DISCLAIMER: I do not own A:TLA nor do I own Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars. (It is a great song and it totally represents what I think Zuko felt when he betrayed Katara. I suggest you listen to it while you read this!) This is a ZUTARA songfic. Please leave a review and check out my other zutara fics. Enjoy! Oh and Zuko might seem a little crazy in this but it goes along with the song.
I know you're somewhere out there/Somewhere far away/I want you back/I want you back
Zuko sat on his bed in his room while some servants hustled about. It had been about three weeks since the events in Ba Sing Se, and finally he was back in the Fire Nation living the life he had always wanted. He had been praised by his father, Azula was finally acting somewhat like a normal sibling and his country had welcomed him back with open arms and pride in their eyes. But why did he feel so alone?
Zuko put his face in his hands and let out a troubled, angry yell.
He knew why.
He missed her.
My neighbors think I'm crazy/But they don't understand/You're all I have/You're all I have
His servants looked up with fear and concern in their eyes but Zuko simply waved them off. Their beloved Prince Zuko had been moping around ever since he got back, and he seemed to have mood swings. Sometimes it would seem that he enjoyed being waited on hand and foot and being worshiped by his nation. But then there were those other times when he would get an odd guilty and longing look in his eyes. No one but the servants seemed to notice this. In fact, they began to realize that his mood changed every night when he retired to his chambers and they began to worry. Zuko would sit and just watch the night sky, as if searching for something he lost in the stars.
At night when the stars/Light up my room/I sit by myself/Talking to the Moon
Once the last of his servants left,he stood up and walked to his personal balcony that overlooked the capital city and leaned against the railing. He sighed and ran a hand through his shaggy black hair. For almost two straight weeks now Zuko would sit or stand outside on his balcony looking at the stars and the a few short days ago he actually started having one-sided conversations with the milky white crescent that dwells in the night sky. However, tonight the moon had reached its fullness and Zuko had never felt more alone or in pain in his life as he did at that moment.
The moon represented her.
He reached a hand up as if to touch it. "Hello again," He began.
Trying to get to You/In hopes you're on the other side/Talking to me too/Or am I a fool/who sits alone/Talking to the moon
Zuko was silent for a few minutes before he spoke again. "Katara, if you can hear me, I…" He looked down from the sky. He couldn't get out what he wanted to say. He didn't even know what he wanted to say. What could he say? There really wasn't anything more that could be said, and even the things he had said could not excuse his actions and he knew it. He had apologized every night since he started these "moon-talks" as he had begun to call them.
He looked back at his opposite's patron spirit. "Am I going crazy?" He asked the Moon. Was he? "Am I stupid to hope that you can hear me, Katara? To believe that the Moon can really be a messenger for me?" Zuko paused again to take a deep breath. "I don't know what else to say. I've apologized more times than I can count, I've shared secrets that I've never told anyone, and yet the Moon is the only one who can hear me speak."
I'm feeling like I'm famous/The talk of the town/They say/I've gone mad/YeahI've gone mad
"I have everything that I have strived for these past three years. Everything that I had longed for." Zuko sat down on a soft chair that was outside on the balcony. "I know what they said when I was banished. 'Look how our own prince has disgraced us.' 'He was crazy for speaking against Ozai and he got what he deserved.' I know what they said." He shed his heavy outer cloak so he was just in a light maroon tunic and pants. A small breeze flowed gently, tousling his hair. "And I know what my servants are thinking now. Yes, I know they know about our conversations, Moon. They think I have gone insane, finally cracked." He breathed in. "But no. I have not. I am not my father nor my sister. I am most definitely not on the brink of insanity." Pause. Breath. "I am lost."
But they don't know what I know/Cause when the sun goes down/Someone's talking back/YeahThey're talking back
"I try to keep the remorse and guilt bottled up during the day when everyone's around, so they don't suspect anything. I try sometimes at night too, because it hurts too much, but I just…" Zuko stood up once again. "They don't understand. They don't know all that I've gone through…everything I'm going through. But I know this is no excuse for my actions." The Moon stared blankly back at him. "If I could, I would go back in time and change everything. I would of never have betrayed you, Katara. I would of never have sided with Azula nor gotten my uncle arrested." He paced back an forth, nervously tugging at the black strands of hair hanging from his head. He briefly touched his scar remembering her light fingertips running over it.
