Folie A Deux*
Disclaimer: I do not own the Santa Clause or the Santa Clause 2. I choose to ignore the existence of the Santa Clause 3. I do not own the 40 Year Old Virgin, either.
Chapter 1
Au Bout de Son Latin*
Bernard sighed as he made his way through the long corridors of the Claus family's private quarters within the workshop. He really had no idea of how it became his responsibility to make sure Santa's eldest offspring actually got up at some point during the morning whenever she came to visit. For some reason, however, the obnoxious girl had determined that she was his best friend. Sadly, it was a statement that he could no longer rationally argue. As he walked closer, Bernard's ears were assaulted by a series of loud noises coming from the direction of the girl-in-question's quarters. Bernard hurried his steps, fearing that something may have happened to the girl; or, more likely, he thought to himself, the girl was responsible for some chaotic mess or another. Reaching her doorway, Bernard rolled his eyes at the sight which greeted him. Rachel, the previously nameless girl of 22, was "dancing," if one could call it that, around her once perfectly organized room to what Bernard could hardly describe as music while wearing an oversized T-shirt proclaiming her love for Guns-N-Roses and a pair of inappropriately short dance shorts.
"AHEM!," Bernard said in an attempt to garner Rachel's attention. His attempt proved unsuccessful, however, when the blur of light auburn hair, pale skin, and un-festively black clothes flew across the room and proceeded to bounce atop the bed, out of time with the beat of the "music". Growing tired of witnessing such exuberance at such an ungodly hour as 9 o'clock in the morning, for, you see, Bernard was most assuredly not a morning person; Bernard found the power cord to the blaring stereo system and promptly yanked it out of its socket. The blur of colors came to an abrupt halt in motion as the recently re-formed image of Rachel slowed to a near halt before promptly she tripped over a pillow and dropped off the side of the bed, becoming awkwardly wedged between the mattress and the wall. Bernard sighed once again as he was forced to crawl onto the bed towards the tuft of red hair and (rainbow)-stripped-(toe)-sock-clad feet that appeared just over the top of the bright peacock-blue covers. Leaning over and looping his arms about her torso, with the manner of ease that only comes from years of repeated motion, he roughly jerked the girl out of the "V"-shaped position that had entrapped her prone figure. One-third-carrying-and-two-thirds-dragging his friend off the bed and in the vague direction of the closet, Bernard demanded that she, "put on something that actually qualifies as clothing" and stomped out the door, slamming the door behind him, just in case his annoyance had not been entirely obvious.
After thirty minutes of waiting for Rachel to emerge fully dressed, Bernard charged into the room to find Rachel sprawled across the floor, legs now clad with black lounge pants but arms and shoulders now visible due to the addition of a tank top. Arguing ensued for another half hour; during which time Bernard's arguments ranged from the rational suggestion that the North Pole was much too cold for such attire to the poorly thought out threat of removing the offending article of clothing himself. Rachel ignored all appeals to logic and told Bernard that if he were that desperate to see a pair of tits she would buy him a playboy subscription. Naturally, Bernard chose to respond to this suggestion by insinuating that even though he was relatively unfamiliar with the female form, due in large part to being constantly surrounded by elves who rarely grew past the physical age of 10, he still wouldn't resort to staring at her! To which Rachel responded with a combination of hysterical laughter and accusations of his being "the 2,000 year old virgin". Bernard sputtered indignantly and stomped out of the room, all the while muttering about obnoxious girls and their inability to give him any peace.
*folie a deux is a French term that describes the simultaneous occurrence of symptoms of a mental disorder (delusions, for example) in two persons who are closely related.
*au bout de son latin is a phrase meaning "at the end of one's (mental) resources".