DISCLAIMER: I own everything, you, your mother's soul, all copyrights to the things, and it doesn't make a difference because this is fucking fanfiction so get over it. Not rated M for 'safety', it's rated M because it's fucking M; stay classy .

"Have sex with me right now, or thousands of innocent people are going to die."
If someone had told me a month ago that being abducted by aliens would be the best thing to ever happen to me, I'd have told them they were thick. Coming to grips with the existence of extraterrestrial life wasn't the hard part, given all the spaceships over London and whatnot. I suppose I didn't believe in aliens before then, strictly speaking, but I was never closed to the possibility. No, it's the whole 'abduction joy ride' that I'd have scoffed at.
But look at me now!
"It started on a cold November night. I was on my way home from a club that met at the library every Thursday night (some geek thing, don't ask), and was crossing the street when I was caught like a deer in headlights. My first instinct was to leap aside, as I obviously assumed that the source of this light was an oncoming car. When the only direction I traveled in was up, however, the possibility of a car was rather quickly ruled out.
"I think Scotty just beamed me," I muttered, observing my new surroundings. I was in a circular metal room with advanced computers lining the walls. And several aliens. Or at least very convincing costumes.
Now, it's worth mentioning that none of them were very attractive—if even physically compatible!—except for one. She was gorgeous; bloody brilliant like the stars, I'm telling you. Tall and fair skinned with long blond hair and quite a bust to boot.
My mouth was probably a tad ajar and there may or may not have been a slight gurgling sound coming from my throat.
"You're onboard a pirated Doovari spacecraft, and someone," she threw the aliens a dirty look, "killed all of its original occupants without thinking about the fact that their own species reproduces asexually." She led me to a small indented sort of pit in the very center of the room filled with countless sensors of every shape and size, where everybody had a good view of us. "So basically what's going to happen is this: The ship's only two sexually compatible occupants better get at it, or we're going to crash in the middle of London."
Pulling off her belt, she whipped it about me and yanked me in. "Did I mention the ship is powered by sexual energy?" Before I'd quite grasped what was happening, her very flexible foot had its toes around my waistband and was removing my pants. Her own jeans were already off, a small miracle seeing how tight they'd seemed a second prior.
While I wasn't incredibly comfortable, 'Getting at it,' with a bunch of potato-like aliens looking on, I didn't really have much of a choice.
Plus the fate of the world was at stake.
I felt something—oh time lords, is that what I think it is!?—up against me; or rather the other way around.
She slapped my face. "How long does it take you to get hard? People are about to die, you know!" She grabbed my hands and placed them on her boobs for good measure.
"Oi! I've only just been abducted by aliens, I think you can cut me a little slack!" It seemed I'd finally found my voice. And: Hehe, they were squishy.
"I'd say that's more than a little slack."
"Oi!" Ok, that did it. 'It,' was amazing. 'It,' didn't last very long. Or maybe that was just me. She wasn't very wet; not that I'd be able to tell the difference, 'cause to be honest, this was actually my first time. Shocking, I know.
With a buzz, the ship's engine came to life. Or maybe just, 'Came;' or is that too many puns?
The potato men—Sontarans, as I later learned—cheered. Not at all awkward. "Onward, to seize the moon!"
"I'm Jenny, by the way," the girl said, pulling her jeans up and offering me her hand, which I shook.

So that was how I first met Jenny the Time Lord. We steered to ship safely away from Earth and let the Sontarans go ahead and give the moon a shot. It wasn't like there was anyone there that they could hurt. I became Jenny's companion and we traveled in her TARDIS together, happily ever after.
Well, not quite.