Once a Year
By: SukiNora
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Don't make money off them.
Pairings: Eventual 1x2. R+1 H+2 (begrudgingly don't worry, Heero and Duo are not happy), 3x4, 5xS
Heero lives on Earth pretending with Relena, Duo lives on L2 pretending with Hilde. Heero is tired of pretending, and fate finds a way for him to meet with Duo on L2.
A.N. It has been FOREVER since I worked on a fan fic. Hopefully you all enjoy. This should be a multi-part fic and hopefully I'll get some updates to you quickly. This is the result of listening to way to many love songs. This chapter has a lot of introductory material and I apologize profusely. I promise more good stuff in later chapters.
I pursed my lips and tried with much difficulty to ignore the overly loud sighing and slamming of things as I packed a few more shirts into my black duffle. I'd known that my departure wouldn't be taken happily from previous experience, but the temper tantrum that followed never got any easier to deal with.
"Stop doing that," I grumbled, as Relena threw a few pairs of socks on the bed next to my pants and slammed the bureau drawer much harder than was necessary. In fact, I wouldn't have been surprised if it'd been hard enough to splinter the wood.
"Stop doing what?" She replied haughtily, emphasizing her anger by throwing my shoes at my feet, barely missing my toes. I didn't give her the pleasure of jumping back as she did.
I sighed, and rolled my eyes. "Well, let me explain," I began, setting down a pair of pants and turning to glare at her. "Exactly what's bothering me. First off, I did not ask you to help me pack, and I don't appreciate you behaving like a ten year old child who is mad for not getting her way."
She didn't say anything in response. She merely crossed her arms over her chest and turned her head away from me. I felt compelled to continue.
"Second, I've done everything for you these past five years, Relena," I growled out. "I haven't seen any of the pilots in over a year, and I've kept talking to them at a minimum because you thought it was detrimental to my progress in, oh what did you call it? Becoming a human? Yes, that was it. So, instead of being with people who would accept my progress gradually, I cut them out of my life for you." God knows why, I thought to myself.
"You talk to them all the time," she grumbled.
"I talk to Quatre all the time, because he's the only one who's got enough time to call twenty times before you let me talk to him."
"Well, if you talk to Quatre all the time, and that helps you, why are you packing to go see him," she hissed out, not even willing to use his name. I knew exactly who she was talking about by the tone of her voice. It was an unspoken rule that his name not be mentioned in the house, but she had her own little hiss to let me know when she was referring to... him.
"He's my best friend," I said firmly. "And he needs me right now."
"He's got a cold!" She screamed, throwing her hands in the air. "I highly doubt that he needs you to fly out to L2 to wipe his nose and get him orange juice! I'm sure he's perfectly capable of doing that himself!" I cringed at the harsh high pitch of her voice, leaning back a bit, all too familiar with the situation and the fact that there was a good chance things would be thrown in my general direction soon. I was especially nervous for the lamp on the table next to her.
"He gets sick maybe once a year, Relena," I mumbled, turning my back to her as I began putting more clothes into the duffle. "It's only fair that I see my best friend at least that much."
"Is that what you're still insisting on calling him?"
I froze, staring down at my clothes for a moment before zipping the bag and throwing it over my shoulder. "I'm not going to have this fight again."
"Still as evasive as ever!" She screeched, grabbing my arm roughly as I stalked past her towards the door. "You two aren't fooling anyone!"
I paused, trying to calm myself before yanking my arm away from her. "I never tried to fool anyone," I said roughly. "We are friends. That's all we've ever been."
"It must be hard to lie to yourself so much," she said, her voice becoming choked up. I would have looked at her, but I already knew what I'd find if I did. More tears. Tears I was sick of seeing. Sick of the guilt they made me feel.
I walked past her out of our room, closing the door behind me as the sobs wrecked her small body. At least she got one thing right. It was hard to live a lie. But it was a burden I'd willing bear to keep Duo in my life.
