Housecaught
Chapter 1: Sunny with a Chance of Meteors
It began on a warm, sunny day. Not that it really matters. A warm day doesn't mean everything will go right. Always the stereotypical setting that a story starts with. But this isn't a story. This is real. In my case, everything went wrong.
In my case, the world ended.
A warm, sunny day at the end of summer. Hot and muggy, with flies batting against the windows. August 16th, to be exact. My 16th birthday. I was all hyped up about it, since it also marked the day that the Sburb Beta would be released. I had been waiting for this day for a long time. The game, released by Skaianet, was esteemed and lots of copies around the world were bought. I was lucky to get one for my birthday.
Birds were chirping, as the sunlight filtered into my room. I tossed in my bed, away from the accursed light. I wasn't really a morning person. My room wasn't really special, painted a light blue with clothes and books scattered all around. Several sentimental toys were on the wall, as well as some books I hadn't touched for a long time.
"More sleep…" I muttered in my bed. The sun, however, didn't back down, and I ended up getting up, yawning loudly. I glanced over at my clock. 8:16 AM. I had some time to kill.
In the corner of the room, my computer, a Windows laptop, flashed yellow with the Pesterchum application, which meant someone was pestering me. This early?
I got up, picking a T-shirt with a simple design of a crosshair on it. Most of the time my outfits were that simple. I picked a pair of jeans with it, too. The Pesterchum application beeped again.
"Alright… I'm coming…" I yawned, still slightly asleep.
I walked over to the computer, clicking on the Pesterchum window, an image of two people, happy faced and open mouthed. I grinned a little bit. Pesterchum was slightly old-fashioned, and not really that advanced, but it was a simple program to use, and I preferred it. Opening up the chat window, which had lines of orange text, I began to type.
- technicallyAmbitious [TA] began pestering turbulentCatastrophe [TC] at 8:16 -
TA: Hey Evan.
TA: Are you awake yet?
TA: Crowder.
TA: Guess not.
TC: nah i'm totally asleep.
TA: Okay then.
TC: so what's up?
TA: Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.
TC: oh shit i forgot about my own birthday!
TA: Let me guess. You forgot about the Sburb beta too?
TC: …
TC: no comment.
TA: Alright.
TC: anyways, my copy is probably still coming or with my mom.
TA: Why don't you go get it?
TC: are you insane i am not strifing this early in the morning.
TC: the wrath of her techkind is terrible.
TC: i mean seriously all she does is like type and make calls what else can you do?
TC: you know what im saying?
TA: No, I don't.
TC: right forgot no mom.
TA: It's all right.
TA: Also, you might want to talk to GA. She doesn't want to play, since according to GameBro, Sburb is a terrible game.
TC: what that's ridiculous!
TA: Yup.
TC: alright ill talk to her later.
TA: Okay.
TA: Hey, gotta go.
TC: alright catch you later.
TA: Bye.
- technicallyAmbitious [TA] ceased pestering turbulentCatastrophe [TC] at 8:18 -
Eventually I would have to get the game, but right now I could spare a few hours goofing around in my room. I just hoped I wouldn't have to go through an encounter with Mom. After all, if she caught me, she might take me shopping. Shopping? What else can you do?
I scrolled through my list of chums, and only one was on. Grinning, I began to pester her.
- turbulentCatastrophe [TC] began pestering ambientCumulus [AC] at 8:18-
TC: hey.
AC: Oh, what's up, Evan?
TC: nothing much.
TC: just finished talking with TA
AC: Did he tell you about GA?
TC: yeah.
AC: It's a little bit annoying how she has everything set in stone like that.
TC: oh well she'll come around eventually.
AC: Yeah, I guess.
AC: Anyways, happy birthday!
TC: thanks.
AC: Have you gotten your copy yet?
TC: nope.
AC: I got mine, but I was waiting for you guys to play. I'm afraid that CT might have already started playing, he's terribly impulsive.
TC: it's alright.
AC: Okay. Anyways, I sent you a package in the mail.
TC: oh sweet.
AC: Least I could do, since it's your birthday and all.
TC: thanks.
AC: Oh shit!
AC: I just heard something, I have to go.
TC: wait what's going on?
AC: Talk to you later bye!
- ambientCumulus [AC] ceased pestering turbulentCatastrophe at 8:19 -
I settled back into my spinney chair, frowning. What happened that made AC log off so quickly, and so abruptly? I figured that she wouldn't be in much danger, since she usually said strange things like that.
