A Certain Someone's Birthday

by BigGayFish

This is a horrible fanfic I wrote a long time ago. Please don't read if bad writing and badly written lemons bother you. It's a NaruSasu m-preg fic with "adult themes," but honestly, it's so bad. Don't read it; it was my first fanfic. It's never going to be continued or even revamped at that.

A Certain Someone's Birthday By: Lady-chan101

A/N + Summary Combo: It's Naruto's birthday and Sasuke doesn't what to get the little rambunctious Jinchurikii (he's actually not little anymore. *laughs*) A present for my friend Andrea cuz I didn't know what to get her. I'm such a cheap-ass *laughs again* Anyways that's when Sasuke gets an idea and then some crazy shit happens. HARDCORE YAOI! One-shot. *laughs lecherously & bleeds a little at the thought* Partly crack .Brackets (these thingies = [stuff!]) are A/N. ON WITH THE STORY!

Sasuke was in deep shit. Naruto's birthday was tomorrow and the Uchiha didn't know what to get the blond Jinchurikii. He stopped in front of a store. A "special" store. Sasuke smirked as he remembered the time he found out that Naruto was into kinky sex.

~Approximately 1 year ago~

It was winter and Naruto was just made Hokage [why? Cuz I want to! XD] "Where do you want to celebrate Hokage-Sama?" Sasuke asked, stressing the blonde's new title with his head resting on said blonde's arms. Naruto raised his eyebrow and smirked. "Well, we could always go home and celebrate … privately. If you know what I mean?" Naruto said his signature fox grin in place. Sasuke blushed at what he was insinuating and tried to glare at the blond. But Naruto was unperturbed; he was used to the Uchiha's looks and secretly thought they made him look cute.

Of course he couldn't say that to his face. Sasuke may be Uke, but he still had his pride and his fire-style jutsu, he did NOT want to get burned again. "Naruto, I'm not sure-" Sasuke started, but was cut off when Naruto started nibbling his ear. "NARUTO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOU'RE IN PUBLIC!" came a familiar screech. The couple turned a saw a blob of bubble gum pink hair headed their way. [She needs a better hair color. XP She looks like she has a blob of gum on her head *laughs*]Sakura Haruno, epitome of a ditzy bitch, was walking up to the couple in a mad marching type of way, killing intent pumping out of her faster than water pumps out of Niagara Falls. [Niagara Falls is so pretty in the fall. *sigh* You know when I went there it was kind of cold. Actually, it's kinda a funny story. Wait, you don't want to hear my Niagara Falls story? *audience shakes heads* You want some hard-core yaoi and Sakura jumping off a cliff or some other similar doom filled end? *audience nods heads* *Author slumps down & sighs* It's never about me anymore!] "Haruno, Sakura! You no right to talk to the Hokage that way! No matter how pretty you are!" Lee shouted, jumping randomly out of nowhere. Sakura's eyes widened as that little piece of information she forgotten just popped back into her head. "Gomenosai Hokage-Sama!" Sakura hurriedly said, bowing deeply, cheeks flushed red.

Lee nodded and grabbed Sakura by the collar, dragging her along with him to who knows where. "HEY! Where in the hell are going?" Sakura shouted, struggling slightly. "I don't know. The Author's just making me do this. Something about spending the rest of eternity in your own personal hell. Whatever that means" he said in a weird, un-Lee-like manner. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Sakura groaned. *Author cackles evilly w/ lightning in the background* "Creepy" the four intoned. "Well, bye Sasuke-kun, Hokage-Sama!" Lee shouted in a boisterous way, dragging Sakura to who knows where.

"As I was saying-" Naruto started but was cut off by a familiar voice, "Yo! Naruto, Sasuke, seeing as that it's a special day, I brought you something" Kakashi said, handing the couple a white box with a red bow wrapped around it. "Knowing you, it's probably something perverted" Sasuke muttered. Naruto smiled giddily and was about to open the box, but was stopped when Kakashi gave him a look. It was a "don't-open-in-public-or-you're-forever-screwed-and-I-never-gave-this-to-you" type of look. Naruto gave him a Cheshire grin and nodded. "Sasuke, let's go home!" Naruto exclaimed as Kakashi walked away innocently, whistling and reading Icha-Icha Paradise. "Naruto, I don't-" but once again, Sasuke was cut off as the hyperactive blond dragged him home.