Zuko looked back up at the Moon and reached out a hand as he had before. "I can't stop thinking about you, Katara. I'm so sorry. For everything." The Moon seemed to smile at him then, but maybe he was just imagining it. But, perhaps, Katara really could hear him? Perhaps she was having one-sided conversations with her tribe's patron spirit also? Perhaps she was thinking of him too?
At night when the stars light up my room/I sit by myself/Talking to the Moon/Trying to get to You/In hopes you're onthe other side/Talking to me too/Or am I a fool/who sits alone/Talking to the moon
"All I want is be able to fix my mistakes and for you and your friends to forgive me, Katara. I've found a way to do that." Sigh. "Well, I'll at least try to make things better. Try to prove myself, but I'll understand if you never forgive me." He stopped to try to think how he wanted to word his next few sentences. "We know about the invasion you're planning. I wish you could hear me so you could heed my warning…However, I've realized that my destiny is not here living in palace luxury. No. It's with you. Well, er…I mean, with you and your group…to help the Avatar with Firebending…a-and to help end the war…s-so I'm gonna leave and join y-you…and yeah."
He ran a hand through his hair and gave a light chuckle. "Look at me. I'm stuttering and I'm not even really talking to you, Katara. Agni, what'll it be like I'm finally there with you? Near you? To look into those big beautiful blue eyes again? To feel your soft, tender touch on my skin again? I'm not sure I'll be able to even look at you without blurting out my true feelings…I feel like a girl…talking like this." He got a frantic expression on his face as he looked at the moon. "I-I mean. Not that girls talk about feelings and nonsense…er stuff like that…I'm not sexist!" He slapped his forehead. What the hell, Zuko? What's up with you man? He thought.
Zuko thought he heard a small giggle followed by a sigh then a soft "Zuko…". No that was probably just the wind. As he looked back up at the Moon he swore he could actually see a face smiling. What the…? Yep, maybe I have gone crazy…
Ahh Ahh,Ahh Ahh,/Do you ever hear me calling?
Ahh Ahh,Ahh Ahh,/Cause every night I'm talking to the moon/Still trying to get to you
"I wish the Moon could speak so it could tell you all that I have told it these past two weeks. Agni knows that if I ever got the chance to tell you in person, I would. But he also knows that I have trouble getting out what I truly want to say…and it comes out awkward…well, you've probably noticed that by now…" Zuko gripped the railing tightly. "Katara, sometimes I truly think you can hear me…but can't…or won't respond. Which I understand, completely.I, myself can't even comprehend the reasons for my betrayal. I don't even know why I did it. I mean, I didn't gain anything." He began pacing again. "I know my fa-Ozai doesn't love me, and Azula's planning something, I can tell. Ty Lee is nice to me but she's still Azula's minion. Mai loves me, she really does, but I can't return her feelings. I just…don't love her anymore. I don't know why."
He folded his arms on the railing and rested his chin on them. He sighed sadly. Yes I do.
In hopes you're on/the other side/Talking to me too
Zuko looked up at the Moon with a heartbreaking expression on his handsome features. "I realized…that I fell for you…Katara, I love you."
Or am I a fool/who sits alone/Talking to the moon
In a small village somewhere in the Fire Nation, a young blue-eyed Water Tribe girl sat alone talking to the full moon. About what, you ask? Her troubles and thoughts…That out of all the men in the world, she just had to fall in love with the one that betrayed her and broke her heart back in Ba Sing Se. She wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and made to stand up when she heard something whisper "I love you" on the wind.
Katara looked up at Yue. Perhaps he had heard her? She whispered a faint "I love you too" then walked back to her friends' campsite with a soft smile.
I know you're somewhere out there/Somewhere far away
He lay on his bed, deep in thought. Fire Nation nights were hot so he had left the balcony doors open to let the air flow through. Just as he was about to fall asleep, he heard the wind speak softly to him. He fell asleep with a content smile etched on his face and a light heart beating softly in his ears. She had been listening
A/N: I thought i did a pretty good job :) I hope you enjoyed! And please review! I really liked the ending and i hope you did too