It started with fucking women.

Not….fucking women, because as far as Zoro knew, the dumb love-cook was as pathetically virgin as they came, despite his attempts to make everyone believe otherwise.

And not fucking women, because the only one the idiot was fucking over with his own gross, flirty behavior was himself.

The crew had been back together for a few weeks, and even after the cook had nearly died on Fishman Island thanks to his damn perverted nose spouting blood all over the entire kingdom, it was clear he was hardly getting any better around women.

What the fuck had he even been doing for the past two years? Clearly nothing productive.

Zoro didn't care about the answer though, only that it was an actual problem, because, out of all of them, the blond was already proving to be a goddamn liability.

It was just fucking women anyway, minding their own fucking business, wandering the fucking boardwalk when Sunny pulled into the busy port town, which just so happened to have a stupid oceanfront shopping district where girls liked to hang out on clear display for incoming ships.

It wasn't even a nice shopping district. The buildings of the town were pretty shitty and run down. But it was still like a perfect little dollhouse display for the drooling cook, who'd leaned over the rail, noodling about and waving as if they'd all been waiting for him when, in reality, no one paid him any mind.

He was a tiny man aboard a big-ass ship, an insignificant speck in all the bustle, and even if their crew was pretty damn famous now, the town's close proximity to Sabaody clearly made the locals rather immune and uncaring to the likes of pirates coming and going.

The bastard cook wasn't the only one excited though. Nami and Robin looked pleased as hell for the shopping, even though they'd just picked Pappug's store dry not even a few days ago.

Usopp and Chopper were itching to get their feet on dry land too, Franky eager to restock on cola, and Brook ready to be on an island that wasn't located miles and miles below ground level. Though, technically, he'd claimed he should already be six feet under. Yohoho.

That left Luffy, and that left the fact that, in a twist of fate that was just stupid enough to be typical of the crew's usual adventures, directly across the canal from the female-heavy hoards of shoppers was a restaurant district advertising all kinds of steakhouses and eateries that were perfect for a starving Luffy that hadn't eaten for an hour.

So, as Sunny coasted past that area, affording the crew a good glimpse into the wide tributaries of water that jutted into the town (like a bootleg Water 7, Zoro thought), both Luffy and Sanji were hanging over the rail, drooling over their respective delicacies and being all-around useless.

So useless, in fact, that a particularly delicious-looking faded illustration of meat on a hanging restaurant sign, nearly falling off its hinges no less, had Luffy slinking over the railing farther, reaching out as if he could grab the food right off the sign.

It was no matter that the sign was still a good fifty feet from where the ship was currently sailing into the harbor.

He'd reached out too far, sandaled feet slipping on the wood of the deck (wood Franky and Usopp had just polished after they'd ascended from Fishman Island), and tumbled headfirst off the side of the ship like the clumsy idiot he was.

And no one noticed, the others focused on their own excitement.

Save for Zoro, who'd slumped himself in his usual spot against the mast, indifferent to the buzz around him.

But there was absolutely no reason why a certain dumb blond shouldn't have noticed. He was standing right next to Luffy after all...or rather, hovering there in a cloud of love.

But the cook was too damn preoccupied with the walking tit show he seemed to think was being put on just for him to do anything about it.

And that was the last straw in how damn awful the cook had been since waking the whole world up at the ungodly hour of five in the morning, clomping around in the kitchen, and causing enough racket to reach the crow's nest where Zoro had passed out on the floor a few hours before in the middle of his watch shift.

When the blond didn't immediately react, not even after the telltale splash of water some ten meters below, audible to Zoro even amidst the commotion and chatter aboard the ship, that was it.

He couldn't take the fucking cook's incompetence. He couldn't take his stupid flailing and prancing that left him oblivious to everything important that was happening around him. He just couldn't take his fucking stupidity.

So, without one word, the swordsman got to his feet, heavy boots thudding purposefully across the deck, a deep-set scowl on his face as he glared at the back of the cook's head with disdain.

No one thought anything of it as he nonchalantly sidestepped around Usopp, Chopper, and Franky, who rushed past him towards the bow of the ship, eager to get a better view of the large array of vessels already docked in the harbor ahead.

