It's called Impossible

Grade 7

"How did you guys make your tile do that thing?"

"What thing?"

"How is it scrolling from left to right?"

"Why should I tell you? You should have paid attention when Mrs. Greene was teaching us the tags!"

"Whatever! Are you telling or not?"

"It's..ah-h..the marquee tag." My hoarse voice interrupted the argument between the two.

"Oh thanks!" He then quickly averted his eyes from my face and looked at the face sitting next to me. "Why couldn't have you answered this question?" He raised his eyebrows at her.

"I'm sure she herself didn't know the answer to that." His friend sitting next to him said, and they both started laughing and gave each other a high-five. I tried to muffle my laugh but she caught me and punched my shoulder. Hard.

"Ouch! Relax! And anyways it is true. You only ace this class because of me." I said rubbing my shoulder where she hit me. She just folded her arms across chest, called me a bitch and stared ahead at the computer screen.

"Jesus. I think you should change your partner. This one is too violent." He said with a laugh. I just smiled and shrugged, too shy to say anything, and just went back to coding my web-page.

Me starting a conversation with him.

Impossible.

~~OOO~~

Grade 8

"I think we should have the band perform in the end. Maybe have everyone come on stage for All Ways Look on the Bright Side of Life?"

"Give me that!" His voice cracked, as he took the board marker from the boy standing upfront and addressing the committee.

I stared at how the muscles of his forearm flexed as he wrote on the whiteboard. He'd grown so much this past summer. Almost six feet tall and broad shoulders. Not a hint of the awkward teenage puberty that the rest of us wrestled with. Well except that cracking-squeaky-going-through-puberty-voice. But that was one of the things that most girls found most adorable about him .Gossip and admirers followed him everywhere. And I could never stop myself from eavesdropping on conversations whenever I heard his name.

Even though he was the same annoying boy who was with me in multimedia classes just last year, he was a totally different.

But I hadn't changed at all.

Short, with absolutely no talent. Grades, that thankfully let me at least pass my classes somehow and let's face it, plain with frizzy dark hair that looked like a bird's nest. Oh and also did I mention that shyness was my attitude of choice?

Always the shy loser that I am, I never had the guts to even speak to him. Let alone act on my feelings.

He was totally out of my league- tall, talented, smart, and stunningly gorgeous – and exceptionally good at sports.

Yeah not happening.

Ever.

Impossible.

I was startled out of my thoughts as I was nudged and told to start shooting. I picked up the camera and started filming around the room. The dancers pirouetting on their toes, the band practising their song, him doing the hula….WHAT.

I jerked the camera back at where he was standing in front the band and doing his own rendition of the hula. I perched myself on a table close to the band, next my friend, camera still aimed at him. We all were trying to stifle our laughter, so as not to alert him of the camera, but I think we failed miserably. Because suddenly he jerked to a stop and our eyes met through the lens of the camera.

He shrieked like a girl "You're recording!", and ran towards me. I doubled over in laughter, the camera falling to my side. He was practically on me trying to pry the camera out of my hands, while I wiped the tears out of my eyes.

~~OOO~~

Grade 9

"God I get so horny just by looking at him. We've started talking and oh god! He's like sooo hot! Like totally urgh!" She fanned herself as she gushed on about him. I smiled and shook my head at her, teasing her about how obsessed she was about him.

But on the inside, I was fuming.

The last time I ever had a conversation with him was last year.

Yes ladies and gentlemen.

Not a single word this whole year.

We were no longer in the same committees and clubs that had forced the little conversations we had had in the past two years.

But obviously I could never ignore him or forget about him.

He had grown taller and much more gorgeous than he was last year. I won't lie by saying that I wasn't attracted to him. I found myself checking him out in the hallways, just as much attracted to his tall, lean, handsome figure, as the next hopeless groupie.

But obviously, the verdict was still the same.

Impossible.

~~OOO~~

Grade 10

"Emcee auditions!" My best friend since the eighth grade, clapped her hands excitedly as she sat down in our usual lunch table. "We should go!"

"No! Never! Me talking in front of people…"I shuddered.

"Oh come on! It'll be fun! Plus Mrs. Collins is taking the auditions and she likes you!"

"So? Her liking me doesn't translate into me having to…"I trailed off as my eyes fell on him.

He stood in the lunch line, laughing at something one of his team-mates had said. My eyes trailed down his frame. From the stunningly handsome face, to the broad shoulders to the hockey player hips to the long legs.

A sigh escaped me.

"Why don't you just talk to him? Tell him?"

"Hell no! Not happening. Never."

"Why not!" My best friend said with a pointed look.

"Because it's impossible!"

"How do you know when you haven't even tried?"

"Whatever." I waved my hand at her dismissively.

"Come on don't do that! Neither do you want to audition nor are you going to talk to him! This is ridiculous! You have to get out of this shell of yours!"

"OK fine! I'll audition!" I threw my hands up in defeat. "Happy?" She nodded with a smug smile. "OK then can we please stop with this parental lecture?"

"Fine. Fine."

A few days later

"Oh god I can't do this!" I turned around and started walking in the opposite direction.

Suddenly my best friend's hand was pulling me back towards the door of the auditorium where the emcee auditions were being held.

"NO I don't want to do this. I can't do it."

"Yes you can! " She continued to pull me until we were standing in front of the door. "Now. Go." She pulled open the door and closed it after pushing me in.

"Fuck!" I cursed as my leg got caught in the door and I stumbled. Suddenly a strong pair of arms caught me around the waist, steadying me.

"You OK?"

I could recognize that voice anywhere.

I could feel his breath on my forehead, as my eyes trailed up his chest to his eyes. They were prettier up close. We stood there staring at each other for god knows how long, when suddenly the door opened again, hitting me right in the head. The impact of the door made my forehead hit his nose and suddenly the little moment was ruined.

We both sat in the nurse's office, ice-packs in hand.

"I'm really sorry. I'm not so clumsy generally." I looked down at my feet as I swung them around. We were both sitting on the examination table, but his feet were firmly planted on the floor while mine weren't even close to it.

"Hey it's all right. Accidents happen." He smiled down at me and bumped his shoulder to mine.

I smiled back weakly.

"OK dears, you can all go back to class now." The nurse said coming into the room.

I hoped down from the table and we walked back together, until we had to part ways to go to our own classes.

Who knew that would be the last time we interacted.

He changed schools during junior year and I never saw him again.

Told you.

Never happening.

Impossible.

~~OOO~~