It begins…
DISCLAIMER: The Touhou Project is a series of vertical-scrolling 'bullet hell' shooters that is created by ZUN of Shanghai Alice. Therefore, he is the owner of the series. The presentation that you're about to read is in no way affiliated with ZUN, Shanghai Alice, and any other publishers of the series' canonical work. This fanfiction is a non-profit piece for entertainment only.
This fanfiction is a parody of Bat-Man/Batman, which was created by Bob Kane and William Finger. The Batman franchise is the property of DC Comics and Warner Bros.
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STORY RATING: PG-13/T for Teens – For language, suggested themes, and comic mischief.
TOUHOU PROJECT
Bat-Hime
Chapter 1 – A Bat-Shaped Shadow
Gensokyou…
Home of the Human Village…
Home Sweet Home…
My town…
Gensokyou… a place where all the major incidents happen away from my village. It is protected by a child – the Wonderful Shaman of Paradise: Reimu Hakurei. She is the champion among the land, dispatching any fantastic creature that dared stirred trouble. Thanks to all her efforts over the years, Reimu ascertained that Gensokyou will never face a true threat.
…Not while on her watch…
However, the Hakurei Maiden is oblivious to the malice of her own kind. She didn't know that evil dwells in the Human Village. Even though humans were the minority of Gensokyou, criminal acts happen in my village. We were as troublesome as the youkai when given the chance. Hatred, pessimism, crime… humans are not to be estimated.
I may not be able to do a thing about the bitterness in the hearts of men, but I can make a stand against crime. Sometimes, when the law wasn't enough… I take it into my own hands. I dared to venture beyond its limits. I enforce my brand of justice…
…I instill fear in the hearts of the wicked.
I am the ghost in the dark.
I… am… Bat-Hime!
SUZUNAAN
Kosuzu Mottori smoothly glided her hand over an old book. The tome was ancient and it was written in a language unknown to Gensokyou. The ginger-haired bookwork adjusted the reading glasses on her nose and flipped a page. Every book was like an adventure to her. And she smiled in fascination at what she deciphered so far.
"…The golden relic is proof of the goddesses' existence," Kosuzu read, her eyes widening in awe. "It is a source of unfathomable power. If one is worthy enough to obtain the relic… that person will be bestowed with the very power of the Mystic Trinity. It is the power to make any wish come true…"
While the curious youth immersed herself in the theological tale of an unknown realm, the drapes of the entrance parted open. Two visitors entered the bookstore. One of the visitors was small in stature, and the other was tall and shapely. Kosuzu didn't bother to look at them. She knew who they were.
"That sounds like a very interesting book you're reading," Akyuu Hieda said as she approached Kosuzu's desk. "I dare ask if it concerns another culture…"
Kosuzu bookmarked the tome and gently put it aside – the secrets to omnipotence will have to wait. "You could say that," she giggled. "How does obtaining the power over reality sounds to you?"
Akyuu tapped her chin thoughtfully. "That sounds like a truly frightening power, Kosuzu."
"I know, right?" Kosuzu chirped. "I was beginning to think that the book is fictional."
"Is this the reason for you to call us over for a visit, Kosuzu?" Keine sighed, hoping that tonight's visit isn't a waste of time. "Please don't tell us that you wanted to share a fairy tale with us."
"Straight to the point as usual, Miss Kamishirasawa." Kosuzu replied, pulling a newspaper article from the desk drawer. "This… is the reason I wanted you to come over."
Keine was skeptical. "Today's issue of the Bunbunmaru…"
Akyuu observed the article – particularly the photo. It was a hazyphoto of a shadowy humanoid with large bat-like wings. Aya had to be far away from it when she took the snapshot. "The mysterious bat-shaped shadow…"
"Oh-ho! So you do know about it, I take it," Kosuzu said with a glint in her wide eyes.
"Yes," Akyuu nodded. "There were rumors about it that has been going on for three days now. This… bat youkai has been sighted in the village."
Kosuzu tapped her glasses. "Or so they say…"
"No, it's true," said Keine. "A few thieves have been captured by that youkai. They were found bound and gagged in front of the police station the other day."
"And it saved a woman from getting abused by her boyfriend…" Akyuu added. "Along with stopping an arsonist from burning down a restaurant…"
Kosuzu added it up. "So it's a crime fighter…"
Consternation gathered on Keine's face. "Hmm…"
"A crime fighter, you say," another girl said as she entered the bookstore. "Looks like someone is out there trying to knock my hustle…"
Akyuu greeted the girl as she approached them. "Hello Reimu. What brings you here?"
"I'm curious," the shrine maiden had a copy of the article, too. She raised it above her head. "This better not be Remilia…"
"I don't think that's Remilia." Keine wondered. "That person is rather tall."
"Remilia can assume her adult form on the night of a full moon," Reimu countered. "I fought her in that form. She is even more powerful and dozens time more conceited in it, too."
