Haru: Okay, people, this is a prequel to our other story. Go read that first. And, yes, this is actually a purely Bleach fanfiction. See the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I- we do not own Naruto, X-men, or Apple.

The Backstory Chapter

Takeshi's head popped off of his pillow, wide-eyed. "Oh shit," he whispered, "we didn't write an outline for the day." He remembered vividly what had happened the last time they had neglected to write an outline for the day. "I've got to fake something."

FLASHBACK NO JUTSU!

"No outline for the day?" Haru asked. "I guess we get to just wing it!"

"HUZZAH!" Takeshi yelled. "INDEPENDENCE! Well, I'm off to Iwa!"

". . . " Caden was playing with his iPhone.

"Well, at least have some coffee at Hoshibucks with us first!" Haru replied.

Takeshi pondered her words. At standard Hengegan-speed Shunshin, it took him 1/10th of a second to reach Iwa. Zephyr wouldn't wake up for another hour. He could go through seven vente mocha frappuccinos in that time, and Haru would be satisfied. "Alright," he said. He would regret it later.

Haru seated herself in at a table in Hoshibucks' cafe with a caffeinated iced tea for herself, a white chocolate iced tea for Caden (which he had yet to touch, as it was an Internet cafe), and three mocha frappuccinos for Takeshi. Takeshi himself looked wired already, unable to sit still, shifting his giant ramen kusari-gama from hand to hand and shoulder to shoulder.

"Well, guys, what's up? I figured while we're here, we could trade back-stories. All characters have to eventually, so let's get it over with." Haru smiled warmly, sending a chill through Takeshi

"Uh, Anko had a sister, a clone, actually, but basically a sister, and the sister gave birth to me, whereupon she died. Kabuto-teme (may he rot in Orochi-teme's stomach for eternity) killed her, and then tested me by putting a bunch of crap into my body, and seeing how many traits I inherited before dying from over-mutation. Luckily for me, the infusion of Hyuuga, Senju, and Uchiha blood, and the mix of all the gene-altering chemicals, combined with exact conditions, caused the rare Hengegan to form in my body, pulling all the male and female traits apart and leaving me with only the "yang", the male part. The second entity formed with my "yin", the female part (Take-chan), was created in my mindscape and copied all the gene-altering stuff before expelling itself from my body. Then, I broke out of the lab. Kabuto-teme (may he rot in Orochi-teme's stomach for eternity) let me go, thinking I had lost my mind and would rampage, killing everything. I didn't, obviously."

Haru deadpanned for the second time that month. "That's kind of depressing. What about you, Caden?"

"Deadpool birthed me."

"WHAT?"

"Just kidding." Caden looked up from his web page (undoubtedly some kind of porn), and gave a Kakashi-style eye smile. "His wife did."

"Deadpool married?" Haru raised an eyebrow, wondering who would be that insane.

"To Anko. The whole thing lasted about two weeks."

"And then . . .?"

"And that brings us to now."

"Okay... well my backstory is a little bit longer than your guys', and just to let you know, I did get all the parts from Toshiro-kun's point of view by 'borrowing' his memories. So here goes . . ." And she went on . . . "In the year 344BCE, . . . " and on . . ."then, the king of the Aztecs, . . . " and on . . . "Christopher Columbus discovered America, and . . ." and on and on . . . "then, Barack Obama became the forty-fourth President of the United States . . ." Caden and Takeshi were snoring now. "Then, an earthquake hit Japan . . ." The clock struck midnight. "and that brings us to... seventy years in the future. And that's the backstory to my backstory. The actual backstory starts in . . . HEY! ARE YOU TWO IGNORING MY BACKSTORY?"

"Huh? Wha . . . HOLY SHIZ, LOOK AT THE TIME! I HAD A DATE WITH ZEPHYR TODAY! SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME!"

"AND WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? YOU TOTALLY IGNORED THE BACKSTORY TO MY BACKSTORY!"

"LIGHT CLONE JUTSU! TELL IT TO HIM!"

"NO! HE ISN'T YOU!"

"FINE! TAKE-CHAN! GET OUT HERE AND LISTEN TO HARU'S BACKSTORY!"

A green construct appeared next to Takeshi, and Take-chan was pulled out of his body into the world, kicking and screaming, "OH KAMI! NO!"

But Takeshi was already gone, having somehow used his speed affinity, Hengegan-speed, Shunshin, and a Swift style ninjutsu all at once.

Haru seemed at least sated, and began her tale, after binding Take-chan's mouth with several hundred feet of ninja wire.

KAI!

Haru: There you go, my fellow shinigami. The first chapter of Starlight Rising. Please review and stay tuned!