You're blue eyes watched me, narrowing before they descended slowly down. Scrutinizing me. I stay silent allowing you to evaluate me as I stand in my crumpled white shirt and torn denim jeans.

I couldn't help but feel we always spoke in twisted metaphors keeping the illusion that what we do are just awkward accidents.

Let's pretend you didn't just kiss me whilst almost desperately pressing me against the wall in your oversized office.

Let's pretend I didn't moan your name as you hoisted me up, wrapped my legs around your waist and fucked me until my body went taut and my mind went numb.

You're ability to stay emotionally detached from me is truly a talent.

It's sad almost pathetic to admit the same cannot be said for me.

I notice things about you. Admire things about you.

The wispy brown hair splayed against the nape of your neck.

Your smooth angular facial features.

Your slender body, so rigid yet your movements are fluid – like liquid.

Your half smiles which pose as an odd twitch of your lips.

My arms around your neck tighten as you breathe shallowly against my neck, pushing yourself into me your hips driving up as if you're trying to force our bodies to become one.

My mouth hangs open as you stretch my opening, my body slick and flexing allowing for deeper penetration.

Your hands brace the wall, your forearms brushing against the sides of my abdomen every time you jolt upwards.

You tell me to shut up your voice strained with the effort of your powerful thrusts and oncoming climax.

I wasn't aware I was making any noise.

I suppose it's the affect you have on me. One of the many. I much prefer this sense of lust to the other things you make me feel.

Shame.

Worthlessness.

Emptiness.

Loneliness.

You come, hard and fast and even though a thin piece of latex is covering your manhood I can still feel the heat of your ejaculate as it presses against the confines of the condom.

You allow me no time to collect myself you simply pull out and move away from me.

"I have a meeting in ten minutes Wheeler." You state as you walk back to your desk, plucking some tissues from the box provided. You wrap the very full condom in the tissue before throwing it into the small bin located to the left side of your desk.

I don't reply just watch you as you dress, your movements mechanical.

I'm sore.

And still hard.

And more than anything I want you to hold me.

"Five minutes Wheeler." You acknowledge.

"I think I'm falling in love with you."

I was never one for subtlety.

You ignore my words, languidly fixing your hair and adjusting your tie before turning to face me.

"Understandable."

I turn my head to the side my blonde bangs shielding my eyes.

That is honestly all you have to say to that.

You shift some papers around on your desk collecting things I assume you'll need for your meeting.

I dress slowly my rectum uncomfortably squishy with lube.

I've never felt this empty before it's a strange feeling but through the emptiness I feel a hot mix of sadness and anger. On one hand I want to hit you, beat you to a bloody pulp and desecrate the face I've come to love. And on the other hand I want to burst into tears - break the dam on my caged up emotions.

I do neither.

I simply nod my head as you alert me of the time I should arrive at your apartment later that evening.

You never allow me to enter the mansion.

I go home, shower eat then sit on my sofa and turn the television on. However my eyes never leave the clock hanging on the wall. Five hours until I can see you again.

/

Our schedules changed instead of being pushed to the floor and taken roughly whiles you push my face into the carpet we sit on bar stools in the kitchen.

You offer me a beer and at that moment I realise you know nothing about me.

My father's an alcoholic a no good waste of space, condescending parasitic bastard. But I still love him because he's my dad, the relationship I have with him is oddly similar to ours.

You both belittle, shun and beat me yet I love you.

Talk about issues. Maybe I'm a masochist.

You shrug putting the beer back into the refrigerator before opening and taking a sip of your own not without pouring it into a glass first.

You slowly walk towards me cradle my cheek and bring my lips to yours.

Your tongue slowly massages mine, the bitter lingering taste of beer smoothing over my taste buds.

You pull away your slender fingers travelling from my jaw to my hair where you card your fingers through the unruly golden blonde locks.

"I'll never love you." You whisper against my cheek.

My heart clenches painfully as my face grows hot with shame and an odd sense of abandonment.

You pull away allowing me to see your face, I bow my head in a way you always said resembles a puppy being scolded by its owner.

"If you cannot handle that fact you should leave." You tell me not a glimpse of reluctance or remorse in your voice.

I wonder when I became so weak as to allow you of all people to control and affect me in such a drastic way.

I'm loud mouthed, confident, cheeky and great at duel monsters. But I'm also broken, lonely, vulnerable and at the tender age of seventeen.

"And if I can handle it?" I ask knowing full well that I can't.

"Then we fuck, like we usually do."

You make it sound so simple.

My heart still hurts.

I push the aching sick feeling down and stand up from the stool before removing my shirt.

Goosebumps flutter up my arms and chest; I walk towards you seeking body warmth.

