Disclaimer: I don't own DNAngel, or "YuGiGO" hee hee hee... or Yugioh.
My first DNAngel fic! And there is a sad lack of SatoshiRisa multi-chapter fics so I'm contributing my own! Keep in mind, I've only seen AMVs of the anime and am reading the manga, so if my facts are off, sorry. I really don't know much about the ending of the series but I saw Satoshi get wings... and Risa with his jacket... so there you go.
Oh. NONE OF THIS IS YAOI! ... and how often do you see THAT in a dnangel fic? And dividers are wacko... so I have a makeshift divider. Sorry for the mess, annoys me...
Edit: Okay, revamping! Yay for revamping! I didn't change a lot, but some of the phrases, added monologues in Satoshi's head... interesting things to improve the writing (hopefully). I can only hope revamping this doesn't make me lose my earlier reviews... hope you enjoy re-reading this, or reading it for the first time! It's hopefully clearer and less contradictory to itself now. Thanks a lot for everyone who commented!
(divider)
Risa Harada is stalking me.
I've felt her eyes on me all day, staring into my back.
I don't know what she expects, white wings to rip their way out of my back again? Me to crumple under them in some secret inner turmoil? To watch with interest and perhaps some sense of impending doom, the drama that is the arrival of "White Dark-san"?
"Hiwatari-san!"
She's poking me with her pencil. I can feel the eraser pressing on the back of my uniform (and probably leaving various shavings which I'll have to walk around with all day. Harada must die...) as she prods again, making it impossible to concentrate on the teacher. I turn slowly, fixing her with Glare 57.
I have numbers for my glares, is that so strange? The Eskimos have over 200 different words for snow, which they see every day. I glare at nearly everyone, every day, so it only makes sense that I should number mine.
Harada gets Glare 57; my icy, will-you-PLEASE-get-AWAY-from-me glare that threatens to bore into her skin and permanently damage her psyche. Or so my mental summary goes.
But Risa is oblivious, of course.
"Hiwatari-san, I need to give you---"
"Harada-san, is there something important you have to say? If so, stand up so the whole class can hear you!" The teacher snaps impatiently.
Harada just looks at him indignantly, as if she has a RIGHT to interrupt class. I could almost applaud the teacher for glaring right back at her and obviously trying to fight back some primal urge to strangle the girl.
Yes. Please. Get this psycho away from me before I go to the bathroom and puke from all this cutesyness.
What did Niwa ever see in this girl? He's insane.
I can't stand her.
But back to the unfolding drama of Harada vs. Makayu-sensei...
Apparently the teacher has told little Ms. Harada off and she plunks her rear back down in her seat behind me huffily. The teacher has just starting speaking again when the prodding begins. Again. What am I, a piece of meat?!
If Risa could see into my mind at the moment, I believe she'd go blind.
When I finally turn to her, if nothing else then to order her to stop, a note is shoved at me, "Hiwatari" in large, flowing, cursive letters on the cover. It takes all my willpower not to roll my eyes. Who puts the name on a note to the person right in front of you?
I unfold it anyway. The note itself is scribbly and immature. I guess Harada only cares to decorate that which people actually SEE, even though no one is going to see the note if all goes well... this girl confuses me.
It reads:
-I've got your jacket, meet me after school, at the front, and I'll give it back to you. Risa -
She's dotted the i in her name with a heart. How... predictable.
My jacket...?
Oh, I put it over her while she was unconscious... it was the jacket those wings ripped through. I'm surprised it isn't in tatters really... probably is. It'd be just my luck to get it back in pieces.
I return my attention to the teacher, the only thing in the room that distracts me from my thoughts. It's our last period until the weekend.
Oh joy. What fun I can have in my apartment, wondering what purpose I have now that Dark and Krad have both vanished!
And that was courtesy of my newfound hobby, sarcasm.
And Daisuke believes I'd be happy to finally be released from the burden of chasing Dark. He's happy with Riku, though still mourning the loss of Dark. Such an innocent, naive little Niwa... still, I can't blame him for his own happy ending, simply because I didn't get one.
