Bella's last Christmas Wish
Disclaimer: All characters and copyright belong to Stephanie Meyer
Bella wants to have one last human Christmas. Set at the beginning of Breaking Dawn
"Bella are you ok?" Alice asked a tiny frown creasing her perfect brow. "I know I'm a miracle makeup artist but you don't look like you got much sleep last night and it just makes my job a little more difficult, now hold still" Various creams were liberally applied to my face as she shook her head slowly and tutted loudly.
I did not meet her stare as I was afraid she might see how worried I really was about the wedding ceremony and the thing I was starting to dread the most - the honeymoon. I just sighed and settled down in the chair to let Alice have her way. There was no fighting it Alice would always win in the end. Before I could answer her question there was a gentle tap at the door which then opened slightly.
"It's just pre wedding nerves" tinkled the pretty voice that belonged to Rosalie. Rosalie glided into the room looking like an angel in a pale silver sheath of a dress that flowed effortlessly over her curves, her blond hair swept up into a classic chignon, held in place by a diamond hair clip. "May I help you Alice? "Rosalie murmured.
I stared in astonishment at Rosalie. The very Rosalie who made it plain she did not like me nor did she agree with the wedding, who also vehemently disagreed with my imminent change into an immortal. Rosalie had been the only Cullen to vote against me the night I made my request to join the family, to set a date to give up my humanity.
Deep down a human life was all Rosalie craved, well apart from blood of course. Her deepest "human" wish was to have been a mother and she still could not understand how I could give up the chance to have my own children. Rosalie was convinced it was a choice I would come to regret but all I could see that fateful night was Edward and my desire to be with him. I had since begun to think a little more about that night and the choices I had made. The true cost of an eternal existence.
"Thank you Rosalie that would be really helpful" chirped Alice her face seemed to relax a little now that the cavalry had arrived. "Bella needs all the help we can give her today. I don't know what got into Edward to keep her awake for most of the night, in fact Bella looks more like the undead than we do" Alice gave Rosalie a little wink and both girls chuckled.
Rosalie moved closer to my chair "I think I can imagine just what kept Edward with Bella and no doubt he will resume that pursuit after the wedding" she laughed. "I remember my own wedding day and how excited I was to be marrying Emmet so I totally understand the two love birds staying awake"
I sat up slightly in my chair with surprise. Well this was a new experience, Rosalie saying something positive about Edward and I even if the subject was somewhat embarrassing,
"It was a wonderful day and an even more exciting night" continued Rosalie with heavy emphasis on the word night - both girls giggled again.
"Perhaps you should say nights in the plural" said Alice "I recall we did not see either of you leave your room for days, in fact the rest of us had to vacate the house due to the noise until Carlisle threw you both out"
"True" replied Rosalie , "We do get carried away, Emmet can be so…..shall we say for Bella's benefit.." as she threw me a sly glance "…. so distracting" this statement was followed by more giggling "Bella don't look so worried I'm sure Edward will let you out of the bedroom for some human moments" laughed Rosalie
I sunk lower into the chair and could already feel the blush creeping up my neck and onto my face. Rosalie had been wrong; it was not any pre wedding nerves that had kept me awake, nor Edward, not even the thought of the honeymoon and how embarrassing that was going to be. No I had managed to do that all on my own by worrying about my best friend and part time wolf Jacob Black. Well I thought, at least he used to be my friend and that bit really bothered me. What also bothered me was why Alice had not seen all this in her visions of my future or if she had she gave no indication that she had.
I worried about where Jacob was. He had he just run off without even a good-bye to anyone. I had pestered Charlie to ask Billy for news and constantly phoned Seth for updates but no one had heard anything. In my heart I knew the reason he had left …me…again.
Why do I always seem to hurt the ones I love, even indirectly, damn Edward for sending Jacob that invitation to our Wedding it was pushing the truth into his face and despite Edwards assurances that he did not mean it like that, I knew Jacob would have taken it badly. As far as I was concerned, his subsequent disappearance proved it.
