Conscience
A/N: Something I really love doing is writing out symbolic "nightmares" of sorts that visualize a character's inner turmoils and fears. Here's one for Ender. The parentheses at the end are supposed to be the chevrons around the Hive Queen's words, but I can't figure out how to make them not disappear. If anyone can help me with this, It'd be greatly appreciated. Also, the "I'm sorry" speech is adapted from Peter's dialogue from the end of Chapter 2 of Ender's Game.
There was darkness, but not empty darkness. It was the kind of darkness that was stifling with presence that pressed up invisibly against your skin and poisoned your lungs with the very knowledge of it's existence while your eyes stared wide open, searching into the blackness for the something you know, you feel is there, but just can't see. Searching… Feeling…
Feeling a million things at once. Some initial, fleeting relief on the surface, it's over, it's over, it's over. Numbness, apathy, fatigue, then overwhelming shock, dread, horror. Guilt and self-hatred and despair. Hopelessness. Piercing regret like a literal wound.
In the midst of the darkness, blue eyes, shining dully, yet like a beacon in the dark, opened. Eyes that were young by nature, but spoke of ages of trials and suffering. Weary, youthful eyes swimming with tears. The person they belonged to, now just barely visible in the blackness, stood, the stature of a boy not over fourteen. His entire body was dripping, stained with a deep color. Strange blood, alien blood, coating his entire frame. He held his palms out, asking for mercy where he felt he deserved none, deserved far less. The horror, self-loathing, guilt, and regret raged inside his soul. His tears ran down his cheeks, wiping away the blood to reveal the pristine whiteness of his skin in two thin tracts. His lips parted, speaking mute words but knowing his heart was relayed to the one whom he wanted to listen most.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I'm sorry, I understand now, I love you.
Can you forgive me?
(We already have.)