A/N: I'm so proud of myself for finishing this...seriously. This is the longest one-shot I've ever written. So congratulate me on that, yeah? This is, as you can see, technically a song fic, but it sure as hell has it's own plot. Jommy. Set five and a half years or so after season three. Please, please, please review. I'm addicted. Enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Instant Star. I also don't own the song Your Ex-Lover is Dead, which is by the AMAZING Canadian band Stars.
Your Ex-Lover is Dead
When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.
It was the night of the release of SME's second album, and, naturally, Jude was invited. It was to be a big industry event. Her current publicist, EJ, had insisted that a celebrity of her status could not possibly go without a date. Jude smiled at the thought. She was glad to have EJ back at G-Major, along with Georgia. After Darius' run-in with the law, he'd handed G Records and all its assets back over to Georgia. Jamie and Paegan's label had failed to take off – largely due to the fact that Paegan was a bit of a nut job – so, with Georgia back, Jude was happy to stay at G-Major. With EJ's insistence that Jude have a date, she invited Mark. Mark had done a little freelance producing here and there for the SME boys, including a few tracks off of Speiderman's solo project, when Kwest was busy with the rest of G-Major's finest artists. Mark was a sweet guy around the age of 28 or 29, Jude estimated. She was just getting to know him, and asking him to be her date seemed like a great way to do so.
Mark picked her up at her apartment at 6:00 PM sharp to drive her to G-Major. Many of the people in attendance of the party would be meeting up beforehand at G-Major, as a pre-party of sorts. The area was supposed to be decked out – open bar, the works. The pre-party would be G-Major staff, close friends, and family only. They'd mingle for bit, and then the limos would arrive to take them to the Vinyl Palace for the other half of the party. SME was going to perform, and the media would be there for publicity and interviews.
Jude headed inside, Mark beside her. The separated briefly, greeting different friends and acquaintances, and then headed to the bar together. They made casual conversation, and Mark leaned against the bar, Jude facing him, nursing a glass of white wine. Jude watched as Mark's face broke out into a wide grin, apparently seeing something behind Jude that pleased him. A man with dark, styled hair and piercing blue eyes walked up and stood by Mark.
Mark spoke, gesturing to the man beside him, and Jude froze. "Jude," Mark began, "I'd like to introduce you to an old friend of mine, Tom Quincy."
God, that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Jude opened her mouth to speak, but words failed her. She closed her mouth once more and remained silent in shock.
"Aren't you going to introduce yourself?" Mark asked.
Jude spoke quietly, "He doesn't deserve it."
Tommy cringed and turned towards his friend. "We've met," he said shortly.
Mark stared awkwardly at the exchange, shifting his weight side to side, not knowing what to say.
Smiled and said, "Yes, I think we've met before."
Tommy's lips curved upward into an almost-smile. "Jude," he breathed. "It's been a long time."
Jude retorted bitterly, "And somehow, five years has not been nearly long enough."
"Jude, you're 23! Act like it. It's been years," he pleaded.
"Aw, Quincy," Jude began, her voice dripping with sarcasm, "Only you can try and get my forgiveness and insult me at the same time."
Tommy spoke in a placating tone, "I'm just here as a guest."
"And who invited you?" Jude didn't wait for a response, "Speiderman is going to be pissed when he sees you."
"Why?" Tommy rolled his eyes, "Vin still hold a grudge against me for breaking you two up when you were 17?"
In that instant it started to pour
"No, he holds a grudge against you because of what you did a year and a half later. When you left." Jude continued, "You couldn't deal when things got tough, and Speid was there for me. Not you, like you should have been. Like you promised you always would be. That's why Speid still hates you. Because you hurt me doing what you do best. Leaving."
Georgia spoke into a microphone, "The limos are here!"
"Um," Mark spoke up, "I guess we should get going?"
Jude grabbed Mark's hand and dragged him to the exit. Inside the limo, she sat beside Mark, and Tom sat across from her. The three were silent, along with the other occupants of the limo. Jude avoided eye contact with Tommy at all costs.
