This ficlet, has been swimming around in my brain for WAY too long... I've been dying to write it since before finals even started.
This will be two chapters, the second to come very soon, I promise. It is based on a song that I will reveal next chapter - the chapter that will act as a partial song-fic. I know many people don't like songfics but the song fits into the atmosphere, and whatever, you'll see when I finish it. :D
Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this...!
"Ugghh…"
With a groan, Derek walked back into his and Angie's office after surgery, his muscles aching and throbbing for some rest. He plopped down onto the couch and leaned forward, resting his forehead on his knees as his assistant just giggled, closing the door behind them.
"Great job today, Ang…" he still managed to say just like every other day, his voice muffled by the fabric of his pants.
"You too, Dr. Stiles…" she replied, rolling her eyes when he lifted his head up to look at her, raising his right eyebrow.
"Sorry… Derek."
In settings where professional cordiality was not warranted, Derek had insisted that his assistant nurse of two years call him by his real name – he preferred when other people called him Dr. Stiles, but with her, it just didn't fit. He smiled satisfactorily and with another unhappy groan, laid his head back down on his knees, the muscles in his back nearly killing him.
And just as he was about to get up and go about his day with the pain, he felt a pair of hands knead into his back, rubbing firmly and deeply into his tired muscles.
"Mmmm…" he groaned, slipping off the couch and sitting on the floor. Angie took a seat right behind him on the couch and positioned him between her legs, holding his head in her left hand as her right hand rubbed the right side of his neck.
"You always know how to make me feel better…" he mumbled, his eyes now closed as he enjoyed the massage.
"Well, it's pretty easy to tell – what with all the grumbling you do…" she joked, giggling when he scoffed.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah… But I don't mean that. I mean that you just, know exactly where it hurts…" he said, sighing happily when her hands traced downwards, her thumbs working the muscles on both sides of his spine.
Angie smiled warmly. "Are you trying to say that you'd be lost without me, Dr. Sti—aah, Derek?"
As her fingers traced up and began rubbing through his scalp, Derek dropped what would've been him giving her a hard time, and hung his head with another happy sigh. "Normally I would put up a fight but that feels so good I'll admit it right out – I would be lost without you."
Breaking up Angie's giggles was her ringing cell phone on her desk.
"Beehhh…!?" Derek whined as she removed her hands from his hair and stood up, walking over to her pink phone. She giggled at his whining briefly. "Just, hang on… I'll be back in a second."
"Hello…?" she answered, leaning against her desk and smiling at the mess she had caused with Derek's hair. He didn't even bother to try fixing it, instead just looking at her with his puppy dog eyes as she listened to the caller on the other end.
"Oh… uhh… um, yeah…" she said, her smile fading quickly.
Derek immediately dropped the puppy dog eyes at her nervous fumbling. She suddenly looked away from him and lowered the tone of her voice, eventually opting to remove herself from their office completely. Though he tried, he couldn't make out what she was saying, her usually quirky voice hidden behind hushed tones. Very suddenly the call ended and she walked back into the room, fueling his confusion further when she refused to make eye contact with him.
"I'm u-uh… going to, um… go do rounds, Dr. Stiles…" she said softly, eyes never meeting his, instead fixed on the ground. He stared at her confusedly, but before he could get anything out he found himself staring at the back of a door. And as it shut he felt the aches in his back return in full force, reminding him that he most likely was just going to have to pop an acetaminophen and deal with it.
--
"What do you mean?"
"What do you mean what do I mean? The question explains itself." Derek replied, answering Tyler's question with a question of his own. "Do you have any idea what's going on with Angie?"
"And that's why I'm asking you what you mean…" Tyler explained. "She doesn't seem any different to me – why do you ask?"
Derek sighed, leaning back against the chair in Tyler's office, his brown eyes imploring the blonde for an answer. "We were in our office the other day laughing and joking around and then she got a phone call – and ever since she barely makes eye contact, stopped carpooling with me, and seems like she's avoiding me at all costs…"
Indeed, two days had passed since Angie's sudden discomfort with seeing Derek had started, leaving the doctor to wonder exactly what it was he had done wrong.
"Well I really haven't seen the two of you together – she's not acting any different towards me, if that's what you're asking… and I haven't heard anything about her…" he mused, stopping short when he saw the aforementioned blonde walk briskly into the room, her sunny disposition immediately crashing into that same discomfort Derek had seen for the past few days. Her stare shot towards the ground and her voice grew soft, arms nervously coming to rest in front of her.
