her youth that truly made her happy, and that most of the light in her heart came from her time with the Titans. He knew she was lonely, and he knew that he was neglecting her. They all were.
He touched her shoulder gently.
"Star? You hungry? It's almost three."
She stirred, eyes opening slowly. She blinked once, then shut her eyes and turned over on her side.
"Kori, wake up." He rubbed her arm, coaxing her to rise.
"No," She mumbled, burying her face into the cushions.
He smiled, running his fingers up and down the sides of her stomach. He felt her jolt, her muffled giggle sounding like music to his ears.
"C'mere you." He tickled her, smiling as her laughter became more apparent. She squirmed, stretching her legs out across his lap, holding his hands firm against her stomach.
"Richard, please!"
"Please what?" He grinned, wiggling his fingers.
"Please cease-" She laughed, her body rising into the air. Richard grabbed her by the ankles and tugged her down, repositioning her legs across his lap.
"Oh no you don't," He said playfully, much to her delight. This was the side of him she rarely got to see; the side that was reserved only for her. "There is no escape."
She tossed an arm over her eyes dramatically, and gasped.
"How I wish there was someone who might save me, a helpless damsel in distress!"
"Like who?"
Her eyes lit up, a sneaky grin crossing her face,"Like Nightwing."
Richard smirked.
"Nightwing?"
"Yes, he is most handsome, is he not? And quite adept at saving all sorts of people. Especially girls like me," She replied cheekily. He cocked his head, raising an eyebrow.
"Girls like you?"
She nodded.
"Yes. Tall girls with red hair and green eyes, who adore the color purple, and own a mutant larva, and come from a different planet. He enjoys saving us the most," she purred.
"You don't seem like the kind of girl who needs saving very often," He said, a faint flush appearing on his cheeks. She grinned and placed her hands on his chest, inching them upwards until her arms were looped around his neck. She ran her fingers through his hair, enjoying the lack of space between them.
"On the contrary," She whispered, looking up at him from her position in his lap, "he saves me all the time. He holds me by the waist," he gripped her tighter at these words, "and I bring my arms around him like this, and then "she lowered her voice, her eyes darting to his lips, "we -"
He cut her off with a searing kiss, one hand on her waist, the other tangled in her fiery hair. She responded with equal fervor, pulling him against her.
This is what they have become.
They weren't an item, something Richard had to remind Kori of constantly. They shared secret kisses and late nights together. He left flowers in her room and she placed gifts in his. He never looked at another girl, and she never glanced at another man. But they were not together.
He insisted it was Batman's rule. That his mentor had instilled certain beliefs in him, and that regardless of the feelings he might hold for her, he was not going to put her life at risk.
"Greater risk," she'd corrected him.
"You know what I mean, Star. Love is a liability."
"Do you love me?" She would ask, knowing that he would not respond.
Instead, he captured her lips again, and smiled as she kissed back eagerly.
There was always a feeling of guilt present. She deserved better than his half-answers, and one day, she would not be so content with his mouth on hers. But for now, she was okay, because she knew his lips conveyed what words wouldn't.
This was who they were now.
Two Hours Before
They were snuggled up on the couch, limbs tangled, her hand splayed on his chest. A black and white noir film was on, and while it seemed fairly interesting, Richard could only pay attention to the smell of her hair and warmth she radiated.
"Hey," he nudged her, "what are you thinking about?"
She buried her face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in.
"How I can make this last forever."
His smile dropped.
"Kori-"
"Do not remind me, Richard. Let us enjoy this while we can." Her voice was sharp, but he could hear the tremble beneath her tone. He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes. He had been thinking the same thing.
"There's something sinister at work here, Elle," the detective onscreen snarled, snuffing his cigar out in the dirty ashtray next to him. "And you're in the middle of it."
"Andrew, I-"
"You're a stone cold woman and you don't care about anyone but yourself. You're selfish, you're cruel, and you're done playing your games with me." He gripped her wrist and glared down at her watery eyes.
"Richard?" She asks, breaking the silence.
"Yeah?"
Kori shifted so they were face to face, her hand slipping from its place on his chest.
"I think it is time for me to-"
Whatever she was about say got cut off by the screech of the Titan alarm and flashing of red lights. The crime scanner blinked on the console before them, zeroing on a purple blob in the center of the city.
"It'll have to wait, Star," He said, rising from his seat, "Plasmus is downtown. Get dressed."
Moments later, the N-Cycle was weaving in and out of traffic through Jump. A streak of purple and red flew through the air, matching pace with the bike below.
"Cyborg, come in, Cyborg," Nightwing's voice crackled through the open feed, "Raven, Changeling, Plasmus is hitting Sector C in the third quadrant. Starfire and I will meet you onsite."
"Nightwing, I do not think they-"
"Raven, Cyborg, Changeling, five minutes. We'll see you there."
Starfire sighed, snapping her communicator shut. She knew Cyborg liked to mute his when he was out with Sarah, and that Raven and Changeling had probably done the same, depending on where they were. She didn't blame them. There were days where she longed for that easy solitude with Nightwing.
But there were many more where she wanted to partake in battle with her team.
She was pulled out of her thoughts by a loud exclamation of her name and the sight of green sludge flying towards her. Starfire's eyes widened as she quickly dodged the lime colored acid.
Plasmus gurgled from his perch on the fountain in the center of the square, shooting a barrage of toxic waste from his body rapidly.
"Be careful!" Nightwing barked angrily. She didn't miss the tremor in his voice.
He battered away flying heaps of purple and green goop with his escrima sticks, ducking as the occasional projectile flew past his head. He shot her a look she knew well- divide and conquer.
Starfire flew in from the opposite direction, shooting starbolts along Plasmus's body vertically. Bursts of slime sprayed from the spots she hit, fizzling out as they hit the pavement.
Nightwing hissed in pain as a splash of green grazed his sleeve, devouring the fabric. He glanced at the girl in the sky, and as he expected, she had frozen, eyes fixed on the gash in his arm.
"Richa-"
"Don't worry about me, Starfire, keep moving," He grunted, crouching as another blob came hurtling towards him. "You know what to do."
She sped forward, fists glowing with hot energy. She aimed her body towards his middle, intending to slice through and pull Otto away from the monster that enveloped him. Before she could touch him, his body began to bubble, shifting from purple to a simmering green. He expanded, eyes melting into his body, blowing up like a bubble about to burst.
"Star! Pull back!" She heard Nightwing yell into her earpiece. She continued her descent, the green lights round her hand spreading throughout her whole body.
"Starfire!" He bellowed, reaching for his grappling cable. Just as he was about to shoot it, Plasmus's body burst, sending a wave of acid flying through the air.
"Nightwing!" Starfire screamed, diving towards him. She threw her body in front of his, shielding him from the wall of green that was coming upon them. Stray droplets hit her skin and she fought not to cry as they burned into her arms and legs.