It's like that strange, strange anime I watched once. Yu-Gi-Go I think it was... a kid with this horrifying hairdo had a darker side called "Yami", ironically enough. They were happy, no matter what happened, and they depended on each other with something resembling a brothership. Then there was a child named Ryou, who also had a yami. (The distinction between Yami and yami was rather thin. Most just called Yami, "Yugi" or "Pharaoh". A very confusing series indeed. It didn't help that yami also means dark. I think I stopped watching it because I got a headache.) Anyway, Ryou's yami, Bakura, was cruel and a villain throughout the series. Everyone in the series hated him (Bakura) and was sometimes scared of Ryou because he might become his yami at any time.
So if Daisuke is Yugi, and I'm Ryou...
Now I really do wonder how that series ended.
Did Ryou ever find happiness? Or sanity?
Note to self, never let thoughts wander in history class again.
(divider)
WHY did she want to meet HERE. Where everyone is gathered, it's like a convention of gossip, and Risa's right in the middle of it...
And the worst part is I could've walked right past her! Pretended she wasn't even there, and gotten away with it!
If she hadn't yelled my name for all the world to hear.
"Hiwatari-san!" She called --okay, I won't lie-- yelled. Hollered. At the top of her lungs. It seemed like the general population of the school seemed to turn to stare at her.
And, of course, me.
Yay.
As I walk reluctantly over to her, she almost seems to grow quieter, or as much as it is possible for Risa Harada anyway. My jacket is tucked under her arm and I can already see two long rips in the fabric across the back.
Oh well.
Harada offers the jacket, her face matching the color of her hair as I take it.
Why do girls blush around me anyway?
I need to work on my stay-away-from-me aura.
"Thank you for coming Hiwatari-san. Um... when I got your jacket, this floated out of it. Is it... white Dark-san's?"
She pulls out a white feather from her shirt. It's one of Krad's obviously, but why is she keeping it inside her shirt? I'm never going to understand women... I don't think I even want to...
She's still waiting for an answer to her question. May as well humor the masses.
"Yes, it's Krad's." I reply, turning to go. I hear a soft, surprised "erk!" behind me. Apparently she wasn't expecting for me to leave so soon. Tough Harada, I'm abandoning ship as of now.
"Can I--" She starts and I interrupt, assuming I know what she's about to say.
"You can keep the feather."
"O... kay..." She says slowly, sounding confused, then continues, "But I wanted to know if... H-Hiwatari-san, can I walk you home?" She asks, her voice even higher then usual. And trembly.
I don't stop walking, eventually hearing her 'hmph' and stomp after me.
Why can't she stalk someone else?
"Well Hiwatari-kun, I'm going to walk with you ANYWAY. I'm supposed to be your friend and I don't even know where you live!" She has an obsession with staring at me when she speaks, and seems to expect me to do the same to her.
"You're not my friend and you don't know where I live because I never cared to show you." I reply icily. Risa sighs dramatically.
"Well, maybe I want to get to know you better Hiwatari-kun. There are tons of people who want to know you but you don't ever open up--"
"I like being closed, thank you Harada-san." I interrupt. This girl is ANNOYING. I'd rather listen to Dark yell insults at me as he gets away then be here, listening to Risa Harada preach to me about opening up.
This is what is would sound like if I opened up/explained myself:
'Suppressed emotions are what I've dealt with since I knew I was a Hikari Harada-san. All I do is hate and that's been working rather well for me; last time I tried caring about someone, it didn't turn out so well and my alter ego tried him, and then his former crush, namely you. So, I don't put much stock in trusting, or caring about anyone anymore. If you'd like to try to fix this, you can go live my life for a couple years and when you come back, give me some tips won't you?'
End mental monologue, and back to Harada's new comment on my statement that I like being closed.
"Then I'll have to make you won't I Satoshi-sama?"
Her tone is sarcastic. It's simple to accept sarcasm.
But the tone, and the words, are his.