"Um… Dr. Chase – you're needed in surgery…" she said quickly, glancing up at him once and once at Derek, whose expression looked as though he was ready to cry.
Tyler looked back at her questioningly, though she made it very clear she was in no way interested in explaining herself. "O-Okay Angie… Thank you."
And with that she turned around and left, not giving another glance at her doctor before doing so. Tyler broke the silence with a low whistle, leaning back against his chair. "That's real rough dude… something's gotta be up…"
Derek just nodded, his defeated gaze fixed on his shoes. "I've tried pulling her aside to tell her that I was sorry if I did something to upset her, but she just said she was fine and found a reason to leave…"
"I'll talk to Leslie later – if Angie told anyone, it was most likely her…" Tyler said, rising from his chair. "Until I find out, hang in there man…" he said with a reassuring pat on the back, earning some thanks from Derek before the brunette walked out of the room and back to his office, moping all the way.
And Tyler watched him go with a slightly heavy heart, knowing that this was tearing the poor guy up inside – he was the only one who knew how Derek truly felt about her. Shaking it off to prepare for surgery he removed himself from behind his desk and began walking towards the door, when he was stopped in the doorway by Leslie.
"Don't worry, I got the message… I'm coming…" he said reassuringly, holding his hands up in defense. She giggled at his joke briefly before she turned serious, looking up at him curiously.
"Was Derek just in here?" she asked, earning a nod from the blonde.
"Yeah, he's really worried about Angie… do you know what's up?" he asked nonchalantly, his trademark smirk turning into a concerned frown as Leslie stepped into his office and closed the door.
"Leslie…?" he questioned, seeing her lock the door.
"Promise me you won't tell him…" she said, honey brown eyes demanding yet laced with sadness.
Tyler shook his head. "I can't do that – whatever's going on is really killing him… he's worried, he deserves to know… He thinks it's his fault, whatever she's upset about."
Leslie shook her head. "It's nothing he did at all. But if you're going to tell him, I can't tell you…"
Tyler bit his lip. "Is he ever going to find out?"
The nurse nodded. "Very soon. Either later today or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow."
"Can I at least tell him that it's not his fault, and just say I don't know the rest?"
Leslie sighed. "Fine."
"Okay then, I promise…" he replied, feeling like a bad friend at the moment. "Spill."
She looked up at him and intertwined her pinky with his, making him cement his promise. With a sigh she dropped his hand from hers, her expression dropping into a frown.
"Angie's moving to Boston…"
--
Ever since that phone call had come through for Angie, Derek's stomach hadn't twisted itself out of the knot it now lay contorted in. He constantly worried that he had done something, and had literally picked apart every action he had displayed towards her over the past few days, wondering where he could've gone wrong. Coming up with very little the situation plagued him further, making him then begin to worry that something was wrong with her.
"Maybe she's sick…?" he mumbled out loud to himself, landing himself back at square one when he realized that it absolutely had to do with him – if it didn't, why was she only acting this way towards him?
The question was met with a loud bang, as Derek's forehead dropped against his desk – he was tired of thinking.
His moment of peace was quickly interrupted by clicking heels entering the room, belonging to the one he had been fretting over so much. His head popped up off the desk just in time to see Angie glance at him, her eyes diverting away from him once again. She quickly rummaged through her desk and grabbed her pink stethoscope, closing the drawer from which she pulled it before turning to walk from the room.
"Angie, wait…!"
Derek wasn't exactly sure why he had blurted out like that, especially because now that she was stopped, he had no idea what he was going to say. He instead just sat staring at her sadly, trying to find words to explain to her how much this was killing him – how worried he was. But little did he know she already knew, and it was the reason she had been avoiding contact with him – she hated to see him so sad.
"Please… Tell me what's going on." he said softly, his sincere plea causing tears to well in her eyes. She broke her stare with him and awkwardly looked down at the stethoscope she held in her hands, twisting it around aimlessly. Eyes still fixed on her hands, she opened her mouth to speak, to once again try to change the subject, desperate to end the tense silence between them.
And that was how Sidney Kasal found the two, both of them growing exponentially more uncomfortable in his presence. He felt the thick, tense air the minute he entered their office, seeing both of them barely making eye contact with each other, let alone him.
"Dr. Stiles, Nurse Thompson…" he greeted them, ready to get right to the point. Even though it had nothing to do with him, even he was itching to remove himself from the atmosphere. But instead of verifying his thoughts, he misinterpreted their awkwardness as brought about by Angie breaking the news to him, though she still had yet to.
