TITLE: Time After Time
AUTHOR: Jessa
FANDOM/PAIRING: High School Musical/ Troyella (YA KNOWS!)
RATING/GENRE: K/ HurtComfort, Romance
SUMMARY: Troy and Gabriella's lives are headed in two different directions. Will the future be worth sacrificing their relationship for?
DISCLAIMER: Troy and Gabriella aren't mine. They bes Disney's... 'nuff said.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is kind of a song fic, and I say kind of because I know this song has been fic-ed out a zillion freaking times. I was just listening to it and the idea for this little number stomped into my brain and refused to leave until it was written out. Thanks to some major encouragement (and maybe a few threats) from my personal sponsor, the great Charli, here is this potentially boring oneshit... I mean, oneSHOT for you.
ps -- For anyone who cares, a new chapter of All of the Above is on it's way. Just hold out for the moon, the sun and the stars and junk.
Tonight is the night of our Senior Prom -- the "best night of our lives". All year, whenever I imagined walking into the gym, fully decorated with streamers, balloons and sparkles in festive East High colors, Gabriella was always beside me. I had asked her to go with me the second after the posters had been put up announcing the date and theme and, of course, she'd enthusiastically agreed. Apparently she'd never been to a real dance before with all the moving she and her mom had done over the years, which just made me more determined to make the night special for her. That, sadly, all went to hell when one of us finally gathered up the courage to utter the gut-wrenching phrase we'd both been thinking about:
"I think we should break-up."
It was for the best; that's what we both said. It wasn't one of those messy break-ups with yelling and nasty words. Just like everything in our relationship, it was heartfelt and loving -- if a break-up can be classified as loving. The problem certainly wasn't with our feelings for each other, but with the circumstances. I would have gladly stayed in high school forever if it meant I'd never have to be away from Gabriella. Unfortunately, time marches steadily ahead and life is meant to change -- sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. I still haven't quite figured out which category our break-up falls under. The hole in my chest where my heart used to be is leaning more towards the worse side of things.
It took a while for it to really sink in. Maybe in that respect a big theatrical break-up is better because it feels more real. You can actually see things falling apart in front of you. With Gabriella and I, it was like we were comforting each other though our own split. How are you supposed to be forcing your heart to believe it's over when you're still hugging the person you have to get over close and trying to tell her everything's going to be alright? Luckily she kept the tears to a minimum; I really can't stand to see that girl cry. She kept saying "it's for the best." over and over. Who was she trying to convince? Me or herself?
Many of our friends didn't understand. They were all under the impression that Gabi and I would be together forever and, to be honest, I used to think so too. They didn't get that in a few months, we'd be on completely opposite ends of the country. I was going to U of A in the fall and Gabi had been accepted to her dream school, NYU. With all that space between us, it was then that a couple entered "messy break-up" territory. I was sure that instead of risking that, ending things on a positive note would be a million times better. At least then we could talk every now and then because not having Gabriella in my life at all would really kill me. Now that I know someone as amazing and perfect exists, there's no way I could just forget her.
Who knows? Maybe one day the world will align in our favor and allow us to have what we once had again. I have to keep repeating this to myself in order to keep my chest from spliting down the left side. I haven't seen Gabi in four days, four long torturous days, and it's driving me mental. Sitting in a folding chair embellished with red ribbon, all I can think about is the corsage that's sitting at home in my fridge, waiting to be placed on her slim wrist. It's going to rot in there. Gabriella's not even coming tonight, according to Taylor. The dress she bought months ago, and was insanely excited about wearing, is never going to get it's one night of glory. I'm not going to let myself imagine how gorgeous she would have looked under the little glimmering lights being cast by the disco ball rotating slowly above my head.
The slow song that pours from the speakers is vaguely familiar but I don't care enough to attempt to remember all the details; it's not like I have anyone to dance with. Slouching further into the chair that I've kept occupied for the majority of the night, I stare mindlessly out towards the dance floor where dozens of couples are spinning to the beat, oblivious to the world around them. I want to be out there with Gabriella. I can just hear her giggling next to my ear about how cheesy the music is when, deep down, she'd secretly be loving it at the same time.
A gentle tap on my shoulder interrupts my wallowing and my mind, still entirely focused on one particular brunette, creates this crazy fantasy where she's the one standing behind me. I'm disappointed to find it's only Kelsi. She looks oddly excited, her wide blue eyes dancing in the low light of the gym.