No one said anything as he passed Nami and Robin, discussing the day's budget with a notebook between them.

Not even Brook made a comment when he nearly danced into the swordsman, violin on his shoulder as the skeleton played an adventurous tune to set the mood for the dingy pirate town.

Zoro had a completely free opening to stalk right up behind Sanji, grab the back of his empty, girl-obsessed head, and tip him right over the edge of the railing with nothing but a surprised yelp, the swordsman hopping up on the rail and jumping overboard after him to rescue Luffy.

Zoro hit the water, surprisingly warm after sitting somewhat stagnant around the docks in the sunlight all morning, and didn't bother to surface, just dove down, the weight of his swords allowing him to sink faster in search of his captain.

He pushed through the water, deeper than he'd expected, hulls of other ships hovering above him like dark clouds, heavy anchors holding them in place, before he found the anchor he was looking for.

Luffy had already touched down on the floor, displacing a floating puff of sand and a few crabs which quickly scuttled away from the mysterious rubber projectile.

The idiot had both hands clamped over his nose and mouth in a clear effort to hold his breath, but it was obvious he wasn't lasting much longer, the seawater no doubt sucking his energy faster than he could handle.

But Zoro was there, just as Luffy let go with a stream of bubbles, grabbing hold of his captain's open shirt and tugging him up against him. His own hand he shoved over Luffy's face to stop him gulping in any water, and the swordsman quickly kicked hard off the seafloor, rocketing the both of them towards the surface.

When he broke it a few seconds later, he hoisted Luffy up on his shoulder, slapped at his cheek until his captain took a weak breath and coughed a little.

Satisfied that Luffy would survive, he then looked around to find a place where he could drag him out of the water.

That is, until he heard the annoying, high-pitched sound of the cook's voice not far away.

One irritated twist of his head was all it took to locate the blond, flopping about in the water and howling for "Nami-swan" as he struggled to swim after Sunny, the ship having continued its swift sail towards the open docks, not waiting for its men overboard.

"Nami-swan, wait for meeee~" the fool was busy calling out, blond hair plastered to his head like a bunch of limp pasta, arms waving about in the water as if Nami could miraculously turn the ship around between two rows of docked ships.

Zoro noticed Nami standing at the stern, leaning over the railing with a hand cupped around her mouth as Sunny kept right on sailing away.

"Sorry, Sanji-kun!" she called back. "Can't stop! You guys meet us back at the docks by three, okay? Here's your shopping money! Don't get it wet!"

She then tossed a small pouch at him, the thing soaring through the air in a graceful arc before the cook dove through the water and managed to catch it before it submerged.

"You can give five beris each to Luffy and Zoro! Bye~" Nami said, giving a thumbs-up before turning on her heel and heading back across the deck as the ship left earshot and floated through the large wooden archway that marked the entrance to the main docking area.

Sanji gave a grand lovestruck wave….until he seemed to remember something, and suddenly, Zoro found himself locking eyes with a terrifying vengeful look that brewed and twisted over the cook's face as soon as he located the swordsman.

But nope. Zoro still had more important things to attend to, namely the limp rag still hanging off his arm, who was currently moaning quietly about being hungry.

Zoro stared back as blankly as he could manage, the cook not even worth his trouble now.

And the second Sanji started darting towards him in the water, Zoro ignored him and dragged Luffy over to a dilapidated little jetty, at which knocked an empty pair of small fishing boats that had seen better days.

He made it there before Sanji, flopped his captain up onto the creaky wood of the dock, and pushed his way up as well, just as a shriek of his name practically split his eardrums.

"Zoro!"

Again, he ignored him, more preoccupied with making sure Luffy was still alive before getting to his feet and surveying where he'd ended up.

"Zoro, you bastard!"

The jetty raggedly worked its way to a shallow strip of sand, on which was built a low wall, the raised walkways and the battered buildings of the town above it.

It looked like they'd arrived close to some empty warehouses, nothing but scattered rope and buckets strewn around, so he took the moment to tilt his head and smack at his raised ear to get some water out casually as the sounds of clumsy splashing got closer.