And then, it stopped.
A black globe swirled around them, protecting from the impact. Starfire released Nightwing from her grasp, peering through the darkness above them.
Raven stood on a flat black disk in the air, hands outstretched in their direction. A green pterodactyl hovered behind her, his eyes following the body of Otto Von Furth, which had gone flying through the air.
"I got him!" Cyborg called from across the square, catching the mostly naked man in his arms. Otto groaned and went limp, exhaustion rolling over him.
Raven allowed the shield around Starfire and Nightwing to fall, joining the other Titans on the ground.
"What happened?" She asked, surveying the area surrounding them. The fountain stood bright and undamaged amid the wreckage of the square. The ground was littered with scraps of metal and smoking pot holes. Glimmering powdered glass dusted the broken cars which had been partially eaten away by the green sludge.
"Plasmus happened. Nightwing and I fought him off as best as we could, but as I attempted to pull Otto out of his hold, he-" Starfire made the motion of an explosion and shrugged.
"That's never happened before."
"Indeed. It was quite shocking, we had little time to react. I am just glad you came when you did."
Cyborg lifted his arm, tapping it intently.
"Sensors are indicating higher levels of toxicity in his system. Must be why he exploded. Some sort of defense mechanism."
"Well whatever it is, he's out cold, and we won again," Changeling added with a grin, "so who's up for some pizza?"
"I'm down. Let me just call Sarah real quick and let her know we're heading out."
Starfire smiled.
"How was your date today?"
Cyborg blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.
"It was great. I think it's almost time to...yknow…" He trails off.
The Tamaranean gasped, much to her green friend's confusion.
"You mean-"
"Uh huh."
"Wait, what? What am I missing?" Changeling asked. Starfire threw herself at the cybernetic man, hugging him tight.
"I am so happy for you!"
"Seriously, what am I missing?"
Raven shook her head at the exchange, lips quirking up in a half-smile. She turned to Nightwing, who had yet to say a word.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing."
"It doesn't take a bond, let alone an empath, to figure out there's something wrong with you."
Nightwing shot her a glare.
"You really want to know what my deal is, Raven? You guys weren't here. I'm happy for you and Gar, and seeing Victor and Sarah together is everything, but god, would it kill you guys to come by now and again? Starfire could've been killed today, I could've been killed today."
Her eyes widened.
"Dick-"
"She spends her days drinking your tea and watching Gar's movies and wearing my cape and listening to Vic's playlist. She's so fucking lonely and she misses her family."
"We-"
He sighed.
"I'm sorry. Go, get pizza. I need to wash up and get started on the report. We can have a heart to heart later." He touched her shoulder before stalking off, swinging a leg over the N-Cycle, and speeding off in the direction of the tower.
Starfire had been watching the entire time. She'd seen the harsh exchange, the slumped shoulders, the hasty exit that could only mean he was going to expel his fury in the gym.
She had watched helplessly as Nightwing left, knowing she could not do anything to fix what he was feeling.
Raven caught her eye and gave her the tiniest nod.
Go she mouthed.
"Where do we wanna hit first? Big Belly-Burger? Homeslice Pizzeria?"
Changeling shook his head.
"Come on, Cy, is that the best you got? I vote we go to Mama's."
"Italian! Good call Gar, I'll text Sarah to meet us there."
Starfire smiled.
"I shall join you later. I am very stinky right now and I have some burns to attend to," She gestured to the patches of red that littered her arms and stomach.
Raven nodded.
"Go get cleaned up. Come when you're ready." When you're both ready. It's added silently, in her head.
The Tamaranean did not miss the second meaning.
"I will."
Changeling frowned.
"Awww come on Star, we barely see you any more."
"I promise I will come as soon as I can, Gar. I am missing you very much as well."
He swung an arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek.
"Don't be too late. Mama's is best when it's hot."
Raven took her hand and squeezed, a shared understanding passing between them.
"See you later Starfire."
"Goodbye Raven." She watched the shadow of an enormous black bird swallow them, a cool rush of wind blowing her hair back.
Cyborg approached her warily,"Something's up."
"I do not know what you are referring to." She averted her eyes, being careful to maintain a straight face.
"You're gonna go talk to him, aren't you." It wasn't a question. Starfire smiled sadly.
"I would not be much fun with the weight of my concern on my shoulders."
"'Sokay, we understand. Drag him out here if you have to. We haven't had a family meal in a while."
"I know."
Cyborg hugged her, kissing her on the forehead gently.
"I love you, Star."
She hugged back fiercely, with a somber finality between them.
"I love you too, Victor."
He pulled away and surveyed her.
"This feels like a goodbye hug."
"As of late, I feel as though goodbye is becoming inevitable."
Cyborg didn't argue. A slow, sad, smile came across his face as he nodded and touched her shoulder, before climbing into the T-Car and driving away.
Starfire was no stranger to crossroads. Her life was structured around them. From her days on Okaara, to her years in the Citadel, to her time with the Titans, she'd seen futures unfolding before her. Futures she could never have the luxury of choosing, because she never had the luxury of being selfish. Futures on Tamaran, futures with her sister, futures with Nightwing.
As she watched the T-Car leave her sight, she recalled the encounter with Warp all those years ago, and the unbidden words that had resounded in her head ever since.
"Past, present, and future," he had said coldly, "it's all written in stone."
Back then she had been confident that he was wrong. The future had been saved- she was still with the Titans, Jump City was still standing, and Nightwing was born of her suggestion, rather than her absence.
Nowadays, she feared the drifting was unavoidable.
"Excuse me, Miss Starfire?"
She turned to face the speaker and smiled upon seeing who it was.
"Officer Jamison, it is good to see you."
The officer smiled and tipped his hat, much to her amusement.
"I drew the short straw for the write-up. Wanna tell me what happened here?"
She shuffled her feet.
"Actually, I was wondering if perhaps I could forward that to you once I've washed up. It will be satisfactory, I can assure you."
He grinned.
"I have no doubt that's true, ma'am. But you know Chief Gables isn't a fan of his men leaving all the work to you Titans."
"I know, I know, and I will apologize to the Chief myself, but could you please, with the sprinkles and the syrup and the whipped cream, let me do this one more time?" She fluttered her lashes.
Jamison laughed.
"What would Nightwing say if he saw you flirtin' with a beat cop?"
She reddened.
"I do not know what you are referring to."
"Sure you don't. Alright, I'll let you go. Send me the report tonight though, okay? Or Gables is gonna have my ass." Jamison crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue, inciting a bout of giggles from the titan.
"Very well. After all, I cannot, in good conscience, allow such an ass to be destroyed by the Chief of police."
"Damn straight. Goodbye Miss Starfire." He said, turning away.