I took a moment to pause at the vidphone before leaving, but decided that it would be wiser to use the public ones at the shuttle port rather than risk Relena coming downstairs for another battle royale. They happened more and more frequently, and it was exhausting. Though I was going to take care of Duo, it seemed more like a strange kind of vacation. I only hoped he'd be happy to see me, and Hilde would be too busy with the work that Duo was unable to perform to be around too much. I cringed. Relena was a pleasure compared to that woman.
I've never gotten over the sour feeling that someone as undeserving as her got custody over the one person I'd willingly gouge my eyes out for if he asked for them. It was unfair, and she in turn, found it unfair that although she got his physical form, I should instill something as petty as a few memories of the friendship I'd had with Duo during the war. She wanted everything, his body, mind... his heart. If I were less of a coward I would have fought more readily for it. But when Duo announced their plans to live together and start their own junkyard, I'd discovered the one weapon I wasn't immune from, and I was tired of fighting a war I was losing steadily. I couldn't give Duo what he wanted. We could never have a family, live a normal life. There was too much baggage left over for that. Hilde could give him everything I couldn't. She could offer him everything. All I had to offer was myself.
I knew that I'd have no chance against someone who could express exactly what they were feeling at the moment they felt it. Someone who was able to tell someone that they lo... cared about them so much that the whole world seemed to spin into an abyss whenever they left the room. I could never win against that. I knew the odds, and they were stacked against me.
The most I had to offer was my friendship, something that worked for a bit, but became progressively harder to maintain. Hilde and I get along worse than Duo and Relena, and that says something. The only difference between us was she was willing to fight to the death for Duo, and if that happened, I knew she'd win. I decided to spare Duo the trouble of trying to decide between his friend and his lover, and excused myself from his life. Things just seemed easier for him when I wasn't around.
The others protested, of course, forever stating that after all we'd been through we needed to stay together. Nevertheless, we drifted. If it weren't for Quatre's determination, and fearlessness, I don't doubt that the years that had passed would have occurred in total silence. I'm sure Relena would have loved that.
I still have no idea why I decided to settle for her. Perhaps I needed the companionship, to have at least something to call my own, even if it wasn't Duo. That was probably it, just having someone who wanted me near them. If I had that, I could settle for second best. It wasn't like people were lining up for the position. Duo and Relena were probably the only two people who ever expressed a want for me.
But Relena hated the others. She said she hated the side of me they brought out. I personally couldn't see a difference, but found myself so exhausted by the hours spent listening to her argue that I decided to once again cut my losses, and humor her.
She demanded visitation restrictions, and limited phone calls, only in an emergency she had said.
The first six months were strained between Duo and I particularly. He didn't take kindly to Relena controlling my life in such a way, especially when he lived on L2 and couldn't just stop by whenever he pleased. But somewhere in the next three months of lost phone messages, and accidently thrown away letters, he decided to make life easier for me, and stopped calling.
And life did become easier, but much darker. It was no longer filled with the brightness that Duo brought into my life. Relena could never provide the kind of light he could, though she tried as hard as she could. It was admirable, but somethings cannot be replicated, and to try, is merely an insult.
Duo has always been my metaphorical sun. During the endless fighting of our youth, I could always count of that baka to lighten up the darkness that I was so often encased in. I doubt that he ever knew the kind peace he brought me, even in his absence. Life is hard that way, when you can't express how you really feel. I kept him at arms length, telling myself that I needed to concentrate on the mission. At the time it felt like the right thing to do, but now, I wasn't so sure.
In the past five years I've seen Duo on three occasions. Even when we both tried to make life easier for the other by staying out of touch, Duo found a way to get us together. He found an "emergency."
The first time I'd been prompted to see Duo was nearly four years ago. I'd finally gotten to speak with Quatre, who relayed a very concerning situation. Duo had come down with a very nasty bug, and Hilde was unexpectedly called to L3 after some parts they'd delivered there had come damaged.
