Beyond the Pale Contest
Title: The Boy who Came Between Us
Pen Name: Kimmydonn
Characters: Alice/Jasper/Edward
Disclaimer: boys kissing boys, cutting, suicide. If your squimish detector just went off, this probably is the wrong place to be. Characters are Stephenie Meyers'. The Nutcracker is Tchaikovsky's. The heartbreak, you can blame me for that. Thanks to RuthPerk and Kwats for her beta job.
Image that Inspired You: Seventeen. Then Eleven and Twelve rounded out the story. Pictures at: beyondthepalecontest. blogspot. com/
To see other entries in the Beyond the Pale Contest, please visit the C2 page:
www. fanfiction. net/community/Beyond_the_Pale_Contest_Entries/83159/
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I could usually tell when something was coming. I'd get this feeling in the back of my throat and would catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. It was never specific, just a sixth sense. How did I not see this coming?
I screamed, plunging my hands into the red liquid, praying for heat and a pulse.
I found neither; the blood was cold, congealing. I gripped the toilet seat, vomiting violently. I glared at the object on the tiled floor - the same I'd seen weeks ago. This one was as clean as that, dropped, unused. [Photo 11]
"What's this?" I held the razor blade tightly between my thumb and forefinger.
"I do have whiskers."
"Bullshit, Edward. You have safety disposables. I've seen you shave. What the hell is this?" I shouted, throwing the offensive blade in the toilet. "Let me see." I grabbed his shirt, pulling the front from his pants.
"Alice! Fuck off!" he complained, throwing his arms up and blocking me.
"Fuck you, Edward." I coiled my fingers in the fabric, yanking. I almost cried when I lifted it away, white lines tracing up his ribs. There must have been a dozen, on just the one side. Shocked, I dropped his shirt and covered my mouth.
My shock was soon replaced with anger, especially when he started running his hands through that unruly mop he called "hair," like he had when his Mom caught us in her strawberry patch. This was much worse. Didn't he realize?
I started beating on him with my tiny fists. I was smaller than Edward, not even five feet to his six, but I punched at him for all I was worth.
"How could you? Why? Why didn't you tell me? I'm supposed to be your friend."
He snaked those long arms of his around me, clutching me to his chest. "I'm sorry, Alice."
"Why?" I whispered. "I thought... it was better."
This wasn't the first time I'd caught Edward cutting himself. When he realized he was gay and couldn't bear to tell his father, he had opened two cuts on his thigh. I had caught it early that time and finally convinced him, with his Mom's help, that he could tell his father anything. Their relationship had suffered, but overall, he was better. I had no idea what was causing it now.
"You know you can tell me, right? Anything." He'd been hesitant to tell me last time, even though I was already suspicious. The way he looked at girls wasn't the same as other guys. It had been tough to get him to talk then; it should be easier now. "I love you too much to let you do this to yourself."
"I know, Alice. I couldn't tell you. I... I think I'm in love."
I thought I understood. "And he's not," I replied.
Edward shook a little, sobbing. "Worse."
"He has a girlfriend?" I guessed.
Edward nodded against my shoulder.
"You know high school's not forever. He might change. You might-"
"Jasper," he whispered. He had been leaning on me heavily before, and I almost fell under his weight when he dropped that on me.
Jasper wasn't a common name. He couldn't be referring to someone else.
"My Jasper?" I asked.
"Now you see-"
"No!" I shouted, pushing him back. The hurt on his face tore at my heart, but I couldn't stop. "No, Edward." He turned away. "That's just more reason for you to have told me at the beginning."
He turned back to me, brow creased. "What?"
"Who would understand better? He's Jasper. He's wonderful. The way his eyebrow twitches when he's nervous," I said, grinning like an idiot.
"The way his hair looks curling under his baseball ball helmet," Edward added, a dreamy look in his eye.
"His eyes, when he tells you he'll take care of it." My eyes would be just as dreamy as Edward's.
"His voice, when he says goodbye," Edward said with a sigh.
"His hands," I murmured, thinking about the way he held me.
"I'm so jealous of you, Alice," he whispered, voice thick with tears.
"You have to tell him," I realized aloud.
"No, Alice. You-"
"No, Edward!" I interrupted him again. "You have to. What if he's never thought about it? What if he decides he would rather be with you after all? Wouldn't I want him to know now, not ten years from now? That assumes I would still be with him ten years from now," I rattled on in my nervousness. I didn't really want it to be true. "I mean, he might decide I'm not his type. That his type is tall and skinny with ratty hair."
