The hour of the night was dead late. The hazy atmosphere resorted the Akatsuki members into an intense game of strip poker. They all took turns scoping one another's moves intently, except for the raven-haired Uchiha who calmly played his cards right. He was in fact pretty good at this.
"Deidara, you're up." Itachi sharply eyed the blonde headed man. Deidara gulped audibly.
"W-whaddya mean by that?" He nervously questioned the Uchiha.
"Gotta loose the shirt." Itachi answered with a cocky smile shot at him.
The blonde let out a helpless sigh and began to undo his cloak, and then strut off his shirt. Itachi's eyes skimmed across the look of exasperation on every member's faces; All of them were less clothed and he was already itching to proclaim his victory.
"Looks like I'm-aaahhh! Ahh-choo!" Itachi sneezed before he could finish his sentence.
Everyone laughed at the failure of his attempt to boast off. He sneered at everyone with anger.
"At least you people-ahhh-choooo!"
"Seems like he's gotten the colds." Staring at his partner, Kisame whispered over to Zetsu's ear.
"No way! Ive never had the colds in years!"
"Why, scared?" Deidara leaned towards him with a smirk on his face.
"Course not!" Itachi denied with a tone of disgust. He probably must have been really frightened by it.
"You don't say?" Sasori raised an eyebrow while elbowing the Uchiha's shoulder. He glared back at the puppeteer but was cut off by another sneeze.
"ITAAACCHII! Here, take this!" Tobi came running with a tissue box held in his hands. Itachi took a tissue paper and blew into it.
"Dont worry, we'll take good care of you." Kisame patted his partner's back.
"As of now, NO junk food for you, NO sodas for you too, and most especially NO baths." The puppeteer teased.
"NO BATHS?! But my hair! Its gotta maintain its sexy-ness! And to think I just bought a new tropical silky smooth conditioner!" The young Uchiha pleaded got on his knees embracing Sasori's legs tightly.
"Trust him, showers makes it all worse." Deidara spoke sauntering over to Itachi.
DAY 1 OF SICKNESS
The room was dim and silent. Itachi, suffering much from a fever, rested on the bed motionless. The door swung open- it was his partner Kisame garbed up in a doctor's suit. He stomped impatiently, waiting for his companion to come along.
"Hidan, fever doesn't cure itself!" Kisame yelled, rolling his eyes.
"But I look g*d damn ridiculous in this!" He shouted from outside the room.
"Just get in the f*cking room, or I'll shove cough pills up in your a**!" Kisame demanded.
Hidan slowly dragged his legs and made his way to the door. Slouching because the costume was too tight on his whole torso, Hidan was in the most adorable pink female nurse suit and his face was etched with so much annoyance beyond comparison. For the passing three seconds, Itachi caught himself gaping at the scene before finally being able to let out a faint laugh. Of course, Kakuzu insisted on the idea. After all, it was only well that they made an effort to raise up the Uchiha's mood for even just a little bit. Kakuzu also wanted to get back at his partner for mooching off cash to buy rosaries which he'd end up stocking in a pile of newly unused ones. Deidara suddenly stormed in the room with a video cam clutched in one hand.
"AAAAND HERE WE PRESENT: THE VERY BEAUTIFUL AND JASHIN-FEARING... THE ONE AND ONLY, NOT TO MENTION DROP DEAD GORGEOUS-" Hidan chased after the blonde, throwing the tray full of medications at him before the recording was a wrap. Poor thing!
DAY 2 OF SICKNESS
"Now Tobi, you go play with your crap somewhere else rather than here!" Hidan commanded upon seeing a mess of toys scattered across the living room floor.
"Why don't you lay off a little? It's not nice to treat Tobi like that." Zetsu frowned with concern, hitting Hidan at the back of the head before approaching Tobi.
"Now, now. Why don't you go fix your toys up and play in Itachi's room? The poor guy's been lonely for quite a time already." Zetsu grinned while politely pushing him at the back for him to carry on. Three knocks were heard on the door.
"Unless this is another one of those crappy entertainment schemes, or the purple snake bitch, come in!" Itachi spoke weakly.
"ITAAACCCCHII!" The door slammed open and the sick Uchiha was greeted with Tobi's shrill and childish voice piercing his ears. Itachi covered his ears in irritation.