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
"You're going to have to talk to me eventually, Harrison," Tommy broke the silence.
"And why's that?" Jude asked.
"I'm moving back to Toronto."
All was quiet.
Jude hesitated, "Are you coming back to G-Major?"
"If Georgia will have me," he replied.
"Well, have fun producing Karma," she added in a stage whisper, "She's still into older men."
"I don't even get a chance, Harrison?" he asked.
"You really think you deserve one?" she replied.
Tommy paused, "Fine. Maybe I don't deserve one. Yeah, I screwed up, but I wasn't the only one who made mistakes in our relationship, Jude. How did you think I was going to handle it when you told me like that? You were practically begging me to leave!"
"I was pregnant, Tommy!" came Jude's outburst. "Eighteen, pregnant, and scared!"
Everyone's gaze turned towards them, surprised expressions filling the limo. Mark found a sudden fascination in examining the details of his shoes.
"Yeah," Tommy replied, "And you didn't want me in the baby's life!"
"You knew me better than that, Quincy."
"Did I really, Harrison? You were too busy pushing me away. I couldn't possibly have known how you felt!"
Jude half-shouted, "Good thing I aborted then, huh?"
Silence.
A beat.
"I would have been there, Jude," Tommy spoke softly.
"How was I supposed to know that?" she replied.
Tommy's expression was pained, words full of remorse. "I loved you."
Jude shook her head sadly. "Not enough."
A slow drizzle of rain began, and it was the only sound. It got louder, rain beginning to pour, pounding down on the windows and metal of the car.
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name
Jude's expression was soft and hard all at once. She was remembering, Tommy realized, the hard times of their relationship. Her jaw was clenched, and to anyone else, she would appear unaffected. But Tommy knew better. Five years absent, and he still knew her better than anyone. Her eyes were dark with emotion. They were glassy, and she was hurt. Tommy seemed to have that effect on her.
But he couldn't stop. Time didn't matter. It had been five years. Sixty months. And he still loved her.
This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep, but you couldn't get in
Jude fingered the silky material of her red dress. She moved her hand down to rest on her stomach, feeling where the baby had once been all those years ago. It had been the hardest decision she had ever made – to get an abortion. But she was eighteen and sure as hell not ready for a child, and neither was Tommy – not to mention the repercussions it would have had on her career. She wasn't ready for kid. She simply wasn't. Jude had made the decision to abort long before she told Tom she was pregnant. She knew he wouldn't agree.
So she pushed him away.
He'd taught her well, and she used it against him.
But now Tommy was back, and Jude didn't know what to do.
Time passed, and finally, they arrived at the Vinyl Palace. The chauffer opened the door, and Mark exited, followed by Jude, Tommy, and the rest of the passengers. Once inside, several of the people headed backstage to greet the SME boys, and wish them luck on their performance.
"Jude!" Speiderman exclaimed upon seeing her, pulling her into a hug.
"Hey, Speid," Jude relaxed into his embrace, seeking comfort from the night's heinous situation.
"What's wrong, dude?" Speid asked worriedly.
Jude shifted in his embrace and glanced at Tommy, who was standing several feet away. Speiderman saw him, and his eyes flashed dangerously.
"What is he doing here?" said Speiderman.
Jude shrugged. "He's back."
"For good?" Speid questioned.
Jude scoffed. "Never can tell with him."
Speiderman took Jude's hand as a friendly, comforting gesture. "How are you holding up?" he asked.
She shrugged. "We got in a huge fight about what happened, on the way here. The people in the limo with us got quite an ear-full."
"Yikes. People must have seriously stared."
"You know me," Jude began, "Always the attention seeker." She paused, "No, wait. I must have myself confused with your wife, Karma."
"Funny."
Jude grinned.
"So," Speiderman began, "Will you let me beat him up?"
"Speid, I don't want you dead," Jude responded.
"Please? Can I please beat him up?"
"Maybe a little," she conceded.