He turned his blind eye towards the water so he could have the excuse that he didn't see Sanji, even though he was pretty sure he knew what the sight would be - the blond flailing his way up to the jetty with one arm, holding that precious little purse Nami had thrown him high out of the water and looking an utter mess.

"Hey! Dammit, Zoro, don't ignore me!"

Feet squelched uncomfortably in his boots when he took a few experimental steps towards land, and he decided to pull arms out of the sleeves of his robe to free them from the drenched fabric. A vigorous shake of his head got some of the excess water out of his hair as the sound of rattling coins hit the dock behind him.

What should he check out first? He didn't need to find a swordsmith today, having just polished and done a bit of maintenance work a few days ago. Though now he'd probably need to re-wrap his swords' tsuka after jumping into the water with them.

Ugh. Maybe a drink would be good.

"You asshole!"

That was all the warning Zoro got before a very angry designer shoe came flying directly towards his head.

He had just enough time to roll his eyes before swiftly drawing Wado and clashing the blade against the waterlogged sole of that shoe.

Zoro said nothing, just glared hard at the cook before slicing out and down to push the blond back, nearly sending him right back into the water had Sanji not, unfortunately, recovered and caught himself easily.

"What, nothing to say?!" Sanji screeched, carefully stepping around Luffy, who still lay flopped out on the planks like a fish, to lunge at Zoro again. "Why the hell did you knock me in?!"

This finally got him, the swordsman colliding with his attack again and using the close proximity to growl in the blond's face for good measure.

"Why do you think?!" he shouted, genuinely pissed, and for good reason. "Luffy fell in, and you didn't do a damn thing!"

"I didn't see him fall, you dick!" Sanji shrieked right back, twisting an ankle and almost managing to wrench Wado from Zoro's grasp, a smug smirk coming to his face. "That doesn't mean you shove me in and ruin one of my good suits!"

"It does if you were too busy pissing yourself over women to pay attention to your captain!" Zoro justified, rotating his arm with Sanji's attempted move in order to keep a tight hold on his katana's hilt. "And who the fuck cares if your stupid suit gets ruined!"

"I do!" Sanji replied, missing Zoro's point entirely. "It's worth more than your whole existence!"

"Oh, so a hundred twenty million? More than you too, last I heard!"

"That's not even-!"

Just then, wet sandals slapping on the wood, and a hand casually pushed through Sanji's outstretched leg like a door, Luffy striding between the two, coin purse open in his hand as he rifled fingers through the wad of bills also inside.

"Hey, Sanji, I'm gonna go find a meat place, kay? See ya~"

And Luffy waved cheerfully, still dripping water in places, but otherwise looking back to his normal self, wandering off down the dock towards the street.

Zoro and Sanji blinked after him for a long moment, neither reacting, until Sanji finally flailed arms and hands and made a series of unintelligible noises in his haste to stop the straw-hatted fool.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa - Luffy! Stop!"

He managed to snatch the purse from Luffy's hand before he could get too far, Zoro forced to slide Wado back into its sheath, grumbling about an unfinished fight.

"Not so fast! Nami-san said you get five beris! Five!"

The blond held up five fingers in Luffy's face like he was talking to a dumb kid. Then he rummaged inside the purse and doled out five coins into his captain's palm.

"I need the rest for - ah, ah! Don't give me that face!"

He pointed a finger at Luffy's pout.

"But Sanjiiii-!"

"Stop it," Sanji insisted, giving Luffy a little kick to the shin. "I need the rest for food shopping, so unless you never wanna eat meat again, then I suggest-"

"Okay! I can deal with five!" Luffy instantly agreed, a broad grin returning to his face. "But you gotta buy a lot! Zoro, go with him! Make sure he buys enough to feed a whole island!"

"What! Luffy!" Zoro yelped. "I don't wanna-!"

"Later!"

It was too late. The hyperactive teen was already bouncing off again, stretching an arm out to grab the top of a nearby building, taking a few shingles off the roof before he found a more secure grip and rocketed himself up to recklessly parkour away.