"My hair is not ratty," he whined.
I chuckled; that always got his back up. "You are going to tell him." I closed my eyes and stood on my toes. "I have seen it," I intoned. I had declared such things in the past. That he would play flawlessly at his piano recital, that I would be the cutest Sugar Plum Fairy in existence, that we would both ace our SATs. I had been wrong, but very rarely.
"Fine. You won't leave me be until I do."
"You're right, I won't. Now, have you got more than those on your ribs? I want to see all of them. What have you done to yourself?" I started lifting his shirt again, and he didn't fight me this time.
I stumbled out of the Cullen house, sitting on their step. What had he done to himself? Why? I knew it hadn't all gone smoothly, but this? I didn't see this. I walked a few steps into the sleepy lane and sunk to my knees, my bloody hands held out in front of me. [Photo 17]
How could he do this? How could he do this to me? How could he leave me? Hadn't I always been there for him? In every way I could?
"Alice?" I lifted my head enough to see him. Jasper.
"Jasper, what do you think of Edward?" I asked, as he walked me home after school.
"He's cool. He's so pale, though. Does he ever go outside?" Jasper asked with a smile. "He's a nice enough guy. Aloof. That's probably why you're his only friend."
I frowned. This wasn't the way I wanted this to go, but I thought I could make it work. "Yeah, I am one of his only friends. So I was wondering if you'd mind if he tagged along on one of our dates?"
He smiled at me; his blue eyes making my knees shake. What had I done to snag Jasper Whitlock? He said it was my inner beauty. That was a load of crap. I thought it was just because I was strange enough to be interesting. He wasn't just the object of mine and Edward's desires, though. Half the girls in the school were plotting to steal him from me. He'd have no lack of offers after finished frightening him off by helping Edward.
Still, I was right before. We needed to know; he needed to know. It was only fair. The school knew Edward was gay. He'd had little trouble for it, considering, which was how I knew Edward's cutting wasn't the result of bullying. No, it was the result of watching his best friend steal the heart of the guy he was in love with. Damn, if Edward was a girl, I'd feel just as bad. That was hell on a friendship. Of course, what I was suggesting was relationship suicide. Oh well, here I went.
"You don't mind?" I verified.
"No, like I said, Edward's cool. If he doesn't mind being the third wheel, why should I?"
I bit my lip. I couldn't do this for Edward. I could only give him the opportunity. "How about the movie on Friday? You wanted to see Crush? I know Edward was interested in catching it, too."
"Great idea. We'll still take my car?"
"Yeah, I can give you directions to his place."
"Perfect. I can't wait, Power Puff."
I rolled my eyes. He knew how little I appreciated his little nickname. I was not a Power Puff Girl. The sneer disappeared when he pulled me onto my house step, raising my height by six inches. From here, he could tuck his chin and kiss me, which he proceeded to do.
It wasn't our first kiss, but they were getting better and better. This time his tongue was quick to find my lips and mine led him. I ran my fingers into his blond curls, just along the nape of his neck, so soft. His hands were on my butt, lifting me even higher, closer to him. I was crushed to his chest and it felt wonderful. My breasts had never grown large, but both of us could feel them.
"Alice," he murmured. "I... I should go." His breathing was ragged.
I nodded and tried to catch my breath. "Yes, you should go. Around back. My Dad will get the shotgun if he sees us here," I joked, jumping down and tugging his hand behind me.
On Friday, I stood on my doorstep wearing a sequined top and skinny jeans. I knew I looked good; I wasn't going to just step aside and let Edward walk away with my man. I wanted him to have full knowledge of what he was trading away.
"God, girl. You sure you trust me with that?" Jasper slapped my ass.
I giggled. "Think you can handle it?" I asked, twirling my hips and humming a Hindi tune. My dance classes had covered everything, including Belly.
He groaned. "No, not sure at all."
I laughed again as I dropped my hands. He opened the door for me. "Head south," I told him, directing him to Edward's house.
Edward hadn't skimped on his appearance either. I felt my stomach drop a little. If Jasper's tastes went to boys at all, he would be tempted. Edward's pants were as fitted as mine and dark. They accentuated his pale complexion. His hair was sculpted into disarray. I'd watched him do that once and tried to repeat it on my short bob, but it never worked. The light hit it, bringing out the bronze highlights he'd inherited from his mother. The green of his eyes was made more vivid by the long-sleeved green shirt he wore over a royal blue tee. The tee was fitted too, showing off the chest he'd been working on developing. Edward had never been an athlete, but he'd begun lifting to try to improve his physique. It was working.