You shake your head ordering me to go to the bedroom. I obey.

I undress you slowly my dirt imbedded nails opening buttons before pushing your shirt down your shoulders.

I keep my eyes on your chest slowly revealing the toned pectorals. You watch me I can feel it but I refuse to look up - you'll see the agony in my eyes if I do that.

Your touches are tender unlike how I expected you to be. There are times when were rough - nails scratching teeth biting insults firing but you seem to be in an amenable mood today.

Your hand against my shoulder pushes me towards the bed.

I immediately lay on my back my arms ready to loop around your form as you lay on top of me.

My fingers caress your hair, it fluffs. It's nice to see you looking less perfect than usual but no less attractive.

My body warms, the goose bumps disappear as you run your mouth over my body. Not kisses or bites or licks, simply brushing your open mouth against my skin allowing me to feel the warmth of your breath.

I arch my back as you switch methods running your tongue down my stomach stopping when you reach my bellybutton.

I close my eyes fighting the urge to cry because the fact that you don't love me is ridiculously incomprehensible.

You touch me as if you love me your deft fingers undoing the clasp of my jeans, removing my boxers along with the denim adorning my legs.

You kiss – firm pecks starting from the side of my knee ending at my inner thighs.

I quiver my body calling out to you.

Your movements aren't messy – there calculated as most of the things you do are.

A caress to my thigh.

Bites along my neck.

Firm, slow strokes of your hand cradling my erection.

I wonder if anyone will ever truly want me.

My mother abandoned me, my sister having no choice but to leave with her and my father well...If he enjoyed my presence he wouldn't have to drown himself in alcohol.

You part my legs.

Raise my hips.

My eyes remain closed.

A finger enters me and I bite my lip. The preparation still hurts after all this time, not a sharp pain just an odd flow of it. Your finger is slick with warm lube. My breathe hitches at the thought of you taking the time to rub the lubricant in your hands - making sure it's not too cold before you push it into me.

I spread my legs further apart before opening my eyes finding you knelt between my legs intently staring at your finger as my skin stretches around it.

The preparation is a slow process today and in all honesty it doesn't need to be my bodies incredibly plaint to you and I'm still loose from our tryst we shared earlier today.

I know the copulation will come soon and the moment it's over you'll tell me to leave.

When you remove your fingers I sit upright before pushing you back softly until you're lying on the mattress the red silk sheets a beautiful contrast to your pale perfect skin.

I straddle you my hands splaying against your upper torso as I lean down and kiss you an insistent pressure on my lips.

My hands smooth over the planes of your stomach, unable to deny how uncomfortable the cotton of your trousers feel against the smooth skin of my testicles I travel down your body enabling me to remove said item before throwing it to the floor.

You already have an erection, your shafts a reasonable five inches – thick in width, a somewhat tanned beige in colour. The curly hairs at the base of your penis are short I'm well aware you trim your pubic hair which is good for me as when I deep throat you my eyes and nose aren't obscured with copious amounts of unruly hair.

The head of your shaft is slightly darker than the rest of your member; I run my fingers down your penis the skin dry, taut and pumping with blood.

Resting on my knees by your left side is where I remain as I lean down my lips sealing around the rounded tip of your penis.

I dip my head slightly taking more of you into my mouth as I flick my tongue, long flat licks against the thick appendage.

I relax my gag relax as I move my head further down alternating between rapid lathering's of my tongue to large suctions as my head moves up and down.

I tense slightly as I feel your arm run through my hair before travelling down my back. You tap lightly and getting the hint I release you from my mouth slowly before moving up the bed so I'm kneeling beside you.

"How do you want me today?" I whisper awaiting an order.

"On your hands and knees." You command.

I get into the position you asked for my legs spread wide with my buttocks pushed outward. The soft silk sheets caress my hands as I place them palms down on top of the bed.

The slippery, smooth rubbery texture of the condom is the only warning I receive before you start pushing into me. Your manhood always seems much larger when it's forcing its way through my anal passage.

I immediately break out into a sweat my fingers trembling a top the mattress.

Your thrusts are powerful as they always are, your hips drawing slowly back before pistoning forward, inching me up the bed every time.

I tilt my head to the side my cheek sinking into the bedding as I breathlessly pant, a slight whimper slithering through my parted lips as your erection brushes my prostate.

Your fingers curve enabling you to run the slim digits over my waistline where they pinch, puncturing my skin until I feel as if I'm bleeding.

"Kaiba." Your name slips so easily from my mouth now.

For some reason you can't get off. I've come twice now and I feel my release coming a third time as I sit here ruthlessly bouncing in your lap trying to get you to come.