I can feel my body flinch; I have no control for a second, only realizing that Harada has plunged me back into... painful memories.
It's just my luck that for once in my life, Harada is paying attention to someone besides herself and notices.
"Hiwatari-kun? Are you okay?" She asks, brown eyes wide in concern and I want to scream at her, erase her memory, do a little feather-glow-thing and make her pass out. Forget she saw the physical reaction of what she said...
Sometimes I hate being human. Krad's never here if I actually want him...
He would've paid big money to hear me say that.
But now I must stop angsting inwardly, which appears to be what I do best, and answer Harada's question.
"Yes. Of course." I say calmly, gritting my teeth and forcing the corners of my mouth into a faint smile (which probably looks more like a smirk). I mentally lock down all remaining emotion in my tone and the assurance comes out with a rather deadened, icy tone. I stop in front of my apartment, which, thankfully, we've already arrived at.
I don't think I can take another minute playing "Dodge-Harada's-Probing-Questions".
Harada looks up at the building, this confused expression flickering over her face.
"You live HERE?"
"Yes. That's why I stopped, Harada-san." I say smoothly, waiting. I can feel my key burning a hole in my pocket. Why isn't she leaving yet? Is she going to ask me to walk her home? Oh please... no, Fate can't be that cruel to me... then again, Fate did give me Krad... it can't be that cruel again!
"Well... can I come in?" She asked innocently.
Apparently, Fate CAN be that cruel and worse...
"No." I reply cheerfully, dispensing with any pretence of politeness and opening the door, the lock clunking out of place. It still shocks me sometimes that I live in a place that Dark could break into so simply. Krad would never forgive me...
I open the door and Harada bounces in after me, disregarding my order completely that she couldn't come in. Should I feed her to the alligators I wonder?
"Hello!" She calls cheerfully into the echo-y apartment and I have to hide a smirk.
"You don't have to bother, there's no one here."
The weather outside finally snaps, the storm clouds that have been hanging overhead all day grumble, then send a downpour of rain, effectively cutting off my last escape route from Harada. Even if I am being impolite, I can't send her out in the rain without an umbrella or raincoat.
And if I DID give her a raincoat, this whole mess would probably happen all over again when she tried to return it and she'd find another way to make me have my own personal therapy/'bonding time' with her. So, no raincoat for Harada. Which means I'm stuck with her. Oh YAY.
"Wow, it's really coming down..." Her voice pierces my thoughts. She's standing over by the window, making painfully obvious observations. I sigh and walk over next to her, glancing at said rain. It is indeed " really coming down". Curses.
"Correct."
As if she needed that comment Satoshi.
"I... used to be really scared of thunderstorms." She continues.
Okay, thank you for that insightful bit of information Harada.
"Really, really scared." She repeats.
"I'm sorry." But I'm not.
"Then again... I used to be really scared of angels too, so I guess I'm just weird." She smiles sheepishly after saying this, though it leaves me a bit confused. What kind of person is scared of angels?
"Why?"
"Oh!" She seems surprised I actually showed interest this time. Revel in it Harada, it probably won't happen again.
"Well, I guess it was the wings, or the magnitude, I don't know. There's a giant angel picture in the church Riku and I go to. When I was little, it scared me every time I passed it, because the picture gave the implication that this angel could FIGHT. But when I got older, I realized that the angel was never against me, it was protecting me. So now... it makes me happy and safe. Isn't that weird?"
I shake my head, against my better judgement that's screaming that her fear was indeed, VERY weird.
There is silence for a moment, blessed quietness that's only broken by the rain outside.
Of course, Harada is the one to break it, shatter it into little bitty pieces.
"Why is Daisuke the only one you'll talk to?"
I stare at her, the question having surprised me. What right does she have to pry into... oh yes. This is Risa Harada we're talking about.
"I don't see how that's any of your business Harada-san."
"Can't you answer Hiwatari-kun?"
Her tone is mocking. It annoys me, but then, everything about her annoys me. I move away from the window, heading into the kitchen. She doesn't follow me, thankfully, but she does keep talking. Pity...