"You know how Duo is," Quatre had said. "Never wanting to get any rest, always trying to do too much. And just think, he's sick all by himself. Who knows what he could get himself into," he sighed casually. "It's almost like an emergency," he trailed off, and I nodded, unable to keep the smile that was tugging at the sides of my lips.
"Sounds like an emergency to me." And Relena bought it.
That first visit held caused no fights, or broken bedroom fixtures. It was an emergency, and to Relena's credit, she understood. The next time, however, did not go as smoothly. Hilde was there after all, so why did I need to go? I couldn't think of a good answer, and went anyway, suffering through the weekend, butting heads with Hilde over the proper care for the man we both lo... cared about.
It was all downhill from there. Of course, we never actually fought in front of Duo. Neither of us wanted to add to his stress (that man is the worst medical patient in the world), so we kept it civil whenever he was in ear shot, though I can't say we didn't exchange glares when his back was turned.
The third illness was much worse. A true emergency. Ironically enough, it was the real emergency that kept me from seeing him. He'd worked himself to exhaustion after a fight with Hilde, a fact that I'd gained from him after the fact. After staying out all night, and visiting a rather shady bar, Duo had gotten into a knife fight, and rather than going to the hospital decided to treat it himself.
He'd been alright for the first couple days. He avoided Hilde and worked steadily on salvage projects before collapsing on the job and was taken to the hospital. In true Duo fashion, he'd forgotten to change and clean his bandages and the wound had gotten infected. When his temperature was taken at the hospital it was 103 degrees, and his next of kin was called.
I'd gotten the call at 3 a.m. I was shocked. Both Hilde and Relena were livid. Listing me as his next of kin furthered Relena's paranoia, and Hilde's hatred towards me.
I remember standing outside his hospital room, staring at him through the glass window being terrified and watching beads of sweat run down his face. Hilde stood next to me, her arms crossed, wearing a stoic expression. She only said one thing to me: I will not give him up. She didn't have to worry. I wasn't prepared to fight her. Not when Duo was dying, I had too much on my mind at the time to respond.
As I approached the bank of vid-phones at the shuttle port, I glanced at my watch. Forty-five minutes to kill. I dialed Quatre's number quickly.
"Heero?"
"Yes, I'm at the shuttle port."
"Oh?" He asked innocently, smiling. "What brought you there."
"I've declared a state of emergency."
"Well, good for you! I trust you got my message about Duo's cold."
I nodded, smiling a bit.
"I'm sure he'll be delighted to see you!" Quatre continued, looking like a cross between an angel and satan.
"I hope so," I chuckled. "I'm armed with a list of medicines and herbal teas, so he probably wont actually be happy to see me after the initial shock wears off."
He nodded somberly. "It has been a long time since you've seen him hasn't it?" He questioned sadly. I could only sigh in response, he knew how long it'd been. "Heero, when are you going to stand up for yourself?"
I rolled my eyes. "I stand up for myself."
"Is that why we all talk so much," he dead panned.
"It's just," I began, searching for the right words. "Easier for everyone this way."
Quatre stared at me with warm eyes. "Duo misses you Heero. We all do. This is out of hand. It's been years since we've all been together. I see Wufei more than I see you, and he works undercover."
I sighed, leaning back in the chair. I didn't really have anymore excuses, and by now wasn't sure why I was still trying to defend Relena. "I don't want to lose that companionship," I muttered.
"What she is giving you is not companionship," he answered quickly, angrily. "She is doing nothing but manipulate you, and make you doubt who you really are." He paused for a moment before letting out a frustrated sigh. "Please tell Duo."
I blushed, and put my hand over my face. "I don't want to have this conversation again," I grumbled, averting my eyes.