Speiderman's face lit up, looking elated at the prospect of throwing a punch at Little Tommy Q, heart breaker extraordinaire. Even if he did end up on the ground bleeding.
"FIVE MINUTES!" EJ yelled from a distance.
"So what are you singing tonight?" Jude inquired.
"Our first single off the album. It's kind of a surprise. Only the band, Kwest, and Georgia have heard it so far. It's…um…rather fitting for your situation tonight."
She raised her eyebrows.
He shrugged noncommittally. "Just wait and see."
Jude pouted. "Easy for you to say."
Speiderman smiled. "Later, dude."
"Later, Speid."
A few minutes and pre-show traditions later, Speiderman, Wally, and Kyle were on the stage.
"This is our first single off the album," Speid said into the microphone. He looked at Jude, "It's called 'Pretty Girl.'"
The music started, and Jude began nodding her head to the beat. Tommy was on the other side of the room, and she could see his every reaction.
Speid began to sing, "Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything. Pretty soon she'll figure out, what his intentions were about." The hook sped up with the song, "And that's what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head. And that's what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head…"
Jude bit her lip and thought of Tommy. What, now Speiderman was writing songs about the two of them? She would have laughed if she hadn't been so engrossed in the emotion of the song.
The chorus began, "It's the way that he makes you feel. It's the way that he kisses you. It's the way that he makes you fall in love."
Jude glanced at Tommy, and he had that look on his face. She knew that he realized the song was about them.
Speiderman continued the vocals, "She's beautiful as usual, with bruises on her ego, and her killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men. And that's what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head. And that's what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head. It's the way that he makes you feel. It's the way that he kisses you. It's the way that he makes you fall in love…"
The music slowed, and Speiderman spoke almost dangerously into the mic, looking at Jude as he sang, "Pretty girl…pretty girl. Pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything. Pretty soon she'll figure out you can never get him out of your head…"
The words changed up a bit, and Jude sighed, "It's the way that he makes you cry. It's the way that he's in your mind. It's the way that he makes you fall in love." The regular chorus continued, "It's the way that he makes your feel. It's the way that he kisses you. It's the way that he makes you fall in love. Love…"
There was an intense guitar solo, and the song ended, applause and shouts filling the Vinyl Palace.
Now you're outside me, you see all the beauty
Repent all your sins
Jude sought Tommy's eyes in the crowd, and he was staring fixatedly at her already. She suspected he had been throughout the entire song. His eyes were soft, and they pulled him in. Several moments passed, and Jude lowered her gaze to the floor, unable to handle the intensity of his stare.
It's nothing but time, and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it, and you couldn't choose
Jude walked off, leaving the performance area and heading to a private room. Tommy followed her, just like she knew he would. Jude closed the door behind them gathered the courage to look at Tommy.
"Some song, huh?" his voice was almost raspy.
"Yeah," she whispered. "Some song, indeed."
"Look, Jude," Tommy began. "I'm sorry I left. I've thought about it everyday for the last five years since I left." He whispered, "I still love you. I can't help it, but it's true. I still love you, and I never stopped." He let out a sigh and continued, "I know you don't want me, Jude. I know that. I just want to save what's left of us. I want us to be friends…"
"There's nothing to save, Quincy," she replied. "And we never really were friends."
"We were friends," he replied.
"When? When you were dating my sister? When we barely talked? While we were hung up over each other when I was 15 and 16? When you cheated on my 18th?"
"I never cheated on you, Jude."
"Tell that to Sadie's lips!" she exclaimed.
"I didn't," he replied.
Jude hesitated. "Explain."
"I was drunk, and she kissed me. Not the other way around."
"Fine," Jude conceded. "Maybe you didn't cheat on me, but what you did before that in front of everyone else was just as bad. You rejected me. You rejected and humiliated your own girlfriend on her 18th birthday, in front of all her friends and family."
"I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU!" he shouted.
"Oh really?" she asked shrilly. "How's that?"
"I was trying to protect you from Hunter!"
Jude froze as events clicked into place in her mind.