Again, Zoro and Sanji could do nothing but stare after him for a few beats, both with identical scowls on their faces.

But it didn't last long this time before Sanji shook his head, combed fingers through his wet hair, and huffed out a breath before striding off down the dock himself, taking the money with him.

That left a wet mossball stranded alone and penniless, something Zoro came to remember a few seconds later as he watched the blond tap shoes along the ground as he walked, bitching under his breath about fuck knew what.

"Hey!" he finally called out, hurrying to catch up with Sanji. "Where's my five beris, you greedy shit!"

Nevermind that five beris couldn't buy him fuck all. It was the principle of the thing.

Sanji gave a loud groan and the most dramatic eyeroll he could muster as soon as he heard those heavy bootsteps coming after him, stealthy as a mammoth.

"You don't get 'em!" Sanji growled, turning a corner to head down an alley that seemed to lead towards a busier street a bit more inland. "You knocked me in the damn water, so your punishment is you stay broke!"

"I told you - you fucking ignored Luffy!" Zoro hissed back, coming up beside the cook and stretching across to try and wrestle the purse from his stupid precious hands.

Sanji held it out of reach though, so Zoro scowled and shouldered him hard into the side of a building in the narrow alley, eliciting a string of curses from the blond.

"This isn't a fucking joke, stupid cook!" the swordsman continued, pushing back against Sanji when he tried to do the same to him as they neared the mouth of the alley. "This is the New World now! And you may have had your fun little flounce with the mermaids or whatever. But this is serious! You leave yourself vulnerable - you don't use your damn brain - and that's it! This isn't some game!"

"Oh, spare me the speeches, Zoro. You're one to talk about brains," Sanji muttered, abandoning the shoving fest in favor of scanning the busier street they'd come upon for some market stalls. "You think I don't know all that? You can't act so high and mighty like you're the only one who did any work these past two years."

He trailed off then, turning abruptly to the right and striding off, away from the dirty-looking pubs in the opposite direction. Maybe if he headed towards the square, he'd have hope for some actual fresh goods to peruse.

Sanji fully expected to lose Zoro easily, either to the distraction of said pubs, or simply to the mysterious riptide that always seemed to carry him away through the crowds. He'd seen already, after all, that two years of training had done nothing to cure the marimo of his directional challenges. And frankly, he had no interest in toting him around for the day, even if Luffy had ordered it.

So it came as a rather unpleasant surprise that he had a green shadow stalking after him without so much as a moment's hesitation.

Of course, he discovered this by the fucking irritating baritone in his ear.

"Gimme my money, cook," Zoro grumbled, and Sanji really didn't know why the idiot was so keen on five beris.

"And what are you gonna buy with five beris, huh? A cup of air? Honestly, give it up and leave me alone," he shot back, speeding up a little and starting to feel entirely self-conscious about how fucking wet he was when more people started to appear in the streets the closer he got to what looked like a busy square up ahead.

To make matters worse, his cigarettes were probably unusable now too.

The last thing Sanji had wanted was to end up doing his shopping with a marimo tagging along again. It had been bad enough on Sabaody with Zoro lumbering next to him the whole time, complaining about wanting to go fishing of all things. Since when did Zoro like fishing anyway?

He'd had a moment, admittedly, where he wondered if the marimo would be different after two years. More tolerable and mature. Sanji certainly knew he himself was.

But no. Zoro had been the same exact Zoro, albeit beefier and missing half his vision, and while maybe there was something a tiny bit comforting about that-

No, it wasn't comforting. Just familiar. And the cook supposed that's what had made him feel so relieved upon seeing him bob up with that damn ship he'd sliced in half, beneath his exasperation.

Two years of wondering if Zoro was even still alive did that to him, it seemed...

None of that mattered though because the dumb marimo was still trailing him, nothing but a walking slab of meat anyway, so there was no use getting himself worked into a frenzy over the fool.

A hand through his damp hair, giving it a bit of a shake, and he straightened his sopping tie as they neared the first stall upon coming up on the market.