"It is simply Starfire," she called back, rising into the air.
"Nothing simple about it."
She laughed and soared through the air, glancing at the city as it passed beneath her.
There were days where she was so at ease with her new life, she forgot all about how different Earth was from Tamaran.
The lush jungles of her home planet had been decimated when the war first began, and so most of the land resembled a desert, warm and golden in the light of the sun. Jump was, as she had come to understand it, a jungle made by man, made of steel and silver and glass. It stood tall and strong, despite its structural weaknesses. It was surrounded by forest and sea, and it tasted like summer year round.
She breathed in the ocean spray as she skimmed its surface, enjoying the splash of water she left in her wake. The tower came into view ahead, imposing to all but her. It was a beacon of hope, a warning, a threat, and a home.
She would miss it all when it came time to say goodbye.
The first punch he threw was for Starfire.
Disobeys orders...insubordinate...could've lost her...fucking hell...hurt...dead...gone...
Then it was his team.
Gone...all the time...lonely...missing...haven't talked in days…
Plasmus.
Goddamn burning ball of goop I swear to god
Himself.
Should've been more careful...should've protected her better…should've been stronger
The rules.
I love her i love her i love her i love her-
"Richard?"
He looked up from his assault, breathing heavily as he steadied the bag with one hand.
"What do you want?"
Her face crumpled at his tone.
"I- I merely wanted to check in and see if you were okay."
"I'm fine," he replied tersely, repositioning himself before the punching bag. He jabbed at it from the left, quick and fierce, throwing in a hard uppercut.
"You are damaged." She said quietly.
"I'm fine," he bit back. Two jabs, one punch, switch fists, begin circling. Assume first position, reared back, ready for response. Two jabs, one punch, switch fists.
She watched him and he knew she was watching him. Maybe that's why he made a show of it. Maybe that's why he stopped punching for anger and started throwing hits to impress.
She moved so quickly, he barely had time to react.
"Seriously?" He growled, shooting her a glare as she held the broken bag and chain in her arms. She tossed it aside and took him by the wrist, dragging him out of the gym.
"You are going to shower and I am going to repair you."
"What part of 'I'm fine' are you not getting, Starfire?"
"The 'I' and the 'am' and the 'fine'," She shot back, her own green eyed glare slicing into him.
"I'm a grown man."
"I have not noticed."
She unlocked his bedroom door and cast him a withering look.
"Shower. I will be here when you are done."
He grumbled something about princesses and annoyances and shut the door, peeling off his uniform and tossing it on the bed.
His mask came off and landed next to his belt and boots, which he'd haphazardly thrown on the floor when he first arrived home.
Among the many things he would never admit to her, he knew Starfire was right about the shower. His muscles, which he hadn't realized were aching, throbbed under the hot water before relaxing. The gash on his arm still stung, but that was unavoidable. He felt clean and clear-headed.
He came out of his bathroom with a towel around his waist and on his shoulders, a half-smile forming on his lips when he saw a fresh uniform on his bed, his mask, belt, and boots arranged beside it neatly. A purple sticky note had been placed on top of the pile, with loopy scrawl that read 'Come to the infirmary, do not do the grumbling -Starfire' in black ink. He snorted and set the note aside before changing into his clean clothes.
By the time he arrived in their medical wing, she had set out a first aid kit. She was looking surprisingly stern, despite her dripping hair and civilian wear.
"Sit," she commanded, pointing to one of their cots. He rolled his eyes, obliging her nonetheless.
She fussed over him for a moment, before pulling his collar down.
"What are you doing?" He asked, a faint flush creeping up his neck. Her cheeks turned pink.
"Your injury is on your arm."
"Right." He swallowed, helping her pull the top of his uniform to his waist.
It wasn't the first time she'd seen him shirtless (they'd gone to the beach before, as well as all those times she had helped him suture wounds every now and then when Raven wasn't available), nor was it her favorite time seeing him bare-chested (two summers ago in the gym, after he'd gained two inches on her and had begun designing Nightwing), but she couldn't help but feel flustered.
'X'hal, you are a vosutu Kori! He is injured' she reprimanded herself, heart fluttering as she placed her fingers on his bicep.
It wasn't a large cut, but it had gone deeper than she liked. She prodded the area around the wound as gently as she could, biting her lip as she heard him grunt in pain.
"Richard-"
"Burn it shut, Kori."
"But-" She tries to cut across him.
"If you burn it shut, there'll be less of a chance of infection. Since it's deep and it's an acid burn, it's the best option." He said, touching her hand softly.
She nodded, the glow of a starbolt alight on her finger.
"Please be still," she asked, squeezing his hand.
She drew her finger along the length of the cut slowly, hearing the hiss of sizzling flesh.
Richard, to his credit, was the perfect patient, gritting his teeth and squeezing her hand as hard as he could without actually moving any limbs. He breathed deeply while she unrolled a thick strip of gauze, wrapping around his arm, and tying the ends together.
"You are healed," she proclaimed, stepping away to admire her handiwork.
"Thanks Kori," He said, setting his hands on her waist.
"You are very welcome," Kori touched his cheek, before returning to the supply table to fetch a few more rolls of gauze.
He raised an eyebrow, pulling the the top of his uniform up.
"Overkill, I think."
"They are not for you." She touched her waist gently, face screwing up in discomfort. He was by her side in an instant.
"Move your arms-"
"Richard, I am perfectly capa-"
"-didn't think to check how you might be do-"
"-your age, and I believe I know how to properly treat mysel-"
"-can't believe it didn't cross my mind-"
"-you are doing the fussing, I am okay-"
He directed her to his vacant seat on the cot.
"Starfire," he said, lips pressed in a thin line, "please."
"Fine," she gave in, sulking as he instructed her to remove her sweatshirt. She adjusted the strap of her lavender tank top while he observed her arms. She watched him retrieve a tub of paste from the supply table, and unscrew the cap, smoothing it over the darker burns. He wrapped the rest of them in fresh gauze before moving onto her stomach. She winced as he ran his hands over the patchy pink mark above her hip.
"Still say you're fine?"
"I am the peachy." She muttered, another muffled cry of pain escaping her lips as he spread the paste along the wound. Starfire watched him work in silence, adjusting the bandages every so often.
"I believe the others wished for us to meet them at Mama's for dinner."
"It can wait. I have paperwork to fill out."
"We have not had dinner as a family in quite a whi-"
He shot her a glare as he tied the final bandages.
"You go on ahead, I have to review the tapes."
"I promised Officer Jamison we would forward him a write-up of the incident. I shall stay with you and ask them to bring the to-go boxes for us."
Nightwing set the tub and gauze on the cot behind him and crossed his arms.
"You're not going to take no for an answer, are you?" He asked in a defeated tone.
She hopped off her perch, smiling.