Quatre let out an angry groan and ran his hand through his hair. "I do not understand you! You lost your chance at the end of the war and now it's like you've just given up! He's unhappy! You're unhappy! It's obvious to everyone but the two of you that you need each other. You always have. You're both just too stupid to realize it, no, to accept it."
"I've got to go Quatre, my shuttle will be boarding soon," I sighed, leaning down to pick up my duffle as his eyes grew wide and his tone frantic.
"Please, Heero, just tell him, I promise you that nothing bad will hap..." the screen turned black as I pressed the disconnect button. I sat staring at the screen for a moment before I gathered my things and headed into the direction of my shuttle.
The woman who took my boarding pass looked a remarkable amount like Relena, and I couldn't tell whether or not the universe was trying to make me feel even more guilty. The truth was that I knew Relena had done a lot for me. I felt guilty whenever I did something she didn't like. She had enough stress trying to keep peace without worrying about me being unfaithful to her. The question I wasn't sure of myself was whether or not I would be unfaithful to her if I'd been given the chance. I couldn't put myself in that situation. Hurting Relena wasn't an option. I'd suffer in silence.
As I settled down into my seat and prepared for the long flight, I pulled out my journal and a pen. It had originally been Relena's idea for me to keep the journal, as told to her by her therapist, but after she found out that I had written several entries about our relationship, she had an averse reaction to my new emotional outlet. In fact, it had been one of my early entries that convinced Relena that I had feelings for Duo.
To be fair, I never explicitly said that I did, but even Relena can read between the lines. An unspoken affection for someone during the war being my own description as a lifelong regret had spoken volumes to her about our relationship. Truly, I'm not sure she realized that I wasn't talking about her at first. Zechs probably pointed out to her that if we even if it were about her, then our relationship would be my lifelong regret. Funny how such a simple entry could speak so true on so many levels.
Hours later, back and legs stiff, I arose from my seat and I let out a shaky breath. I was half excited, half preparing myself for Hilde. At that moment, I wished things were as simple as back in the war, when I could justify her death as a necessary part of the mission if need be. However, regardless of how bad their relationship got over the years, I somehow doubted that Duo would forgive me for killing her for being an annoyance, which is all she really was to me. One big, annoying, blood sucking mosquito that wanted to drain Duo dry and make him squirm.
The junkyard looked exactly the same as it did on my last visit. As the smell of engine oil and grease filled my nostrils I forgot all about Hilde, a smile tugging at my lips. This place was Duo in every way possible, and it was impossible to be unhappy when he was around.
The junkyard's office had a connecting closet containing a staircase leading up to a small apartment over the yard. That's where Duo and Hilde decided to take up residence.
As I opened the door to the office, a little bell rang out, alerting one of the workers to come greet me. However, seeing as how this was a surprise visit, and I was given the opportunity to bypass pleasantries and explain what I was doing there, instead of waiting for a mechanic I made a bee- line for the closet door.
The stair case was cramped, and I was forced to adjust my rucksack numerous times to make it to the door at the top. My fingers closed over the knob before I realized my appendages were working autonomously and that sneaking into Duo's house may not have been the best idea.
As soon as I walked through the door, I was assaulted with what looked like an exhaust pipe. I let the first blow hit me, only to turn my wrist to drab hold of the pipe and twist it out of my attacker's hands. He let out a little squeak as I used the bar to pin him against the wall.
He stared at me, wide eyed and panting, his nose red and running. "Heero?"
"You look awful," I said simply, though I could feel that infernal smile tugging at my lips again. "It's a good thing that I came."
"What are you doing here?" He wheezed out, pushing his hand between the bar and his neck to regain his freedom. I let the pole loosen and set it down with my rucksack.
"I heard you had a cold."
Duo stared at me blankly.
"I'm not one to pass up an opportunity."
Duo's eyebrow rose slightly before he let out a raspy chuckle, shaking his head ever so slightly. "You really are something, you know that?"
I smiled fully that time. "Good to know."