The town was still rather dismal in terms of its color palette, nothing but dark neutrals, and compared to the places they'd recently been, the people were rather plainly dressed, almost like they'd stepped back some years into the past. It was rather odd, considering the place was clearly a busy port and seemed to have a good seafood business going for it.

But Sanji supposed maybe it would only make Zoro fit in better with that ridiculous drab bathrobe he insisted on wearing now. He didn't know where the swordsman had been sent for the past two years, but clearly it hadn't done a thing for his fashion sense. The blond never thought he'd prefer the mosshead's shitty T-shirts of yesteryear.

The cook pushed Zoro's incapacity for dressing himself far from his mind, instead focusing on the stands of fish they'd come across, perusing the hanging specimens, and the ones laid out over ice in front.

Zoro watched as the weirdo leaned in so fucking close to inspect them. All he fucking had to do was give 'em a damn poke and pick one. He didn't have to freaking make out with the tuna to know if it was gonna taste good.

A snort to himself as the swordsman actually pictured that in his mind, something that had Sanji grumbling, "The hell're you laughing at?" over his shoulder absently.

He didn't wait for an answer though before getting into a conversation with the stall keeper about the fish's origins.

Zoro yawned loudly, tuning him out and sticking a finger in his ear for a bit of impromptu cleaning as he looked around the square himself.

Typical townspeople milling about, typical stuff for sale. It sure was an ugly place. It was all stuff they'd seen before though. After the wonders of Fishman Island and even Sabaody, this town seemed downright boring, and Zoro couldn't see any of the crew wanting to stick around long. He sure hoped the Log Pose wouldn't take long to set.

He popped his pinky out of his ear again, examined it briefly, then flicked some earwax in Sanji's direction before letting out a long sigh, hoping to annoy the cook.

He certainly didn't need to stick around, and he wouldn't have had Sanji just given him the money Nami had said was for him.

He wasn't a complete idiot. He knew five beris wasn't gonna get him anything. But if he dropped the issue now, it would be the same as giving up, and he'd have nothing to complain to Nami about later.

Because he knew that even a five beri change in the budget would certainly cause a ripple effect through her careful planning, and that was something that definitely hadn't changed.

If anything, she'd gotten far worse about it, and he knew the love-cook wasn't above her wrath.

So he meandered along, a few paces behind Sanji as he bought all kinds of meats, fruits, and vegetables that began to accumulate in an ever-growing bundle of shopping bags under his arm.

Until, that is, after buying a particularly large slab of beef, he finally deemed it time to make use of the pack mule clomping along behind him.

"Carry this," Sanji ordered, turning around abruptly and passing the load of purchase into the previously ignored Zoro's arms, much to his chagrin.

"Oi!" he screeched, stumbling back a few steps in his surprise before trying to shove everything back into Sanji's grasp. "This is your shit! Carry it yourself!"

"It's not shit! That is your sustenance for the next leg of the journey, so you'd better fucking worship it because without it, you'd be dead!" Sanji shot back, hardly seeming put out by Zoro's protests.

In fact, he hardly even seemed to be paying attention as his gaze wandered down the street where a line of peculiar-looking shops lay in wait. Maybe he'd be able to find some good spices….

"Be a good ass and carry that stuff, and maybe I'll reward you with five beris! How 'bout that!" Sanji added, feigning a look of wide-eyed shock at the swordsman before shoving hands in his pockets and strolling off down the cobblestones.

"Fuck off!" Zoro squawked back at him, but, now saddled with fucking cargo, there was nothing he could do but obediently teeter after the cook as he headed towards a small shop with a weathered sign that was illustrated with a small glass bottle full of some substance.

Great. Sanji was probably dragging him into some poison shop to try and get rid of him once and for all.

Well, that wasn't fucking going to happen, and Zoro nearly decided to gouge out his good eye when the cook gave a cutesy little wave of fingers to a pair of women across the street who hadn't even looked their way. What the fuck was wrong with him?

Into the shop he went, opening the paint-chipped door, sounding a rather obnoxious clanging bell as he strode into the interior.

Zoro had to catch the door with his foot when the cook nearly slammed it in his face, but he managed to shoulder his way in with the shopping bags.

