Power of One

Chapter 1

Zell's POV.

You know, if you'd ask people would they prefer sleeping or being awake, they'd say sleeping would be better. If you'd ask why, they would say because of the dreams. If you would ask them about the nightmares, they would say that maybe they would see a nightmare, but it would stop like always. Then they would dream of wonderful, beautiful and peaceful things. Everything would be alright.

I, personally think they are stupid. They have chose death over life. Dreams are tempting. I had a dream and lived only to fulfill it, I wanted to like my grandfather. But at some point I realized that I can't become like him. We are all different. That time I became depressed. Thankfully nobody noticed. They were depressed themselfs, Selphie at least... It was when we escaped from D-District prison. When that one man was aiming me, ready to shoot... I didn't know what happened. It just snapped inside me. You can't become like him. You can't be him. I was ready to let everything end like that. That's why I didn't fight.

I was ready to die then.

But Squall saved me. I had no time for selfpity then, the others were in danger too, so I thought everything through in the car after we were safe and realized a few things.

The reasons that I had to live, the reasons that I wanted to live.

First. My Ma. She would be very sad if I died. And I love her, I want to make her proud. Even if she isn't my real mother, I love her like she would be and she loves me like her own son. She deserves happines for even putting up with me. And my real mother, I want to make her proud too. Even if I don't know who she is, or was, if she's dead, I still have this warm feeling when I think of her and my father, I picture them smiling at me and nodding approvingly. I'm sure they like my Ma too. And my Ma would like them. I'm sure of that.

Another reason is my friends. Selphie probably lost many friends when the missiles reached Trabia garden. She and the others need me. Or that's what I think. After all that Ultimecia thing, even Squall has started to show emotions. More than just anger and uncaring. He is happy now that he and Rinoa have each others. Rinoa is happier than before. Selphie has moved on now that she had her revenge, and is happily together with Irvine and Irvine is happy to have friends, he told me that he really didn't have any in Galbadian Garden. Quistis is happy now that she got her instructor job back.

Even Seifer, Fuijin and Raijin are back.

Yeah, they are back alright. Seifer's still annoying me, teasing me, making me mad, getting me into trouple, keeping me from getting my hot dogs and at times even sabotating my training. He stole my gloves once. I found them in a tree later when I was training outside garden in the woods. Just enough high that I had to climb into the tree. And about Fujin, she is still the one or two words woman. And Rajin...Well...Ya know... Yeah, the discipline commitee is here. ...Yay...

Now, why am I thinking about these things? Because I'm going on a mission. With Quistis, Squall, Rinoa, Selphie, Irvine and Seifer. I think it's a suicide mission. They think it's cool. I play along. For the most part. About the mission. We are divided to two groups. I'm with Quistis and Seifer. We are team singles. Rinoa, Squall, Selphie and Irvine form team pairs. I hate the names. Anyways... We are going near Esthar, to the freaking desert, trying to find a Galbadian base that is like the D-District prison but if needed can go fully under the sand. See why I think it's suicide mission? If not, I'll tell ya. Now, the old D-DP would rise up, and if needed, goes dawn on the ground level while this thing, D-base, is under ground so if they spot us, they just push a button and we are trapped underground with no where to go. And I have to follow Quistis' orders. No fun. She is so... so bossy!!

"ZELL!!!" Huh? I blink and look at the others who stare at me.

"What?" I ask. Selphie is giggling, Irvine smirking, Rinoa smiling, Seifer just looking, Squall shaking his head and Quistis loking angrily at me. Whewie... I hate that look, makes me feel guilty.

"Haven't you listened a word I've said?" She asks, not angrily but like she was tired. And I can't help but to feel like it's because of me. I look down.

"Sorry." Quistis just sighs. I feel bad. Like I'd done something really bad. Like cheated or something like that.....I don't like cheating...

