Uncharted Territory
Disclaimer:
As per usual, I own nothing (except Diomedes Quade). If I did, Spock would quit wasting time with Uhura and Kirk would stop chasing everything in a damn skirt. Lol
Rating:
M (for rape)
Genre:
Romance/Hurt/Comfort
Pairing:
Spirk (Jim Kirk/Spock)
Lyrics Used:
Savvy & Mandy - "Safe and Sound" (originally performed by Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars)
Safe and Sound
I remember tears streaming down your face | When I said I'd never let you go | All those shadows almost killed your light | I remember you said don't leave me here, alone | But, all that's dead and gone and passed tonight
Just close your eyes | The sun is goin' down | You'll be all right | No one can hurt you, now | Come morning light | You and I'll be safe and sound
Pain. That was the only sensation that registered in his body. His mind, however, was another story, entirely. Fear. Confusion. Anger. These emotions were all running rampant – among countless others – as he fought, in vain, against his attacker. The jet black hair. The hazel eyes. The sultry voice. The rough hands, violently shoving his legs open. The too-large penis violently violating his too-small, too-tight, unprepared opening. All these sensations would be engraved on his eidetic memory, forevermore. Everything had happened so fast, he doubted a normal human mind could have even registered all of it – never mind recall it. But, his would. Never did he ever think of his greatest strengths would ever be his greatest weakness. Yet, here it was. A chain of events was burned into his mind. The whoosh of the doors to his chambers opening. The swift footsteps quickly closing the distance between them as he turned to face his visitor. The sting of a hypospray in his neck. The collapse of his body falling limp onto his bed. He was paralyzed. Completely unable to move or fight back. Powerless. It was a feeling he was unaccustomed to and one he never wished to experience again. But, yet, there was something wrong. He knew he was paralyzed as he was unable to move even his neck. But, yet, he could still feel. Could still feel every slap. Every rough grip – sure to leave a bruises. The intrusion of the tongue that invaded his mouth. The tearing, burning pain that seared through his genital region as another penis violated his most sacred opening. He felt all of it. And, he very strongly doubted he could ever unfeel it.
"I've seen the way you look at the Captain." The rough voice hissed into his ear. "It's perverse." His attacker hissed, again, thrusting harder, deeper within him. "It's disgusting." Then, he felt teeth sinking into his neck. "You make me sick." That was accompanied by a searing look as hazel bore into caramel as his attacker spit in his face.
Screaming. Captain James T. Kirk was suddenly jerked awake as he registered the sound of someone screaming. His chest immediately clenched, painfully, as he recognized that he'd know that scream anywhere. It was a scream he was hearing all too frequently since that fateful night he'd rescued his first officer a few weeks prior. Spock's screams cut him to the quick as he jumped out of bed to comfort the Vulcan where he slept in the next quarters.
Crew members were gathering outside of Commander Spock's quarters – looks of concern written across the countenances. "I got it." Kirk offered by way of comfort as he prepared to enter Spock's quarters.
"Jim, maybe I should-" Dr. Leonard 'Bones' McCoy offered, only to be silenced, mid-sentence.
"I said, I got it, Bones." Jim snapped before realizing himself. "I'm sorry, Bones." He added, face and voice softening.
"It's all right." McCoy offered, his voice uncharacteristically soft. "Just take care of him."
"I will." Kirk offered with a small smile before entering the first officer's quarters.
Don't you dare look out your window | Darling, everything's on fire
"No one's coming for you." His tormentor hissed. "No one cares."
Unable to fight back, he did the only thing he could do. He screamed. He screamed as though his life depended on it. For, as far as he knew, it did.
The war outside our door keeps raging on | Hold onto this lullaby | Even when the music's gone
"Spock!" Jim called out, fighting against the emotion strangling his heart within his chest. "Spock, wake up! Spock-!"
Jim was silence, mid-sentence, as Spock suddenly bolt upright in his bed – chest heaving with lingering fear as the remnants of his nightmare slowly faded from his mind as reality cleared a path. "What just happened?" The Vulcan inquired, eyes wildly searching the room before finally settling on the Captain.