"Should I call my family and tell them I'm here? Oh, the rain seems to be letting up a bit..."
I thump back against the wall in the kitchen, staring morbidly up at the ceiling. I thump my head against the wall again.
Normally I wouldn't indulge in physical self-pity but this is a special case.
Thunk.
Thunk.
Thunk.
Maybe if I do this long enough, when I open my eyes, she'll be gone!
Thunk.
Thunk.
Thun--"Hiwatari-kun, what are you doing?" Her voice asks me over the pattering of the rain which was, miraculously, the only other noise in the apartment for a few precious seconds besides the sound of my head hitting the wood of the wall.
"Nothing Harada-san." I reply. She still looks skeptical but then her look changes.
I've never seen this one, I don't remember it... what is it?
It almost looks like sympathy...
"Hiwatari-kun... do you ever miss White Dark-san? Or... or Dark-san?"
I stare at her. That's two times she's caught me off guard. I could grow to hate this girl.
"I..."
Curse my voice for betraying me!
"No. I don't miss Krad. Never. I hate him."
Perfect Satoshi-sama, she's really going to believe that. You know that you miss me. Let me simply kill her and everything will be simpler.
Even when he doesn't exist, I can still imagine what he'd say. I hate him!
Her voice is going to interrupt me again, I hear her take a breath that betrays her newest comment.
"You don't miss Dark-kun either?"
"Why do you want to know?" The question comes from me quietly and I could kill my voice for lacking the disinterest and coldness that it should have but doesn't.
Harada looks at the ground a little sadly.
"I... I read something the other day... it's been proven that when the purpose for one's life is taken away, you die. Hiwatari-kun, you always said your purpose for life was to catch Dark-kun. But... D-Dark-sama is never coming back, an-and White Dark-kun doesn't need you anymore since he's gone too so..."
She's staring at me. With pity.
I hate pity. Make her stop looking at me like that! I don't want to be pitied! Daisuke pitied, I think Dark pitied me at one point... why am I always "poor Satoshi", or "that poor Hikari"?! I held up under Krad! I survived everything, so why does everyone look at me with that same, sad expression?
"Hiwatari-kun, what is your purpose?" She asks softly, those brown eyes burning a hole in me.
Be calm Satoshi, get her... just get her away! She can't be this close... she can't... I hate being this helpless when she only pities me! She's just like everyone else, I'm only a project, she doesn't care.
There. If she doesn't care, I can shove her away.
Nothing is real.
"...the rain's let up. You should go." My voice whispers but I didn't say those words. I have the advantage of an uncrackable mask but even now I can feel the tiniest piece falling, shattering like my glasses. Even though I know what she feels, says, is artificial, it's so hard... to shove her away.
Harada stares at me, shocked that I have completely buffered her question. I've seen through you Risa Harada. Just don't come near me...
"B-but Hiwatar--"
"You should go." I repeat, standing and going to the door, the rain having a temporary pause.
"Don't wait too long, or you'll get caught in it again. Go. Now." I'm not pleading. I'm not asking. I'm telling. I'm calm.
She's just standing there, staring at me again.
"Is this the way you do it Hiwatari-san? You just pretend nothing happens even when I'm talking to you?" She walks over to the doorway but pauses, gazing at me sadly. I can't stand her gaze...
"And you've been doing it so long and I never noticed. I really must be an idiot..." She seems about to touch me, her hand raising slightly, her long hair brushing back over her shoulder.
I step back, waiting for her to leave.
Go.
Just go!
She shakes her head, stepping outside, and it's all I can do not to slam the door behind her. I sink to the ground after I close and lock it, staring out the window at the stormy clouds that match the thoughts crowding my mind. Oh how poetic...
What was it she asked me? I think I missed it... when I realized that she only pitied me...
"Hiwatari-kun, what is your purpose?"
Stupid Satoshi. I should've at least answered her, even while I was plunging into the depths of angst.
"I don't have a purpose...."
(divider)
I changed quite a bit in that one... -breathes again- Hopefully it got better for yas!