I heard noises downstairs. My Mom was up. No doubt she was making an extremely important world changing call. Probably just trying to figure out discounts and coupons. Crazy woman.
I had been putting off setting my strife specibus for a while, so for a long time I had been running away from fights. I debated whether I should just set it now, but I just put it off. I figured that I would do it later, when I went downstairs.
I looked out the window onto the street beyond. I lived in just a quiet little neighborhood, with neat, orderly houses that looked virtually identical, and neat, orderly neighbors. When I was little, I thought that they were robots. They hardly ever talked to us, or even interacted in any way. I saw a man water the same plant for five minutes straight.
Creepy.
All of a sudden, a large shockwave rocked the house, making me fall out of my chair, a couple of dusty books falling from the shelves. Nursing my head, I groaned. It sounded powerful, and it sounded near.
Throwing my curtains open, I looked out to the sky, but it seemed normal, a few fluffy clouds making their way across the sky. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Nothing to indicate what had caused the shockwave.
Letting my curtains fall back into place, I sat back down into my chair. There wasn't really much I could do, and most days I was just in my room. Caught in my house, actually. Housecaught, I guess.
I saw one of my friends online. I could probably waste a few hours rotting my brain with video games. Better than mind-numbing boredom, I guess.
- turbulentCatastrophe [TC] began pestering carnivorousGiraffe [CG] at 8:29 -
TC: hey.
CG: heyo
TC: dude did you change your chumhandle again?
CG: is that question rhetorical
TC: naw shit.
CG: kay
TC: yes it was. why do you have to have, literally, the most disturbing chumhandles ever?
CG: because carnivorous giraffes are cool
CG: is that even plural
CG: or is it like
CG: giraves
TC: …
TC: right, you're insane, what else is new?
CG: hey did you catch the new squiddles episode
TC: dude you're a sixteen year old guy.
TC: stop watching shows for girls.
CG: but theyre adorable
CG: and also
CG: i learn things
TC: like what?
CG: well they teach magical lessons about friendship and teamwork and all sorts of happy huggy things
TC: why am i even having this conversation with you?
TC: anyways, i was wondering if you wanted to play a game
CG: sburb? cause CT made me promise not to play yet. he sounded pretty serious about it
TC: no a different game. i still don't have my copy.
TC: it's not in the mail yet, plus mom.
CG: dude you have to set your strife specibus sometime
CG: like, my batkind is awesome
CG: smashing through shit
TC: right that's pretty cool i guess but bats aren't my style.
CG: nothings your style
TC: that's not true.
CG: boring boring boring
TC: shut the fuck up.
CG: hehehe
TC: so, want to play some TF2?
CG: oh shit mann vs machine?
TC: you know it
CG: alright be on
- carnivorousGiraffe [CG] ceased pestering turbulentCatastrophe [TC] at 8:33 -
I opened up TF2, but at that exact moment, an extremely loud noise came from my computer, making me flinch. It was the jingle that played every time someone called you on Skype. God I hated that noise. It's just annoying, in my opinion. I turned my volume down, my ears still ringing.
I clicked "Accept" and loaded up TF2. CG's new Skype picture, a giraffe with fangs (Did he make that…?) leered at me. His interests just kept getting weirder and weirder.
"Hey dude." I spoke into my microphone, which was built into my computer.
"Hey man!" he said hyperactively. "Cmon let's do this!"
"Did you have sugar this morning?"
"Yes!"
"Okay just checking." I snorted into my microphone.
We loaded into a game, playing on the Coaltown map. I played as a Soldier, and CG, cackling madly, played as a Pyro ("Hehehe fire burn burn burn…")
"Dude you have serious problems."
"I know right?"
I chuckled, then directed my player to the shops. I had a Liberty Launcher, Righteous Bison, and Escape Plan. Maybe not the best layout, but I hadn't been playing the game long.
"Let's fuck some robot shit up!" I yelled into the game.
"And you say I'm on sugar…" he muttered.
"Oh shut up."
Five games and multiple losses later, we decided to stop playing.
"I still can't believe you lost us that last match…" he muttered.
"Me? We wouldn't have lost if you didn't spend the whole round spraying images onto every square inch of the map!"
"Well my Squiddles spray is awesome!"
"We had to wait for fifteen minutes when half the team left from your 'awesome spray'!"
"Okay you have a point…"
I sighed. Just then, a chat window opened up on Pesterchum. I was the popular one today, I spent most of the summer on the computer, playing games. Nobody really contacted me a lot.