It was a tight fucking fit though, considering how small the place was, and how fragile everything seemed to look.

Inside, it was dark, and it smelled weird. Like incense or….something weird. Old people? Zoro didn't know. And he hated how everything was painted an ancient-looking dark green, like the place was encrusted in mold and hadn't seen sunlight on the dank side street for fucking years.

The shelves of the tiny space were filled with bottles. Big ones, small ones, some clear, some not, all of them looking completely inedible. And the paper labeling them wasn't much help, each looking more leathery and yellowed than the next.

"The hell are we doing in here, cook?" Zoro hissed, cringing a bit as Sanji approached a shelf, uncapped a particularly disgusting bottle and gave it a fearless sniff.

"Shut up. Thought they might have spices," he replied, replacing the bottle and pulling out another. "You could've waited outside."

Zoro just growled, glaring with irritation at his surroundings and hoisting up the shopping bags a bit.

He glanced behind him at the dirty windows that looked out onto the street, debating dropping the bags and indeed heading out alone.

And he probably would've done just that had Sanji not suddenly made one of his gross crooning noises and did a little noodly wiggle as he eagerly reached for one bottle in particular.

"Ooooh, what's this~?" he chirped, to seemingly no one but himself. "A love potion~?"

Sure enough, in his hands he cradled a dusty heart-shaped bottle filled with a strange pink liquid that sure looked the part. But who the hell knew what kind of shit it really held.

"Oh, come on, cook. Even you can't be dumb enough to-"

"And here, fair Nami-san~ I present to you the elixir of everlasting love~" Sanji swooned, offering the bottle out towards the empty space in front of him where no doubt stood a hallucination of the navigator. "Let us both drink and reap the benefits of a perfect, eternal marri-"

"Put it the fuck away, idiot!" Zoro shrieked, nearly knocking it from Sanji's hand before he thought otherwise. What if the thing exploded and it turned on them of all things?

Holy fuck.

The swordsman shuddered, memories assaulting him, almost more traumatizing than any of his brushes with death.

Waking up to Sanji's lips an inch from his face after barely knowing him a month...

Getting hit by Foxy's beam and enduring thirty tortuous seconds of the cook floating ever closer to his gaping mouth….

Once again. Holy fuck.

"Like I have to listen to you, marimo," Sanji bitched in return, snatching the bottle out of his reach and holding it protectively to his chest. "You wouldn't know romance if it jumped you in a fucking alleyway and-"

The cook stopped short, face scrunching up in disgust.

"Shit. No. Not even going to imagine that-"

"Put it fucking back, you stupid Question!" Zoro insisted. "I told you before, none of us have fucking time for your stupid perverted shit! And like hell Nami would even fall for such a dumb thing anywa-!"

"Oh, that is it, asshole!" the blond spit right back, quickly striding down the short, cramped aisle towards him. "You have no business even pretending like you know what Nami-san would-!"

"A-Ah - gentlemen? Is everything alright?"

The feeble voice of a short old man piped up, the shopkeeper probably, wringing gnarled hands nervously where he'd appeared at the end of the aisle.

But neither Sanji nor Zoro paid him any mind as the swordsman was forced to drop the food bags on the ground so he could properly get up in Sanji's face with his own ferocious snarl in return.

"Just fucking get lost already, cook!" Zoro hissed. "Gimme my money, take yer damn groceries, and go check your fried ero-brain into a freaking crazy hou-"

"You wanna go right here?!" Sanji shouted back, interrupting him yet again. Nevermind that there was hardly room enough for them both to stand in the musty aisle, let alone fight. "Wanna finish what we started before? 'Cause I still owe you an ass-kicking after you threw me in the shitty ocean!"

"Fine, let's do it!" Zoro gritted out, and, his earlier caution about the bottle in Sanji's hand completely gone from his mind, he started things off by lashing out with an elbow, roughly connecting with Sanji's chest and sending him stumbling back towards the poor old man, realization of the impending disaster to follow reaching his face before either Zoro or Sanji's.