"Well, I can see that you two are in the middle of something…" he said, looking over at Derek. "Whenever you have a chance though, Derek, I'll need to have a word with you about your new assistant…"
Sidney trailed off as Angie's eyes sprang wide open, trying to stop him before he said the words, but to no avail – it had been done.
The words hit Derek straight in the heart, every event from the past few days finally making sense – she didn't want to tell him that she was leaving him. He dropped back dejectedly into his seat, staring at her with a slightly opened mouth, seeing that she was giving Sidney the look of death. He just looked back at her and shrugged silently, mouthing, "I thought he knew…" to her.
"…New, assistant?"
Angie dropped her anger instantly at Derek's words, turning to finally look him in the eye, ready to cry as soon as she took note of his expression. He looked positively devastated, the sparkle in his brown eyes replaced by a multitude of unanswered questions, hitting him so quickly he wasn't exactly sure where to start.
"Angie…" he said in a more serious tone when she gave him no answer, his eyebrows lowering slightly. "Angie, what is he talking about?"
Again she said nothing, the tears gathering in her eyes making her unable to speak – at that point, she figured that nothing she said would really make a difference anyway.
And in her silence Sidney stepped forward awkwardly, offering an explanation to a very distraught Derek.
"Angie has taken a very prestigious position at Beth Israel in Boston…" he began, noting that while Derek was listening to him, his eyes never strayed from his soon to be ex-assistant, expression silently asking her why as she stared back, unable to offer anything besides her accumulating tears. "We're in the process of interviewing right now, as she leaves for the new position next week…"
"Next WEEK!?" he said in an uproar, rising to his feet quickly, his hands resting on his desk in front of him. Sidney took this as his cue to exit the room, leaving the two of them to deal with it.
"D-Derek…" she started, squeezing the life out of her stethoscope.
"You're leaving…? And in a week?! Angie – were you ever… you know, gonna tell me?!" he yelped, seeing her jump back slightly at his outburst.
"I-I… I didn't know h-how…" she stammered, tears now flowing freely.
Derek sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "It's pretty easy… you walk up and you say, 'Hey, Derek… I know that we've spent two of the best years of your life together, but I've decided to move across the country and never see you again…!'" he ended, throwing his hands up in the air.
"D-Derek, please…" she started again, unable to come up with anything else – though he had paid her a slight compliment in the middle of his outburst it had still hit her hard, making her feel even more horrible. He just sighed and closed his eyes at her silence, hanging his head slightly in his disbelief.
"…I just don't see how you could do something like this, Angie… we've been through everything together…" he continued, hearing her begin to lightly sob. He contemplated telling her everything – that he was head over heels in love with her, that the thought of not having her by his side every day made him sick, made him feel as though his life would be empty… but he couldn't do it, knowing that obviously this was something she really wanted – otherwise, she wouldn't be doing it.
She watched with wide eyes as Derek reached in his top drawer and removed his keys, slamming it shut and locking it, all the while never looking at her.
"Derek, w-wait, where are you…?" she asked, noticing as he walked closer to her that his eyes were red and swollen, trying as best he could to fight back his emotions. They were ready to come to the surface and that's why he was leaving, unable to stand the suffocating situation any longer.
"Tell Sidney I took the rest of the day off." he bluntly said, stopped as she stepped in front of him, tossing her stethoscope back onto her desk with a clatter, her hand now pressed into his chest, stopping him from leaving just yet. He looked towards the door, still refusing to look her in the eye as he waited for her to speak.
"P-Please, don't go… we have to talk about this…" she plead, sniffling lightly.
It was with those words he picked up his eyes to look at her, his normally happy face now drained by feelings of hurt and misery, eyes clouded with pain as he looked at someone he thought until just then, he could be with for the long haul.
"There's nothing left to say…" he whispered, shaking his head as he pushed past her and slammed the door behind him, leaving her to slump down into their couch, crying into her hands.
Leslie Sears watched from the nurse's station as Derek walked down the hall and towards the exit, keys firmly gripped in his hand, his expression reflecting hurt and defeat. Knowing instantly what had happened she walked briskly to his and Angie's office, finding the distraught nurse a crying mess on their couch.
"Oh, Angie…" she cooed, walking over and taking a seat next to the blonde, rubbing her back soothingly. "I'm guessing he didn't take it well…?"