- cryogenicTamale [CT] began pestering turbulentCatastrophe [TC] at 10:25 –
CT: Evan.
TC: hi.
CT: Don't play the game.
TC: eh what?
CT: Just don't.
TC: i already played it…
CT: Well shit.
TC: i just finished playing it with CG.
CT: What? How did you "finish" playing it?
TC: we stopped after a few rounds
CT: …
CT: Are we talking about the same game here?
TC: probs not.
CT: Okay then, well I'm talking about Sburb.
TC: what oh shit man i've been waiting forever for this, what's up with that?
CT: Have you had any large tremors around?
TC: answer the goddamn question.
TC: and also yes.
CT: How many?
TC: just the one, why?
CT: Okay, you're good then.
CT: Do you know where AC is?
TC: dunno she heard something then logged off.
CT: How long ago was this?
TC: two hours.
CT: Shit.
TC: ?
CT: Don't play the goddamn game yet. I'm serious.
TC: dude chill out i don't even have it.
CT: Okay then.
TC: so what's this about the game?
CT: Talk to AG later.
TC: goddamn it i am waist deep in mystery can't someone explain shit to me regularly?
CT: Nope.
- cryogenicTamale [CT] ceased pestering turbulentCatastrophe [TC] at 10:30 -
If the mail had arrived by now, Mom would probably have it. CT said "yet", so I thought I might need it later. CT hardly ever joked around, and I think he was being serious.
"Evan?" CG called.
"Hey, I think I'm going to have to go strife with Mom to get my disks."
"How are you going to strife without anything allocated?"
I looked around. Nothing could conceivably be used as a weapon…
I grinned. "I'll think of something."
"Like that ever turns out well…"
I ended the Skype call right as he said that. Screw his ninja snipes. I hardly ever got the last word.
Just then, I spotted something on the floor. Something I had really been into when I was young, and asked my Mom to buy me. I picked it up, feeling the cool handle. I was going to strife Mom.
...At least I would, if I didn't feel slightly ridiculous holding an Indiana Jones toy whip. I looked around, hoping nobody saw. Thankfully, it didn't look like anybody did. I brandished the whip experimentally. It wouldn't really hurt, but if I swung hard enough, maybe it could do some damage.
…holyshitiamsofuckingscrewed…
With the toy now allocated to my strife specibus (Whipkind), I opened the door into the unfamiliar location that was my hallway. Crisp air brushed against me. Down one way, my Mom's bedroom and the bathroom were, and the other, the stairway downstairs. I readied my whip, feeling the cool shag carpet rubbing against my shoes. Hey, if all else fails, maybe I can shock her.
Cautiously making my way down the hardwood stairs, I silently crept down to the first floor. The living room would be right around the corner, most likely where Mom was. She could also be in the kitchen, but it would be a really bad time to strife if I caught her chopping tomatoes. Mom is wicked with knives.
Just as I reached the bottom, the first step creaked. Instantly Mom was in front of me, a cell phone in one hand, knife in the other. I silently thought, you have got to be fucking kidding me.
I whipped into action (pun intended), rolling away then coming up in the living room, quickly scanning the room for the copies. To my dismay, they weren't anywhere to be found, only boring couches and tables. Mom drew ever closer.
She stopped a short distance away, putting her phone up and I heard the Skype call sound, magnified about fifty times. Ears ringing even louder, I put my hands over them and ran again. This time, I was in the kitchen, the white linoleum flooring slipping against me, still no copies to be found. The back door was in plain sight though, as I threw my whip around to bat at her hand, my other hand opening the door.
I was on the other side now, outside the house, and safe. The hot and damp air pressed against me, as flies started to swarm. I slapped a few against my arm, walking through the tall grass to the mailbox. I never really bothered to learn which position meant what, so I opened it anyways. Rewardingly, an orange box, along with two envelopes that said "Sburb", lay inside, begging to be opened. I swiped them, captchaloguing them inside my Scale modus. To hell with the consequences, I would deal with them later.
In the corner of my eye, I noticed something fiery. I looked up, to the bright, dazzling light of the sun. Squinting, I could make out a red shape. I felt a sense of dread. A shower of meteors seemed to be soaring through the sky.
Worse, I could see one heading towards me.
(A/N: Hello, and welcome to the wonderful world of Housecaught! A world full of graphs, charts, and other shit nobody cares about. It took me a lot of those, though, to plan the story. I have a lot of exciting things ahead of us, so go ahead and review, a nice constructive review would be very much appreciated!)