They were home in record time and Naruto was opening the box with a giddiness that closely resembled a child during Christmas times. The contents of the box would forever change the way Naruto looked at Sasuke in bed. It was … a high school girl's uniform? Suddenly, Naruto understood what it was for. An image of a uniformed Sasuke posed provocatively on a desk demurely asking "Can you help me Sensei?" "He-he" a lecherous chuckle escaped his lips as blood trickled slowly from Naruto's nose. "What's so funny Dobe?" Sasuke growled. Naruto grinned and whirled around with the outfit in hand. "I would say blue is your color" he muttered. The picture of Sasuke on the desk returned to mind and Naruto let out another lecherous laugh. "I am NOT wearing that!" Sasuke said, emphasizing the word not. Naruto froze and the picture of Sasuke on the desk shattered into a million fragments.

He turned around and carefully put the costume. Sasuke started to worry. He expected him to blow a fuse in which then Sasuke would break down and eventually wear it. So he was not prepared when Naruto turned around with a grave face in place. "Uchiha Sasuke, I have a mission for you" Naruto said, hands clasped behind his back, background dark and sober. "Hai!" Sasuke said, straightening his back. "It's an S-rank mission and must be done immediately" Naruto continued. "What is it Hokage-Sama?" Sasuke asked. "You have to… WEAR THIS FOR ME!" Naruto said, first in a grave serious manner, then cheerfully, the background changing from dark and creepy to a lighter one with flowers falling softly. Sasuke's jaw dropped. 'That conniving bastard' he thought. Then he started laughing, Naruto looked confused at first, but then smiled widely. He made Sasuke laugh. Still chuckling, he grabbed the uniform and walked away

~Present~

Sasuke was brought back to the present when a child bumped into him. "Sorry mister!" the child shouted as he ran off with some friends. As he entered the store, he stared at a nurse outfit next to a cat outfit, and was reminded if the time Naruto got sick and depressed.

~Several months after the 1st flashback~

A sick sounding coughing could be heard from a bedroom. Sakura stood up from checking Naruto's heart with a stethoscope. "How is he Sakura?" Sasuke asked worriedly. "It's just a cold, but knowing him it could either get worse or he can be totally fine in a day. Just keep him in bed, let him rest, lots of liquids and vitamins etc. Oh, and I'll come back to you when the results come back from the lab" she said quietly, walking away.

-The Next Day-

Sasuke entered the room wearing a nurse outfit and holding a tray of soup. "I didn't know Sasuke-kun hired a nurse" Naruto exclaimed. "Humph. It's me Dobe!" Sasuke growled out. "I know, I know. Just messing with you" he said good-naturedly. "Here you should eat. You need to get your strength back" Sasuke said, carefully placing the tray of soup on Naruto's lap. He stared at Sasuke's ass and then commented, "You look nice." Sasuke blushed and said, "I thought you would like it" "Well since I already have most of my energy back, maybe you can help me with my physical therapy" he said huskily, the soup already gone, tray forgotten somewhere on the floor. "You're such a bad patient; I just might have to restrain you. But don't worry, if you're good enough, I'll give you a lollipop" Sasuke said as he straddled the blond.

"How about I stay bad and steal the lollipop? Then what?" Naruto whispered into his ear, causing the raven-haired man to shiver. And before Sasuke could say anything, Naruto flipped him over. Sasuke let out a moan as Naruto assaulted his neck. His hot mouth trailed downwards until it met its destination. Naruto quickly ripped off Sasuke's clothes, and started to suck on his hard member, which he started to pump. "Oh gawd! Naruto yes! So … good" Sasuke moaned out. Another moan escaped with a whimper when Naruto took off his hot, wet mouth off him, only to enter him with a hard thrust a second later. Naruto nipped and sucked on Sasuke's neck, leaving lovers marks everywhere. "Naruto-Sama, please … someone might… *moans* … see us!" Sasuke let out between moans. "Doesn't it make it hotter … Nurse Sasuke?" Naruto whispered. "Naruto, I think I'm going to- OH GOD YES! NARUTO!" "SASUKE!" The two fell in a lover's embrace. "So nurse, what's my bill of health" Naruto asked as he played with Sasuke's hair. "Perfect" the raven-haired mutters into the blonde's chest.

** FEW MONTHS LATER**

Naruto stared blankly at the wall. The blade slipped from his hands, blood dripping onto the floor. "Kit, what did you do now?" the Kyuubi asked worriedly. "So alone" he whispered, as if it explained everything. "Even Sasuke left me again" he continued.