"You were having another nightmare." Jim explained, instinctively wrapping the trembling Vulcan into a comforting embrace.
"They seem to be occurring with increasing frequency." Spock observed.
"They'll pass, Spock." The Captain offered, reassuringly. "In time. You can't just get over something like what happened to you overnight, Spock." He elaborated. "You've got to give yourself some time to–"
Jim was cut off before he could complete the thought as the Vulcan leapt out of the bed and rushed to his adjoining bathroom. He could hear the unmistakable sound of retching coming from inside the bathroom. This had been happening more and more frequently over the last week or two – since the night the rape had occurred. Approaching the doors to the quarters, the Captain waited for the doors to slide open before peaking his head out and reaching for his chief medical officer. "Hey, Bones."
"Yeah, Jim?" Dr. Leonard McCoy asked, turning to face his Captain.
"Get in here." Jim replied, cryptically.
Following the cryptic order, Bones stepped inside the first officer's quarters. "What's goin' on, Jim?" He asked, curiously. "You're actin' weirder than a two-horned unicorn."
"It's Spock." Jim replied, concern evident as he stared at the bathroom door, awaiting the Vulcan's return. "I think you should have a look at him. He's been getting sick a lot, lately." He elaborated.
"Sure." Bones replied, turning back toward the door. "I'll just go get my bag." He offered before making a swift exit.
As the medical officer took his leave, Jim returned to sitting on the bed to wait for Spock to exit the bathroom. The wait seemed to last for hours, though, it was likely only minutes. Before he knew it, the doors to the quarters whooshed open, again, as Bones returned with his equipment.
"You suspect anything specific?" The medical officer asked, curiously, as he prepared a needle to draw a sample of the Vulcan's blood.
"I don't know." Jim admitted, sighing lightly, running a hand through his hair, worriedly. "I just know somethin's not right with him, Bones."
"Don't worry, Jim." The doctor replied, resting his hand on the Captain's shoulder. "I'll get to the bottom of it."
"Thanks, Bones." Jim replied, gratefully. Just then, the door the bathroom opened as the Vulcan returned to his quarters. "You feelin' all right?" Jim asked, diverting his attention to the Vulcan.
"I am feeling rather nauseated and fatigued." Spock conceded, taking a seat next to the Captain on his bed. In the weeks since the night he was attacked, his friendship with the Captain had grown closer. Jim had not only rescued him from Lieutenant Diomedes Quade, but, he had also been helping the Vulcan to deal with the emotions that had been running wild through him ever since. Spock had grown confused by these emotions. As a Vulcan he had always prided himself on his ability to suppress and control his emotions. But, lately, his emotions had been getting the better of him more and more frequently. Jim had been helping to calm those emotions. Spock was grateful to him for that.
"Give me your arm." Bones interjected. Upon receiving a questioning glare from the Vulcan, the doctor explained himself. "I wanna take a sample of your blood and run some tests." He offered. "I wanna examine you and figure out what's bothering you so I can help you."
Spock's eyes moved back and forth between Jim and Dr. McCoy as if asking an unspoken question. "Go ahead, Spock" Jim encouraged, gently.
"Jim's worried about you." Bones offered, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. "We all are."
"Very well, Doctor." Spock finally conceded, pulling his sleeve up to expose the vein for the doctor to draw the necessary blood sample.
Upon drawing the requisite blood sample, the doctor proceeded to conduct a thorough physical examination – examining everything from top to bottom. After he was finished, he turned to the Vulcan. "All right, Spock. I can't seem to find anything in your physical exam." He began, before packing up the blood sample. "Hopefully, this-" He added, holding up the tube containing the Vulcan's blood. "-will give us some answers." He concluded. "In the meantime, just … try to get some rest." The doctor offered, lamely, as he turned to take his leave.
With the doctor gone, Spock turned to Jim. "May I confide something in you, Jim?"
Taken aback by the uncharacteristic question from the Vulcan, Jim could only reply "Of course, Spock. You can tell me anything."
Nodding, the Vulcan seemed to accept this response as he drew a deep breath before continuing "Very well … These nightmare … They are becoming most distressing." The Vulcan began. "I am concerned they may cause me to become … emotionally compromised."