My body is sweating to the extent I can already smell the beginnings of terrible body odour yet I can't move - won't move until you're satisfied. I can't help but to wonder what's wrong, you've came every time we've been together sometimes even more than once but today... today I feel like my heart is being painfully pierced with sharp hot needles.

"Kaiba...please." I stutter not entirely sure what I'm pleading for.

You lean back on your hands watching me.

"Just don't stop."

I commence my hips aching with my continuous motions.

You bring a hand up twisting and squeezing your own nipple trying to push yourself that little bit more.

The site is so damn erotic I come again coating our chests.

You sigh, then there's that irritated twitch to your eyebrow before you tap my thigh indicating for me to get off of you.

I sit on my knees feeling incredibly dirty and disheartened. You've flopped back onto the bed your hands screwed into fists by your sides, the condom sitting meaninglessly over your hard on.

"Why can't you..." I begin.

"I don't know."

"Is it me?"

"No." Your answer is immediate but not assuring.

I make my way over to you climbing over you as I place your hands on my hips; my chest pressed against yours as my lips brush your jaw.

I position the head of your penis at my opening stopping when you speak.

"You're going to become sore."

"I don't care."

And I honestly don't.

We change positions again after that I'm flat on my back my legs spread so wide I feel like my body's split in two. One of my legs is hoisted up high rested just beneath your armpit whiles the other is raised at the knee my foot planted into the mattress.

Your face is red with exhaustion your thrusts soon becoming too hard in your need for release.

I should have listened to you before as now I'm incredibly sore, aches shooting up my spine every time you thrust into me. I stare at the ceiling my body heavy.

"Stop." I breathe suddenly.

Your face is buried into my neck.

"Fuck not now Wheeler I'm almost there."

"Kaiba.." I start my hand pressing against your chest to push you away.

You grunt an irritated sound before you grasp my hand and angrily hold it against the mattress.

I choke - the pain inside and outside of my body becoming too much.

God I love you and it burns.

I can sense the feelings I have for you destroying me, covering me and changing me.

This isn't how I want to be, but I don't want to be without you.

A pained frown crosses my features, I bury my face into your shoulder and whimper brokenly into it as you thrust one final time and finally...finally you come.

I leave the moment your coherent enough to tell me to.

I go home and take a shower blankly staring at the blood that travels from between my legs and into the drain.

/

The beach has always been one of my favourite places to visit especially at dawn when no one else is here. The sun begins to peek up the bright autumn colours stretching across the sky. It spreads warmth across my face, I close my eyes soaking up the feeling it brings.

I'm sitting by a sand dune my trainers discarded, my toes making precautious random patterns in the soft sand.

I realise the relationship or whatever it is that you and I share has to stop. The very idea of this sends my body into spasms of cold dejection.

You're bad for me either that or I've simply made the situation bad for myself.

By obsessing over you.

By admiring you.

By loving you.

I know I should forget you but that simple notion is more painful in itself then any abuse you can rein upon me.

I thought you had teared the inners of my rectum the other night, I had to explore with my fingers to find out it was simply just pain an odd stinging pain but nothing was broken or ripped.

Tristan knows about us, he's the only one who knows. He didn't judge me or shout at me as I expected him to do. He simply couldn't understand how I could love a person like you. How I could love Seto Kaiba of all the people in the world.

But it's hard not to feel a pull to someone who's so similar to you. We're both older siblings both have complex perturbed relationships with our parents or in your case - step parents. We'd both go to unthinkable lengths to help those we love. Both stubborn as hell. Both tragically broken.

I close my eyes trying to picture you in your grace. I recall occasions when I've watched you play duel monsters. The determination burning bright in your eyes as you summon your blue eyes white dragon. The confident almost self assuring smirks when you flip a trap card. The deep rumble of borderline psychotic chuckles when your strategies drastically damage your opponent's life points.

Then I think about the sex.

Your eyes. Always watching. Calculating where to touch me next, what part of my body will gauge the most reaction? Your skin unblemished and soft. Your pulse thrumming. Your penis twitching.

God I love you.

I try to gather myself. I fail miserably.

I sob.

And then I cry as the sun finally rises and I mourn the relationship I never had.

/

"You're not meant to be here for another hour yet wheeler." You informed me from your position in the doorway to your apartment, dressed in loose black jogging bottoms. Water filtering from you're freshly washed hair onto your bare chest.

I open my mouth fully intending to tell you we're over. I falter.

You seem to notice something's wrong because for the slightest moment I'm sure I see you frown.

"Lost the ability to talk wheeler."

"Can I come in?"

You step to the side and as I walk past you I breathe in your scent. It's probably the last time I'll ever be able to appreciate it. You smell of expensive cologne not overpowering, it just mingles faintly along with undertones of mint.