"I am not."
He shook his head and pulled out his communicator, flipping it open.
"Guys, you there?"
Changeling's grinning face came into view.
"Hey 'Wing, where you guys at? We're getting a table right now."
"Starfire and I have some work to do. Can you grab us the usuals and bring them over when you're done?"
His teammate's smile faded, ears drooping.
"Dude, we don't get to do this super often, can't you just-"
"I'm sorry Gar," Nightwing replied apologetically, "it needs to be done now. We'll do dinner tomorrow night, okay? My treat." He promised.
"Well...alright," Changeling smirked, "Cy says not to have too much fun."
"We won't," he replied, deadpanned, "bye."
He shoved his communicator back into his belt and turned to her.
"Come on, let's go review the tapes."
She watched him smooth out the cot while she fiddled with the hem of her skirt.
"Nightwing?"
"Yeah?" He asked, looking back at her.
"I fear I am still damaged," she hitched the fabric higher on her left thigh, wincing as it grazed her skin.
A bloody gash, green around the edges, was slashed in a slanted line across her leg. Nightwing swore, dropping down on one knee to check the wound.
"Why didn't you mention this earlier?"
"It was not paining me and I did not think-"
"That's just it, Starfire, you never think." He snarled, reaching for the prepackaged alcohol swabs. "You put yourself in harm's way every chance you get, you're distracted and unfocused and undisciplined-" he rattled off her failures with a fury she'd only seen paralleled in his mentor, deft fingers wrapping fabric around her leg with practiced ease.
She caught his wrist, forcing him to look up at her.
"I am sorry."
Nightwing shook his head, drawing his hands away from her.
"Let's just review the tapes."
They were in his room. He'd retrieved footage from the cameras in the square and had loaded them on his computer, piles of incident forms and damage-related paperwork situated atop his desk. Starfire sat on his bed, legs crossed, her own review sheets in hand.
"Nightwing, I wish to-"
"Not now, Star," he cut her off, sighing. "I want to get this over with."
He hit play, and leaned forward, watching the scene unfold before him.
Plasmus was in the center of the square when they'd arrived. Nightwing took note of the vehicle marked JCPD Facility Transport that rested on its side, doors flung open from behind.
"I keep reminding them to be careful with the metas," he grumbled, jotting something down.
Starfire chewed on the tip of her pen as she and Nightwing arrived onsite. She watched him lunge forward, batting away lumps of purple with his escrima sticks. A spatter of green erupted from Plasmus's arm, grazing Nightwing's arm.
Starfire winced as the onscreen Nightwing pointed away from himself, ordering her to continue her assault. Her gaze drifted to the barrage of starbolts that rained down on the monster. The starbolts stopped, and her body began to glow green as she twisted herself into a corkscrew position, aligning herself with Plasmus's middle. The creature swelled, oozing bubbles of acid rising all over him. Nightwing barked something inaudible, and she knew that was the moment he'd ordered her to fall back. She continued her descent, rearing back as the bubbles of acid grew in size. Nightwing was aiming his grappling hook at her, fear flashing across his face as Plasmus roared and burst. She gasped and shot forward, placing her body in front of his as a wave of acid rose above them.
The video froze.
Starfire set her pen down mid-sentence.
"Nightwing?" She touched his shoulder gently.
He tensed and rose from his seat, moving to the other side of the room. He paced, running a hand through his hair as he grumbled beneath his breath.
"Following orders isn't an option," he said coldly, "so don't think us kissing every now and then changes anything, Starfire."
She gasped, rising from the bed indignantly.
"How dare you-"
"This isn't about me, Starfire, this is about you failing to listen."
"I have done nothing wrong! I did what I thought was right-"
"What you thought? Enlighten me then. What were you thinking?" His tone turned low and deadly, eyes narrowed in a manner eerily similar to 'the bat-glare'.
"Starfire, answer me."
"I do not wish to fight," she crossed her arms and hung her head, staring at her boots.
"You should've thought of that before you disobeyed orders," he snapped, and she could feel her heart sinking to her toes. She said nothing.
"Starfire, I'm going to ask you one last time, and I expect a real answer. Why did you throw yourself in front of Plasmus after I told you to fall back?"
She hugged herself, and gave her response.
"Thanks for clearing that up, Star, I really appreciate it."
Her eyes flared with fury as she shot herself into him, pinning him to the wall.
"I threw myself in front of you." Her voice caught on the last vowel, lips trembling.
He is kissing her again, breathing her in like it's his last taste of air. Her fingers are buried in his hair, arms twisted around his neck. Somehow, there's too much space between them. He can feel her edging away from him, her kisses becoming pecks. He thinks she is blinking back tears.
When she breaks it, he can't help but cling to her. His hands have settled on her waist and he is certain he will have left prints in her skin.
She is sad-eyed when it's over, and completely shattered when she says the words.
"We will not do this any longer." Her fingers graze his cheek as she traces the edges of his mask.
"What? Why?"
"You cannot have it both ways. You either love me, or you do not." She rises from the bed, clutching her guards in hand.
"I cannot bear to watch you do this to yourself, Richard."
The door slides shut between them, and she can't help but think it's another wall standing in their way. She moves towards her bedroom door, each increase in distance unclenching her heart a bit more.
It wasn't meant to be like this. Tokyo was supposed to change things. The kiss was supposed to change things.
"You know you're my best friend, right?" Her heart fluttered at his words.
"And you are mine."
"I'd never want anything to get in the way of that."
"Nothing ever could."
"I know."
She leaned in slowly, her lips parted.
"And so...we have nothing to fear."
He closed the gap between them and was overcome with that blissful warmth he experienced around her. He shifted his arm, fingers drawing shapes on her skin lazily. She giggled, resting her hands on his shoulders.
"Robin," She whispered, pulling away. She smiled dreamily, "That was wonderful."
"It was pretty nice, wasn't it," He grinned, cupping her cheek, "I'm starting to wonder why I-" he stopped, a thoughtful expression crossing his face.
"Fear…" his eyes widened as he dropped his hands, rising from his seat on the rooftop, "that's it!"
"Robin…?" she looked up at him questioningly.
"Saico-Tek was afraid of someone- terrified! And whoever they are, they're here in Tokyo. Everyone may think Brushogun is a myth, but to Saico-Tek, he was real."
She rose from her perch and touched his shoulder.
"But even if he is real, the Commander Daizo and his state troopers can surely handle-"
"Well if they can handle it, why are we here?" Robin interrupted. She drew her hand away, hugging herself as she looked out at the city.
"I...believed us to be having 'the fun'."
"There's nothing fun about looking like a bunch of stupid kids," he snarled, "We're heroes, Starfire. We don't take vacations, we don't make mistakes, and we don't have time for-"
"For what?" she asked quietly, lifting her head. He turned, unable to face her.
