This is a songfic to a story none of you probably have heard of. It's sung by a computer program called Vocaloid. It's a Japanese program that basically is a Photoshop for songwriters. The particualar Vocaloid that sung this song is named Rin Kagamine.
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. I don't own the characters. I don't own this song. I didn't do the translations.
White Canvas
Honestly, I didn't know what I want to do. I'm was unsure whether I wanted reach out to `her` or to destroy `it`. It...her...what could I call this cold white marble that I stand before? I don't want this cold thing, I want her. My hand reached out finally and felt its way over the cold curves that made up her new form...her form of remembrance. And I remember her smile.
寄り添うのは、いのち。
The thing that clings, life.
触れ合うのは、かたち。
The thing that touches, appearance.
Everything reminded me of her. She was haunting my every waking moment, her form always present in the corner of my eye. Her scent seemed to follow me everywhere. And, then there was this statue…no matter how hard I tried to stay away, everything brought me back here.
My eyes gaze up to meet her own lifeless stone ones, as my hand move to her outstretched one. The statue stood taller than me, nearly double my height and was just a pure white marble. But I can still see the deep blue of her cloak that covered her head and half her body before billowing out slightly, as if caught in some breeze that existed elsewhere. This same breeze teased her hair that could be remembered as a beautiful violet color, and made it seem like it would be dancing under her hood had it not been captured and frozen for the rest of time. Her face turned to the side and her hand was extended as if she was starting to hold it out for someone, willing to help, as she had once been. Her eyes that I remembered to be a violet color that was so full of life, making her every gaze burn you to your soul, now was just a lifeless imitation of what had once been.
恋素うのは、いつも。
The thing that loves, always.
擦り切れた、ことわ
The thing that fell, word.
The city had presented this to the us days after it had happened; when we were just trying to gather the broken pieces of our shattered family, and of our shattered home. I hate it, but yet I could never find myself staying away from it. `It` serves as a constant reminder of what I had lost…of what I had failed to protect. I had promised her to protect her forever…but…then she had also promised to be here with me forever. But, here I am, standing in the empty scenery that now played home for her memory, nestled in the billow of `it`s` cloak, wishing for `her` to be at my side.
触れる。全部触る。
It reached. It all reached.
外を、中を、きみを、私を。
Outside, inside, you, me.
「今」を掴み、歌う。全部歌う。
But all I had was this `it` to comfort me; this `it` to haunt me. This would forever stand strong, a constant reminded of my failure. They meant no harm when they gave it to us. They just wanted to show that they appreciate all that we do; to honor her sacrifice. I understood that. But, now it stands also as a emblem of weakness.
I grab "now" and sing. Sing everything.
外を、中を、きみを、私を。
Outside, inside, you, me.
「今」を歌う。
I sing "now".
I let out a loud cry, my sorrow's song that I could no long deny. "WHY! WHY DIDN'T YOU WAIT FOR ME! I COULD HAVE PROTECTED YOU! YOU SHOULD BE ALIVE STILL! WHY, RAVEN? WHY!" I cried out, whether to the statue, or to the graying sky, I don't know. I just wanted to shout. I just wanted a moment to be angry without feeling guilty. All I wanted was an answer. But, as many times before, I received none. The dark sky refused to reveal its secret.
癒えない。癒えない。癒えない。
It won't heal. It won't heal. It won't heal.
癒えない傷を隠して。
Hiding the scar that won't heal.
I try to act normal around others. Try to put on a brave face for them, but I know they know it's a lie. But nobody has been brave enough to call me out on it. Maybe they knew that they didn't need to. They all had been there when the tower was engulfed in the inferno; flames reaching high into the sky, and creating smoke so dark that the sun itself disappeared; casting the whole city into a grim darkness. They all had watched as the tower came down, the sound of the metal giving way and breaking sounded like the tower itself was crying out as it fell. Perhaps it was because it too was unable to protect the occupant inside its walls. It too had failed the purpose of its existence, to protect. The pieces falling into the water, creating towers of water that lasted only moments. And they all had known what that meant.
消えない。消えない。消えない。
It won't disappear. It won't disappear. It won't disappear.
消えない痛みを堪えて。
Holding the pain that won't disappear.
Don't they say time heals all wounds? That's not true. There's not a moment that I don't think of her; not a second that doesn't go by without wishing for her to come back. I don't know it I have the strength to live much longer without her. She was my whole world, the reason for my existence. And now she was gone. Nothing of hers remained. Our room, her belongings, everything, it was all nothing but ashes now. But, I can't join her, not yet… Half a year later and I still find myself choking back sobs all the time. At night, when I'm alone, I usually doesn't have the strength left to fight them. My pillow hasn't been dry in a long time. But there was only one thing keeping me from joining her.
しめて、しめて、しめて、しめて、しめて、しめて。
Hold me, Hold me, Hold me, Hold me, Hold me, Hold me, Hold me.
もっと強く。強く。
More tighter. Tighter
せめて、せめて。せめて、せめて。せめて、せめて。
Until, until. Until, until. Until, until.
いのち、色ずけクマで。
Life, until it colors.
