"No."
"But-"
"I said no, Sebastian."
"Kurt!"
"No. I'm not going to watch hours of cycling with you every day for three weeks."
"But, Kurt, it's the Tour de France!"
"I don't care! It's boring and there's better things to do with our time."
"It's the Tour, Kurt. I watch every year and they already had a great start after the Saturday prologue. Cancellara's in yellow, Sagan in green and the Belgians have some strong contenders too."
"You say these things as if they mean something to me. They don't."
"Kuu-uuuurt."
"No."
"They bike through absolutely lovely countryside too and the helicopters show great sights, the castles, cities, ruins etc., you'll love it."
"Cycling. Hours of it."
"It's great!"
"It's boring."
"It's European and therefore sophisticated."
"You don't actually believe that yourself, do you?"
"No. I'm actually not that much of a snob."
"Okay. So, turn the TV off and -"
"No, come on! They're starting right now!"
"And it's going to take them five hours to get to the finish line, Sebastian. Let's go out."
"Kurt."
"Sebastian."
"..."
"Sebastian? Sebastian! Let's have sex, I want your cock up-"
"Shush. I'm watching this. Tour now, sex later."
"You're tossing me over for cycling?"
"Come on, don't be a bitch, babe. Bring us a- ARGH! Look, Philippe Gilbert just fell!"
"..."
"Babe?"
"..."
"Kurt, babe?"
"..."
"Don't be like that, babe. Don't give me the glare. Why are you putting my pillow on the couch? Oh. I guess I'll be sleeping here tonight."
"Tonight? Try three weeks. As long as you insist on watching this crap, you're bunking here."
"Harsh."
"And yet, the TV stays on."
"Babe. I love you. You know I love you and any other day, I'd throw everything out of the window to dive under the covers with you but this is the Tour de France! I can have sex with you every day, but the Tour is only once a year."
"..."
"Oh yes, that's very mature of you, throw the sleeping bag at me. Seriously Kurt."
"Seriously, Sebastian. I'm going shopping and I'm using your Amex card."
"Well, that's hardly fair."
"If I'm going to be a Tour widower for three weeks, you're paying for my retail therapy. Deal with it."
"Just don't go ov- Come on, Cavendish! Come on Van Den Broeck!"
"Right."
"Can I still get cuddles tonight?"
...
"Babe?"
...
"Cuddles?"
...
"Kurt?"
...
"Kurt, you still here?"
...
"Shit."
...
"Woo, five-minute head start already! Go Cancellara!"