She let out a pained sob and shook her head. "N-Not at a-all… he h-hates me…"
Leslie sighed, pulling her friend in for a quick hug. "He doesn't hate you Angie… he's just probably very upset – all of this happened kind of quickly, you know?"
Angie nodded, pulling out of their hug slightly calmer with a sniffle. "I know… its happening fast for me too. But, he t-thought I was going across the country so I didn't have to see him anymore…"
Leslie stayed silent, unsure exactly of what to say.
"…I would stay if he wanted me to… I-If he told me that he wanted me h-here and that he wanted me to stay with him, I would s-stay… I would, in a heartbeat…"
"So, why don't you tell him that?" she asked, handing Angie a Kleenex.
"Because…" she replied, wiping her eyes. "I shouldn't have to – if he really didn't want me to go, he would've said so… on his own."
Leslie nodded, seeing Angie's point. It would do no good for her and Tyler to meddle in things, because it simply had to be sincere.
"Instead he's just going to hate me forever…" she finished, plopping back against the couch.
"He doesn't hate you… Angie, you guys have been together for two years. He's told us, and you MANY times that you're what holds him together… you're his rock, his best friend. And call me crazy, but I still think he loves you…" Leslie said with a smirk, watching Angie roll her eyes.
"Yeah right…" she scoffed. "If only it were that easy."
"I mean it Angie… this can't be easy for him, and you have to realize that. So just, give him some time, and knowing Derek, he'll come around and you guys will be able to talk. And then, who knows what'll happen…" she finished, rising to her feet with a reassuring smile.
"I sure hope so…" Angie said, wiping the last of the moisture from her eyes. "Thanks Les, I appreciate it…"
The aforementioned nurse just smiled and hugged Angie once more, shortly after removing herself from the room, closing the door behind her.
"Eek!" she shrieked, jumping nearly three feet in the air as Tyler appeared in front of her, laughing at her reaction. "Don't do that!" she chastised, walking quickly away from him and back to the nurse's station, though he was right on her heels the whole time.
"Hey, wait up a sec…" he said, whirling her around to face him with a goofy smile on his face. "So… is it time to meddle yet?" he asked, watching as she giggled and then became serious, shaking her head disappointedly.
"I'm afraid not this time… this is one that just, has to work itself out…" she said disappointedly, grabbing a clipboard from the counter.
"Noooo…!" Tyler whined quietly. "Leslie, you know how Derek feels about her… we can't let her just, move across the country – he'll seriously be devastated." he said, his face reflecting that of complete seriousness.
She sighed. "But, there's really nothing we can do… she said that if he wanted for her to stay, he would've said so himself. And if he doesn't, then she's just going to leave."
Tyler groaned. "I swear, those two…"
"I know…" Leslie replied with a giggle. "In love, and they don't even know it yet."
The blonde sighed, raking a hand though his hair before a thought skipped his mind, causing his eyes to light up, his fingers snapping. "Heyy… I've got an idea."
Leslie giggled. "Oh, this should be good…"
Tyler batted the air in front of him with his hand. "Nah, it's not a crazy scheme this time… I was just going to say that we should have a going away party for her. Maybe someplace cool downtown, like, The Blue Note…" he mused, thinking of the quaint music club as fitting for an intimate party.
Leslie's brown eyes widened excitedly, a smile trickling over her face. "That's a GREAT idea! And maybe because he knows it's the last chance he'll have, we can get them alone so they can talk, and he can tell her how he really feels…"
"I'll go tell Cybil – she's a huge help with these things…" she said, scurrying off quickly as Tyler moved in the other direction to tell the rest of the staff.
--
Five days had passed. It was the day of Angie's going away party and her last day at Caduceus – she was leaving for Boston the very next day, and Derek wasn't handling it very well. Instead of just avoiding her he avoided everyone, a quiet shell of his normal self, refusing to say more than was absolutely needed and straying away from those he was normally close to.
"I swear if his frown gets any deeper it's going to be dragging on the floor…" Victor said, standing next to Tyler in the hallway, discussing a patient.
"Leave him alone man, he's having a rough time…" Tyler replied, leaving Victor in the hallway and following Derek into his office. He sat down at his desk and grabbed a chart, slowly beginning to work on his paperwork. The blonde walked in to see Derek working diligently, Angie looking on at him from her own desk with a lost stare, having given up on trying to talk to him days ago.
"Angie, can you excuse us for a minute…?" Tyler asked quietly, seeing the nurse nod and remove herself from the room. He closed the door and paced towards his best friend, sitting at the chair opposite his desk.