"Hello, Jasper. Thanks for inviting me along," he said with a lop-sided smile.
"Anytime, man. You're welcome with us." Jasper took his hand and pulled him into a hug. I saw Edward's eyes soften before they closed. It was more than he could have asked for. I bit my lip. I had seen something before. Vague as always, I wondered if this was it, Edward and Jasper, me left in the cold. There were worse things. Especially if Edward was happy.
"Let's go, we'll miss the previews." Jasper patted Edward on the back, heading for the car. Edward sat directly behind me, and I smiled at him while Jasper rounded the car.
"Wow," Edward mouthed at me.
"I know," I mouthed back.
The movie was a bore. Edward had wanted to see it for the soundtrack, which I had to agree, did not suck. Sadly, it could not save the movie. I wanted to crush it under my high heeled shoe.
"Bail?" Jasper asked about an hour in.
I looked at Edward on the other side of him. "Bail?" I asked.
"Bail," he agreed with a nod. We quietly slid out of our seats and walked out of the cinema.
"So, what now?" Jasper asked, still walking between us. "What do you two usually do?"
"Uh..." We usually sat around and talked about clothes, or music. "Why don't we go to Edward's? Have you ever heard him play piano?" I asked, smiling at Edward.
"No? You play?" Jasper asked.
"Not as well as she dances," Edward replied. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Nutcracker," we said together.
We latched onto Jasper, each with one hand on an arm and nearly dragged him to the car, chatting enthusiastically about movements and dances.
By the time Jasper had parked, we'd settled on The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy. I was still considering Waltz of the Snowflakes, because the choreography I knew was much more challenging. Edward reminded me that I was the quintessential Sugar Plum Fairy and that it was the solo, as I would be dancing alone.
"I haven't seen you do it since you were ten. You're much more beautiful now. The lines..." he sighed as he unlocked the door to his house. "Please?" His voice echoed in the dark house.
"Where are Carlisle and Esme?" I asked, flipping a switch.
"Date night." He wrinkled his nose. I thought it was sweet.
"Your parents have a date night?" Jasper asked, shrugging out of his coat. "That's good. My parent split over things like that."
I started pushing furniture aside. Jasper and Edward grabbed opposite ends of the couch.
"Okay, Edward. Run up and get your smallest shorts," I ordered.
"What?" he asked.
"I can't dance in these." I lifted my leg to demonstrate. The pants I wore were far too tight.
"I don't have anything that'll fit you, Ali," he admitted.
I sighed. "Well, this shirt is long enough, I suppose. Just don't laugh at my granny panties," I threatened them. Edward laughed and crossed his heart.
"Sexy," Jasper teased.
I stuck my tongue out and started unzipping my pants. Jasper was silent and slowly turning red.
"You... you're serious?"
I rolled my eyes. "I have bared my legs a lot, Jasper. And trust me, these undies? I might as well be wearing bloomers. I hope you weren't planning to try to get in my pants tonight, because you would have been disappointed." I smirked. Then I remembered Edward and cut the innuendo. "Edward? Are you ready?"
I turned to see he had pulled off the long-sleeved shirt and was wearing just the tee now. He sat on the bench at the piano. "When you are." He ran through a glissando, warming his fingers.
"Play the Pas de Deux. I need to stretch."
Jasper's eyes widened as the music erupted. It was the same moment I pulled my leg to my head, balancing as I stretched my hamstring and glute, so his surprise might have been for me.
Although I was no longer in regular classes – I hadn't made the cut for the JKO School and the American Ballet Theatre – I was still in practice and stood ready, poised at the end of the Pas.
"You have it memorized?" Jasper asked, amazed, leaning on the piano while I stretched. Edward's eyes lit up.
"No, but I can play a lot by ear, and I have most of it in tactile memory." He flexed one hand before warning Jasper. "As nice as it is to watch me play, you're going to want to see this." Edward nodded to me, setting his fingers to the keys.
I nodded once and he began.
It had been years since I'd danced this solo, and I felt my core ache, my groin stretch and my arms burn. I hadn't kept in practice as well as I'd thought. Still, my smile was brilliant through the small pains; they all felt right. My body was an object of art, and it was responding perfectly, even if it complained about it.
Jasper applauded as I struck my final pose. "Wow," he murmured.
I twirled once and collapsed on my back on the bench, arching over Edward's lap. It was not comfortable, but it was resting.
He chuckled at me. "Tired?"