Akyuu heeded the red-white miko's words. "The vampire's hair is short, though." She examined the photo on Kozusu's desk again. "Unlike the hair on this bat-winged mystery…"
"It's another vampire, then," Reimu concluded. "Or a devil…"
"Same difference," Akyuu relayed, much to Reimu's chagrin. "But I doubt a devil would come close to the Human Village – let alone fighting criminals."
Keine crossed her arms with a nod. "You're right about that. Besides, I know for sure that a devil wouldn't get involved in any human affairs."
Reimu pouted. She hated it when someone outsmarts her. "Well regardless of what you say, I think that Koakuma's somehow behind this."
Keine tilted her head curiously. "Are you sure that she's behind this? And even if she is, I'll say that it is pretty generous of Koa to go out of her way to help the village."
Reimu shook her fists. "That means that she attacks humans, then. I can't have that going on. If Koakuma wants to be a hero, then she may as tag along with me during incidents."
Akyuu and Keine gazed at the miko warily. Reimu can be so hard-boiled sometimes.
Then…
Kosuzu started chuckling – darkly.
Akyuu nervously backed away from the desk a bit. "Kosuzu… chan?"
The book enthusiast sudden stood from her chair and slammed her palms on the desk. "Ah hahahaha! Ladies, that is not the little devil from the Scarlet Devil Manor – no ma'am, no how!"
Reimu's eyes turned into checkmarks. "What are you talking about? You know something, don't you?"
The bookkeeper retained her mischievous smile. "A few years ago, I read a tale of a human…" she tilted her glasses again. "It was a tale of a human that suffered a tragedy so great that he eventually became a demon!"
Reimu, Akyuu, and Keine stared at her in an odd way, but said nothing.
Kosuzu continued. "He was a creature of the night – a beast that preys on the wicked! A rumor has it that a bat born from the darkest night made an offer to him. Of course, this offer changed his life forever…"
"What… was the offer?" Akyuu ventured.
"It was the power to fight evil at the expense of his humanity," Kosuzu revealed dramatically. She jumped on top of her desk and assumed a pose. The wide sleeve of her kimono was used like a makeshift cape. "Ufufufufu! He was a terror to criminals everywhere! Even his voice struck fear in their hearts!"
The bookkeeper cleared her throat and proceeded to impersonate a deep male's voice as best as she could. What she said, however, was totally incomprehensible to her guests. The grunts, growls, groans, and gibberish made Kosuzu sound like she needed serious medical attention.
"GRRRAAAAAGGGH-RAAA-RAAARRH-RAAARRH-RRRRRRRRRRRRRGGH!"
A book was thrown at her. It hit Kosuzu on the forehead.
PAP!
"Oww!"
Akyuu's right arm was extended before her. "Okay, enough of that…" she drawled. "We got the point."
"That was mean, Akyuu-chan," Kosuzu chided, rubbing her forehead. "You're still mad about our game of hanetsuki, aren't you?"
"No!" Akyuu blurted out gracelessly. Then she realized that she responded to Kosuzu's jibe a little too pointed. "Uh… no…" she calmly repeated.
Reimu wasn't amused. "So what does the story has to do with anything?"
Keine shared Reimu's sentiments. "Let alone the fact that the story's fictional…"
Kosuzu's enthusiasm returned. "Don't you get it? The bat being isn't a youkai nor devil… it's a human!"
Reimu scoffed. "I believe the incense has gotten to you, Kosuzu. People can get high off of those, you know."
That was news to Kosuzu. "Really? So that means the rabbits that I saw in here the other day weren't real?"
"Nope," deadpanned Reimu. "Figure of your stoned imagination, I'm afraid…"
Kosuzu's confusion grew more apparent. Her cute face looked like it aged a year or two. "So… Marisa isn't a redhead, is she?"
"She never was a redhead to begin with," shrugged Reimu.
"Gosh…" the bookkeeper said with a hint of disappointment. "I could have sworn that Marisa-chan had red hair once. In fact, she would probably look cuter with red hair."
Akyuu threw another book at Kosuzu, and this time the poor girl was knocked off the desk.
BLOOMP!
"I'm okay…" Kosuzu grunted.
"So… do you think we should look into this… bat situation?" Akyuu wondered. "Personally, I don't have a problem with it. I think it's benevolent."
Keine pursed her lips. "I'm not sure, though. But I do think the village could use another guardian besides me and Moukou. Sure, we can benefit from the bat's help but the way it enforces justice is a bit too… brutal."
Reimu clicked her tongue. "Tch – that's all the more reason to investigate it." She turned on her heels. "With that in mind, maybe I should stop by Muugenkan for a visit. I wonder if Yuuka still have that vampire living with her."
Both the teacher and savant flinched at the mention of that name. Even Yukari and the Moriya gods knew not to piss off the Floral Master of the Four Seasons. Any sane person would rather play with Flandre while on a sugar high – or challenge an oni in slap-boxing. But they had faith in Reimu. The shrine maiden's bravery (and insanity) was legendary.
Besides, everyone loves a crazy girl – if she's cute, that is.
"Good luck," said Keine.
"I wish you a safe investigation," Akyuu added.