"For this."
She moved closer, taking his arm gently.
"Must we always be heroes? Are we capable of nothing else? Can we not, for a few moments, be something...more?"
"There is nothing more. A hero is what I am, and if you don't like it-"
"Robin," she backed away from him, blinking away tears, "I like it more than you will ever know."
Back then she was certain he would come to his senses. That he would take note of the relationships budding in the tower and realize it was safe to pursue one himself. That he would finally, finally, admit his feelings for her and do something about it.
She sighs and rubs her face tiredly, punching in the code to her bedroom.
Perhaps it was better this way. Pining had done nothing, talking had done nothing, x'hal even kissing was useless.
Starfire flops on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, eyes tracing the glowing stars Richard had helped her paint two summers ago.
"Constellations?" She echoed, drawing out patterns in the sky. He laughed and took her hand.
"They're not quite so nonspecific, Kori. Here, see those three stars right there? Those make up Orion's Belt. And the stars around them make up the rest of his body."
She cocked her head.
"Who is this 'Orion'?"
"Well in Ancient Greek mythology, Orion was a brave warrior who hunted alongside the goddess Artemis, and when he died, she hung his body in the sky forever."
Starfire considered this.
"So it is similar to K'tgarka de X'hal?"
"What's that?"
She lifted her hand, green energy flaring at her fingertips.
"Tamaraneans are filled with energy, though my sister and I are the only ones capable of harnessing it in the form of starbolts. The energy is difficult to expend for the average Tamaranean, but it is necessary to join the embrace of the goddess X'hal. When our warriors die, we set them aflame and release them into space, where they burn for thousands of years. Thus making them-"
"Stars," Robin said interestedly, turning to face her, "that's pretty incredible."
She blushed.
"There are many incredible things on Earth too."
She remembers the evenings they spent talking. He would tell her about his life before Robin, when his family soared at Haley's Circus, and the days after. He talked about being the Boy Wonder, and his frustrations with his adoptive father. He spoke of the shadow he wished to escape, and the burden of a mantle he was secretly afraid to bear. When he was finished telling his stories, he would prop himself up on his elbow and turn his attention on her. She'd laugh and oblige him, sharing tales of life on Okaara, afternoons training with Galfore, the games she would play with her siblings. Sometimes she spoke of the war, even venturing into her time in the Citadel and the experiments the Psions had conducted on her. She cried that night, allowing him to hold her while she screamed into his chest.
There were few men she'd met who were truly as miraculous as Richard. And there were no men she would ever love as deeply as him.
A sharp rap at the door interrupts her thoughts.
"Starfire, can I come in?"
She sighs and sits up, resting against the headboard.
"You may enter, Raven."
The empath phases through the door in a swirl of darkness, pulling her hood down as she settles on the bed.
"You're projecting pretty strongly. Want to tell me what's up?"
Starfire hugs her knees to her chest and shakes her head.
"I believe you already know."
Raven takes her hand and squeezes it.
"Maybe so. But I'm not asking you to talk because it's best for me." She says, shooting her a half-smile, "You should probably just tell me unless you want me to call Gar and his kitten eyes in here."
The Tamaranean girl giggles and wipes her eyes.
"I suppose it would be wisest to simply 'spill'." She draws in a shaky breath, "Raven, I fear my time with the Titans is coming to an end."
Raven stills.
"Kori, you can't- it's not because of Dick, right? Because I swear-"
"I assure you, it is not all Richard," Starfire cuts her off sadly, "but a multitude of things. You are the most in tune with our family-"
"Actually, I'd argue that title might belong to you."
"-so you must have noticed the drifting. You must have felt us growing up. Victor plans on proposing to Sarah, you and Gar have found a relationship of sorts, Richard-" she pauses, and looks away, "Richard and I have our separate worlds. The Titans are seldom needed in Jump. It is time for me to find my own path."
Starfire glances at her friend uncertainly, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
"Where will you go?" Raven asks, scooting to sit beside her.
Starfire shrugs.
"I do not know. I wish to explore Earth and it's many cultures, but there is a chance I may return to Tamaran."
"When will you leave?"
"Not for a while. I assure you, I do not intend on leaving anytime soon. There are many things I wish to do first. However," she begins carefully, "I think it would be best if I announce my departure in the upcoming days."
"Why?"
Starfire gives her a watery smile.
"So you are not surprised when I have gone."
There is grief, there is pain, and there is suffering. There is hope, there is longing, and there is wistfulness. As a Tamaranean, Starfire was especially adept at differentiating between the various emotions and their levels of intensity. She could separate happiness from joy by the slight shift in a smile, anger from fury by the fire in someone's eyes. She knew her friends inside and out and was able to read them better than most individuals.
So when she finally tells them of her decision to leave, she is unsurprised by their reactions.
Changeling's grin fades, ears drooping, eyes wide in shock. His mouth falls open, and she recognizes his expression. After all, it's not the first time they are losing a Titan.
Cyborg gapes, and she can see him trying to figure out why she's made this choice. A million questions are folded in his mouth, but he can't bring himself to ask them.
Nightwing's is the worst. His hands clench and unclench at his side, lips pressed in a straight line. He closes his eyes, and she knows he blames himself.
"It is my decision. We know our time as Titans has run its course. We have lives, we have loves-" she smiles at Cyborg, turning to face Raven, "we have needs that can no longer be fulfilled here. I believe my leaving is the next natural step."
"Where are you gonna go? When are you gonna go?" Changeling blurts, and Starfire feels a pang in her chest. She takes his hand in hers, promising silently she will not vanish, she will not hurt him like Terra.
"Not for some time. I will travel Earth. There is much I have yet to experience," she pauses, glancing at Nightwing. "Afterwards, I may return to Tamaran."
She can see the shift in his expression when she says this, the pain drawn in at his lips, the rage in his stance. He knows the implication of her words. He knows that despite her abdicating the throne all those years ago, she can only return to her home planet as crown princess. He knows she can only reclaim that title through marriage.
He chokes down protests, anger, and guilt, among the words he can't bring himself to say: I love you.
"Is there anything we can do to convince you to stay?" Cyborg pleads, taking her other hand.
Starfire shakes her head.
"My mind has been made up, Victor. All I ask is that we spend some time together before I go."
Raven makes a strange noise and throws her arms around Starfire, burying her face in the crook of her neck.
"Raven? I-"
"Nobody says anything," she mutters, voice breaking. "I get this moment."
Starfire bursts into tears, and pulls away from the boys, folding her friend into her arms.
Cyborg and Changeling exchange a look and join the hug, squeezing so tight Starfire wonders if they are trying to prevent something from falling apart.
She looks at Nightwing and mouths the words he refuses to say, gesturing for him to come forward.
He shakes his head and points to the ceiling.
