One day Dan the homeless man was flipping burgers with Genji until he got fired from Dairy Queen. He needed a new source of income. He then teleported to the Numbani Heritage Museum and stole Doomfists gauntlet by flipping the case open with his spatula. When guards tried to catch him, he pressed a couple buttons and punched then it let out a shockwave of magical rainbows and kittens accompanied with anime music that killed all the guards...WITH CUTENESS. Dan let out a huge punch and it propelled his puny body into the air and he flew away. Dan started leaping from building to building like some sort of monkey scientist and destroyed a bunch of stuff then he remembered he was going to apply to Overwatch so he punched and everything was restored and he said sorry. He then went to Overwatch's office that is conveniently placed in Numbani and got a job filtering fan mail. When he saw some letters he noticed Genji and Mercy so he took all their letters and teleported to them to give them to them. Them. So after all that Dan was somehow given a mission to repossess Dairy Queen. He teleported there and ordered a meal big enough to feed everyone at the Overwatch office. As he sat down he secretly teleported the food to Antarctica when the waitress wasnt looking. As she walked back to get more food Dan blew up the Dairy Queen and also did some damage to the Jack in the Box nearby, and teleported away. He then got the food from Antarctica and brought it to the Overwatch office.
All the people in the office cheered as Dan was the best hero in their opinion cause he Destroyed Dairy Queen, which nobody liked, and brought them lunch. After they ate everything Dan was promoted to the highest rank in Overwatch and participated more fast-food destroying feats. After hearing that Dan was promoted to the highest rank, Bastion became extremely mad at him and swore he would get revenge. That night when Dan was sleeping Bastion snuck into his bed, went into turret form, aimed at Dan's head, but before he shot, Genji swift striked up and pressed E, reflecting all of Bastion's bullets at him destroying him. Afterwards he swept up Bastion's remains and slept next to Dan the rest of the night. The next morning they both went out to the Numbani mall's food court and ate some burgers and rice. From that day on, Dan and Genji lived happily ever after. But secretly after Genji dumped Bastion's remains out the window the previous night, mercy flew to them and resurrected him. Bastion's eye glowed red and the story fades to black cause dramatic stuff.
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