"What is wrong with you?!" She suddenly snaps. I feel even more guilty. "You don't listen, you don't even notice when Seifer mocks you, you don't get mad, you don't laugh. You just... You just are. Sitting there like a puppet." She said. The others look at me. Waiting for my reply. The thing is, I have none. I have used them all. And I don't think she would like another sorry. Now I'm feeling depressed again. They are disappointed of me. I can't help it. I zone off many times, I've always done that. But these days, they have started to yell at me because of it. But... I guess they never have really noticed before. I never really was any of the important people in the group. Irvine was the sharpshooter, Quistis knows the laws and fighting, Rinoa is the motherly person, Selphie is the one who makes the days shadows fade away, Squall is the leader... What does that leave? They don't need me. And now that Seifer's with us, they have the extra power too.

"Zell?"

"I'm sorry." I answer again. "I'm just thinking."

"What can be more important than this?" Quistis asked. "Galbadia is gathering forces! They might attack. No, they will attack. They tasted power and want more! What can be more important than stopping them!? Tell me--"

"That's enough. I think he got the message." Squall said. Everybody had been silent. No smiles or anything. Even Seifer had listened. Yeah, I noticed everybody's looks. They were curious. We'll I'll tell them.

"—Death. That's what I was thinking about, death." I really hate the way it came, like it was nothing. Everybody's looking at me now. It's really annoying. Squall cleares his throat and I'm thankfull when he starts to tell the plan over, mosty to me. And this time I listen. And after two first sentences, I'm sure it's a only a matter of luck if we survive or not.

"—So, is everything clear to you, Zell?" Squall asked me after he had explained the plan over. He really has been nice to me, maybe I'm not the only one who is thinking that this mission might just be our last. Well, I'm almost sure that it's my last... After all, I have to do most things alone, being the miracle boy I am, I have to sneak into the control room and make sure that no one notices the others. Seifer and Quistis are gonna help me for a while before going off to their location. So, I'm gonna be on my own... defend myself with my own fists and help the others through monitors, possibly trying to sabotage the alarm system compleatly. And what for? We need to get few blue prints. If you ask me, it would be wiser to wait 'till the thing pops up from undergroud, set a bomb to it and let it blow. Bye bye bad guys! Ha! That would be a good way... But no, it would mean that many people would die.... I'm so doomed. "Zell?"

"Oh! Yeah I understand everything perfectly, I just have to ask, do we have a third radiophone so I can contact you guys?" I asked, the question just popped in my mind. A good question, I have to give myself that.

"No, you'll just have to follow us from the monitors and help us anyway you can." Squall answered. He lost few points now... Really, if I don't have a radiophone, how can I help them???? I'd ask him about it but I don't want him to be mad at me. After all, these might be the last few moment we have together. I wonder if anybody else has realized this...

It took a while to get to Fisheman's Horizon by car, considering that we drove on railway. Quistis said it would be good to go by car, which is small so they won't detect us... Then she gave a lecture after I had told her my opnion.Which,by the way, was that if the galbadians did see us, it would be very suspicious and they just might get prepaired for an attack. Anyways, when we reached Fisherman's Horizon we continued by walking. Squall has his arm around Rinoa's waist, Quistis is scolding Seifer for calling Irvine names... Funny, she never actually defended me when Seifer picked on me. Selphie seems bored as she watches them. And now she's looking at me and I don't like the grin that her lips form on her face. So she wants something, that's propably something the others wouldn't do. "How are you feeling?" I look at her, she is just like that, sweet and caring.. That's why I love her like I would a sister. I fake a smile, it's easy, I do it often.

"I'm fine. Why?" I ask, though I think it's obvious.

"You just seemed different today in the car... Some how out of character. Not your usual cheerful self." She said, shrugging. I nod.