Rooftop he says, before leaving.
Starfire lingers in the embrace of her friends, memorizing the feel of Cyborg's cheek against hers, the tickle of Raven's hair on her neck, and the warmth of Changeling's hands. The lump in her throat grows larger and more threatening, swallowing her from the inside. She will miss this. She will miss this more than anything in her life.
Eventually Raven lets go and draws her hood back up, drying her eyes with her sleeve.
"I need to meditate." She says, phasing through the floor. Changeling rubs the back of his neck.
"I'd better check in on her," he says, pecking Starfire's cheek, "I love you, Star."
She notices the drag in his steps as he heads towards Raven's room, the door to the commons sliding shut. She hears a sniffle behind her and turns.
"Victor, I am sorry. Perhaps we can-"
"I'm gonna go work on the T-Car or something," Cyborg touches her shoulder and sighs. "Just need some time to work through this stuff." He starts towards the elevator before stopping. "We're really gonna miss you, y'know."
"I know." She says it so quietly, he wonders if he imagined her response.
She watches him leave before making her way to the roof, waiting behind the door. Sure enough, Nightwing opens it, cocking his head.
"Not very sneaky, Kori."
"I was not trying to be."
He nods and shuts the door as she floats towards the edge of the tower.
"You can still fly?" He asks in disbelief. She hides her smile, facing the burning sunset.
"There is only one thing that can truly take away my flight, Richard."
"Thing?"
"Person," she corrects, breathing in the ocean air. He laughs and moves closer to her, his fingers twitching beside hers. She feels them brush against her skin and rolls her eyes, taking his hand in hers.
"Still you hesitate," she muses.
"I'm slow on the uptake. Hey," he says, tilting her chin so she's facing him, "you aren't serious about leaving right?"
Starfire sighs and pushes his hand away.
"Richard-"
"Come on Kori, you're not really thinking about going. I mean...you and I both know what Tamaran means. You can't get married! You're-"
"Not taken," she cuts him off sharply, returning her gaze to the horizon. "As princess of Tamaran it is my duty to serve the people and honor the laws and traditions they uphold. If I must marry, I will do so. You have made it perfectly clear where we stand."
"So this is some sick form of revenge?" He growls. "I couldn't say the three magic words and now you're gonna make me lose you like some fucking punishment."
She glares.
"Be careful how you speak, Dick. You do not have me, it is none of your business what I choose to do with my life."
"Of course it is! It's my business because I-" He freezes, retracing his words, "I care for you...a lot. You're my best friend, you're one of the most important people in the world to me, I can't...you can't leave me too."
"Oh Richard," she sighs, her mouth forming a slow and sad smile, "I will never leave you. But this is what is best. And I cannot bear separation if you are to make it difficult for me."
He closes his eyes and hangs his head, opening his arms. Starfire drifts into his embrace, pressing her cheek to his neck. He buries his face in her hair and holds her, tightening his grip around her waist.
"How the hell could you expect me not to fight, Star?" Nightwing sounds so broken she feels something crack inside herself. "You know exactly what you mean to me, you know I would give up everything I have for you-"
"Please, I do not wish to talk about this anymore. You have lost your chance," she says, her lips brushing his throat as she speaks.
"Don't say that."
Her eyes narrow.
"Are you prepared to admit your feelings for me and allow us to have a real relationship?" She says, loosening her hold on him. Nightwing shifts uncomfortably.
"Star-"
"I do not wish to hear it."
He wonders why he doesn't just say it. She knows it, he knows it, hell, everyone from Jump to Gotham seems to know it.
He feels a pang in his chest when he remembers.
"My little robin," Mary Grayson squeezes her son, ruffling his hair.
"Moooooom," he complains, stomping his foot, "I'm not a baby."
"You'll always be my baby," she coos, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. "Richard, could you please pass me the blue ribbon over there? No, the other one- perfect. Thank you."
He folds his arms on her dresser and watches her brush pink powder on her cheeks, draw lines of glitter on her eyes, and paint her lips red. She notices his wide-eyed gaze and grins, shaking the brush threateningly in his face.
"You want some too?"
He pokes out his tongue.
"No, that stuff's gross."
She laughs, and smacks her lips against his cheek.
"I love you," she says, smiling as he tries to rub away the smear of red.
"Bleh."
He sees it happen in his head again. The lights flashing, a booming voice announcing their family act. He sees his mom shoot him a reassuring grin as she leaps, grabbing a hold of his father's arms. He hears them laughing as they reach for him, their grins going slack at the sound of a rope snapping.
Someone screams.
The next thing he sees is their broken bodies fifty feet below, outstretched like flightless birds.
Nightwing doesn't realize he's crying until he feels her wipe away a stray tear.
"Talk to me," she says, running her fingers under the edges of his mask. She peels the fabric away from his face and sits, tugging him down to join her.
"I can't."
"You cannot what?"
He gestures at her before putting his face in his hands, muttering something angrily.
She touches his shoulder.
"Richard, please. Tell me what is wrong." If she can see his shift in mood, she doesn't voice it. He runs a hand through his hair, looking anywhere but at her.
"I can't do...this. I can't do it, Star, I can't deal with you leaving."
Starfire hugs herself, drawing her knees to her chest.
"We have already discussed this."
"No, you made a choice, and you expected me to respect it and just...let go of you as if you mean nothing to me; like you mean nothing to the Titans."
"I need to have my space. I cannot run in circles with you time after time," she says quietly.
"Bullshit, Star! Don't you get it? You know how I feel. You think I go around kissing every pretty girl that comes my way or something?" He can feel his rage cresting, bubbling in his chest and spilling into his lungs. "I like the way things are with us, I like having you."
"You do not have me." She says sharply, her eyes shining with green light. "Choose your next words carefully."
"You keep pushing me. You want something I can't give you. I can't tell you how I feel."
"Cannot or will not?"
"Both," he grinds out, "I'm not going to risk your life by pursuing a relationship with you."
"Why not? Why will being with you put me in any more danger than I already am in? I am a soldier, a warrior. I was raised for battle. This is who I am."
"Starfire-"
"My life will not be any safer with you in it, or with you out of it. We are heroes, Richard. We chose this life to make a difference, but that does not mean we must be so willing to sacrifice any chance of happiness we have."
He opens his mouth to respond but stops when she shoots him a chilling look.
"I wonder if it is me you are protecting and not your own feelings."
His heart sinks to his toes- she knows him too well.
Starfire takes his silence as a yes and scoots closer to him, so their thighs are touching.
"You are afraid of losing the people you care for and breaking." It's not a question.
Nightwing presses his forehead to hers and closes his eyes.
"Everyone I've ever loved is gone. I'm not losing you too." He sounds smaller than she could ever imagine him to be. She lets her fingers run through his hair.