Maybe that was why…the reason I keep coming back to this statue. It was the last 'her' I had. The last life like 'her' that existed after her body had been destroyed in the moments after her life ended. I was waiting for this white 'it' to slowly be dyed in vibrant colors of violet, navy, and grey, and move. I waited for this 'it' to become 'her'. That was probably why Starfire told me that I needed to stay away. Had she had dreams similar to mine? Where this white 'it' would suddenly become a colorful 'her'? And then 'she' would flash a small smile that was uniquely her's and tell us that we needed more faith in her. That such a small thing like that would not kill someone like her. Is that why the others did not tread here to visit this white marble 'it'?
寄り添うのは、いのち。
The thing that clings, life.
触れ合うのは、かたち。
The thing that touches, appearance.
恋素うのは、いつも。
The thing that loves, always.
擦り切れた、ことわ
The thing that fell, word.
"Sla…..tack….tow…elp…..an't…." Plays out in my mind, her garbled message she sent through the communicator, her call for help. A call that I didn't answer. I wasn't able to save her. I wasn't able to protect her. How could I call myself their leader? How could I call myself her husband? 'Slade's attacking the tower, help, I can't hold him off.' I knew that's what she was saying, now. But it was too late. She was already long gone.
歌う。全部歌う。
Sing. Sing about everything.
空を、風を、雨を、日差しを。
Sky, wind, rain, sunlight.
「今」を歌い、歌う。全部歌う。
Sing about "now", sing. Sing about everything.
空を、風を、雨を、日差しを。
Sky, wind, rain, sunlight.
「歌」を歌う。
Sing a "song".
I close my eyes and remembered when we first met. She was so quiet, so shy. I forgot about her, actually during our first fight, before we came together as the Teen Titans, but that was something I never told her. I had been different then, I had been so against fighting along side others that this little quiet girl barely registered to me. I never forgot her again though. It was a long time before she even started to open to any of them, most of the time she had been forced to. But, eventually her secrets were told of her own free will. I remember the fights that were fought, the dangers they faced. And, these times brought tears to my eyes..
It started to rain, the grim sound was a small comfort to me. The sky was crying as well. `She` kept the rain away with 'her' stone cloak as I remained still in the sanctuary that I had now created. She could protect me even now, but I couldn't even protect her when she truly needed me.
言えない。言えない。言えない。
I can't say it. I can't say it. I can't say it.
言えない本当の言葉も。
I can't say true words.
When asked how I was holding up, I told them fine. I put on a mask everyone sees and fight on. I fight even harder now. So I will never again lose someone I loved; the last one that I cared about enough to keep me from following Raven. I knew that now it was time for my hardest battle, to survive.
見えない。見えない。見えない。
I cant see it. I cant see it. I cant see it.
見えない思いを託して。
I leave the heart I can't see.
"Robin…I love you. I'm sorry." Her last words, 'I'm sorry.' I heard those words over the communicator, we were almost there. 'I'm sorry.' It was the knife in my heart. We were so close. Just minutes away. Then, the tower blew. And it took the girl I loved, the woman I married, away from me; leaving me alone with the remnants of my shattered families.
癒えない。癒えない。癒えない。
It won't heal. It won't heal. It won't heal.
癒えない傷を隠して。
Hiding the scar that won't heal.
She did it to take Slade down. And that's what made it all the worse. I should have taken Slade down long before this moment. I shouldn't have left them alone until he was found. I let the moment get to me when the alarm went off. She told me to go. And I didn't do much to argue. She was in no condition to protect them. And she gave it all up to stop him forever.
消えない。消えない。消えない。
It won't disappear. It won't disappear. It won't disappear.
消えない痛みを堪えて。
Holding the pain that won't disappear.
First Terra gave her life to stop Slade, and now Raven. I was responsible for both of them, but he took them. My fist tightened and my body tensed. I wanted to rip him apart myself. His charred body proved that an impossible act. But my rage would not be satisfied until I made someone suffer for this.
A tiny hand reaches out and lands on mine, sapping the anger taking hold away from me instantly. It's skin pale with a pink tint to it; Tiny, but strong. My eyes fall to her last gift to me; my last constant reminder of her- Raven's last miracle that she died to protect: our tiny daughter.
しめて、しめて、しめて、しめて、しめて、しめて。
Hold me, Hold me, Hold me, Hold me, Hold me, Hold me, Hold me.
もっと強く。強く。
More tighter. tighter
Her violet eyes focused on my own broken cerulean ones and she looked like she was waiting for me to be able to walk away from this gloom. Her small patch of black hair always caused a conflict of emotions. I wished for her locks to be violet, like her mother's. But, I was happy that they were black, because that was what Raven told me she wanted.
I couldn't help but smile. "Let's go home, Angel." I stepped out as the last rain drop fell and the sky began to open to the golden light. It was then that my chest loosened a little and I knew that the pain would never disappear, but it would become a little more bearable in more time.
せめて、せめて。せめて、せめて。せめて、せめて。
Until, until. Until, until. Until, until.
いのち、色ずけクマで。
Life, until it colors.
There you have it. My first Teen Titans fic where I kill of Raven. Which is amazing. I usually kill my favorite character off in every story I write of them.
Intresting trivial, originally it was going to be a BeastboyXRaven story. But, I like RobinXRaven better so I wrote that instead.