"He told me," Tommy began, "that he would stop at nothing to destroy who I loved. And after you sang that song…he knew there was something between us. I had to convince him that I didn't love you, or he would have done everything in his power to kill you…still did do everything in his power to kill you."
"You could have told me that, Tommy! We would have just kept things a secret, like we'd planned before."
"It wasn't safe enough, Jude. I couldn't risk that. I wasn't going to let you die just because I loved you. So I told you I didn't."
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From the house down the road, from real love
Jude looked down, tears beginning to fill her eyes as she remembered the events of the years previous. Tommy lifted her chin gently with his hand, and wiped the tears that slowly made their way down her face, a soft expression on his face.
With that, Jude was kissing him. Kissing him with a passion and urgency that could not be quenched. Her tongue danced with his, dueling for power. Tommy's hands were everywhere on her, re-familiarizing himself with the territory. Jude's hands were in his hair, stroking, weaving, and gripping the strands. Minutes passed, and suddenly, Jude heard a noise outside the door. The distraction brought her to her senses, and she pushed him away from her immediately.
Live through this, and you won't look back
Live through this, and you won't look back
Live through this, and you won't look back
"Shit," she muttered. "That was…"
"Good?" Tommy replied, somewhat hopefully.
"No, Tommy. Not good. Shit, that was bad. A kiss can't just make up for everything. A kiss doesn't change the fact that you still left me when things got hard!"
"You pushed me away, Jude. You wouldn't let me in. You didn't want me there."
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
Jude broke down, sobs racking her body. "Yes, I did." She leaned against the wall and slid down it, seating herself on the floor, grabbing her knees.
Tommy ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He sat down next to her, rubbing her back comfortingly. "That's not what you told me."
"I was scared," Jude began in a small voice. "So fucking scared. I was eighteen, Tommy. Eighteen. I was so damn young, and I didn't know what to do. And Sadie was still bitter. She told me you wouldn't be there for me. She told me so many times. I believed her. How had you shown me that the opposite was true?"
Tommy looked down. "I hadn't."
Jude turned her head to look at Tommy. "I think about it sometimes. Not very often anymore, but sometimes. I think about the day I…I killed my own baby. I made the choice. And it hurts because I think of what could have been. But instead I'm stuck with this," she gestured at both of them.
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry, there's nothing to save
I'm not sorry, there's nothing to save
Tommy stroked her hair. "I miss you, girl. I know you don't feel the same, but it's true. I miss you so much."
"I do," Jude said quietly.
"You do, what?" he asked.
"Feel the same," she whispered. "I miss you so damn much, Quincy."
Tommy placed a gentle kiss on the top of Jude's head. "Good thing I'm moving back to Toronto then, huh?"
Jude smiled inwardly. "I just…" she let out a deep breath, "I just want to start over."
Tommy squeezed her hand. "Then let's do just that."
Jude nodded.
"But that only way this is going to work is if you can forgive me," said Tommy. "You think you can do that, Jude? I love you, girl. So much. Always have, always will. But if you can't forgive me, and we can't get past all this, it's never going to work. So can you?"
"I've been forgiving you for years, Tommy. I think I can do it one more time."
Jude placed a kiss on his cheek, and he smiled. "You sure, Harrison?" he questioned. He tried to sound casual, but there was an obvious nervousness to his tone, unsure of her response.
"I'm sure, Quincy." Jude planted a kiss on his lips that Tommy immediately deepened, his tongue mingling with hers.
Once they broke apart, Tommy muttered against Jude's lips, his hot breath on hers, "I missed this."
Jude looked at him seriously. "Then don't give it up again."
Tommy rested his forehead on her hers. "I'm not planning to."
"Good," Jude began, "Because I want you to stick around for good this time, too."
Fin.
I hope you liked it. And just fyi, this isn't some "message fic" about my moral views on abortion or anything like that. So don't take it that way. I doubt you will, but I just thought I ought to get that out there. Anyway. I'm really proud of this piece, so let me know what you think, yeah? Review! Please!
-Laura