"You have Barbara," she says quietly, "and Tim, and Bruce, and Alfred-"
"It's different. You know it's different. They know what they're doing, they can protect themselves."
"Even Alfred?"
He chuckles, and the sounds is music to her ears. He opens his eyes, fierce blue meeting her own watery green.
"Even Al."
They stay there for hours, wrapped up in the words he'd waited so long to say. She understood his hesitance. The pain that blocked his honesty was raw and heavy, and she could never blame him for the choice he made.
I love you.
Three words, unspoken in that order, hang in the air. He snuggles into her, his head resting in her lap as they stare up at the sky, tracing the distance from the stars to Tamaran. She strokes his hair gently, telling stories of the galaxy and legends of the goddess X'hal.
The sun rises far too early, and like that, another evening has been stolen from them. Starfire yawns, causing him to shoot up and berate her for not getting enough sleep. She shakes her head, amused by his over-protectiveness. She misses it already.
He gets it. He doesn't like it, but he gets her desire to leave. He's been itching to settle in his own city anyways- Blüdhaven is calling his name. But he can't seem to tear himself away from his second family, and he refuses to tear himself away from her.
She rises into the air and stretches, yellow beams of light licking at her skin, the ends of her hair catching fire.
"Morning flight?" She calls, letting the warmth of the sun flow through her fingertips.
He shakes his head.
"No, I'm gonna make us breakfast. You go on."
Her smile falters.
"Richard-"
"I'm okay," he says, reassuring her. "Just hungry. I'll see you soon."
Starfire floats down beside him and yanks him forward by the front of his uniform, studying him intensely.
"I will be back shortly," She says, releasing him from her grip, "I would like pancakes and tea."
"Your wish is my command, princess," he jokes, turning away.
"Wait-" she tugs his arm, pulling him towards her.
"What is it?"
She bites her lips, hesitating, before leaning in and kissing him. It's light and sweet, and in his opinion, over far too soon.
"I know I had said I was done, but I cannot spend the last of our time together being purely platonic."
He grins.
"What are you saying, Kori?"
"I wish to return to the making out now, please." She says meekly. Nightwing laughs and pulls her into his arms.
"Fine by me." He says, leaning in and attaching their lips. She responds fiercely, winding her arms around his neck. She's impossibly warm, her skin burning hotter in the places he touches. His fingers dance along her sides, drawing lines of green fire against her ribs.
"Kori," he mumbles, moving his hands to her hips, planting her rising feet firmly on the ground, "I think you need to go for that flight. Kill some energy."
She looks down and smiles.
"I think you are right. I shall see you later, Richard." She turns away and races to the edge of the tower, tossing herself into the air. She lets herself fall, twisting her plummeting body towards the earth. The wind whistles in her ears as she evens out the dive and shoots along the water, skimming its glimmering surface with her fingertips. Starfire sighs, drinking in the light. She's always loved the taste of Earth's sun. It flowed through her veins, it pulsed under her skin. She feels the energy swirling inside her, burning hot and fast as she surges through the air.
She glances back at the lone figure on the tower and feels a pang in her chest.
Soon.
The next weeks go by so fast, Gar nearly forgets she's leaving.
He spends more time at the Tower, playing video games with her, building elaborate concoctions in the kitchen, and marathoning space movies. She tells him about galactic warfare and alien politics. He teaches her fifty-six pranks.
He can't remember the last time he's been this content. He loves Raven, and every moment with her is great, but there's something incomparable to Starfire-time. Starfire-time means animal cuddles and junk food, jokes and slang, bad movies and long discussions. Starfire-time is a sister's love.
She's snoring on his shoulder quietly, red hair draped along the back of the sofa. The end credits of Rise II: Undead Unleashed scroll down the screen silently, interrupted with the occasional blooper.
Gar leans his head on hers and switches off the TV, snuggling into the sofa. Victor is due to take over in a few hours.
Raven spends as much time as she can with her. She doesn't vocalize it often, but there's a deep pain that's eating her from the inside out. Gar only knows because of the looks she's been giving him, and the evenings she's invited him to her room to cuddle, burying her face in his chest. Her eyes are always dry, her face is always solemn, but there's something heartbreaking in the tightness of her grip.
Victor isn't much better. He drags Starfire out to the garage every chance he gets, planning his proposal with her as they work on the T-Car. They disappear to the gym every afternoon, blasting B.E.R and Diamond City so loudly, Gar swears he can hear the floors thump. Sarah comes by when she has the time and opts to spend it with Starfire, who fights it every step of the way.
"You should be spending these moments with Vic, not me." She insists, digging her heels into the floor. Sarah rolls her eyes and tugs her arm harder.
"I'll have plenty of days after this with him, it's you I want to share this one with."
Dick is breaking. He's more affectionate with Star these days, touching her shoulder, her hand, her waist. Gar sees him cracking under his boyish smiles, his lips turning down the second Starfire turns away.
There was a truth to what she said about leaving. He'd felt it too. Their family was growing up. Dick had been Nightwing for almost two years now. Vic was planning on proposing to Sarah. Gar wasn't sure where he and Raven are heading but he feels so strongly and so deeply, he doesn't care. Jump doesn't need them anymore- it hasn't needed them in a long time.
It was time for a new generation of Titans.
Starfire grumbles and moves out from under him, curling into the side of the couch instead. Gar shifts into a kitten and cozies himself into the crook of her arm. She runs her fingers through his fur soothingly and lets out a tiny yawn.
He watches her through slitted eyes, a purr rumbling through his body. He hears the doors to the hallway swish open and shut, a large figure making its way over the sofa. The figure seats himself next to Starfire's head, lifting her so she's positioned against his leg.
Gar buries himself deeper into her arm, enjoying the warmth she emits.
"Paws off," Nightwing warns jokingly.
Gar swipes at him playfully, hissing as he turns his face into her side.
"Little shit," Nightwing mutters, throwing his arm on the back of the sofa. Starfire stretches, arching her back before snuggling in his lap. He blushes and looks away, gaze falling on the smug green cat watching him from her arm.
"Shut up."
Gar meows loudly in response. Although they say otherwise, Dick and Kori were basically dating without dating. He could smell them on each other all day, Raven could read their euphoria after secret excursions. Victor had a read on their heartbeats when they were together and they were apart.
He wishes Dick would give in already. He's so in love with her, and she practically lives for him. They aren't kids anymore, and Gar knows she won't wait forever. Hell, that's probably a big part of why she's leaving.
Every so often, he swings by her room and peeks in, heart hammering with dread as he glances around. He's filled with relief when he sees her photographs on her dresser, closet half-open and filled with clothes, stuffed animals placed neatly on her bed. No packed boxes, no luggage waiting to be taken away.
He swallows the lump in his throat and keeps moving, keeps pretending he's accepted her decision. Gar knows it only pains her more to see them suffering.