"Itachi, I brought toys for you!" Tobi shoved an armful of them at Itachi's face.
"That's great. Could you please get them off my f*cking face? Thank you." Itachi requested; his voice muffled up beneath the stuffed toys.
"OKAY! Me just put my toys on Itachi's bed so he won't feel lonely okay?" Tobi smiled at him, bringing his face up close to Itachi.
"I guess that'll work." He sighed in return.
Moments later, Tobi was caught up with all the boredom so he left the room for a snack. As for Itachi, he laid on the bed not being able to move after being buried under a pile of toys.
"Guys.. Help.. Please.. Someone clean this bullsh*t up. PLEAASE!" He yelled, barely audible. Another 'poor thing' moment.
DAY 3 OF SICKNESS
Deidara walked into the Uchiha's room, and halted in surprise. His jaw dropped, and even his own hands couldn't manage to keep it shut.
"Why the f*ck are you gaping at me like that?" Itachi questioned thinking that he must have gotten much more ill than before. Deidara ran out of the room for a moment and then came back shortly bringing up a mirror straight to Itachi's face. The Uchiha was jolted in shock upon seeing his reflection.
"This cant be..." He started running his fingers down his face in panic.
"It's the ugly truth-un!" Deidara clamped his hand over his mouth, shuddering in fear.
"Deidara, do you know exactly what you just did?"
"Brought you a mirror?"
"And do you know what I have just lost?"
"Uh, now that's something I haven't gotten an ide-"
"MY DIGNITY, YOU MAGNIFICENT B*STARD!" Itachi bursted out, grabbing Deidara by the cloak. He sobbed in disbelief.
"THIS IS A LIFE AND DEATH SITUATION! HURRY GET MY BEAUTY KIT!" Itachi commanded pointing over to his drawer.
"Beauty ki-"
"JUST GET THE F*CKING BEAUTY KIT, AND WE'LL DISCUSS THE WHOLE THING LATER!" Itachi commanded in outrage. Breathing slowly and deeply, he began to relax once again.
LAST DAY OF SICKNESS
"Well, you're warm now." Kisame pulled the thermometer from Itachi's mouth, examining it.
"May I go grab a shower now?" Itachi asked, clasping his hands together with eyes sparkling in delight.
"I haven't said that you fully recovered yet." Kisame spoke.
"Okay, go. Tell me I'm fully recovered." Itachi anxiously tugged on Kisame's cloak.
"Idiot, I meant you're still sick!" He replied, hitting Itachi on the head. A sudden knock on the door interrupted the two. Kakuzu's voice was heard from the outside.
"Ughhh, guys? Unfortunately, Itachi has got himself a visitor here."
"Jesus Christ..." Itachi said in shock, burying his face under the sheets. Kisame shared the same look of terror on his face; He knew who both Itachi and Kisame meant. The door swung open.
"HEELLOOO MY DEAR!" Orochimaru greeted with his low hissing voice. He skipped over to the Uchiha with arms wide open, ready to embrace him. In the purple snake bitch's hand was a bottle of some-sort of twisted medication (formulated by him, of course) which read 'Viper's Kiss'. He handed it over to Itachi, smiling.
"Vipers Kiss... what the f*ck is this?! This is probably even worse than having to swallow snake piss!" His eyes widened in rage as he analyzed the content.
"Come on, I hold a great legacy for all my experiments, don't I?" Orochimaru reassured. Itachi turned his face away in disgust.
"Oh yeah, you expect me to drink it. Next thing I'll know, I'll be waking up to find myself with a vagina or something!" The Uchiha frantically argued.
24 hours later
"See? My concoctions never fail." Orochimaru hissed in a brag.
"Oh Jesus, I've never felt so alive!" Itachi joyfully exclaimed, finally feeling so well and rejuvenated.
Orochimaru had long left now that his visit paid off well. Some time around the day, Itachi headed to the bathroom to take a leak. A shrill scream was heard from the bathroom.
"Duuude, what's up!? Dont tell me you really grew a vagina?!" Kisame teased in a joking manner from the living room as everyone else looked at him without the slightest idea.
"NO, EVEN WORSE! TWO VAGINAS! I'M HEADING TO THE HOSPITAL!"
-END-