I turn to you as you shut the door and not giving reason for thought I step forward and wrap my arms around your waist before pressing my cheek against your clavicle.

Your bodies warm.

"Wheeler?"

I curl into you even more, eventually my silence becomes irritating. You place your hands on either side of my face before forcing me to look up at you.

"I know now." I begin you only stare at me with hard eyes.

"I don't think anymore I know for a fact that I'm in love with you."

"This again?" You ask obviously perturbed, pushing me away from yourself.

I look away for a moment before turning back to you, my hazel eyes focused on your locket.

"We – I can't do this anymore." I admit.

"You're being vague." You tell me as you walk past me and towards the open plan kitchen.

You seem to be avoiding me or better yet avoiding the subject. You're not dense and you can read me better than anyone. You know this is going to end.

"Us I can't-."

"I hope you've got something incredibly kinky planned having arrived an hour early." You suddenly communicate. I open my mouth about to promise you kinky sex and so much more before I realise I no longer have to.

"It's not that-"I begin only to be cut off again.

"Honestly Wheeler didn't your parents ever teach you manners?" You condescend knowing a comment so close to home will send me into a submissive silence. Except this time I'm pissed. For once I'm concerned about something other than what you want.

"Stop treating me like a child!" I shouted realising it was one of the weakest orders I could give you.

"You are a child." You reply smoothly.

All I can think is so are you! However I manage enough self control to not say it.

"This is over, were over." I finally have the balls to say it and like I expected it hurts like hell.

You laugh - a hollow empty noise that screams instability.

"Well what do you know you're a comedian as well as an ignoramus."

You can be incredibly harsh when you want to be.

I smiled the action so hard to do I'm sure the pull of my lips looks more haunting then amused.

As I made my way to the door a violent smash of glass made me pause.

I turned around to find the glasses from the kitchen island top thrown to the floor in a spontaneous act of anger.

You seethed your jaw set tightly your perfect white teeth snapped together. You moved toward me so quickly I barely had time to respond before you threw me into the front door.

It didn't hurt, I'd been in enough fights to become desensitised to pain.

I stand still like a malnourished statue as you kiss me, your teeth violently colliding with my own and for a moment I forget my previous words - so willingly ready to fall into your arms.

Clearing my thoughts I push you away and in all honesty it's the first time I've ever seen you look anything but smug. Your eyes have widened and your bony fingers are shaking - with sadness or anger I cannot be sure.

"I know you still want me...I can see it in your eyes." You whisper forever playing the masterful manipulator.

I laugh in your face and I honestly don't know why maybe it's all the heartache you've made me experience causing pieces of my sanity to fray away.

You're on me again my body painfully pressed against yours and the door.

"Feel this." You urge placing my hand against your chest, fingers splayed. They twitch slightly as I feel your heartbeat thumping.

I kiss you back then, my fingers twirling in your hair. When I feel your hand coming down to unbutton my jeans I freeze realising I'm repeating my mistakes.

I shove at you knowing that words alone won't stop your advances.

"Why are you doing this?" You aggressively asked.

"I can't let you use me anymore I need to get away." My words could have been more convincing was I not blinking rapidly and stuttering.

"I own you, you spineless dweeb. You don't get to leave unless I allow it."

I frown staring at you in disbelief. You speak of me as if I'm an object. Your harsh words no longer make me want to please you; instead they fill my head with clarity making me see why I shouldn't please you.

You may be loyal to those who you love, you may also be rich, strong, good looking and powerful but your also a selfish brat too used to getting what you want. I've indulged you for far too long.

"You can't control me anymore Kaiba." I say unable to keep the mournful tone at bay.

You hit me then and it takes a moment to register but only a moment, for the next I tackle your slim form forcing you to the ground.

You immediately take charge – you'd always been much stronger than me.

Your hands grip my thighs roughly pulling them apart as you arch up into me.

I struggle but you sit up taking both my hands in a vice grip as you hold them between our chests.

"You lost control the moment you fell in love with me."

And it's sad because I realise that it's true.

Using my bound hands I hit into your chest, my eyes filling with tears.

"If you can't love me back, there's no reason for me to be here."

"Can't you just be happy with what we have?"

"We don't have anything – not anything that's real." I replied.

"This is real." You whispered against my lips your hands releasing my own until they slid beneath my loose denim jeans and like all the times before I allowed it.

/

(AU) My first try at puppy shipping probably out of character but I was in a really angsty mood and just fancied writing something emotionally depressing lol. Anyway please review my fellow puppyshipping fans!

Dolorous Doll

X

He inadvertently spilt his words revealing his true feelings to me.