And now, it's time for Helpful Humanitarian Songs with Jeff the Killer.
Jeff the Killer stood out in the snow, with his usual bloodstained white hoodie, while beside him lay a very docile Smile Dog, who was in a rather sullen state for reasons beyond anyone's knowledge.
Jeff had previously decided to take him out on a walk, but he then found himself stopped at an old doughnut shop out across the street, while Smile Dog just lay down in the snow without a care for anything, not even killing, which to his homicidal owner, frightened him, into thinking of a rather bizarre and embarrassing turn of events in order to get his pet back on his feet again, but for Smile, he would do anything for him, and I mean anything.
Standing out where people would come out of the doughnut shop, Jeff began to sing a soft, but loud enough tune so people could hear, and it went a little something like this.
"Well he's a mangy old pet. If you saw him I bet, you'd walk the other way."
More people just strolled past Jeff and Smile, not wanting to associate with, said killer and man-eating mongrel.
"So sad and alone, with his hair overgrown, like a stinky, old toupee. But doggies have feeling. And doggies need love. And doggies like those deep fried treats that come from up above!"
Suddenly Jeff began to sing loud enough for people to take notice of him, and started to surround him out of both curiosity and sympathy for his four-legged companion.
"Ohhh, doughnuts for Smile Dog! Please give.. a glaze to make him smile! Thank you ma'am!"
Jeff called out to a woman who was generous enough to give Smile one of her doughnuts that she had bought.
"Poor troubled beast, won't you at least comfort him awhile? Sir, can you spare... a doughnut for Smile? Please help my doggie friend!
Thank you kind sir!"
Jeff exclaimed, as a kind, young man, tossed Smile a pink frosted doughnut with extra sprinkles, the happy canine wolfed it down within seconds, and slowly started to stand up.
"A honey dip would really help his broken heart to mend."
No sooner were the lyrics out of Jeff's mouth, then a woman with two young children came by, and gave Smile their honey glazed doughnuts, having been conveniently been listening the whole time.
"His broken heart to mend!"
Smile felt strong enough to stand up fully now, and howled with joy.
"Well, just look at this pup! He is brightening up! He's not looking not so weak! Oh Smile! His outlook was grim, till you gave pastries to him! Oh look he wants to speak!
"Ohhhh, Doggies have feelings! Doggies need love!
And doggies like sweet, doughy treats that come from above, oh...!"
Without warning, Smile dog got up on his two hind legs, and put on a top hat, while flinging a cane around like a baton, and then he started to sing.
"Oh, Waltz me around again, baby!
Around, around, around!"
"Wait, what's going on?!"
Jeff's smile turned into shock and confusion as he was lifted into the air by his own dog, and tossed to and fro. "Hey, what are you..? I didn't know that you could..."Hey, what are you doing?!"
"These doughnuts are dreamy their filling is creamy!"
The maniacal killer, tried to release his dog's grip on him, but to no avail.
"Oh don't let my feet touch the ground"
Stop that! No, don't do that!" Jeff shouted, while his crazy dog continued to sing, completely oblivious to his master's demands.
I fell like a ship on an ocean of joy!
I just want to holler out loud, 'Ship ahoy!'
Waltz me around again, baby!
Around, around, around!"
Jeff was thrown to the ground, while Smile Dog dropped back onto all fours, while his cane and hat magically vanished, as he sank down low to the ground, with his tail tucked behind his legs.
"Maybe, you shouldn't have anymore doughnuts." Jeff grunted, unable to get back onto his feet. To the psychotic killer's horror, more people began singing the doughnut song,
"Doggies need doughnuts"
"No, no, no,no! Don't give him anymore!" Jeff yelled, running over to the crowd, who was feeding more baked goods, to a howling Smile Dog. "They make him crazy! Like Jerry Lewis! No!" The mob just ignored Jeff and continued their sing-along feeding frenzy.
"Doggies have feelings. And doggies need love!"
"No more doughnuts for the dog! Oh, man, this is a terrible idea! Who thinks up these things!"
Suddenly, without warning, Smile had put his hat back on, and grabbing his cane, he looked at his master with pure insanity. The pale-faced killer readied his knife for an attack, or for self-defense, whichever came first. Smile grinned maniacally.
"Oh, Waltz me around again, baby!"
Jeff had no other option left but to run as fast and as far as his legs could carry him. Unfortunately Smile caught up to him within moments, and was attempting to lift him into the air once more.
"No, no stop that!"
Around, around, around!"
Smile sang, while throwing his owner up in the air, over and over again.
"This was a bad idea!"
"Oh don't let my feet touch the ground"
Jeff was beginning to wonder if Smile had actually surpassed him when it came to insanity, because this type of psychopathic behavior was on a completely level entirely.
I fell like a ship on an ocean of joy!
"I need a new pet!"
I just want to holler out loud, 'Ship ahoy!'
Waltz me around again, baby!
Around, around, around!"
Smile then began to carry Jeff away from the streets, as his master kicked and screamed the entire way.
This has been Helpful Humanitarian Songs With Jeff the Killer. Tune in next time to hear Jeff say, "Don't give doughnuts to dogs!"