"I won't let that happen." Jim offered, firmly. "Spock, you know I'm here for you – whatever you need. Just say the word and I'll do it."
"What I 'need' cannot be done, Jim." The Vulcan offered, simply. "I need for the attack which is causing all of these nightmares to have never happened. You cannot change the past."
"You did." Jim challenged, hoping to take Spock's mind off the matter. "Or … you will?" He added, uncertain of the proper grammar.
"That is not the same thing and you know it, Jim." Spock snapped, decidedly more irritably than intended.
"I'm sorry." Jim offered, sincerely.
"No, I am the one who should apologize." Spock corrected. "I did not intend to snap the way that I did."
"It's okay." Jim offered, warmly. "Believe me, if anyone has a right to snap, it would have to be you, right now."
"How do you mean?" The Vulcan questioned, confused by the Captain's response.
"I mean that … after everything you've been through … It's understandable that you'd be feeling the way that you are." Jim elaborated. "I get it. I'm still here for you, no matter what."
"Thank you, Jim." The Vulcan replied, sincere gratitude woven into his every word. "I truthfully do not know how I would get through this without a friend like you."
"I know you, Spock." Jim offered. "You're a fighter. I suspect you'd get through this just fine with or without me." Pausing, he then went on to add "Besides … You've got an entire ship full of people that care about you." The Captain paused once more as he realized what he'd said. "Okay, maybe with one exception. … But, the point is … Even if I wasn't here, there's plenty of others that would happily take my place and help you through this." Looking straight into the Vulcan's piercing eyes, Jim added "You were never gonna go through this, alone, Spock."
"I am simply grateful that I will never have to find out." Spock replied, before lying down to settle back into his bed in an attempt to follow the doctor's orders and 'try to get some rest'. Taking this change in position as his cue to leave, Jim began to rise from the bed before Spock's voice stopped him. "Where are you going?" The voice was so uncharacteristically small and timid that Jim never would have believed it came from the Vulcan had he not heard and seen it for himself.
Confused, he replied "Well, I thought you were wanting to go back to sleep, so, I was gonna head back to my quarters and give you some privacy." Observing the Vulcan's strange behavior, he added "But, as I say that, I sense that my assumption may have been wrong?"
Turning to face the Captain, Spock struggled with the decision of whether to ask his question or not. Finally, his human half won out. "Would you please stay?"
"Of course." Jim breathed, taken aback by the request. Sitting back down on the bed, he settled himself into the sheets next to the Vulcan.
Turning himself over, Spock sought comfort in Jim's arms as he nestled his head onto the Captain's chest. He could not explain why the embrace was so comforting. It simply was. And, he could not deny that it was precisely what he needed, in that moment.
The uncharacteristic display only served to heighten the Captain's concern for his closest friend. Not to mention the man that had unknowingly stolen his heart. Tightening his embrace ever so gently, he knew that sleep would elude him until he helped the Vulcan back to a semblance of normal. He knew that the man's life would never truly be the same. But, little did he know just how much it would change. How much all of their lives were about to change.
After running the blood tests multiple times, Doctor Leonard McCoy still struggled to wrap his mind around what he was seeing. That's impossible. He thought to himself, as he continued to stare in disbelief. There's just no way. He reasoned within himself. What he saw had to be to wrong. It had to be a mistake. There was just no way for him to get those results. As Spock, himself, would say, it was just simply illogical. It didn't make any sense, but, it didn't matter how many times he blinked … how many times he shook his head in disbelief … how long he stared at the data … The fact still remained. Commander Spock was pregnant. "I'll be Goddamned." The doctor muttered, under his breath, before struggling to figure out just how to break the news to his patient.
Author's Note:
This was my first attempt at Spirk and Star Trek in general. So, please, be kind. I realize that Spock is out of character, here, and that is by design. While he remains unaware of it, he is pregnant and hormones change a person's behavior. And, don't forget, he was raped. That, too, has effects on a person's behavior.
Also, I will explain my idea as to how Spock got pregnant, in the first place in the next chapter. In the meantime, I hope you will drop a review and add this story to your alert list. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I hope you've enjoyed reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it.
~Skye Coulson