"Yeah, well I'm a bit nervous. You know, about the mission and all." More like I'm freaking depressed about how you guys have treated me over the past few months. Like I'm nothing, like it wouldn't matter if I died and that's why you a re making me do the stuff that is the most dangerous. Or the fack how no one of you really knows me, respects me, help me... notice me. Selphie's smiling. She's so easy to fool. The easiest of them all, I just have to keep on smiling. She nods and notices that Quistis is finished with the two boys and runs to Irvine who throws his arm around her shoulders. Seifer and Quistis are still fighting. And I feel invisible again. Like a ghost that is stuck, can't move forward, can't go back. I need to say something soon, so they won't suspect a thing. "How long till we're there?"

"What, it little chiken getting tired?" Seifer asked, smirking as evilly as always. I don't think my glare is enough to make him stop, but thank the god Quistis answers me just as Seifer is about say something, which surely wouldn't be apology.

"About three hours." She answers and I fall quiet for a while.

"So damn long?" I ask. Quistis turns around and stops, her hand on her hips. I don't like that look she's giving me. I don't like it at all.

"Stop whining Zell Dincht! Act like a SeeD should! If you are in such a hurry, then run ahead!" She shouted. What did I do? I narrow my eyes and ball my fists. Everyone's looking. Seifer is smirking, Irvine and Selphie look a bit worried, Rinoa seems shocked and Squall remains impassive.

"Fine!" I say and walk pass them, quickening my pace until I'm running hard. My anger gives me adrenaline along with the tears I hold back. I've never been good with people. I know that it doesn't seem like that, but it is true. True I have friends, but not true frineds. They don't know me. Nobody does, I've always kept my distance. You don't see me telling my secrets to anybody, you don't see me training with anyone, you don't see me usually with my friends when I'm in the garden. Squall and rinoa are always together, just like Irvine and Selphie. Quistis is busy and Seifer's with Fujin and Raijin... Not that I would hang out with him... Then there was this library girl... She was nice and I was really gonna give it a try but... I was too late. Heard that she and another SeeD got together. Even Ma doesn't know about my depressive thoughts. She would have a heart attack if she found out what I think when I'm left to my own thoughts. I still haven't cut myself like many others would have at this point. The kitchen knifes look tempting, though. Those blades are always so shiny, so pure, so perfect. And that's why I won't use them. I'm scared. Not only of the pain that those might cause but that I'll ruin the perfection with my blood. It's getting darker now... just like my thoughts. It's funny how things are these days. I grew up the the others but they don't know me, they don't see me. I've never been popular. Before I became a SeeD and saved the World with the others, I was actually one of those boys who have big dreams and no problems at all. Then I met them all and now I sorta wish I never had. They are nice an all but... Look at the bad sides of it. I remember my past. I've become depressive. I remember how my parents died.

Yeah, that's right. I know how they died. But I don't want to think about it now. Got enough on my mind as it is. I'm still running. I'm out of breath and I think I'm way ahead of the others...

I wonder if they are talking about me now? If they are, are they talking bad or good things about me. I wonder if they are like me. If they put mask of their own on so that their real emotions don't show?

"I don't think so..." My whisper breaks the silence that has been looming over me. Selphie has expressed her feelings out loud more than once. Squall still has his small mask of indifference but Rinoa is ripping it of piece by piece. Quistis is just like she is. Letting everyone know her opinions. Seifer is the same and Irvine too. But I mask my feeling by being happy. It has worked so far.

Wow! I've soon reached the other end of the railway!! Damn I'm fast!.... I think, I have no idea how long I've been running. I stop and rest when I'm wating for the others. I enjoy the silence. It's soothin and the starlit sky is beutiful. Or the parts where you can see the sky... There's a lot of clouds....

"Maybe this mission won't be as horrible as it first seemed." I immdiately regret saying that as it starts raining, making me soaking wet in a minute. And just as I started to think like some time a ago, before everything started.

"...I hate this mission."

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That was the first chapter... Hope you like it, I'm sorry for any spelling errors but english isn't my mother language.

It's not long, it's not particulary good but if you found it interesting or you liked it, please tell by a review... I'll try to work on the next chapter. And also I haven't decided if I should pair Zell with anyone, so feel free to comment on that too.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that are from FFVIII.

-Shinu