I was brought back into the moment by the sound of Alice's tinkling laugh "Rosalie can you braid Bella's hair just so, watch me I'll start you off" I felt Alice nimbly start to brush and part my hair " look twist here and pin there" she said and then Rosalie took over, her cool fingers soothing my flushed skin.
"We will have you looking like a bridal magazine cover girl in no time" laughed Alice "Now can you try to relax please, I can feel the tension rolling off you. Do I have to send for Jasper to come up and keep you calm?" Alice was starting to get agitated and her lips were drawn together in a thin line "At this rate all the makeup will slide off - relax Bella" pleaded Alice "For goodness sake you look like you are waiting for an execution when this is supposed to be the most wonderful day of your life. Edward is waiting for you downstairs, waiting for you to become his wife" Alice narrowed her eyes and started to tap her little foot with annoyance.
"I'm trying Alice truly I am" I lied. I opened my eyes to see Alice looking at me her golden eyes full of concern. "Really Alice" I said "I'm just nervous about walking down the stairs in front of all those people wearing those shoes you have chosen for me, they are so high and I'm the town klutz". In my mind I could picture Emmet laughing as I stumbled but this seemed to appease Alice somewhat and she continued with her makeup rituals.
I really tried to relax but I could feel my heart beating loudly in my chest and the palms of my hands were becoming clammy. If I wasn't careful I would soon be having a full scale panic attack. Alice would blow her top if I did not get some kind of control and soon. I took in some deep breaths and tried to find my happy place but it was no use. How could I relax when I was so mixed up?
My loyalties were split between Edward and Jacob, how can I love two people? What is wrong with me I mused? "I loved Edward didn't I?" I asked myself but, deep down I still had that nagging doubt of not being good enough for him and the always present fear he might leave me again. Then there was Jacob…"my" Jacob. Why could I not let him go? It frustrated me that he starred every night in my dreams since he had left.
I began to loathe myself as I thought about the hurt Jacob must be feeling, the utter rejection - will he hate me forever? It had once been my ultimate nightmare to loose Jacob's friendship but I had to face up to it, that's exactly what had happened. When Edward had left me Jacob had been my personal sun, my anchor to sanity, my rock and now he was gone and I only had myself to blame. I had driven him away. Rosalie's cool hand brushed my cheek and in that moment I realised my world had started to feel just that little bit colder with his absence.
"Pull your-self together Swan" I said to myself, "You chose Edward and turned Jake away!" Any ways it was too late now, it was my Wedding Day and the wheels were in motion. My future was set after all Alice had seen it hadn't she and no one bet against Alice!
Alice helped me into the beautiful designer wedding gown that she had chosen for me. Yes it was a perfect fit I had to admit that, but deep down I knew it was just not me. I would have chosen something far simpler in design and fabric. Edward would love the dress of course, Alice had seen this but, let's face it I had only agreed to this whole wedding charade to please him. This was to be my personal gift to prove my love and for his forgiveness for that shared kiss with Jacob before the new born battle and that dreadful night of tears.
The heavy engagement ring that sat on my left hand felt even heavier than usual. Edward's "token of unending love" as he liked to say, more like a large "keep off she's mine" sign I had decided. Come to think of it that was something else I would not have chosen for myself.
Just then the door opened and Renee peaked around squealing in delight as she caught sight of me. "Oh my sweet baby" she cried "You look beautiful, Alice you are a genius". Alice smiled smugly "My work here is done" she said and slipped out of the room to change into her bridesmaid outfit.
Renee grabbed my hands and started to twirl me round and round. She acted like a teenager at her first prom but then again that was the essence of our relationship. Mom the child, me the adult. Despite her recent marriage nothing had changed I thought.
"You are ravishing ...Edward will not be able to keep his hands off you tonight" Renee laughed and winked at me in a knowing way "I hope you have something real nice to wear in the bedroom. That's my advice to you Bella keep him happy in the bedroom. Certainly works for Phil and I" she squealed. Renee then stood back and reached into her purse to withdraw a small pink package "something for you to wear sweet heart" she crooned.