"And hot," I panted, pulling out my scoop neck a couple times before sitting up enough to pull the whole thing off. The cool air was an instant relief. Edward slid and turned, straddling the end of the bench, so I was able to lay flat.
"Alice?" Jasper asked, bending over me.
"What? Never seen a bikini? Or lingerie ads? I'm hot! Let's see you do that," I whined.
"It was great, Ali. You're better than ever, even out of practice," Edward assured me. He leaned over my face and gave me a brotherly peck on the lips, smiling as he backed away. "You want to keep your flexibility, after all."
I stuck my tongue out at him. [Photo 12]
"Did you... just kiss her?" Jasper asked. He was still leaning over me, his hands on either side of my hips.
I chuckled, and Edward did the same. "Yes. Surprised it wasn't you?" Edward asked with that sexy lop-sided smirk of his.
"Tell him," I sang.
"Not now," he sang back.
"Tell me what?"
I reached my arm around and pinched Edward's side. He jumped, and his nose bumped Jasper's over my chest.
"This." He leaned the quarter inch needed to meet Jasper's lips.
I heard Jasper's gasp, although I couldn't see his face. When Edward backed away, Jasper's eyes quickly found mine.
"You knew? Is this why you...?"
"Partly," I admitted. "Edward needed to tell you. You needed to know. We both needed to know. Now, all the cards are on the table." And I just lost the best boyfriend any girl could ask for.
Jasper leaned down and kissed me. "Hmmm," he hummed. Then he lifted his face and touched his lips to Edward's. I was able to see Edward's eyes bulge.
"Nope, not sure," Jasper teased, kissing me again. I poked him in the belly. He huffed and laughed. "Well, what did you want me to tell you? How dare you? Or, oh sorry, Alice, it only took one kiss, but I'm sure I'm into guys. You know, Edward, I haven't even considered it, but no, absolutely not." He paused, letting the sarcasm settle on us. "Honestly, what did you two expect?"
I looked up at Edward; his mouth was still catching flies. "We had no idea. All of those," I answered for both of us,
"Well, I'm not going to say that Edward has me hot and bothered, but well, I hadn't really considered it." He looked back to Edward now, smiling. "Sorry if I pulled your chain a little there. But you both deserved it."
I poked him again.
"Watch it, Power Puff."
"I am not a Power Puff Girl!" I punched him this time.
"Hey! Batting arm! Watch it! I don't know: power - yes, girl - yes, puffy? Yeah, okay, maybe not."
Edward laughed this time, and I reached back to pinch him again. This led to both of them tickling me.
"No," I screamed as I squirmed. "I'm going to fall-" and I was cut off as I did so. I rolled right off the bench onto the floor.
"Grab the arms," Jasper told Edward.
I balled up, but not quick enough. They were tossing me onto the couch shoved against the wall. I bounced on the cushions with a thump.
"Jeez, Ali. Clothes?" Edward asked.
"Oh, shut up and give me my shirt," I complained.
"No," Jasper argued. "I like it better this way." He jumped onto the couch beside me and pulled me into his lap. "I've only gotten your shirt off once." I stopped squirming as his head nestled between my breasts.
I saw Edward's face fall. I frowned, unable to say anything to make this better.
Jasper finished his foray into the land of milk and honeybee-cups, lifting his head and tossing his hair. "You really aren't into these?" Jasper asked, pointing at my chest. I covered it with my arms, suddenly self-conscious.
"Really, no," Edward answered. "When did you get breasts, Alice?"
So much for guarding my virtue. I leaned out to punch Edward.
Jasper laughed and lifted my legs, sliding out from under them. "Where's your can?" he asked Edward, who pointed it out to him.
"What...?" Edward asked, lifting my legs and taking Jasper's place.
I shook me head. "I have no idea. He needs more time. It makes sense, you know. He doesn't like me for looks. God, he could have any of the cheerleaders. He likes... something inside my cracked head."
Edward chuckled. "It's not your head, Alice. It's this." He poked me in the chest.
"Well, he can get better sized pairs of those as well," I reminded him.
"No. Your heart, dumbass."
"Well, he could like that in you, too, right? I mean, the inside is more important than outside?"
"You think so?" Edward wondered.
I shrugged. "Anything's possible."
"Would that mean I'm bi?" Jasper asked, smirking at us. The toilet hadn't flushed. I hadn't heard the water run.
"Jasper, ewww. Wash your hands!"
He laughed loudly. "I didn't go to the bathroom, Power Puff. I just wondered what you two talked about when I wasn't here."
"Then you deserve what you get." I kicked at him.