"Nah, I don't need it," Reimu waved off dismissively. "I'll take care of this little bat problem with no problem at all."
After the red-white miko left the store, Kosuzu said "She's the heroine that Gensokyou deserves…"
A paperback whizzed by her head.
"Ha! You missed," the bookworm laughed. "Let's not stand on ceremony here… Miss Hieda."
Keine sighed and suddenly grabbed both girls by their ears. It couldn't be helped. Children will be… children.
"Oww!" Kosuzu squealed.
"Stop it!" Akyuu whined. "That hurts!"
Keine ignored their cries. "Please behave yourselves. And yes, this hurts me more than it does you."
HUMAN VILLAGE – Outskirts
Minoriko trailed behind her sister, despondent. She wanted to break down into tears right now. She was robbed by a group of thieves while she was closing her vegetable stand. While the robbery happened, her elder sister was searching for leaves to paint in the village (or men to flirt with). Fortunately for the harvest goddess, the bandits didn't harm her. They've bound her to a deciduous tree instead. Incidentally, such trees are the sole reason for Shizuha's visit this evening.
"This is not fair," Minoriko whined, dragging her feet. "Why me? They've stolen all of my produce. Do Mystia ever have to go through this?"
"Unwind yourself," Shizuha said with a twirl. "At least they didn't hurt you. So be thankful that you're still in one piece, kiddo."
"Don't call me that!" Minoriko cried. "It makes me think that you're looking down own me!"
The elder Aki ceased her dance and gave Minoriko a happy smile. "Aww… why would I look down on you, my dear baby sister? I'm just glad that you're safe and sound. Things could have been worse, you know."
Minoriko noticed something peculiar about Shizuha's behavior. "Y-you're awfully optimistic this evening? Did you find yourself a boyfriend in the village?"
"I don't know what you're talking about," the jaundiced jessabelle replied.
Minoriko wasn't buying it. "Uh… huh…"
"I am joyful because it is a beautiful night," Shizuha declared. "The wind is howling, leaves are scattered over this road, and the storm clouds block out the sight of the moon. I love it!"
Minoriko began sobbing. "They must pay! If only I knew where to find those scumbags!"
"Then allow me to find them for you," a disembodied voice grunted. "I will carry out your vengeance for you…"
Minoriko sniffed. "What…?"
"I know the people who robbed you," the voice continued.
Shizuha pointed to a nearby tree. "Up there!"
The divine siblings beheld a woman dressed in all black high up in a tree. She wore a pointed mask on her face and her long red hair billowed with the wind. "They're rejected youkai hunters and repeat offender…" the obsidian stranger said. "They've committed a number of crimes from food stand theft, stealing donation money, and unpaid bills for overdue books at the local library."
Minoriko grew confused. "…Huh?"
"Who are you?" Shizuha wondered.
The black clad stranger hopped out of the tree and fell gracelessly in a pile of leaves.
"Urgh," the stranger groaned.
Shizuha was already standing over the mystery woman. "Ooh, are you okay? That looks like it hurt."
The masked redhead held out her hand and allowed Shizuha to help her back on her feet. She was rather tall – taller than Minoriko, even. And she was as endowed as the younger goddess, much to Shizuha's chagrin. The black kimono the stranger wore fitted her like a sock, and the embroiled bat insignia on her chest was slightly stretched due to her large breasts. The silly getup contained an amazing body in it.
Shizuha eyes were flat. "Kinda makes me want to become a lesbian…"
"What?" Minoriko and the masked woman said simultaneously.
The leaf goddess' baby face became even cuter. "Ohh… nothing," she remarked nonchalantly. "Anyway, who are you?"
"I'm Bat-Hime," the redhead said. Thunder rumbled in the skies after she reveal herself. "And I will serve justice to the ones who wronged you."
Shizuha grinned, placing her hands on her svelte hips. "This should be interesting…"
BAM!
POW!
KERSPLAT!
END OF CHAPTER
JAN 6, 2013
I couldn't help it. This idea had been in my head since last spring. I always wondered what it would be like if there was a vigilante in Gensokyou – specifically the Human Village. I'm a fan of Touhou, fan of Batman – so why not?
Got a few super villains in mind, but I may take requests.
Even though I didn't originally intend to include Kosuzu, writing her is pretty fun. Besides, she's a tad familiar with the legend of the Batman – although, the tale she told was as laughable as PMiSS.
Akyuu: "HEY!"
Oh well. Happy New Years, dudes and dudettes! 2012 came and went, and we're still kickin' it.
On another note, Mystic Trinity was the name of a Zelda fic I've scrapped a few years back (circa… 2007). I dunno… it was something about Link being a pirate… a feared pirate named Captain James Falcon… a tsudere Zelda… and stuff.
Hanetsuki is a sort of a badminton game, played by girls during New Years. It requires marking the face of the loser with a calligraphy brush, I think. It's definitely a lot more graceful than women's mudwrestling, I tell ya.
Post your comments and suggestions, readers. And chill…
Till the next episode!