There's a thump and he's shaken out of his thoughts, hissing as he lands on the floor.
"Gar? Richard?" Starfire asks groggily, rubbing the back of her head. Nightwing winces.
"Sorry, Kori," he says, taking her hand, "accidentally elbowed you."
She squints at him.
"What is the time?"
He shrugs.
"Four-thirty?"
Starfire shoots up, pulling her hair over her shoulder.
"I am late! Victor will be here any moment," she says frantically, weaving her red locks into a braid and tossing it over her shoulder. "I shall be back." She kisses Nightwing's cheek and reaches down to pat Gar's head before bolting to her room.
The green cat climbs back onto the sofa and shifts back, turning to face the man in black.
"Wanna tell me why you two are dancing around your feelings? Because let me tell you, dude, you aren't fooling anyone."
Nightwing rolls his eyes.
"We aren't-"
"Oh come on, 'wing, I can smell you two all over each other from a mile away." Gar smirks at the flush that creeps up his friend's neck.
"You're right," Nightwing conceded, throwing his hands up. He sighs, "Not like it matters anyways. She's still leaving. And she's right to."
"What? How can you say that?" The changeling's smile fades.
"All those reasons she told me…" he looks down at his hands, "Vic and Sarah, you and Rae. We're growing up. We're less active in Jump as it is, we have the luxury of settling down. Some of us do, at least. She wants to go out and see the world and she wants to do it on her own. I can't blame her for that. Not when she helped me make the switch, not when she's been researching Blüdhaven knowing I want to go there someday. Plus, things have gotten quiet in the Tower. She's lonely." He says meaningfully.
Gar's mouth falls open.
"But...we're her family. She still has a place with us- if she says the word, we'd glue ourselves to the sofa and never leave."
"I know," Nightwing says heavily, "we'd do it in a heartbeat. But she doesn't want that."
"We're not just gonna let her go. We need her! You need her."
"I know," he replies stiffly, curling his fingers into his palms, "and that's why we have to let her do it."
"Dick," Gar presses, voice thick with pain, "dude, there has to be something-"
"There isn't. We need to respect her choice."
They do. The next few weeks are a blur of activity. Victor pops the question and Sarah inevitably says yes and, to Starfire's delight, asks her and Raven to be bridesmaids alongside her sister and cousin. Gar and Raven share their first kiss. There's a blow-out goodbye party thrown- Bumblebee insisted once she caught wind of what Starfire was going to do. Lots of evenings spent snuggling into Richard's chest. He wraps her in his arms and holds tighttighttight thinking maybe she can't escape his grasp.
She acts normal. Starfire laughs and giggles and soars. She spends a lot of time with Silkie, taking him for walks along the beach and through the park. Family dinners are her favorite- they eat out, they eat in, they order pizza and watch bad movies together. She revels in the closeness that suddenly exists and feels a sadness at the same time. It takes her leaving to pull them all together again. Raven keeps a lock on her emotions and senses nothing strange, just the same longing and happiness she's always broadcasted. She couldn't have stopped it anyways.
It's a Tuesday. Starfire and Nightwing rise at dawn and watch the glow of the sun come above the horizon. She blasts through the sky, bursting bright and green in the morning air. They have breakfast and train for an hour or two before he heads to the evidence room to pore over reports from the Titans East. Starfire meditates with Raven and plays video games with Changeling. She feeds Silkie and dances it out with Cyborg and his fiancee. She memorizes the routines, the sounds, the sights, the love that flutters through her when she's with them.
She's herself through dinner, giggly and cheerful as ever. She holds hands with Nightwing under the table and thinks this is all I have ever asked for. Cyborg and Sarah are the first to call it a night. He takes the T-Car out to drop her off, calling a little later to mention he's spending the night. Changeling wiggles his eyebrows, further inciting a bout of giggles from his floaty friend. Raven smacks him upside the head but smirks nonetheless, before claiming fatigue and retiring to her room. He grins and turns back to kiss Starfire's cheek before facing the empath.
"Night, mama," Changeling calls flirtatiously, bounding after her.
Nightwing and Starfire share a laugh before heading to his room. She's left a silk pair of pajamas on his bed, soft purple with a red dragon coiled at her hip- something she'd been gifted in Tokyo. He blushes as she changes, averting his eyes until she's fully dressed. She grins, taking her time as she slides her legs into the lavender shorts. Earthen modesty has always amused her. She lets him hold her. Lots of kissing, lots of touching. Patterns being made and stored away for some other time. He likes her little sighs and coos. She loves the way his lips curl into a smile as his fingers thread themselves in her hair. He buries his face in her neck and rubs his thumb behind her ear. She purrs. So much teasing ensues. He makes a note of that spot, reminds himself to tell Bruce in case Selina has something akin. Ew, why am I thinking about Bruce right now.
She's very bold tonight. Lots of wandering hands and cheeky grins as her fingers dip a little too low before pulling back. He thinks he's going crazy.
It's sometime around one or two that they start to fall asleep. His chin is on her head, her cheek pressed against his collarbone. He thinks she's already out, so he doesn't hesitate to say in his sleepy haze.
"IluhyouStahr." He mumbles, pulling her closer to him.
He doesn't know it, but this is the moment everything changes. Her eyes flash open and she gasps, stilling in his arms. He's already drifted off, so he can't see the tears that come running down her face or the resoluteness in her expression when she pulls herself out of his bed, into the hall, and onto the floor of her room. She scrambles, throwing belongings into bags, kissing things she must leave behind. She keeps her communicator but breaks the transmitter first, removing the trackers from her gorget and the guards on her arms. Starfire flings open her dresser hurriedly and pulls out a stack of papers, setting them on her bed hastily. She presses her lips to the first five and scribbles something on them, folding them up and placing them on her duvet.
In less than an hour, she is gone.
END CHAPTER I
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thank you all for reading this and helping welcome me back to the world of fanfiction. This (and chapter 2) are the ONLY chapters of such obscene length, I promise to reign in my writing a bit more as it progresses.
First off, yeah, I referenced a whole bunch of stuff in this chapter: there is dialogue directly from Trouble In Tokyo, a reference to the TTG episode "40%,40%,20%", Big Belly Burger from DCU's Arrowverse, and a few other Easter Eggs here and there.
Second, thank you to FanfictionBetas for connecting me with my lovely editor, Cas! This story would be way messier without your help, so thank you for everything thus far.
Finally, I'd like to talk a little bit about this story. Some things to know: weird timeline (which will be explained better in a later chapter), rated for language, content, violence, etc - might push an M rating at some point but that depends on what you guys want. This story has kept me going these last few months, and means a lot to me, so please, please, please share your thoughts with me! Thank you again, and happy reading!
Until next time,
Z. R. Coeur