Despite practically inviting Zoro to attack him, Zoro managed to catch Sanji off-guard, and, in his haste to regain his balance, he reached out to grab the nearest shelf…..with the hand that held the heart-shaped bottle.

Down it went, slipping from his grasp, and the shelf that he pulled on tilted, threatening to drop and spill every other bottle along with it.

The cook let go of the shelf, realizing his mistake a second too late, sending the entire floor-to-ceiling case rocking precariously before a single forgotten bottle tipped and rolled off the very top, not even nestled with the others for sale.

Sanji fell straight on his ass.

Those two bottles fell.

A shattering sound.

Zoro's screech.

"You fucking idio-!"

But it cut off.

Because in between him and Zoro, a mini-eruption occurred. A plume of white smoke suddenly bursting there from amongst shattered glass, quickly growing and overtaking the entire aisle, forcing Sanji to cover his eyes with his arm and shield his face, not knowing what the hell it was.

He stayed there on the ground, hearing absolute silence, but becoming acutely aware of his own heartbeat, how it began to thunder in his chest at the thought of what had just occurred.

A few shuddery breaths left him, and a peek from behind his arm showed that strange smoke had dissipated, leaving him sitting there unharmed, broken glass surrounding him.

Blue eyes traveled, almost fearfully, along the floor, over scratched floorboards and those tiny crystalline shards, past the discarded shopping bags…..to the unscathed heart-shaped bottle that had rolled up against them, completely undamaged and intact, even after the fall.

Sanji inhaled sharply, sitting up straighter, realizing that it was indeed a different bottle that was broken around him, and his relief was so palpable that, despite their argument of mere seconds before, his first reaction was to look up at Zoro to share what would no doubt be equal relief from the marimo.

They would not be falling in love with each other against their will. His entire sexuality, which meant so much to him, would not be undermined or tossed aside by one stupid slip-up.

No. Nothing would change because-

Zoro was gone.

He wasn't there. There was simply….empty space where he'd been standing.

"What the-?"

The cook whipped around, looking behind him, but only found the old man, his hands fisted in wiry white hair as he flitted off, muttering about finding a broom.

"Marimo?" he tried, only to be met with that same utter silence. "Oi! Zoro! What the fuck!"

Had he run off? Left Sanji alone to deal with this shit? It was all too possible that he'd pulled a disappearing act, given the fact that Sanji had closed his eyes.

Fuck that bastard! And he'd left the shopping bags too!

But in reality, unbeknownst to the cook, Zoro had done no such thing.

Zoro still stood there in the same place he had been before as the smoke cleared, staring down at the broken glass on the floor, brow knit in confusion at the empty spot where he knew Sanji had fallen. He'd seen him go down, heard his ass hit the fucking floorboards. It was a wonder he hadn't crashed right through.

But there was no sign of him. None. And when he grumbled out, "Hey, Cook," he received no response.

Just silence and blank space.

How could he have crawled away so damn fast? Was he suddenly (unsurprisingly) part cockroach?

And yet, Sanji, entirely human, hadn't moved from his spot on the ground just feet from where Zoro also stood, despite his desire to chase after the irresponsible mossy shithead.

Because as he'd gone to do just that, his hand had pressed on a larger piece of glass from the mysterious broken bottle, a piece with the label still intact.

He lifted it tentatively, breath catching in his throat.

'Invisible potion for your enemies,' it read, in scrawling, faded penmanship. 'No known cure.'

Sanji's eyes widened, his head shooting up to where Zoro had stood mere moments ago, feeling his heart give another flutter in his chest for entirely different reasons now, just as the old man came hobbling back with a broom that was taller than him, and a dustpan.

"Alright, you troublemakers," he scolded in a raspy voice, as if he wasn't only talking to Sanji alone. "Yer helpin' me clean this mess, and yer payin' for what you broke. Don't wanna hear any fuss about it. Not from neither o' you."

But he wasn't insane, because both of said troublemakers were still right there in the aisle, perfectly visible to him, staring back with matching expressions of shock.

A few beats, minds racing loudly. Until...

"Shit," both of them swore at the same time.

Though neither heard the other over that empty silence.

Author's Note: Hehehe. Summary ain't wrong.