-FLASHBACK-

"Naruto, I have to tell you something big. It's something that will change our lives" Sasuke said to Naruto as they shared a loving kiss on a bridge. "What is it?" "I can't tell you now. I have to make sure first. But you'll find out soon" he said, giving Naruto one more kiss before walking away.

~~LATER~~

Naruto was walking, contemplating what the hell Sasuke was talking about when he spotted said man … in an embrace … with Sakura. She gave him a peck on the cheek. Sasuke's words came back to him: "It's something that will change our lives" No wonder. He was trying to tell him that he didn't love him anymore, that he saw him as a monster. That he had to make sure he loved Sakura instead of him; that he deserved to be alone. Naruto froze, turned, and ran. He would never be loved, always hated, always a monster. Always alone.

-END OF FLASHBACK-

"Come on Kit, it could be a misunderstanding or a good reason behind it" Kyuubi said, trying to stop the blond from doing what he was thinking: suicide. "They're probably laughing by now. Maybe I should just end it." "NO! Naruto, no matter how bad things got, you never gave up! Don't start now, please" the Kyuubi begged. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" he shouted, head staring to hurt slightly from lack of blood. "Naruto? … Are you ok?" Sasuke asked out into the darkness as he arrived home. "STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU CARE! YOU HATE ME DON'T YOU?" Naruto screamed; eyes screwed shut, tears streaming down his face. "W-what? What makes you say that?" Sasuke asked, crouching next to Naruto. That's when he noticed the blood. "OH GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! WE NEED TO GET YOU TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW!" Sasuke shouted, but during his little "worry session", the Kyuubi healed Naruto so that all that was left was blood. "Don't act as if you care" Naruto said emotionlessly. "What are you saying Naruto? I do care! If I didn't, I wouldn't have married you! BUT I DID!" he shouted. "STOP LYING! I SAW YOU WITH SAKURA!" There, he said it. "Naruto, it's not what you think! I-" "IT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THINK! YOU'RE LEAVING ME FOR THAT WHORE!" he shouted.

"I'M PREGNANT!" Sasuke shouted back, tear streaming silently down his own face. "What?" Naruto asked slightly hopefully. "I wasn't sure so I asked Sakura to check. That's when she congratulated me and you saw us. Naruto, you're going to be a dad. That's what I was talking about earlier" Sasuke explained, full blown out crying now. When Naruto comprehended this, he gave Sasuke a deep kiss. That's when he noticed that Sasuke was wearing a cat's outfit. Well, we all know what happened next.

~BACK TO THE PRESENT AGAIN~

So here he was, a few months pregnant, looking for a present for his husband. "Ah, Uzumaki-san, you're back. Seeing as that you're, you know, pregnant, I did not think you would come back" the shop owner said. "Yes, but it's Naruto-kun's birthday and I don't know what to get him" Sasuke explained. The shop owner nodded. "Well … I was saving this for some other time, but, here, you can have it" the shop owner said, passing Sasuke a black bunny outfit, complete with fishnet stockings, black heels, ears, and a tail. Sasuke grinned and said "Arigato Aoi-san" after paying the shop owner.

~IN THE HOKAGE BUILDING~

"…And tell the Kazekage that I'll meet up with him in 3 days" Naruto told his secretary before leaving to go to his office. Later on in year, whenever he would think about that day, his nose would burst open with blood. Sasuke was sitting on his desk, legs dangling, hooker heels shining. "Happy Birthday Naruto-kun" Sasuke said shyly. Naruto grinned. "Megumi! Cancel all my appointments today. Hell, take the day off!" Naruto shouted through the door to his secretary. "H-hai!" she said, running down the hallway, shouting "FREEDOM!" "Well now, there seems to be a little lost bunny here. I wonder if I can help" Naruto said, fox grin in place. He loomed over a timid Sasuke, whose cheeks still retained their blush.

"Excuse me Hokage-Sama, but I was wondering if you could help me point me to my husband's office" Sasuke said demurely. "I believe you found it my dear" Naruto said, nuzzling his neck. "Naruto!" Sasuke gasped out. A few hours later found the two men naked, covered in sweat, gasping each other's names, sharing a deep kiss.

~A few years later~

"Mammy, daddy, why are there so many costumes in your closet?" Mai asked her parents, Naruto and Sasuke, one day. "Well…, you see… uhh. It's entirely your uncle Kakashi's fault!" Naruto exclaimed.

~Fin~

A/N: REVIEW! Lol. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ANDREA! [seeing as that I was supposed to put this up 2 days ago. XD]