"Troy!" she exclaims, her tone matching the look in her eyes. "Look!"
My eyes follow her index finger towards the entrance to the gym. Beneath the streamers hanging low in the doorway, stands my ex-girlfriend, looking more beautiful than I've ever seen her. She literally takes my breath away.
Firstly, her hair is down and curly, just the way she knows I love it. It hangs like a curtain around her heart-shaped face as she shuffles uncertainly into the room. Her dress is better than I could have dreamed. The deep plum color off-sets her rich complexion and deep brown eyes perfectly. It's strapless with a sweetheart neckline where folds of gathered satin cover her bust. Yards of purple chiffon fall from that satin, cascading over each smooth curve of her body until it hits the floor and trails slightly behind her.
Without even having to tell my body to move, I'm suddenly halfway across the floor, heading straight for her. Its like she's moving in slow motion, the grace of her movements too precious to be wasted in real time. I don't wonder why she's even here; I'm just so grateful she decided to come.
She doesn't see me until I'm right in front of her. I actually think I've startled her a little because she jumps ever so slightly when our eyes meet. That familiar feeling of completeness I get whenever she's this close powers through my veins like a drug. I realize now that I've been going through withdrawal. Her bare arms are wrapped around herself protectively. I think it's partially because of the dress, which does look fantastic but isn't really fitting with her normal conservative style, and partly because of the encounter that's about to take place.
"Hey," she greets me softly, her voice barely carrying above the music echoing throughout the gym.
Acting on instinct, I step forward to wrap her in my arms -- a force of habit, I guess. I try really hard not to be hurt when she shys away from me. Mumbling an apology, I turn my head so she won't see any traces of pain I can't keep from my expression. Gabriella can read me like a book.
Not saying a word, she lifts one hand up to cradle the side of my face and bring it back up to hers. Her hand is warm and gentle on my cheek, her thumb brushing across the hollow under my eye. I can't keep my eyes from sliding closed; I just want to savor the way this feels.
"Troy?"
The sound of that voice, like some sweet tinkling melody, speaking my name is the only thing that can pull me out of the daze her touch never fails to create. Slowly my eyelids flutter open again but I don't trust myself to speak. There's a lump in my throat, the kind that comes just before tears.
"Will you dance with me?"
A simple request, so timidly placed that I'd never be able to refuse. The lump only gets larger when she slips her tiny hand into mine, an agonizing reminder of what I'll be missing when she goes to New York at the end of the school year. All I can manage is a nod.
Wordlessly she pulls me towards the centre of the gym, never once letting her gaze stray from mine. I feel like she believes she'll never see me again and she wants to commit me, as well as this moment, to memory. We end up directly under the disco ball where there's a brief stint of awkwardness as we both wait for the other person to make the first move. Gabriella eventually -- tentatively -- slips her arms up around my neck. Taking her cue, I encase her waist in a tight grip and a slow rocking rhythm starts, both of us moving together with the beat of the song.
The tension in our embrace is enough to make a guy crazy. I know this whole thing is going to make it that much harder for both of us when she has to go but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. Slowly, I release one of my hands from her waist and reach behind my head to where her hands are clasped against my neck, capturing one and holding it next to my heart. Her eyes fixate on our intertwined fingers and I notice her lips quivering before a tear rolls down her face, closely followed by several more.
"Gabi--" I begin, using our linked hands to try and tilt her chin up. She cuts me off and shakes her head, keeping her it resolutely down. In one quick movement, she yanks her body impossibly close to mine, both arms locked around my neck once more. We're now cheek to cheek, chest to chest and hip to hip. I can feel the wetness of her silent tears against the side of my face and try, senselessly, not to let it bother me. I just hold her close like she seems to want. The smell of her perfume assaults my senses and brings me back to a million happy memories I've shared with the girl in my arms.
In a whisper that's shaky with tears but still beautiful, Gabriella starts to sing along with the song.
After my picture fades
And darkness has turned to grey
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm okay
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time
If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you
I will be waiting
Time after time
The words of the song are like a sharp blade in my heart as they're spoken into my ear by the girl I love with all my heart. She starts the next verse but I have to make her stop. It's just too much.
"Baby... please. Don't."