"Dude…" he said, trying to pull his attention from the paperwork in his hands. Derek refused to lift his gaze from the work until Tyler ripped it and the pen from his hands, a very frustrated glare coming from the now taskless surgeon.
"Give me back my stuff."
"Not till you tell me what the hell's the matter with you."
Derek's eyes slimmed angrily. "You know what's wrong with me."
Tyler raised his eyebrows. "I know you're upset, but geez… I figured you would've snapped out of it by now."
"How could I?!" he exclaimed. "Excuse me for being upset that someone so close to me is leaving… that Sidney was the one to tell me… that she avoided me and made me worry for so long, just to find out that she had made such a huge decision without even giving me the slightest idea! I think I have a right to be upset!"
"Derek, I know that you're upset… but come on… snap back to Earth here for a little while… You've avoided human contact all week. You may not wanna talk to Angie, but you can't avoid talking to me."
Derek just groaned and rubbed his face with his hand, dropping it listlessly back into his lap.
"What am I supposed to say, Tyler?" he asked. "She leaves for Boston tomorrow, and I get my new assistant on Tuesday. I have to start all over, and it doesn't matter because it's not like anyone can come close to replacing her anyway…" he blurted out, lowering his head in his embarrassment.
"So, why don't you… you know, uh. TELL HER THAT?!" Tyler hissed, causing Derek's expression to drop further.
"This is something she wants. If she didn't want it, she wouldn't have taken it. And I'm not about to be that guy that steps in the way of her dreams to make myself happy. I won't." he said bluntly.
Tyler just sighed outwardly, resting his hands over his face. "Who said anything about standing in the way of her dreams, dude?" he asked. "If you tell her and she doesn't feel the same way, she'll still go… if she does feel the same way, then maybe you two can talk it out…"
Derek just shook his head. "I'm happy that she found something she's excited about, I really am… I'm, just having a hard time showing it, that's all…"
"You need to tell her how you feel."
The brunette shook his head again slowly. "If she wants to stay, then she'll stay. And if not, then I guess… I guess I'll just have to move on…" he said quietly, glancing out the window at sparkling Angeles Bay, knowing that never in a million years would he be able to move on from her – she was perfect.
"If she means that much to you, I don't understand why you're not willing to fight for her…"
Derek sighed, blinking once at Tyler. "Believe me, I'd love to… but I can't. It's selfish."
Tyler rose from his seat with a slight disappointment, hoping that he would've been the one to talk Derek out of his inaction. It had taken a lot for him to not spill what Angie had told Leslie but he managed not to, leaving it in the hands of fate instead.
"I know you said you're not coming to her party tonight, but if you really care about her as much as you say you do, at least show up and wish her luck…" he said matter-of-factly, watching Derek just shake his head again.
"I don't think I can…" he replied, seeing Tyler hold up a hand to stop him.
"Just, think about it. Please. If you really are going to let her go, do you really want to end it like this?"
Derek just remained staring out the window, letting out a small sigh. "I'll think about it."
Tyler smirked. "Alright, I'm gonna get going home to help Leslie set up. I really hope to see you tonight dude."
"See ya…"
Derek sighed as the door shut behind his best friend, his eyes still dancing over the sparkling coastline, thoughts running through his brain at an incredible pace. Broken up from the moment was a click of the door again, this time Angie stepping inside. Knowing it was her just by the way she opened the door he remained staring out the window, hearing her sadly sigh as she sat down in her own chair, turning towards him.
"Derek…?" she asked quietly, watching him slowly lift his gaze from the window, looking at her with slightly raised eyebrows, his expression warm for the first time in days.
"Hmm?" he replied, seeing a small smile make its way onto her face.
"Um… it's nothing… I just, wanted to make sure you were alright, that's all…" she said quietly.
And looking into her eyes Derek rose from his desk and paced forward, hands in his pockets. Would it really be so selfish to tell her how much she meant to him?
"A-Angie…" he started, taking a deep breath, ready to give into Tyler's berating and just put it all out there. But as he looked on at her and her smile, he realized he couldn't take the chance in hurting her, instead diverting off to something else.
"I'm fine…" he said with a slight forced smile, sighing before he left the room, seeing the sad expression on her face return in full force.
"Maybe, for them…" he thought as he walked out of their office, his heart heavy, "…it just wasn't meant to be."
Oh Derek, you sap... tell the woman how you feel!
So, will he:
A: Show up and lay his cards out there?
B: Not show up at all?
C: Show up and say nothing?
You'll see -- next chapter! :D