He caught my foot in his hand and ran a finger up the sole. I squirmed, trying to wriggle my foot free, but he had my ankle locked. He let go and dropped next to Edward, his arm on the back of the couch.
"You two are too much." He shook his head. "I should be pissed, but instead I'm amused. You really thought I might be into guys?" Jasper asked me.
I shrugged. "Edward didn't know right away."
"You really wanted your best friend's boyfriend?" he asked Edward now. "Isn't that... kinda bad for friendships generally?"
Edward put his hands in his hair, pulling.
"No, Edward." This was how it started, small pain escalated to more pain. I grabbed one of his wrists, trying to stop him.
Jasper noticed my action and put a hand to the other wrist. Both fists opened as Edward turned to look at Jasper. Jasper ran his fingers through Edward's dark locks.
"So that's why it looks like that. I wondered how you did it." He played with a few more waves before dropping his hand to the back of the couch again.
"So, why did you tell her?" Jasper asked.
"She made me."
"Power Puff!" Jasper pumped the air, and I kicked him. "Hey, hey. I know you aren't getting in my pants but watch the junk."
I laughed, leaning back into the arm of the couch. I ran a toe up his thigh.
"Oh, now you're just teasing. You know I can't resist you in those granny panties."
Edward laughed with him this time. "He's right. We need to get some clothes on you. I'm being blinded by the glare.
I punched Edward in the arm and he whimpered. "You're one to talk, Mr. I'm-too-good-for-the-sun. Has Jasper seen you in the locker room? White man," I muttered.
I noticed the awkward look from both of them at the mention of the locker room. "I don't change with the other guys anymore, Alice. They... prefer it that way."
"Oh," I said, slinking down.
"It's dumb, though," Jasper argued. "I mean, it's not like you're going to jump someone." He snorted in derision.
"Of course not!" Edward agreed. "I mean, I've only been attracted to you and..." He stopped, closing his eyes, realizing what he'd just said.
Jasper smiled and rubbed the back of Edward's neck. "It's okay, man. You've told me now."
"Right," Edward muttered. "Still-"
Edward was silenced, and my breath came in a gasp, as Jasper turned to kiss Edward again. It was much longer this time, more intense. It looked like one of our first kisses.
Jasper's blue eyes lingered on Edward's green ones. Mine kept volleying between the two. Was this it? Was it over?
Jasper licked his lips and stood up, grabbing my shirt. He tossed it to me. "Do you want a ride home?" he asked me.
"Oh. Um... Your folks wouldn't mind if I stayed, would they, Edward?" I asked, knowing they wouldn't. I'd stayed in the guest room plenty of nights. I wanted a chance to talk to him after all of this. He shook his head.
"Okay. I... I need time, guys. I'll see you Monday." He kissed me once more, quicker than he had kissed Edward, and left.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice raw. "It's not Monday." It was Sunday evening. I'd left Edward Saturday afternoon. We'd stayed up late, though we'd said little. There wasn't much to say. We would both live with the consequences of our actions.
Or so I'd thought. Edward apparently didn't plan to live with it.
Jasper held out his phone. "I got a message. Delayed."
I looked up at him, confused. "From Edward?"
He nodded. "The strangest part is, the message was for you."
I took the phone, my thumb leaving a red smudge on the screen.
It's not your fault, Alice. You tried. It couldn't be. He's all yours. -E
The text became blurry as my eyes filled with tears. I threw the phone as far as I could and covered my face with my bloody hands.
"How could he?" I asked no one in particular. "How could he do this to me? Not my fault? I'm the one that made him do this!" I sniffed and felt Jasper's arms around my shoulders. "No. Don't comfort me." I wriggled from his grasp. "I don't deserve it. I should have known. I should have SEEN!" I screamed, jumping up.
"Alice. Don't-"
But I was already running, and I was fast. I ran until I fell, twisting my knee as I went down. I cried on my arms, curled in the gutter of the street.
Jasper wasn't long behind me. "Shhhh." He lifted me into my arms, cradling me to his chest. "It's not your fault, Alice. It was his choice. I just wish he'd let me make mine."
I looked into Jasper's blue eyes and saw the sorrow there. My heart sank. "You..."
"I still want to be with you, too, Alice. I don't know what that means, except that I'm lucky I didn't lose both of you." His forehead was pressed to mine and he sniffed hard. I saw the tear escape his eye.
"Jasper," I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck and weeping. "I can't... How... He's..."
"Shhh. Just cry now. The words can come later."
He carried me to safety; he carried me with love. But we both lost love that day.