Abruptly her singing stops and she clings tighter to me, fingers digging into the nape of my neck. The heat of her breath on my neck becomes harsh and uneven as her shoulders start to shake. Gabriella is crying harder now.
"Shhh, shhh," I say, trying to offer some measure of comfort. "It's okay..."
I really don't know if what I'm saying is the truth. How will it be okay when we're apart? How could it possibly be okay?
My lips press into her temple; a lingering kiss. I keep my eyes clamped shut, afraid that the moisture pooling in them will spill out over and I'll be helpless to stop it.
"I d-don't want to leave you," she admits brokenly. "I thought I could but... it's too h-hard." Gasping for air, she can barely speak.
I want to say the words she needs to hear to be able to leave, and I want to mean them. At the same time, the selfish side of me wants to beg her to throw her dreams away so I won't have to live without her for a split second. It's a big predicament, but in the end, I need to do what's best for Gabriella. It's not in me to hold her back, no matter how much it hurts.
"You need to do this, Ella. You've been dreaming about NYU your whole life and I'm not about to let you toss that aside for me," I choke out. "You're too smart for that."
Almost violently, Gabriella pulls back to fix me with a stare so intense it feels like staring into the sun. The urge to wipe away the residual tears on her face very nearly gets the better of me but I brush it off.
"You don't understand," she murmurs. "I used to dream about how amazing going to NYU would be. Ever since I was a little girl..." Another knife forces it way into my heart as I anticipate the conviction that will soon flood her speech. "Somewhere along the way, Troy... that dream changed." I can feel my brow crease. Where is she going with this? Not where I expected, that's for sure. Should I dare to hope...?
After an unsteady intake of oxygen, Gabriella continues, "Now, when I look into my future, I don't see New York. I don't see myself in some lab, finding cures and researching. You wanna know what I see?"
"Tell me," I urge, breathless.
"I see you. You're all I want for today, for tomorrow... for forever." Her dark eyes burn passionately, adding fervor to her gentle voice.
Somehow I find the courage to deny every cell in my body that's screaming in protest, pleading with me to go along with her. "Think about what you're saying. We're only eighteen, Gabriella. You can't give up everything you've worked so hard to achieve. I can't let you do it."
It takes her a moment to reply and when she does, she sounds angry. "It's not up to you. I may only be eighteen but that doesn't mean that what I feel isn't real!" Her eyes begin to glisten once again as her demeanor softens, her fury fading. "Tell me you don't love me as much as I love you. Tell me you don't want me to stay."
As much as I know I should tell her these things and let her go, I could never lie to Gabriella, not about something like this. My silence is the only motivation she needs.
"I'm staying in Alburquerque. Screw NYU. I need to be where you are."
Sighing heavily, I reveal one of my fears for the future in the hope that she'll take me seriously. "I just don't want you to resent me later on down the road because I kept you here," I say. "I don't think I could stand that."
"Troy," she whispers, holding my face firmly between her hands so I have to choice but to look her directly in the face. "That's not going to happen. As long as we're together, it won't matter what we face later on down the road." There's no sign of doubt in her expression. She truly trusts in what she's saying.
Unable to fully comprehend the feeling of relief that is suddenly singing all throughout my body, I don't have the want to argue with her any more -- not when she's granting my every wish with her words. Seeming to sense the lull in my will, Gabriella smiles for the first time since walking into the gym. It's small but it's there, and I drink it in greedily like someone who has found an oasis in the middle of a desert.
The rest of the world fades away as, simultaneously, we both lean towards each other, eager for a taste of what we've been sorely missing since we last saw each other. When our lips finally touch, I know there will be no more talk of Gabriella leaving. I don't think I could let this go a second time. One of my hands tangles itself in her flawlessly styled curls while the other rests intimately on her lower back. Salt from her tears finds it way into the kiss but nether of us care; we only search for ways to get closer to one another.
Eventually, the need to breathe makes kissing harder and we pry our mouths apart. Gabriella won't let me move more than an inch away, however, and I can't say I have a problem with this. We start moving to the music filling the gym, forgotten for the last few emotional moments, our bodies more fluid and free, as if a huge weight has been lifted from the both of us. My lips kiss a little path across Gabriella's jawline before my face ends up buried in her silky hair. This time I grin when I hear her whispering the closing refrain of the song in my ear.
If you're lost you can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you
I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time