I opened the package and pulled out a pink garter. My eyes widened in surprise "umm thanks "I muttered
"Put it on now.. hurry!" Renee squeaked "I will help you"
"Uurgh Mom please!" I cried looking wide eyed and embarrassed as my mother pulled the pink thing up my leg to my thigh. "There" she said with a satisfied look "that will give Edward a nice surprise and warm him up for the honeymoon" she rolled her eyes at the word honeymoon and winked.
"Mom you are so embarrassing" I cried. I began to hyperventilate as my thoughts quickly moved to picture the honeymoon, the real honeymoon that I had demanded from Edward against his better judgement. I only gained a measure of control when I realised what my mother had said about warming Edward up…that would take a small miracle I thought, picturing his icy body and involuntarily shivered.
It was too late to worry now. I realised we were out of time as I heard the music from the piano drifting up the stairs. Where's Dad? I asked.
"Right here Bells…" said Charlie. He stood in the door way looking handsome in his tux but I could see he was feeling awkward. Like me his outfit was not his style and he looked uncomfortable. We looked at each other reflecting the mutual feeling that we were only doing this to please others.
"Why Charlie you have scrubbed up well, I'm quite surprised" sneered Renee "Never thought you would ever wear a suit let alone a Tux and here was I worrying you would give your daughter away in your police uniform as you always seem to be on duty"
Yes and it feels so good to see you too Renee" replied Charlie in a rather sarcastic tone of voice. Thankfully before it could continue its downward slide, the conversation was halted by Alice. "Everyone out, let's leave Charlie and Bella to get ready. Come on Renee we need to get downstairs".
Renee kissed me on the cheek and lightly hugged me "I love you Bella, go get that handsome young man" she whispered "He's such a catch Bella oh if only I were your age again" she called as Alice towed her out the door. I turned and looked at Charlie and tried to smile.
Charlie was not amused by Renee's antics and his mouth was drawn down at the sides "Are you ok Bells?" he asked. Charlie looked deep in thought as he crossed the room to where I stood. "What's wrong Bells?" said Charlie "Anything I can do kiddo?" Charlie hugged me and just as quickly stepped back. We both looked down at the floor at the same time. Even after all this time emotions were still hard to show for the Swan father and daughter duo.
"You look tired Bells and I…I think you have too much make up on…. it hides your natural beauty" he stumbled over his words. "But then again what do I know?" he laughed "Not exactly experienced with women, never understood them if I'm honest"
I looked at Charlie and swallowed thickly. I bit down on my bottom lip .."Dad I'm ok" I lied "Just a little tired and nervous. I love you Dad thank you for being here" I whispered
"..And I love you Bells always have and always will" whispered Charlie in return. Then he cleared his throat "Now just look at you! Where has that little girl gone to be replaced with such a beautiful young woman" laughed Charlie. "Edward is a very lucky young man Bells and I hope he knows it" said Charlie slipping into his stern police chief voice.
Charlie checked his watch "Bells it's time to go!" his voice cracked on the last word as he reached for my hand to lead the way. We hesitated at the top of the stairs and right on cue the piano music changed to the wedding march. "Bells are you sure this is what you want? It's not too late, you don't have to go through with it" whispered Charlie. It was no secret that Charlie was not entirely enamoured with Edward and for a small moment hope that I might bolt glimmered in Charlie's eyes.
"Oh dad" I sighed. "I really do love Edward this is, this is…" my voice faltered slightly.. "What I want truly it is". From the look on Charlie's face he was not entirely convinced and I mentally kicked myself for not sounding very confident but, he said no more and I started breathing again surprised that I had been holding my breath while I waited for his reaction.
We began to descend the stairs "Don't let me fall dad" I pleaded.
"Never" vowed Charlie "I'll always be here for you Bella, remember that". We reached the bottom of the stairs and began to walk towards Edward and my destiny.